“Yeah, Dad. Listen, you got some time this morning?” Garrett asked.
“I’m retired, Garrett. What else do I got but time?” Dave answered.
“Gotta swing around,” Garrett told him.
“You had breakfast?”
“Cher filled me up.”
Dave was silent, which reminded Garrett that in the last few weeks, he had not had a lot of time for his old man.
It was highly likely Dave had heard about Garrett seeing Cher.
But he hadn’t heard it from Garrett.
On this thought, the woman behind him in a BMW and a hurry honked. Still crawling with the traffic in front of him, he looked in his rearview mirror to see her gesticulating at him irately, as if he alone was holding up the proceedings.
He started to say something to his dad, but within two seconds, when he didn’t make the nine cars in front of him vanish by magic, she honked again and he saw her mouth moving in a way that wasn’t hard to lip-read as she continued to gesture. Half a second later, when she caught his eyes in the rearview mirror, she honked at him again and threw both of her hands up in angry exasperation.
He looked to his right to see kids heading into school, some on foot, some parking their bikes on a rack outside, many of them turned to watch the woman.
Seeing this, he put his truck in park, asking his dad, “You gonna be there, I swing around?”
“Yep, son. I’ll be here,” Dave replied.
“Great. Be there in ten, maybe fifteen,” he told him as he threw his door open.
“See you then.”
He disconnected as he angled out of his truck, his phone beeping with a text from Mike that Garrett glanced at and saw said, Gotcha.
He moved toward her car, and the woman stopped gesticulating and stared at him as he looked beyond her to gesture to the cars waiting to swing out and pass them in order to keep traffic flowing.
He then shoved his phone in his inside jacket pocket, which gave him the opportunity to push his jacket back, exposing his badge on his belt as he dropped his hand and put it on his hip.
He made it to her side of the car and tapped on the window.
It whirred down and she looked out.
“Sorry, didn’t know you were police,” she muttered, cheeks pink, eyes hidden behind expensive sunglasses even though the sun had barely risen.
But her expression was easily read, showing irritation at the further delay, something she was not going to share to his face, and embarrassment because she’d been caught by a cop who could do something about her being an impatient bitch.
“It make a difference I’m police or not?” he asked.
“I’ve got an early meeting,” she explained. “Dropping off Asa, I’m late for work.”
“That might be so, ma’am, but, and I hope you agree with me, you honkin’ and behavin’ like that in front of a bunch of nine-, ten-, and eleven-year-olds does not teach good lessons. Makin’ it worse, nothin’ anyone can do to make the drop-off go faster, seein’ as there’s nowhere anyone can go until it’s open to go there. So think it’s best you keep your hand off your horn and wait your turn like everyone else.”
“They should do something about this,” she snapped, flicking a hand at the cars slowly passing them, a long line to get in, the line crawling to get out. “It’s like this every day and it’s ridiculous.”
She was not wrong.
He didn’t share he agreed with her.
He stated, “That’s not the issue. The issue is, I got a boy in that school and he’s of an age where there’re a lot of ways he’s learnin’. And I don’t want him to see folks actin’ like you and thinkin’ it’s okay when it’s not. He’s gotta learn to be patient, workin’ with his fellow citizens to get on in life. If this situation doesn’t work for you, take it up with the school or the town or suck it up like everyone else. Don’t take it out on other parents who got the same goal as you to get their kids to school safe and get on their way. Yeah?”
“Yes, Officer,” she mumbled.
He nodded. “Thanks for your time.”
She nodded back.
He walked to his truck, thinking that there was not a lot of joy in his job.
Except when he got to do shit like that.
He got in his truck. It took him all of three minutes to crawl to the exit of the school and pull out.
Then he went to his dad’s.
He pulled in the driveway, got out, and made his way up to his dad’s house, the house Garrett and Raquel grew up in, the house their mother was murdered in.
He never got why his father didn’t sell it before Rocky and him moved out, and he definitely never got why he didn’t after.
He also never questioned his dad about it. The Merricks didn’t do shit like that.
Which might be one of the reasons why they were all, in their own ways, fucked up.
Dave didn’t meet him at the door. It was cold and cold could fuck with Dave and the injuries he’d sustained that had healed okay but not completely when the man who’d murdered Garrett’s mother shot his father full of holes.
But when Garrett hit the front door, he found in the time between his phone call and now, his dad had unlocked it.
He went in and called out.
“Kitchen, son!” Dave called back.
Garrett headed to the kitchen and found his old man at the coffeepot.
“Joe?” he asked the pot.
“Yeah,” Garrett answered.
His father poured him a cup like he liked it—no milk, two sugars—and Garrett waited to see where he took it—kitchen table, the bar or if he was good to stand, drink and talk.
Garrett knew the cold was fucking with him when his dad took it to the table, handing Garrett his mug on the go.
They sat. Dave stretched out his bad leg and did it almost without wincing.
Watching that, Garrett felt the sour hit his gut. But this was a different kind of sour. One he’d lived with a long time.
“So, seein’ Cher Rivers,” his dad muttered, lifting his coffee to his lips.
“Yep,” Garrett answered, then sipped his own, swallowed, and lowered his mug. “Been busy. No excuse. Since it’s serious with Cher, should have found time to connect with you.”
Dave’s mouth quirked. “My son’s finally got a woman in his life with staying power, not sure I’m priority.”
Garrett held his eyes. “Like I said, it’s serious, Dad.”
Dave didn’t break eye contact. “Had Devin here a few days ago, drinkin’ my bourbon and tellin’ me Mia staked a public claim that’s no longer hers to stake, doin’ it blindsidin’ your girl at work. You not there, Tanner took your back…and hers. So, from that, already got it’s serious, Garrett.”
“She’s a good woman.”
“Know Cher,” Dave returned on a firm nod. “Know that. Know she’s got a good kid and Ethan’s good ’cause he’s got a good mom. Just glad you finally got your head outta your ass, seein’ as every time she got anywhere near you, she ratcheted up the tough broad, smartass, cute routine with the sole purpose of makin’ you smile at the same time hidin’ she was doin’ it ’cause you caught hold of her heart.”
At his dad’s words, his heart clenched.
He didn’t know that.
Or, more accurately, he hadn’t noticed that.
The Merricks were about family loyalty and being nuts, managing to do those closed off emotionally, which was only part of them being nuts. But Dave was an ex-cop. So not for a second did Garrett doubt what his dad was saying about Cher was true.
“No shit?” he asked quietly.
“This would be the part where my son’s head was up his ass, you didn’t notice. Think probably the whole ’burg did. But you didn’t.”
Fuck.
“No one said anything,” he noted.
“Boy, Cher’s had it bad for you for years. Don’t know why no one else said anything. Just know why I didn’t. And I woulda said somethin’ if I thought you wer
e in the place to do somethin’ about it without breakin’ her. But I thought you were still tied up in Mia.” Another lip quirk before he lifted his coffee mug in a pseudo-toast Garrett’s way. “Seein’ as you’re not, I’ll repeat, I’m glad you finally got your head outta your ass.”
“Things have not gone smoothly with Cher, and Mia’s only part of that,” Garrett shared.
Dave shook his head knowingly. “Things that’re worth it never do. You got a woman where it goes smooth, you get rid of her. There’s no passion in smooth. There’s no challenge in smooth. You got smooth, that mean’s she’s bustin’ her ass so you can sail along without a hitch in the road, which in turns means she’s all about lookin’ after you rather than gettin’ what she needs out of the deal. Man’s no man at all, he doesn’t meet his woman’s needs. Woman’s no woman at all, she doesn’t got it in her to look after gettin’ what she needs. That might not make sense to you until you live it, so I’ll just boil this down, son. Smooth is boring.”
Garrett grinned at his dad. “I wouldn’t know. Not sure I’ve ever had smooth.”
His dad shook his head again. “Rough road you’ve been travelin’ wasn’t about that. Journey you took with Mia…” He kept shaking his head as he trailed off, then he grinned back. “But a woman who throws down in a bar full of people when she hears your five foot three ex shoved you, that’s the good kind of bumpy.”
Garrett hadn’t heard that. “Cher threw down with Mia because she shoved me?”
“Oh yeah.”
It was then, Garrett shook his head but he did it still grinning.
“Lucky for you, you’ve already proved you’re a hardass, so Cher defendin’ you at J&J’s isn’t a hit to your cred,” his dad teased.
“She thinks she’s the ’burg’s tough chick,” Garrett told him.
“She’s not wrong. Then again, life is life, so in this town, she’s got a lot of company.”
It felt good to know his old man liked Cher.
But he had to get to work and he had something he needed to get from his father, so he had to get down to it.
“I’m dreamin’ about her, Dad,” Garrett shared.
Dave’s grin turned to a smile. “Now, son, not sure your old man is up for hearin’ detail on that.”
“No,” he said low. “I’m dreamin’ her dead.”
Dave straightened. He paled. And he shut his mouth.
Garrett straightened too. “Now is not the time to close down on me. I thought I had this mess in my head like Rocky had it in hers—worried, me bein’ the man in the situation, the cop, that someone I loved would lose me like she worried Tanner’s occupation would take him from her. She was there when what happened to Mom happened, so her mess was compounded by guilt she wasn’t able to stop it.”
When he mentioned his mom, he saw his father’s mouth get tight.
But he didn’t quit.
“I’m seein’ from these dreams I’m not worried someone will lose me. I’m worried somethin’ I do will put Cher in danger.”
“Like I did to your mother,” Dave forced through tight lips.
“Like what happened to Mom,” Garrett returned. “You didn’t do it to her. It happened to her.”
“Because of what I did.”
“Because of what was happening,” Garrett said firmly. “You didn’t do dick, Dad. Except your job.”
Dave stared at him, then shifted irritably in his chair. “You wanna tell me why you’re here, goin’ over this with me?”
Garrett stared back at his dad, not believing he even asked such a fucked-up question after what had happened when Rocky broke down and Tanner justifiably lost his mind on both his and his father’s asses.
Then he said, “Thought that was obvious. I’m here because I’m fallin’ in love with a good woman and I wanna hold on this time. She’s got a kid, a kid I’m fallin’ in love with right alongside her. And she wants more kids, Dad. My kids. Unlike Rocky when she was twenty-one years old and she blocked Tanner from her life, not mature enough to deal with all the shit screwing with her head, I’m forty-two and realize I have issues. So I need to find the tools to deal with them so I can make my woman and her son happy. Not tear them apart.”
“You’re aware of it, just do it,” Dave stated.
“The first dream, she was against a wall with a gun in her face—a gun that exploded,” Garrett declared.
His father’s body gave a small jerk.
That was how his mother had died.
After she had been tortured, that was.
Garrett kept pushing. “Second one, she was like the vic’s body I saw yesterday—in a car, covered in blood. You okay with your son havin’ those kinds of dreams?”
“See a doctor,” Dave clipped. “That helped your sister.”
“I don’t wanna see a doctor. I want to talk to my dad.”
Dave’s head twitched before he said, “I don’t have those tools to give you, Garrett.”
“Yes, you do,” Garrett returned.
“If I did, I’d hand them to you.”
“You don’t hand them to me, if my time comes, how am I gonna hand what I learned to a kid me and Cher make? Ethan’s birth father is a moron, the kind he’s not gonna turn that around. If this is what I think it is with Cher, the best Ethan’s gonna have is me, and gotta tell you, the more I get to know that kid, that honor would be mine. But I gotta do that right. And if there’s a time in his life he needs me to be strong for him, teach him how to be that himself, how do I do that if I don’t even fuckin’ know?”
Dave’s face twisted.
Garrett leaned toward his father.
“Just tell me it’s gonna be okay,” he whispered. “Tell me I got this. Tell me I can do my job and keep her safe. I can do my job and keep Ethan safe. What happened to our family is not gonna happen to the family I make. All I need, Dad, is for you to tell me it’s gonna be fuckin’ okay.”
“Nothing’s gonna happen to you,” Dave whispered back. “Nothin’s gonna happen to Cher. Fuck, Garrett, you lived your whole life thinkin’ that?”
“Right alongside you livin’ your whole life feelin’ guilt it was your fault that somethin’ happened to you. Mom and you. I love you. You’re my father. I felt that pain and guilt right with you. And I felt my own pain and guilt bein’ powerless to take yours from you. So, shit yeah, Dad. I lived my whole life thinkin’ that. No. Not thinkin’ it. Emotionally paralyzed because I was terrified of it.”
Dave held his gaze, pain and guilt in his eyes.
Fuck.
It never ended.
“Mia, boy…cute. So cute,” Dave started.
Garrett did a slow blink as his chin jerked back.
What the fuck?
“Not sweet. Sharp,” Dave carried on. “Girl’s sense of humor like a razor. Made you happy, oh yeah. She did. Loved seein’ my boy happy. But even with that, knew she was wrong. Good-time girl. When bad times came, I knew she didn’t have it in her. Your mother woulda put up with her, but she’d never really like her,” Dave declared.
Garrett sat back, stunned at hearing shit he’d never heard.
Dave kept going.
“And I was right. She didn’t have it in her. She wanted smooth, like her daddy gave to her, which meant you had to bust your ass givin’ that to her. You didn’t have that in you and that is not a weakness. That’s a real man. Like no woman should do that for her man, no man should hafta do that for his woman. And no woman should expect that from a man. A marriage is a partnership. Both of you gotta hold on to weather any storm, boy. I was not surprised Mia didn’t go the distance. It hurt seein’ you hurt. But when you lost her, I wasn’t surprised.”
He stopped speaking and Garrett didn’t start. He had nothing to say and he didn’t understand why his father was sharing this now when it should have been shared years ago.
Regardless of that, it was beside the point.
Mia was gone. Everyone now got why, and annoyingly, it seemed a bunch of them, including
his father, got why a long time ago.
Discussing her did not have dick to do with holding on to Cher.
“Cher Rivers,” Dave continued, hopefully getting to the point, “that’s a different story. You know it. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t give a shit about your issues. You’d be just as blind, makin’ the same mistakes you’ve been makin’ for years and not givin’ a shit. If you didn’t know she’s a different story, you wouldn’t be here, askin’ an old man who has no idea how to deal how to deal. And the reason I don’t have any idea how to deal, Garrett, is because I learned real good how to weather a storm. And how I learned that is that I could face anything, your mother at my side. When I lost her, I lost that ability. I didn’t get it back. Any time I tried, it reminded me how much I missed her. So I quit tryin’. I don’t know how to tell you how to keep your head together or how to quit havin’ those dreams. All I know is that I’d have those answers if your mother was sittin’ at this table with me.”
Through his dad’s words, Garrett felt his throat close.
He also watched his father’s eyes get bright and felt wet hit his own.
He didn’t move.
He also still didn’t speak.
Dave Merrick cleared his throat, sniffed, and kept talking.
“Last thing I gotta say to you is to repeat, Cher Rivers is a different story. You’re worried about these issues you got. You’re worried you can’t get past them. What you don’t see is that you got your hands on a woman who knows how to weather a storm. So what you got is a woman who knows about your issues. This means you don’t have to do shit, Garrett, except count your lucky stars you’re able to hold tight to your woman so you can weather…the goddamned…storm.”
He knew Dave was done.
Then again, he actually was done because, fucking finally, he’d given Garrett just what he needed.
And it was just plain done because he needed his father to point out that Cher had already given him what he needed. And she did this days before, not putting up with the shit he’d pulled at dinner at her mother’s house.
But Garrett still couldn’t speak because his throat was still closed and he was having trouble with his breathing.
This meant he cleared his throat and sniffed, just like his dad.
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