by Bijou Hunter
“Thank you,” I said. “I’m trying to get stronger and Judd is helping me.”
“You and my son are good together in a way I never thought I’d see with him.”
Smiling now, I admitted, “I haven’t gotten my hair cut in years. Usually, I’d just have Farah trim the ends. Now, I’m getting highlights and everything. I feel fancy.”
As Zaria laughed, her gaze flashed to the door. “Your sister is here. Will she be okay sitting in front of a mirror?”
“Sure. Her little things are completely different.”
Leaving Zaria, I met Farah at the front door. She glanced around at the mirrors and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Zaria’s letting me sit over in the corner where there are less mirrors.”
“I’ll sit in the chair next to you, so we can talk,” Farah said, hugging me. “I’m really worried my hair’s going to look stupid. Like pompous or something.”
“You’ll look like a princess,” I said, accidentally seeing my reflection and turning away.
“It’s okay.” Hugging me against her, Farah whispered, “How’s therapy going?”
“Good. Tina’s nice. I still have Judd go with me, just in case she says something mean or calls me names. I know she won’t, but I get scared I’ll tell her something personal and she’ll laugh at me or say I’m bad. Judd doesn’t even seem to pay attention at the sessions. Mostly, he messes around on his phone, but I know if I get upset or scared, he’ll help me.”
Hugging Farah tighter, I whispered, “Waiting in the motel after Dad left, I accepted I’d starve or be killed by those freaks. I was praying I starved, but I didn’t think I would ever get out of there. Then, Judd showed up and he seemed mean and cold. Yet, he was beautiful and I wanted him to be mine. I needed him to love me and he does now and I still can’t believe that it’s real. I’m sure you feel that way with Cooper too.”
Nodding, Farah looked into my eyes. “We went from having nothing to have something beautiful here. Friends and a home. A place we belong and new families who value us. Most of all, we have men who love us despite all of our damage. They see the fucked up parts and they accept the crap and help us be what we need to be to survive. We have all that and we’re together and I wake up some nights and wonder if it was a dream.” Farah paused and steadied herself. “I had a dream the other night that I was starting college. I saw Cooper and thought he was so beautiful, just like I did that first day in Spanish class. In this dream though, he never showed any interest in me. He never wanted me and we never fell in love. In the dream, I knew we were supposed to be together, but he never saw me. I woke up so scared in the dark. I thought the dream was real and I was a fool to think I would ever get so many blessings. I thought I was stupid to believe I could get a man like Cooper to love me with all my crying and baggage. He does though and I try to remind myself of that, but I get scared it could all go away. Like he could wake up and realize I wasn’t what he needed. I know he won’t, but I worry.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jodi approaching the salon with her daughters. Returning my gaze to Farah, I needed to say the words, even if she hated hearing them.
“Do you ever think of therapy?”
Panic lit up Farah’s dark eyes. “I don’t want to talk about what happened.”
“You could talk about what you just told me. You could talk about anything you want. Tina doesn’t push me. She just lets me talk. Sometimes, I say really ugly things about myself, but she doesn’t get mad. She just lets me say them and asks what made me want to say them. It’s never like a test where I have to give the right answers.”
Twisting at her hair, Farah nodded. “Maybe I should try. Coop is psyched about having a baby. He’s not pushing me, but I’m scared to have a kid and be too fucked up to love it right.”
Pulling her away from the door, I whispered, “You could think about it. Like get used to the idea. Maybe come with me to a session, so you could see what it’s like. It would be like a practice run.”
“I do like to practice,” Farah said, smiling softly. “I’m going to think about it. I can’t do it before the wedding though. I can’t have more stress. I’m trying to focus on school and Coop, but the wedding scares me.”
“You won’t fall,” I said as Jodi, Bailey, and Sawyer entered. “You’ll be perfect and there’ll be a hot guy waiting for you at the altar.”
Farah gave me a giant smile. “Can you imagine how hot Coop will look in his tux?”
“My boy cleans up good,” Jodi said, stretching. “Let’s get this beauty thing rolling since my poodle hair needs a lot of love to get shoved up into a bun.”
Soon, everyone settled in for their day at the salon. Lark arrived not long afterwards and the stylists did their magic. With highlights for Farah and me, straightening for Bailey, a trim for Lark, and conditioning treatments for Sawyer and Jodi, we were stuck in the chairs for hours. We also had our nails done while drinking too much caffeine and laughing about how much Cooper wanted his hair to grow out before the wedding. Even with the jovial mood, I caught Farah’s gaze. For a few minutes, we simply watched each other.
Life was different now. Most of all, we were different. Out on the deck, we’d promised to start again. We were keeping our words, but it wouldn’t be easy. Nothing good ever was, yet so much promise was at our fingertips. We only had to reach out and grab onto our dreams and never let them go.
***
When I joined him at the gym, Judd really liked my highlights and haircut. He kept nuzzling my hair while training me. Unfortunately, all of his built up arousal made him a beastly trainer. He worked me hard on the punching bag until my puny arms were ready to fall off.
Before I left, he kissed me like he was fucking me with his tongue. His message was clear. I should be waiting naked at home, so he could fuck me with other parts of his body. I wholeheartedly agreed with this plan.
Arms aching as I pulled the SUV into the underground garage, I wasn’t looking forward to the cold walk to the elevators. Winter had teased us for the last few weeks, but the ugliness of late January brought with it a chill I felt to my bones. I grabbed my bag and climbed out of the massive vehicle with a plan to run for the elevator and whine mentally about how much I wished spring was already here. Instead, I took four steps away from the SUV before hearing a familiar voice.
“Farah’s marrying a rich guy, huh?” Dad said from where the garage gate came to a grinding close.
Turning towards him, I noticed how tired he looked. Worn down from months of hiding, eating what he could steal, screwing any lonely woman he could con, and living from day to day with the hope of a miracle around every corner. His dark hair was too long and hung awkwardly over his ears. He had no cap on, but his jacket looked new. Likely stolen along with his shiny new boots.
“What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he said casually, a fake smile on his handsome face. “I told you to wait at the motel. When I went back, you were gone and the window was kicked in. I assumed something bad happened and have been looking for you.”
My father could con conmen because he had a face devoid of the con. He always looked completely honest, even when pulling one lie after another out of his ass. I knew anyone else would believe his concerned expression. They would believe he came looking for me except logic said it wouldn’t have taken him this long to visit Ellsberg. He hadn’t cared where I went because I was one less mouth to feed. Sure, I could have earned him money, but I think he suspected I would have run anyway.
Now, he was standing in front of me looking like the father I wished he was, instead of the father I knew. This Brian was a worried dad, not the man who beat me with a belt because he was having a bad day. He wasn’t the man who planned to pimp me out to pay his debts. This Brian was the kind of man I should run to and embrace. I wasn’t fooled though.
Instead, I slid my hand into my bag and felt for the gun Judd gave me. While I didn’t intend to shoot m
y father, I would scare him if necessary. Make him back off until I could reach the elevator and use the code for it to open. Once I was inside, he couldn’t get to me. Then, I’d call Judd who would deal with him. The plan was vivid in my mind and I already saw myself safe in the elevator.
“I need to go,” I said, taking a step towards the elevator. “You should call Farah and visit her. She’d be happy to see you.”
Dad grinned. “I know who her rich mark is and he won’t be happy to see me.”
“He’s not a mark,” I said defensively before remembering I had no reason to explain anything to this man. “What do you want?”
“I need to pay my debts, Tawny. I’m a hunted man and you can save me.”
“You want me to give you money?”
“Your man works for Farah’s man. I don’t want either of them knowing about me being here. I want you to ask Farah for the money, but don’t tell her it’s for me. Say you need it to pay for something, but you can’t tell her what. She’ll give it to you.”
Knowing my father was lying again, I inched backwards while wondering what his real plan involved.
“I’ll ask her.”
“Do you think she could get her hands on fifty grand without the rich kid noticing?”
“Maybe. I don’t know what kind of money they have. I can ask though.”
“You won’t though.”
Realizing he knew my lies as well as I knew his, I shook my head. “No, I won’t. What do you want?”
“Your sister loves you more than anyone. Even more than her pretty boy. She’d take a beating for you and I know she’d steal Johansson’s money for you.”
“Steal?”
“To get the money to pay for your safety.”
My feet begged me to run, but my head said I wasn’t fast enough. Even exhausted from months of hiding, my father was fast and strong. I’d seen him beat down plenty of strong men before. Not guys like Judd, but men bigger than me. I also knew he would hurt me as much as necessary to get his money.
“So you’re going to ransom me?” I said, rolling my eyes. “What makes you think she can even get that kind of money from Cooper? You think people like the Johanssons wouldn’t notice anyone messing with their money?”
My father didn’t take the bait. His gaze focused hard on me, waiting for me to run. “Your sister was a good kid. She always worked hard at school and never started shit. I liked to tell people about her report cards and how she was on the honor roll. She was the kid who made me proud. You were the one who ate our food and took up space. You owe me, Tawny, and you’re getting me that money whether I have to put you on the streets to get it.”
Maybe my father moved or maybe I was just done waiting for him to make all the decisions. Either way, I clicked off the safety on the gun and pulled the trigger. The bullet tore through the purse and hit him in the gut. Startled, my father fell to the ground before reaching for his own weapon.
“Stop!” I screamed, running over and kicking his hand struggling to remove the gun from his jacket. “I’ll shoot again.”
“You fucking bitch.”
Kneeling down, I grabbed the handle of his weapon and yanked it free. I immediately stepped away from him and tried to figure out what to do next. Only one word echoed in my head, so I dialed without thinking of what to say.
“Hey, angel,” Judd said softly, clearly thinking of the fun we would have soon.
“I shot my dad,” I whispered because saying the words louder made them too real.
“Where are you?” Judd asked as his voice shifted into the cold enforcer mode.
“The garage. He came in when the gate opened and he said he’d make me whore for him, so I shot him. I don’t know what to do.”
“Are you safe?”
“He had a gun, but I took it away. I shot him in the stomach. He’s in a lot of pain though and he’s not getting up.”
“Call 911,” Dad said, holding his stomach. “Get an ambulance.”
“Fuck that,” Judd growled into the phone. “You don’t call anyone, do you understand? I’m handling this.”
Judd sounded like he was on the move and I thought I heard Vaughn’s confused voice in the background.
“Judd,” I whispered as the panic of what I’d done replaced my anger at Dad, “I shot him.”
“I’m less than five minutes out. You stay right there. If anyone shows up like the neighbors, you just tell them he attacked you. If that happens, I’ll deal with it too. Just wait for me, Tawny.”
“I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you too, but you have to stay safe and wait for me.”
“I will.”
Once Judd hung up, I shoved the phone into my bag next to Dad’s gun. My weapon hung from my fingers, ready if necessary, but my father was no threat now. Even as he scooted himself back against the wall, I knew he was too injured to escape, let alone attack.
Standing near the front of the SUV, I watched my father get comfortable.
“Is your boyfriend going to kill me now, bitch?”
“Probably,” I said in a quiet voice. “Maybe they’ll bury you next to Mom.”
Dad laughed hoarsely. “I should have gotten fixed after Farah. Life was still good back then. We had a nice place and your mom and I were in love and everyone thought Farah was the cutest shit ever. Then, your mom got pregnant with you and everything went downhill.”
“After you’re dead, I’ll be sure to share your cruel words with my therapist.”
Dad grinned. “No amount of therapy will fix what’s wrong with you.”
“If you want me to kill you, so Judd won’t, I’m not taking the bait. He might need to torture you for info.”
Dad’s mocking grin disappeared. “You’re a cunt.”
“Next month, Farah is getting married and Kirk Johansson is walking her down the aisle. She has a new family now and so do I. We lived just fine without having you and Mom around and our lives are good now.”
“You’ll fuck it up. You always do.”
“Maybe,” I sighed, “but you won’t be around to see it.”
The next few minutes passed quietly with my father bleeding and me fighting the urge to bawl. Even with his hateful words and evil plans, I remembered the happier times growing up. I remembered how he took us away from Mom after the bikers. How he said she deserved death and we did nothing wrong.
My heart betrayed me in those next few minutes until Judd arrived. It told me to save my dad and give him another chance. It said I couldn’t live with the guilt of leaving him to be murdered. It said a lot of bullshit that I didn’t believe, but hurt me nonetheless.
Flinching at the sound of approaching motorcycles, my father looked to me and considered begging for his life. He also considered playing the daddy card. I saw those ideas flicker in his eyes then he simply gave up and accepted his fate.
As the gate opened, I felt a huge sense of relief at the sight of Judd roaring into the garage. Running to Judd, I needed what only he offered.
“I shot him.”
“Good,” he said as Vaughn climbed off the other Harley. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
“No, but he’s my dad and I can’t kill him.”
“You aren’t killing him,” Judd said, easing off the bike while still holding me against him. “I’m killing him.”
“No,” Vaughn muttered, standing nearby. “I’ll do it.”
“Fuck that shit,” Judd growled. “He came here to hurt my woman.”
Vaughn walked to Judd and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Yes, she’s your woman and you’re spending a long life with her. Do you want her to look at you and know you’re the guy who put a bullet in her dad’s head? That you ended his miserable life? Is that how you want your woman looking at you?”
Frowning, Judd studied me as I clung to him. Whatever he saw in my expression caused him to stand down.
“Clean it all up for me,” he said to Vaughn. “I don’t want her seeing even a drop o
f blood in here. Make it like it never fucking happened. Can you do that?”
“Sure, man. I’ll fix it. You just get her away. Tuck and Clay are coming to help with the job, but I’ll make sure it gets done right.”
My gaze fell on my father and I wished to see something in him worth loving. He stared with his dark eyes so similar to mine and waited to die. Dad knew I needed him to give me a crumb of love after so long without it, but he denied me.
Later, I decided his indifference was a gift. If he had begged or shown an ounce of fatherly love, the guilt might have eaten at me. Yet, in reality, I had no way to stop what would happen next. The minute my father showed up, he took a calculated risk. If his plan worked, he might pay off his debts and get one death sentence removed. However, he would add a new one from the Johanssons and Reapers. Deep inside, even my father knew he’d come to Ellsberg to die. Now, he was getting his wish.
In that moment though, I couldn’t leave the parking garage. Even as Judd led me away, I refused to go because I knew what happened next. Staring into Vaughn’s blue eyes, I saw him waiting for me to go, so he could finish things. As the one keeping my father alive for a few extra minutes, the burden prevented me from leaving.
“Come with me upstairs, angel.”
“And pretend my father isn’t dying here? It’s one thing not to care about those bastards dying, but this is my dad.”
Judd cupped my face and stared into my eyes. “Don’t feel pity for that fucker. He doesn’t deserve it. Don’t forget how he left you in that motel to starve. He left you there with the intention of selling you off and he came here with the same plan. You can’t let him hurt you anymore. He knew when he came here that he would either get his money or lose his life. He took the bet and he lost. Nothing you do from now on changes his fate. You only have the power to save yourself from the pain I see in your eyes.”
“He’s my dad. I know what you’re saying, but it feels wrong to go upstairs and act like this isn’t happening down here.”
“You can’t see what happens next. You’ve seen so much ugly in your life and you can’t add this to it. Just go with me and we’ll pretend today was a bad dream. It’s what I would do if my dad ever showed up and started shit. I wouldn’t think about anything good he ever did, but that he came into my life to destroy it. That’s what you have to do now.”