by Carrie Carr
"Had to bring her home? My God, what happened? Is Lex all right?" Amanda's panicked voice alerted Anna Leigh, who hurried in.
"Calm down. I think she'll be just fine. I found her and Janna at Dooley's. They just had a little too much beer."
"You think she's going to be okay? That's it. I'm on my way. Thanks for calling." Amanda hung up the phone. She noticed her grandmother in the room. "That was Dad. He found Lex and brought her home."
"Found her? Where was she?" Anna Leigh followed her as Amanda gathered her things to leave. "What's going on?"
Amanda stopped at the front door. "She was in the bar off of the town square, drinking beer with Janna. I can'st figure out what's up with her, but something's got to be wrong if Dad had to bring her home. I'll call you when I find out."
"Please do. And if you need me to do anything for you, just tell me."
"Thanks." Amanda raced down the front steps as fast as she could, in a hurry to get home.
MICHAEL FILLED A plastic bag with ice and forced Lex to put it on her face. After the initial argument, she had quietly surrendered to his firm request and sat on the sofa with her head resting on the back cushions, her eyes closed. He had driven the huge truck to the house, while Lois had volunteered to use his car to take Janna home. She promised to come and pick him up when she was through, although it would take her quite a while to get back since Janna lived with her grandfather on the property neighboring Lex's ranch. The sound of a car door slamming interrupted his reverie.
The front door opened and Amanda raced into the house. "Dad?" She saw her partner sitting on the sofa, but was blocked from going over to her when Michael stepped in front of her.
"Shhh. I just got her settled down a few minutes ago. Let's go into the kitchen to talk."
"Okay." Amanda held her tongue until they were in the other room. "What happened? Was that blood on her shirt?"
Michael released a heavy breath and sat. "Yes. She got into a little altercation at the bar this evening. Lex was there with her friend, Janna, and it looked as if they had been there for most of the day. Some guy came over and started something, and when she didn'st agree with him, he popped her in the nose. It looks a lot worse than it is, believe me."
"She got into a bar fight?"
"It wasn'st her fault. I was there and saw the whole thing."
"You were there?" She braced her elbows on the table and buried her face in her hands. "Lord. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn'st it?" When she realized Lex was all right, the fear she had felt initially turned into a weary resignation.
"Amanda, please. She probably wouldn'st have even done anything, if the guy hadn'st shoved me. I feel responsible."
"What?" Amanda's head popped up and she looked at her father incredulously. "Who shoved you?"
"It would probably help if I told you the whole story. Lois and I had gone in for a drink, and I saw Lex arguing with some guy. Since I didn'st want her to get into any trouble, I went over to see if I could help. Well, this guy had friends, and one of them shoved me, so he could get into Lex's face. He was huge, but she never batted an eye-- told him he owed me an apology."
"That sounds like her, all right. Then what?"
"Let me think a minute. Oh, yeah. He called her a," Michael flushed, "a dyke, and she said it kept her from having to date guys like him. Which pissed him off, and he punched her in the face. Gave her a nosebleed and busted her lip, nothing serious."
"That explains the blood on her shirt. What happened next? Did she fight back?"
"Oh, you bet. Brought him to his knees with one swift kick. I went back over to where Lois was, and we decided to give Lex and Janna a ride home."
"Lois. That's right. You had a date tonight. How did it go, anyway?" Amanda was charmed by her father's sudden embarrassment.
"She's a sweet woman. As a matter of fact, she should be here soon with my car. I'd like for you to get to know her."
"I'd like that, too. I'm sorry your evening was ruined, though. I'm going to have a little talk with Lex."
"Not on my account, please. We had a great evening. Something like this just reinforced what I thought about Lois. She's very nice and caring. I can'st wait to get to know her better."
"I'm glad. So, tell me about this lady." Amanda leaned forward and smiled as her father blushed again. He seemed like a teenager with a first crush. "Come on, let's hear it."
AMANDA CLOSED THE front door with an exhausted sigh. "She was sweet, but I'm glad they're gone. I'm pooped." She glanced over at the sofa, where her partner was stretched out, her face covered with the towel Michael had wrapped around the bag of ice. Lex hadn'st moved all evening, and Amanda was beginning to think she had passed out from too much alcohol. She decided to go into the bedroom to call her grandmother, so as not to disturb Lex.
She dialed her grandparents's number and waited for someone to pick up. All the while, Amanda's mind raced with thoughts of her troubled lover. "Gramma? I'm fine. Yes, Lex is fine. She's resting in the living room." Amanda let out a deep breath while she listened to her grandmother express her concern for the two of them.
"Really, Gramma. I realize you love Lex, too, and I understand how worried you are for the both of us, but--" She could hear the distress in Anna Leigh's voice. Amanda knew her grandmother had come to love Lex as if she were her own grandchild. But she also knew Anna Leigh was even more concerned about the possible toll her Lex's troubles were taking on her.
"No, wait. Please listen to me. I know you worry this is too much for me. But so does Lex. That's the point, don't you see?"
Lex pulled the towel-wrapped bag from her face. She could hear Amanda's voice coming from the bedroom, and she quietly got up and approached the partially opened door. She was half afraid to come face to face with the woman she loved more than life, afraid of what
Amanda must be thinking of her. She was startled by Amanda's words and couldn'st help but continue to eavesdrop on her lover's conversation.
"Even though Rawson wanted to die the way he did, I can tell Lex is eaten up with guilt over the circumstances. And, although it's wrong to feel this way, I can'st help but be angry with him for choosing to die in the manner he did. He left her wondering if she could have done more, should have done more, or if anything she did do contributed to him leaving her again."
A tear tracked its way down Lex's cheek as the truth of Amanda's words pierced her heart.
"She's hurting, Gramma. Lex is in so much pain, and she doesn'st know what to do. Can you imagine how worried she is? How scared she has to be?" Amanda listened for a moment as Anna Leigh compassionately agreed with her assessment.
Amanda had been pacing as she talked with her grandmother. "I'd bet even money she is worried about me leaving her, too." The heaviness in her heart caused her to drop wearily onto Lex's side of the bed. She laid her head down and breathed in the scent of her lover that lingered on the pillow. "No matter how much I love her, I can'st take away the pain in her heart."
Lex moved closer to the door and peeked inside. Amanda was lying on the bed, clutching the telephone receiver in one hand and her pillow in the other. Tears were streaming down Amanda's face.
"Gramma, Lex is afraid there will be one final thing, which will be too much for me, and then I'll leave her, too. There's a part of her that is so afraid something will happen, and I'll abandon her like everyone else has. She's in such a dark place, and she can'st find her way out."
Lex slid down the wall she had been leaning on and collapsed in a tearful heap. Every word Amanda had spoken was true. That was how she felt. It scared her, that the one woman who had so completely taken ownership of her heart would blame her for everything and leave. She couldn'st take that. Lex buried her face in her arms and silently wept.
Amanda heard sobbing coming from the hall. "I need to go." She hung up the phone and sat next to Lex.
Lex turned and snuggled into the waiting woman's embrace. "It hurts."
"I know, baby. I know."
Amanda continued to hold and caress Lex, whispering words of love, comfort, and forever into her ear.
ANNA LEIGH WENT in search of her husband. Following her conversation with Amanda, her concern for her granddaughter was warring with her love for Lexington. Both women held deep places in her heart, but her first priority was to the young woman she had practically raised. She knew about the rough time that Lex had gone through when she was younger. Soon after their younger brother was killed, Hubert's then-girlfriend attached herself to a very vulnerable Lex, raising eyebrows in the small community. Not long after, the woman unceremoniously dumped her, and Lex seemingly went off the deep end. Her drinking and brawling kept the gossips busy for over a month, until she finally cleaned up her act. Anna Leigh didn'st want Amanda to see Lex the way she was then. The heavy drinking and fighting almost landed Lex in jail. Anna Leigh was afraid she was heading down the same path, again.
Travis stood at the top of the stairs, watching as an obviously upset Anna Leigh went into the living room. He hurried down the stairway, but paused outside of the room, wondering what could be wrong.
"Hello, beautiful," Jacob greeted, then caught the look on his wife's face. "What's the matter? Has something happened?" He rose from his seat at the desk and met her in the middle of the room. When she wordlessly wrapped her arms around him, his heart began to pound. "Anna? What's wrong?"
"I'm so worried about Mandy."
"Why? What's going on?"
"You remember when she wasn'st sure where Lexington was? Michael found Lexington and took her home." Anna Leigh didn'st resist when Jacob led her to the nearby loveseat and sat, pulling her onto his lap.
Jacob rubbed her back gently, trying to calm her. "Okay, so Michael took Lex home."
"What if she goes on another binge, like she did a few years ago? It would just about kill Mandy."
"A binge? What the hell are you talking about?" Travis had heard enough of the conversation from his position in the hallway to upset him. "Are you saying my granddaughter is in trouble?" He sat across from them. "I'm sorry to have been eavesdropping on your conversation, but I saw Anna Leigh and I was worried about her."
"That's quite all right, Travis." She turned slightly. "I forgot you missed that part of Lexington's life, I'm sorry."
"What exactly are you talking about? What part of her life?"
The couple exchanged glances; it was Jacob who spoke. "Let's go into the living room where we can all be more comfortable. We have a little history to share with you, and I'm afraid it's not very pleasant." Jacob helped his wife stand and motioned for Travis to lead the way. "But maybe it will help you realize why we're not just concerned for Lex, but for how all of this could affect Amanda, as well."
TRAVIS WIPED AT the tears in his eyes. He didn'st realize what his granddaughter had gone through in her life. Now he could appreciate Jacob and Anna Leigh's concern. He covered his face with one hand, trying to sort his feelings. His heart ached for the loneliness and pain Lex had gone through. A light touch on his shoulder caused the grieving man to raise his head.
Anna Leigh hated to see him in so much anguish. "Travis, I'm sorry we had to be the bearers of such awful news. But we wanted you to understand why you overheard us saying the things we did. We love Lexington."
"I appreciate you helping me to understand more about my granddaughter. It just tears me up inside, when I think she went through all of that alone."
Jacob stood beside his wife. "She wasn'st completely alone, Travis. I think Martha did a fine job with Lex; look how well she turned out." He put an arm around Anna Leigh's shoulder. "She's a remarkable young woman. You should be proud."
"I am, believe me. I just wish we had been there to support her when she needed us." Travis exhaled heavily. "And you think Lexie is so disturbed she is reverting back to her old ways? I don't believe it."
"We don't actually think that way, Travis. We're just very concerned. She's been under an inordinate amount of stress lately and did have to be driven home from bars in two separate instances in the past few days." Anna Leigh sat on one arm of the chair that Travis was sitting in. "All we're saying is we want to help her any way we can."
Travis found it hard to believe Lex would get out of control so quickly. "She's upset and hurting, but I just refuse to believe she'd throw away everything she's worked so hard for just because things are a little rough for her. The Lexie I love is much stronger. You'sve talked to Amanda. What does she say about all of this?"
"Mandy insists everything is okay. But I'm afraid her love for Lexington is blinding her to the seriousness of the situation." Anna Leigh looked at her watch and stood. "I don't normally like to pry into other people's business, but I think we need to help the girls through this rough time. Maybe if we sleep on it, we could figure out some way to help them."
"Perhaps. Thank you both for what you'sve told me this evening. It couldn'st have been easy for you."
Anna Leigh put her arm around the shaken man. "Try to get some rest. It will all look better in the morning." She stared after Travis as he left the room silently.
Jacob wrapped his arms around her waist. "Poor Travis. It's got to be rough to hear those sorts of things about your only granddaughter."
Anna Leigh nestled into the comforting embrace. "He's hurting. But I'd rather he heard it from us, than from the busybodies in this town. It would have destroyed him for sure." She grabbed one of his hands and began to lead her husband from the room. "We had better get some rest, too. I have a feeling it's going to be a long week."
Chapter Thirteen
MORNING CAME, AND Lex woke to the realization that large amounts of beer coupled with heavy doses of tears added up to one gigantic headache. She slowly cracked open her aching eyes and peered around the room. During the night she had completely wrapped herself around Amanda, and it took her several moments to disentangle their bodies and slip from the bed. Amanda stirred, but quickly nestled into Lex's pillow.
Lex staggered to the bathroom and quietly closed the door. After relieving herself, she stood at the sink and washed her hands. She looked in the mirror. The face that stared back at her was that of a stranger. Her eyes were bloodshot, and the dark circles beneath them only highlighted her gaunt appearance. A dark bruise shadowed her upper lip, and Lex hissed as she gingerly touched the closed split below the discoloration. She couldn'st believe her foolishness. The fear of losing the person she loved more than anything caused tears to well in her eyes. She dropped to her knees on the tile floor and wrapped her arms around her body, her breath coming out in strangled sobs. She felt like everything was slipping out of her grasp.
Amanda woke up when she realized she was alone in bed. She glanced at the digital clock then saw the light leaking out from under the bathroom door. She tiptoed quietly to the door and listened to see if Lex was okay. When she heard what sounded like crying, Amanda pushed open the door and felt her heart break.
Lex was huddled in one corner with knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around them. Her face was buried in her arms, and her entire body shook with silent sobs. She never heard the door open, but glanced up when she felt Amanda's presence. Lex sniffled a few times and wiped at her eyes, as if to hide what she was feeling. She struggled to stand, and was helped to her feet by her lover. "Thanks," she rasped, her throat raw from the crying jag. "What are you doing up? It's early."
"I missed you," Amanda whispered, fearing one wrong word from her would cause her vulnerable partner to bolt. She reached for a washcloth and dampened it, turning Lex to her and then wiping at her face. "This looks like it hurts," she commented, dabbing lightly at the split lip.
"Not really," Lex assured her. "But my head feels like it's about to explode." The pain in her heart was almost more than she could bear. She could see the exhaustion Amanda wore like a blanket, and knew she was to blame. A part of her thought Amanda would be better off without her. But the idea of leaving her, even for her own good, was even more painful. She gripped the edge of the
counter to keep from falling.
Amanda saw Lex waver slightly. "That's it. Back to bed for you." She took her arm and led her to the bedroom.
Following silently, Lex prayed to herself that once they were in bed, Amanda wouldn'st want to talk. She didn'st think she had the strength to tell her what she needed to hear. Something was broken inside of Lex, and she couldn'st figure out how to fix it. Shakily, she lay down on the bed, closing her eyes so she couldn'st see Amanda's face. Amanda covered her with the comforter. "Thanks."
"Anytime, love." Amanda sat on the edge of the bed and reached over to stroke Lex's face. "Do you need to talk?"
Lex shook her head and fought back the panic and tears. "No. I...I can'st, Amanda. Please." She took a shuddering breath. "I know we should, but I just can'st. Not right now."
"Shhh." She continued to gently touch Lex's face, trying to reassure her lover she understood. "Just rest. Everything's going to be fine. I promise." Amanda leaned down and gave Lex a light kiss. She stayed next to her partner until Lex fell into a deep sleep. With a heavy sigh, Amanda stood and left the bedroom, afraid if she stayed she'd fall back to sleep herself.
AFTER THE BREAKFAST dishes were cleared away, Jacob was about to leave the kitchen when the telephone rang. He waved off Anna Leigh, who sat at the table with Travis. "Hello?" He listened for a moment. "We were just thinking about you. No, everything's okay here. How's Lex?"
Travis watched as his friend's smile slowly faded. It was time for him to take a little drive to see how his granddaughter was feeling. He decided he didn'st want to find out second hand what was going on.
"Good. She needs the rest. Is there anything we can do for either of you?" Jacob felt his wife stand next to him, and he shook his head at her questioning glance. "All right, then. Give her our love when she wakes. And if you need anything at all, just give us a call. Take care of yourself, too." He hung up the phone and looked up, just as Travis left the room. "I wonder where he's going?"