25
Rose
The End of the World
WAITING IN THE cold wet grass seemed like forever, but checking my phone, only ten minutes had passed before I heard the first clip-clopping in the distance.
Stiffly, I stood and carefully began retracing the vague path I had made through the overgrown plants, futilely attempting to avoid more cuts. I was soaked through and even my tennis shoes were squishing beneath me. I didn’t care, though; my only thought was the desire to see Noah again and feel his arms around me. After hearing his voice and the worry in it, I knew that I had to do whatever it would take to be with him—even if that meant becoming Amish.
When I’d met Noah, it was as if I’d woken from a long, sickly sleep. He had brought to me the feeling of being truly alive and I now understood that I would never get that wonderful bubbling sensation from anyone else. Noah was the only person in the world who would protect me and keep me safe. My dad had his own life to live and was too preoccupied with his job and new girlfriend to care much about what I needed. Sam had proven to be totally self-centered when it came right down to it, only caring about his own good time.
And Mom was gone.
Noah would love and take care of me, cherishing me for the rest of my life, until we were old and gray and sitting on a front porch swing. But could I really handle being Amish? Even with my resolve to be with Noah, I still wondered at that. It would be difficult for sure, maybe impossible, but I would give it my all to be with the man I loved more than anyone else in the world…and to escape the cold, lonely world that I now lived in.
The hoofbeats were closing in, and I searched in the direction of the noise, catching sight of the blinking red buggy lights. Relief washed over me. I picked up my pace with renewed energy, knowing that he was close to me now.
I struggled to engage my chilled muscles and crawl up the other side of the bank, pushing the coarse grass aside with my hands while I moved up and forward.
Noah is going to freak out when he sees the state I’m in. I slowed for an instant to catch my breath. The clip-clops were close enough now that if I yelled loudly I was sure Noah would hear me. And that knowledge gave me the incentive to push myself harder.
That’s when I heard the loud rumble, the sound’s intensity growing so quick that it shook the air around me. My mind dimmed and time sped up. On my knees, finally free of the vegetation, with my hands resting on the hard, abrasive surface of the asphalt, I saw it. The source of the roaring noise.
The huge white semitruck’s horn blasted, rupturing the misty air like an explosion to my ears. Time moved even faster and my heart stopped, followed by my lungs. Then my worn-out muscles locked, freezing me into place. I was forced to watch helplessly in mounting horror as the truck came barreling down the narrow road.
One blink and I could see Noah’s carriage clearly enough that for the briefest instant his face came into view. His eyes were wide and his mouth open. Then the picture was gone, snapped away as if deleted from a camera, replaced by the white blur of the truck skidding by me.
The screeching sound of the tires seared into my head as the giant machine frantically tried to stop. Its brakes locked into place, the monster groaned and cracked with the effort. Each sound sliced through my body like a knife.
The battle was lost as the trailer flipped sideways, covering the road with its enormous body, still surging forward with unrelenting speed and force, unable to be stopped by man or nature.
I felt faint from the spinning in my head. What was left of my brain screamed for me to shut my eyes, but I couldn’t do it. They were held open by invisible pins.
Another second passed.
I couldn’t see anything except the white mass of metal careening down the road, blocking out the sky and obliterating everything. The sound of Rumor’s scream mixed with the crunching and racking of metal and ripped across the world.
Time abruptly stopped when at last, the mechanical beast fell silent.
* * *
Somehow in the haze of the cataclysm, my legs came to life, and I surged onto the road, running over the scarred and torn-up pavement. With the grayness of shock pushing into my mind, I managed to pull the phone out and, still running, dialed 911. Only a second, and the clinical voice on the other end said, “Nine-one-one—what’s your emergency?”
I found my voice. “Accident…tractor trailer and buggy…Stone House Road…near bridge.”
“Could you repeat that, ma’am?”
I was at the belly of the behemoth, the smell of rubber and friction poisoning the air, and I couldn’t believe the size of it.
The stranger’s voice sliced into my shocked head. “Did you say Stone House Road?”
I was able to give one more reply before the adrenaline took hold of my body. “Yes, Stone House Road, come fast. Please.” My voice cracked, the sound not real, not my own.
* * *
My body worked of its own accord, stumbling and half running around the left side of the truck. The cab hung off the road, leading me once again down a steep embankment in an effort to get around the demolished machine.
Finding strength from somewhere deep inside, I scrambled up the other side. The scene that met my eyes caused me to hesitate a second before I ran straight into hell.
My eyes were locked on Rumor; lying on his side, the buggy nearly unrecognizable, crumpled like a piece of black paper that had been wadded up into a ball against his body. His loud grunting filled my ears and my stomach rolled violently when I saw his front legs snapped at the cannon bones. The pearly knobs jutted out, bright red blood gushing over them.
In the horse’s terror and pain, he began flopping, trying desperately to get up onto mangled legs that would never support his body again. The muffled pounding of what was left of his legs mashing into the pavement lightened my head and without any control, acidy bile rose up in my throat and out my mouth.
Brushing my wet lips with the back of my hand, I recovered enough to take the six or so strides needed to reach the poor horse. I hesitated at Rumor’s bleeding and broken head, glancing at the wreckage of the buggy…where Noah was.
He must be dead. No one could survive such a thing. I couldn’t breathe and the tears dripped from my eyes in a constant stream that I didn’t even try to wipe away.
Rumor’s pained whinny and his attempt to rise again caused me to look back at the horse and waver; the desire to go to Noah pulled at my gut. But I couldn’t leave his beloved friend—I couldn’t just step over his body, ignoring the large brown eyes rimmed in white from fear.
Grabbing the check piece of Rumor’s bridle, I dropped to the pavement and pulled his head down to my lap, murmuring soothing words of encouragement. Seeming to understand me, he stopped struggling and rolled over to his side, breathing rapidly. As he quieted, I placed my hands over his eyes and whispered softly, “Shh, it’s okay, boy. Just close your eyes and sleep now.”
I was too numb with agony and shock to shed a tear for the dying horse—the ones that flowed from my eyes were for Noah. I could only keep the soft words flowing out of my mouth so that he knew he wasn’t alone.
A great spasm raked Rumor’s body, almost throwing me away from him, but I clung to his bloody face, until, with a shuddering breath, his life slipped away into the darkness of the night. He was still. Horribly still.
Sucking in the sob that threatened to erupt from within me, and with a bizarre disconnection from what I was experiencing, I rose and squeezed around the horse’s warm body, only to slip in the blood that was pooled around him. I pulled myself back up, gripping the harness for support.
I needed to find Noah. I knew he was dead already and the devastation to my soul was complete. I felt no pain. There wasn’t anything left inside me that could feel at all. But still I had to find him to say goodbye, and I crawled along Rumor’s body until I could see him.
He was wedged between the horse and the buggy. In the dim light spreading out from the truck’s headligh
ts, I saw his eyes were closed. He looked peaceful in a way; certainly not as brutalized outwardly as his poor horse. Reaching his booted feet first, I felt my way up his legs, stopping when my hand touched the warm wetness. I brought my fingers to my face and realized that it was Noah’s blood. His leg was cut up badly. I blocked the vision of his destroyed limb out of my mind and continued to crawl under the splintered shaft, until I squeezed in next to his body.
Softly, I began to probe his upper body with my fingers in the muted light. Movement jolted my senses. I was sure I felt his chest rise. As if to answer an unspoken prayer, the clouds divided, allowing a slice of moonlight to shine down on the carnage.
I could see his face clearly in the spray of light. His mouth was working, trying to form words that wouldn’t come. Dropping my face to his, I felt his breath stirring the air ever so slightly, and my hand that rested over his heart was lifted up and down softly with his weak breathing.
My heart began to pound madly—he’s alive.
“I’m here, Noah—it’s okay. You’re going to be all right.”
I hardly believed it myself, but the little speck of hope gave me the strength to bring the phone out. Quickly, I hit the saved number. Now that there was the possibility that he would be okay, my body came alive again as if waking from unconsciousness, and I began to cry and gulp for air.
“Where are you, Rose?” Sam’s voice registered in the far reaches of my mind. He sounded incredibly relieved.
“A semitruck hit Noah’s buggy. He’s still alive, Sam. Come now—I need you,” I blurted out in near hysteria.
He didn’t question what I said, only saying, “Holy shit. Where the hell are you?”
Thankfully, he didn’t sound drunk, and I pushed the words out of my quivering mouth. “I’m near the bridge on Stone House Road. Hurry, Sam—please, hurry!”
“Are you hurt, Rose?” I could hear his truck door slam and the engine start up through the phone.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled, dropping the phone and lying down alongside Noah’s body. I wasn’t really listening to Sam anymore. Noah’s mouth had stopped moving, and he was so still. Still like Rumor. My hand couldn’t detect any breath from his nose or mouth and the rising and falling from his chest stalled.
Pressing my head to his heart, I listened hard, straining to hear any gurgle or murmur of life. Hearing nothing, I felt the shock settle into my mind, slowing it down and then turning it off.
I didn’t know what to do. The fear of jostling his body or attempting CPR wrapped around me like a cocoon—I was a doctor’s daughter, but I had no emergency training myself. I couldn’t help him.
“Don’t leave me, Noah. Please, don’t go,” I whispered into the darkness as the light spray of rain touched my face.
If only I could turn back time.
I would tell him yes.
26
Noah
Darkness
THE COLD BLACKNESS was pressing in on me, chilling me to the bone. With my hands stretched out, I frantically tried to move forward, searching for her—feeling for her in the darkness.
Where was she?
She had been beside me. Her warm, soft body heating my side, and her voice, gentle against my ear. Where did she go? Why did she leave me?
My worried mind screamed her name over and over. Rose.
27
Rose
The Long Wait
THE WONDERFUL PEACE of dreamless sleep was broken by Sam’s voice. Why wouldn’t he just go away? I couldn’t make out all his words, only hearing the distress in his voice as he screamed my name over and over.
The wail of the sirens was what finally crumbled the darkness from my mind. I remembered now. Noah was next to me, dead.
Agony exploded in my head, and I tried to call to my brother, the words coming out dry and weak. “Here, I’m here, Sam…here.”
I feared that the sound wasn’t loud enough, but a couple of blinks later, Sam called out, closer now, “Rose? Rose?”
With an effort that pained my throat, I tried again. “Sam.”
I could hear him cussing as he climbed through the wreckage, and then he was next to me, touching my face frantically.
Other voices were now jumping through the air around us, unrecognizable, but kind and strong sounding. The sirens kept coming and the sky was suddenly bright with flashing lights, making me squeeze my eyes shut.
“Rose, are you hurt, too?” Sam’s voice was solid, dragging me further into the sickening reality.
“No, no, I’m fine. It’s Noah. Sam, he’s dead.”
Before Sam answered me, I felt other hands poking me urgently, and then a second later I was being slid out from under the shaft and wrapped in a heavy, scratchy wool blanket.
A fireman carried me a little ways from the wreck and gently placed me on the side of the road.
“Please let me stay with him,” I begged, my voice still weak and not working right.
Ignoring me, the man asked anxiously, “Were you in the accident? Where’s this blood coming from that’s all over you?”
“No, not me…it’s Rumor’s blood,” I stammered.
“That’s the horse,” I heard Sam say as he hovered over me.
When the man was convinced that I wasn’t injured, he hurried back to what was left of the buggy.
Sam’s arms hugged me tightly. Even though I had a vague impression of being angry with him, my memories were jumbled. I couldn’t remember, so I leaned my head into his chest instead.
We sat in silence watching the six firefighters and two paramedics extract Noah from the wreckage, carefully lifting Rumor away from him. They cut away the shafts and harness with a combination of bolt cutters and a small handsaw. The sound of the tools sent shivers through my insides, but outwardly I didn’t move a muscle.
From the corner of my eye, I was aware of another group of yellow-coated men pulling the driver from the truck. I didn’t care about him, though, and I looked away without compassion.
Studying the scene in detached observation, I followed every move the emergency workers made, until mere minutes later they had Noah on the gurney.
Feeling that Sam had relaxed his grip on me, I pulled away from him and bolted to my feet with every intention of going with Noah in the ambulance.
“No, Rose, you can’t go with him.” Sam’s voice cracked like a whip while his arms folded around my waist, holding me back.
Even in my brain-dead state, I knew I could never get away from him, but still I struggled, desperate to not be separated from Noah. The sirens were so loud, penetrating the air, and the sobs that I had been holding in finally broke free. Closing my eyes, I let Sam catch me as my legs gave way and I slipped into the nothingness of utter despair.
* * *
Oh, God, why?
Why was I being punished for my decision? My beautiful, strong Noah was broken and ruined—maybe dying—all because of me. The knowledge was chewing away at my insides, leaving a raw, hollow space behind. The fog had faded from my mind by the time we reached the hospital. Now my head throbbed with a pain so deep and sharp that I felt as though I was dying.
My face was a sloppy mess of tears, mixed with dirt and blood—Noah’s and Rumor’s blood. The stuff was all over me and I didn’t care in the least. I didn’t care about anything but Noah right now. He was the only thing in the world that mattered to me. I couldn’t live without him. I wouldn’t. My mind screamed, if only this were just a dream—a devastating nightmare that I’d soon wake up from—as the hot tears slipped from my eyes, following the well-worn tracks down my cheeks.
A police officer walked over while I was standing on tiptoe trying to see into the emergency room where Dad and the nurses were frantically working to save Noah’s life; I couldn’t see much of anything. The windows were small and there were so many hospital personnel in the room blocking my view. The light was terribly bright, piercing my swollen eyes, making it difficult to focus clearly on any one spot.
“Miss
, I understand that you were the one who called about the accident with the buggy?” He said it kindly, and I’d been doing an okay job of holding myself together up to that point, but hearing it out loud made me gulp for air and crumple to the floor like a rag doll. I couldn’t talk about; it was just too awful. I squeezed my drowning eyes shut, trying desperately to erase the horrendous images that sprang into my mind.
Sam was suddenly there on the ground with me, pulling me up. “Hey, listen, she knew the guy that was in the buggy. They were real close,” I vaguely heard him say as he held my weak, quivering body up. I was sure that if he let go, I’d be on the ground again.
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