“Tippy was a loose kind of girl, she probably shacked up with some loser, maybe Jasper, and left town. She was like that.”
Agent Tanner’s eyebrows raise at my wording.
“And what kind are you? A woman like yourself marrying the president of a bike club, raising your son to also be an outlaw. What kind of woman does that make you?”
“Strong.”
For the first time, I realize that is indeed what I am. Justice leaves not long after he finally gets the point that I wasn’t going to tell him anything.
Sven spends most days at the club, trying to put out fires and whatever lead to my son and Maven leaving. About two weeks or so after they left, Sven told me the club was going to go legit. It gave me relief and removed a stone I always carried in my stomach when it came to the club. He didn’t explain much, just that he was tired of the life and saw how what they were doing was destroying families and it didn’t need to be that way. The club would still be the club, just legal. It also meant that Sven would be around the house more, since the guys could handle the day to day business. I was looking forward to that time, when one morning I found Sven lying down face first on the bathroom floor. He’d had a stroke, a small one according to the doctor, but his speech and mobility were limited at first. It reminded me of my mom and how she was after her strokes and if this was mild, I didn’t want to see anything worse.
Stress, the doctor said, triggered by stress. Gwen helped me, along with Joey’s wife, Katie. Sven came to recoup at our house while going to speech and physical therapy. Slowly but surely, he became stronger. I took him to physical therapy, speech therapy, doctor appointments, anything he needed, I made sure happened. During this time, I finally felt free from the guilt I’d carried from my drug use. What I put him through and all he did for me, I finally understood and didn’t feel undeserving. Sven loves me and I love him, because of that love I’d do anything for him, just as he would for me.
“Time to practice,” I announce, walking into the kitchen where Sven’s sitting at the table and attempting to write sentences with a pencil.
He drops the pencil, outstretching his hand. I raise my brows, waiting for him to ask. He swallows, opening his mouth as he licks his lips and thinks of how to verbalize the words even though I know what he wants.
“Rub…sore, hand…rub,” he finally says.
“Of course,” I smile, leaning in and kissing his cheek as I take his hand and begin to massage it. “What words do you wanna practice today?” I ask.
He nods slightly, his mouth opening and I look at his hand because I don’t think he likes me watching him as he struggles to speak.
“I…I…lov-love…yoooou…Miss…Missy.”
My tear-filled eyes lift to his, my emotions spiking because it seems like an eternity since I’ve heard this from him.
“I love you, Sven,” I reply, running my free hand along his bearded jawline.
He repeated his sentence over and over and I never get sick of it.
The information Chilly passes onto us from Maven and Dornan is limited. But a while into them being gone, we are told that Maven had given birth. I was so joyful for them, yet saddened we hadn’t been there for them during all of it and Nolan would be a grandchild that neither Sven nor I would ever know.
In happier news, Kendall was coming to visit and I could barely contain my excitement. She’d visited since she’d been married, but her husband, Jeb, who ran his own cattle farm, always had a hard time just dropping off for a few days.
I was upstairs putting laundry away when I heard the front door open and Kendall call out, “Hello.”
Her voice instantly has my heart speeding up. Coming down the steps, I see her in the front room with Sven as he sits in one of the matching chairs by the window. She has his hand and is leaning down to kiss him since he still has some difficulties standing on his own. When she straightens, I see her long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and I let out a sigh, when her blue eyes meet mine. It makes me feel like the moment she was laid in my arms in her first few moments of life. She’s stunning, this girl of mine, even more so than the last time I saw her, which was when Gaye died a few years ago.
“Mama,” she smiles and nearly runs to me, hugging me and I close my eyes.
Things have always been strained between us, even with her going to therapy and being civil with me, there was still always that underlying tension between us. But something’s different today. She’s different today.
“How was your trip?” I ask, pushing through the thickness in my throat due to the urge to cry with happiness.
“Good,” she shrugs.
“I feel bad Jeb couldn’t come. Once Daddy gets stronger, we’ll have to make a trip there,” I say.
“Yes, please, we’d love that. The ranch is so beautiful,” she gushes.
We make small talk in the foyer until Sven says he’d like to sit outside.
“Do you want something to drink?” I ask Kendall.
“Do you have any sweet tea made by chance?” she asks.
Sven makes a noise like that’s a ridiculous question and I nod. Of course, we do,” I say with a smile. “You too, Sven?” I ask.
He says yes and I hurry to the kitchen. As I get the drinks ready, I hear Kendall and Sven chatting. I bring the tray out while Kendall helps Sven outside to the back garden. We finally settle on the back porch and I inhale the scent of rose and lilac filling the air.
“I loved that little playhouse,” Kendall comments, looking over to the corner of the lot at the structure that Joseph and Sven built.
“Me too,” I add.
Kendall’s looking around the yard commenting on how nice it looks, and I tell her how overgrown it was when we first got here, which she doesn’t remember. She then asks Sven how he is and what the doctors say about his recovery. She tells us that Maven and Dornan stopped by their ranch a while back but only stayed less than a week and wanted to know the latest on them.
It feels comfortable and relaxed and like a dream, to be honest. I’m hanging onto every word, her mannerisms, her laugh, her smile, the twinkle in her eyes when she speaks of Montana, all of it. I go inside to refill drinks and turn on the radio to a Chicago song and crank the volume so we can hear it outside.
“I’ll just have water,” Kendall says as she exits the bathroom in the hallway beside the kitchen. “Don’t want too much caffeine, I read too much caffeine is bad when you’re pregnant,” she states.
My hands stop as I look over at her, I know she’d been struggling to get pregnant for years and slowly a smile spreads over her lips.
“Yeah?” I ask and she nods.
I set the glass down and move to hug her, because in this moment it just feels needed and right.
“Congratulations,” I tell her, pulling back to cup her face.
“I’m sorry, Mama,” she says before swallowing thickness in her throat.
I shake my head and pull her head down to my chest.
“I didn’t realize what it was like. I mean, I’m not a mom yet, but I can’t imagine being treated like I-”
“Shhh, don’t worry about that. As long as your happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
**
A few months later and Sven and I were flying out to visit Kendall and Jeb for the first time. He was handsome and totally in love with Kendall. I finally heard how they met, in college while Kendall was working at a bar and Jeb became a frequent customer. I was so over the moon for her and for them and to know they were bringing a baby into their lives. They had so much love that my grandkids would want for nothing.
A little while after that we were back for Kendall giving birth to our grandson, Jace, and then a few years later for Jake. We traveled back and forth as did they, coming to spend holidays or a few weeks in the summer. I lived for it all. I loved every moment and not a second went by that I wasn’t aware that Kendall’s forgiveness of me was what made this possible. I thought about what happened to her all th
e time, what happened to her because of me and the fact that she was willing to heal and move on was the strongest thing I’d ever witnessed. But also in that time, it never left my mind that Dornan and Maven were still absent and I wondered constantly how they were faring.
Six years Dornan and Maven were gone, and then we got word they were coming home and within two days, there they were. Seeing their sons, Nolan and Wyatt for the first time, I can’t describe that, but Sven crying pretty much sums it up. We’d never met these kids, but it didn’t feel that way. Once they hugged us, everything fit and clicked and it was like we’d been with them since birth. I think all the grandkids helped spark Sven into life a little more. I hadn’t seen him so physical and jovial since his stroke, as he was when those kids were with us. Dornan and Maven were beautiful and happy, and were raising amazing kids, I made sure to tell them that often, because they were and deserved to know it. I was there for my first granddaughter, Irys, to be born. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever witnessed and been a part of.
Skye and Drag got married and had a baby. They too had grown up, as we all do, and I loved sitting back and watching all these young families. I knew they all had their own struggles and experienced life’s ups and downs. When I got the call from Drag that Skye was in the hospital, I thought she was in labor. Never did I think she’d been shot. Life was so fragile and so undetermined. You never knew how long it was or when it would end. I prayed for Skye and her baby, and Drag too, because all I could think about was Owen with Maven after Shine died. Drag was strong, but Skye was his heart, and while I knew he’d carry on with his daughter, it would never be the same without her. I did what I could to help him and baby Daisy.
Year after year went by and Sven and I embraced being grandparents not only to our own flesh and blood, but all the club members who were also having kids. They reminded me of how it felt when Kendall was Sweetie and she loved to look for fairies and dragons. These kids loved to go on adventures and have fun, and I did too. I felt young again. But sometimes it hit me with sadness at the memory of those good times when Kendall was small.
It seemed like before we knew it, our oldest grandkids were adults, or near it and Sven and I were excited for them as they began this next journey of life. Sven was particularly close to Nolan and Wyatt and I knew that relationship meant a lot to all of them.
Sven and I had re-sparked our romance and found solace and love in the simplicity of our life together. We liked drinking coffee and tea in the mornings on the front porch, taking walks around the neighborhood, taking turns making dinners and planning date nights. He was the love of my life, the only thing I’d ever been certain of.
I was dusting one afternoon and stopped at a framed photo of us and the old crew on the wall. I studied everyone’s faces and smiled, remembering back to that time with happiness and not an ounce of sadness. I missed them, but I had those memories. Sven walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist as he looked at the same photo.
“Remember when Shine made that all-natural cake for your welcome home party after rehab?” Sven asks.
I start laughing. “Oh God, that was terrible.”
“It really was,” he laughs. “I don’t know how Owen ate her cooking-”
“She was the worst cook, even worse than Gaye I think,” I chuckle.
It dawns on me that this could be a moment where sadness comes and we become quiet and get lost. But instead, I turn and face Sven, my arms coming up to rest on his shoulders.
“But we really should be happy Gaye was a shit cook. Because of her Gwen and Joseph met,” I state.
“True. Remember at the malt shop, you tried to ignore me?” he asks.
“I never,” I scoff.
“Missy. You practically ran by me, pulling poor Gwen out like the place was on fire.”
I laugh and lower my head. “Okay, okay. I was young and dumb, what can I say?” I ask, lifting my head.
“Young, but never dumb,” he says, his eyes looking down at my lips.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you too, Missy. Wanna go for a drive and make-out somewhere?” he asks, pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose.
“Absolutely.”
Everything was amazing and life felt settled and right. Until I got the call from Rocket.
“Missy, we’re on our way to Bannister General, I came in and Sven was unconscious on the floor.”
37
Missy
Sven’s lying here in this bed surrounded by the silence, aside from the monitors. He’s had strokes since his first, small ones, the doctors said. But this one, this one feels different and I fight the realization that keeps tapping me on the shoulder that this might be it. I’m not ready. I’m not ready to lose my best friend.
My manicured hands are in his rough man paw and that’s what I keep going to, our hands. In this silence, I’m left to go through everything Sven and I have been through and how I never married him, never gave him anything he wanted. He gave me an engagement ring every year since we met. I accepted them with love and wore them every year, but we never talked about getting married after our fight forever ago. I didn’t want to be married. Not to anyone. More as a way for me to personally declare myself. Marriages around me, like my parents’, weren’t a cause of love, they were out of convenience and it’s what people did then. I love Sven more than I thought I could love someone other than my own children. The way for me to show Sven we were above the love I always knew before him was to remain his and faithful without the bonds of being married. What we have is stronger and more secure. I just hope he understood that. So many regrets and shame for everything I ever put this man through.
A small tap at the door has my head shooting up. It’s got to be at least two in the morning and I’m immediately surprised it’s not staff or something, in which case they don’t knock. Wiping away my tears, I see Milton Jr. standing there.
“Hi,” I sniffle, standing and acting like I wasn’t crying.
“Got someone here to see you,” he says and my brows furrow as he steps aside.
My mouth drops open, my eyes blinking rapidly in disbelief because I can’t really be seeing him. He’s older and heavier than the last time I saw him, but fuck it is him.
“Owen,” I gasp, as I hug the man I haven’t seen in decades. His arms squeeze me and hold me tight.
He’s been in witness protection since before Dornan and Maven came home. That’s how they were able to come back to Plantain. Another sacrifice he made for them, for us.
“I wanted to see the old bastard,” he tells me in a gruff voice.
We separate as we look at Sven in the bed.
“I’ll leave you to it.” I clear my throat and Milton Jr. and I walk out to the hallway.
We lean against opposite walls and I feel drained and empty as we stand in silence. I know Milton risked a lot to get Owen here. But then I remember so many years ago, the guys helping his sister Jill and what they did for the Milton family. All the things Milton’s done for my family.
“The family coming?” he finally asks.
“Yeah, Dornan just went home to tell the kids, wanted to wait until we knew for sure what was going on from the doctors. They should be here soon,” I nod and sniffle, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Owen should probably leave shortly then.”
I nod, because I give up trying to pretend I know what’s best for anyone. If Owen wants to stay and see Maven then so be it. After a few minutes, Milton and I walk back into the room pausing when I see Owen leaning over and kissing Sven’s forehead. The moment hits me hard. The affection Sven and his closest brothers have always had, that they’ve never shied away from showing one another how much they loved each other and this moment feels so final. For them and for me, knowing this will probably be the last time I see Owen myself.
“Ready?” Milton asks and Owen nods, giving his brother one last look.
Again, he hugs me and I know this will b
e the last time we see each other.
“In the next life,” I sniffle, looking up at him, his thumbs running under my eyes.
“Valhalla,” he confirms. The Viking heaven.
I give Milton a smile as the two exit the room. I turn and look at Sven in the bed, knowing that he won’t wake up again, that I took so much for granted.
“Mom,” Dornan’s voice calls out from behind me, bringing me back to present.
He hugs me and looks over my shoulder at his dad, before releasing me and walking over. Maven’s arms are strong as she hugs me, moments before she freezes, pulling back slightly and looking at me.
“What?” I ask.
“I just…I got the strangest sensation just then,” she says softly.
“What?” I repeat.
“I smell my dad,” she adds, in a voice that’s almost confused.
But then our eyes lock and slowly I see realization dawns on her and she swallows thickly. Her eyes well up with tears, knowing the truth. We don’t speak, but she inhales deeply before nodding and hugging me again. Wyatt steps into the room and then my grandkids come in one by one as they join us. Kendall and her family hopefully will be flying in from Montana soon to join us. Our MC family arrives too, and their families and we hold vigil. It’s quiet as we all just wait. We wait for news, wait for his eyes to open or his heart to stop beating.
It feels like days, but I know it’s only hours and a doctor, Kendall and Dornan are sitting with me in a room as we discuss taking Sven off the ventilator and I look to our kids for guidance. When it’s decided, all our family goes to him and says their goodbyes, leaving me last. The room’s empty and I hold his hand as the nurse comes in and shuts off the machines. Then the room is silent. When the door closes behind the nurse, I lean down and breathe him in, smell his skin, touch his face and lay down in the bed beside him. My hands take his weathered paw in mine and I think back to all the times he touched me, held me, protected me, all with these hands. There’s so much I want to say. So much I want to tell him. But I can only manage to say a few words.
Free Bird: Plantain Series Book Five Page 34