She nodded. “You don’t know how many times they’d forget I was in there. I overheard way more than a kid my age should have, and let me tell you, it was an education.”
My brows rose. “That bad, huh?”
“Worse. Everyone slept with everyone else. Or kept secrets about sleeping with everyone else. Or told people who was sleeping with everyone else. It was crazy.”
“Sounds like it. Wow.” I glanced over. “What about my parents? Did they…?”
“Have affairs?” Her eyes widened. “Of course not! Your parents loved each other so much. I wish you could remember.” Her expression crumpled. “Sorry. Not helping.”
“No, it’s fine.” I reached for her hand and squeezed it in my own. “I appreciate today,” I added.
“Good. Because the truth is that while I don’t envy your throne, I do envy the dresses you’ll wear while you sit on it. So, when I tell you that you better not wear those clothes you arrived in ever again, I need you to trust me, got it?”
I laughed. “Got it.”
“Good.” Her relief was genuine enough that I laughed harder.
By the end of our walk, I doubted our investigation had gotten us any closer to figuring out who had attacked me. If anything, I felt far from it. Too many faces filled my thoughts now, and a sea of names to go with them. None of the people I’d met had seemed particularly hostile toward me. In fact, most of them were so full of hope and certainty as they had looked at me, it made me restless.
Xander and Peter had been right. These people had been waiting for a miracle. Instead, they’d gotten me.
Chapter Twenty
The first thing I noticed as we walked up to the house was the sentry outside was gone. I slowed and Jalene matched her pace to mine, sticking close. She spoke in a low voice, “On a scale of one to ten, how much trouble do you think we’re going to be in for leaving?”
“Twenty-seven,” said a deep voice. “Because that’s how many minutes I’ve been waiting.”
Jalene and I both stopped short as Xander stepped out of the shadows.
“Hey, Xan, what’s up?” Jalene asked in a sugary voice.
His brows shot up, and he folded his arms over his chest. “I had a feeling I’d have you to thank for this.”
She smiled, but it was sharp enough to remind me of the canines the wolves bared when they were threatened. “Oh, you mean for coming over here like you asked? Or for acknowledging that Alina isn’t twelve anymore and should be treated like the smart, capable adult she’s grown into? You’re welcome.”
Xander’s eyes narrowed.
“On that note,” I said, turning to Jalene with a pointed look that was meant to preserve her life. Or his. “I’ll see you later for dinner?” I asked.
She nodded, still grinning. “Of course.” Then she turned back to Xander and added, “I can’t wait to watch the show.”
She didn’t wait for him to reply before she spun on her heel and headed back up the road.
I turned back to Xander who was still standing like a bodybuilder after arm day—arms crossed, muscles flexed, jawline tense. My own body heat flared in response to the way he glared at me. If he wanted to fight about this, I was so ready.
“Where’s Peter?” I asked, marching closer.
“He stayed behind to talk to Eamon about using his cloaking to guard the horses at night.”
“Well, we can do this now or wait for him,” I said, brushing past him to stalk through the front door.
“Do what?” Xander asked, following me inside.
“Whatever attack you’ve got planned for me,” I said, turning to gesture at the way he was still standing. “You’re glaring at me like you’ve got flamethrowers for eyes.”
“I came home, and you were gone,” he said as if that explained everything.
“And I’m sure you’ve got plenty to say about that, so let’s get this over with.”
“I… What do you expect?” he demanded, his voice rising. He took a step closer, his arms dropping back to his sides as he moved. His hands fisted. “We had an agreement. I would go to the meeting and report back to you. Here.”
“I left word—”
“Nothing specific.” He took another step, then another, marching right up to me as he continued, “You should have left a note or waited for me or not gone at all. There’s no reason for you to be out there. Not with a monster on the loose…”
He trailed off and ran a hand through his hair, his gaze skittering around the room before landing back on me.
“Jalene was right,” I said, my tone gentle because I could see the battle inside him being waged—and I didn’t exactly want it waged on me. Even if this needed to be said. “I’m an adult now. And I’m responsible to an entire people. But that doesn’t mean I’m responsible to you—not in the way you’re trying to force me to be. You don’t own me, and I don’t take orders from you.”
I braced myself for a blow up because there was no way I hadn’t just pissed him off with what I’d just said. But he only took a long, deep breath then let it out again very slowly. When he was done, some of the temper had left his eyes.
I didn’t relax though. If anything, it only made me more nervous.
“You’re right,” he said in a rough voice.
“I am? I mean, yeah, I know I am, but…” I bit my lip. “Which part specifically?”
The corner of his mouth lifted for a split second then flattened again. “You don’t take orders from me. And you don’t owe me anything. Especially obedience. And I’m not trying to control you or smother you or whatever you think I was doing. I just worry. Because I care about you. A lot.”
My shoulders sagged. I realized how much he meant the words he’d just said. “I know. And I’m… I care about you too, but I can’t just do this because it was decided or someone saw it all happen in the future.”
“No one’s asking you to—”
“Peter told me about the oracle’s prediction. About us. And why you were my chosen or whatever.”
He shrugged as if it weren’t important. “Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it? Xander, how do I know whatever feelings I might have had before weren’t contrived because of…I don’t know, power of suggestion.”
His expression darkened and his eyes pinned me where I stood. When he spoke, his voice was low, but there was more than anger in him now. There was conviction. A hot, furious layer of utter conviction that shoved out everything else until the air around us crackled and hummed.
He took a step toward me. “You were the first friend I ever made, and the last face I saw every night before I went home to my family. Some nights I didn’t go home at all just to sleep inside the same walls as you did. By the time we were ten, you were my whole heart. And you still are.
“Now, I’ll give you space to figure things out, but don’t ever doubt what we felt for each other back then. Nothing about us was ever contrived. It was real. As real as me standing in front of you now. Whatever happens next doesn’t make the past a lie. And doesn’t diminish what we were.”
“I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry,” I said quietly.
He blinked, nodding as if to remind himself to relax. “I hope you don’t think I was keeping that from you—the oracle’s prediction. I didn’t tell you because it never mattered. Not to either of us. You used to joke that she was a fake, anyway. That all she did was guess your wishes. That the power of the wish alone was what made it come true.”
“I sound very opinionated,” I said on a half-smile.
He offered a crooked grin right back. “You have no idea.”
I sighed. “Xander, I don’t know what it’s like. What you’re feeling. I don’t have the memories and the history wrapped up in this like you do, so all I see is everything about my life being dictated by everyone else, and it sets me off,” I admitted.
He took another step closer, but this time there was no aggression in it. Only sincerity as he said, “The idea of losing you again sets
me off. I will do anything—be anything—it takes to prevent that. Including just your friend.”
“Xander, I…” My mouth went dry. He was so close now. All I had to do was lift onto my toes and close the distance between our lips. But that was only going to solve the problem of our physical distance; I knew there was so much more to it than that. “I wish I could remember,” I said, turning away.
Xander ran a quick hand down my arm and then stepped away.
My body’s awareness of his retreat left a pang in my gut. Not quite pain, really. More like when it had been too long between meals. I was hungry for him in a way that food could never satisfy.
“I’m glad you’re home,” he said simply, and I knew he was diffusing the tension for the both of us.
I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear and sucking in a quick breath to get my bearings. The meeting. He’d come to talk about the meeting. That was what I needed to think about now. “And you?” I said, finding my voice. “How’d it go at the meeting?”
He shrugged. “Good, I think. Eamon is aware of the situation.”
“And?” I prompted when he didn’t offer more.
“And you’ll be watched at all times until we can get this figured out.”
My brows shot up at his simplistic answer. “That’s it?”
He frowned. “What else is there?”
“This is bigger than just my safety,” I said, throwing up my hands in frustration. “Someone is messing with magic—and possibly in touch with Tharos to do it. We have to do more than just guard me and wait.”
“We’re investigating the past campsites I found, looking closer for any clues I missed before. I know it’s frustrating, but until we have more to go on, that’s all we can do.”
“We should be doing more,” I said.
“We’re doing everything we can without alerting the Ngili that we’re on to him.”
“Fine. I should be doing more then.”
“All right. What do you want to do?”
I blinked. “Really?”
“Alina, I told you, the only reason I went without you today was to help our strategy in order to catch whoever tried to hurt you. In fact, you agreed that was the best play.”
“It was,” I agreed. “But I just can’t keep sitting around while we wait for the investigation to give us something concrete. I spent the last five years doing exactly that, and it’s feeling way too similar.”
His mouth quirked. “So you gave Peter this much shit before?”
“Well, maybe not this much,” I said, and he chuckled.
“That’s my girl. Back home, you never took anyone’s shit including mine. I wasn’t expecting you to start now. And your fire is one of the things I love about you. I’m not going to ask you to put it out or apologize for it.”
“Okay then,” I said, straightening and smiling to myself at the bigness of my own feelings. I’d never had anyone give me permission like this before. It was strange—and empowering. It was also a surprise that Xander was the one giving it.
“Tell me,” he said. “What do you need?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I expected you to argue a lot more. I guess I need a minute to figure it out.”
He laughed. “Take your time.”
“Okay… Well, first, I need to train.”
He nodded. “I’ve already set it up. Dominik will meet you at the south field first thing in the morning.”
“Dominik?” I paused, doing a mental scan of the wolves I’d met. “Did I meet him?”
“No, he was still out on a mission when we arrived. But he remembers you from Zorovia. He’s our best warrior and a good teacher. If you can beat Dominik, you can beat anything.”
My stomach did a sort of panicked somersault. “Great. I can’t wait.”
He snorted, and I wondered exactly what I was in for with this Dominik. But it didn’t matter. Training with him would make me better able to face the Shadows—and that was what mattered.
“What else?” he asked.
“Language lessons,” I said.
He nodded, not even missing a beat as he said, “Jalene and I will both work with you on those.”
“You will?” I asked, surprised all over again. “But you said—”
“I know what I said about spending time. But if you’re not going to listen to me, then I’m not going to listen to them,” he said, waving a hand at what I could only assume was the community in general. “We’ll start your lessons tonight.”
“Thanks,” I told him.
“What else?”
I hesitated.
“Don’t hold back. Come on. I promise, I’m not going to tie you to a chair or anything.” His lips curved into a devious half-smile that had my heart skipping beats. “Unless you ask me to.”
Heat scorched a trail from my chest straight down to my belly, curling into my gut and then up through my cheeks.
Xander laughed and reached out, flicking a strand of hair out of my face. “I love when you do that,” he said.
“What? Die of embarrassment?” I shot back.
“It reminds me of when we were kids,” he said.
“You regularly dropped sexual innuendos when we were ten?”
“No, back then it was teasing you about your weird fear of sea slugs and your intense fascination for skullbushes.”
I cocked my head. “What’s a skullbush?”
“It’s a very ugly, very thick, very sharp shrub. The castle gardens were full of them because your father couldn’t deny you anything.” The light faded from his eyes as he said, “It’s the place where I found you hiding on the day…”
“The day…” I repeated when he abruptly fell silent. “What day?”
“The day you left.”
“Oh.”
I wanted to ask him to tell me more. My own gap in memory was a looming void now, and I was desperate to fill it in—even secondhand. But I stayed quiet, watching him pull himself back from whatever edge he’d accidentally tumbled over.
Very slowly, the life returned to his stormy eyes, and he refocused on me. “So. What else?” he asked again.
“Dinner,” I said. “With your mother. Tonight.”
He gasped and clutched his chest, pretending to stumble. “No. Not that. Anything but that,” he said in a pained voice. I laughed as he straightened, adding, “Okay, but seriously, now you’re just abusing your power.”
Chapter Twenty-One
By the end of dinner, I was beginning to feel steady. Beck’s cooking made Peter look like an amateur—although I kept my mouth shut on that comparison—and the conversation flowed so easily that I relaxed into the rhythm of the group. Xander sat across from me and every so often, I caught him watching me, but the happiness in his eyes was impossible to miss. Even during Jalene’s lecture to him about manipulating her into babysitting duty, the light in his eyes never wavered. And when he looked back at me again, I felt like I was the answer to every question he’d ever asked.
This was my life now.
People to care about. Friendship. Shared meals. And underneath it all, a current of purpose so strong I couldn’t turn away from it much longer.
Conversation swirled around me as Peter and Beck traded stories from before the invasion. Jalene and even Ben added their own memories. Xander remained quiet. Like me.
I didn’t mind them sharing, but none of the stories stirred a single memory. I hadn’t expected them to, but I suspected Xander had hoped. He watched me carefully, although if he was disappointed at my lack of recognition, he didn’t show it.
“…still can’t believe you didn’t break both your legs when that ladder slid out from under you,” Beck was saying to Xander now.
“Why would it have hurt when he had both me and Alina to fall on?” Jalene added.
Beck and Peter laughed.
“Tell another one,” Ben said.
“Let’s take a break and clean up,” Beck said, glancing at me before rising and ushering Ben in
to the kitchen with a pile of plates and dishes in hand.
Peter and Jalene followed, leaving Xander and I alone. A steady stream of voices cut through the silence between us. I met his gaze, listening while Ben argued with Beck about how best to wash a dish.
Xander smiled at me. “You look relaxed,” he said.
“I am,” I admitted. “More relaxed than I’ve been in a while. Your family is great, and your mom makes the best casseroles I’ve ever had in my life.” I leaned in and whispered, “Don’t tell Peter I said that.”
He winked. “It’s our secret.”
I pretended to frown. “I thought we were done with secrets.”
“The kind we keep from each other, yes,” he agreed. “The kind you and I share and keep from everyone else, never.”
I couldn’t say I minded that.
“Are you ready for your first training tomorrow?” he asked.
“Not even close,” I admitted.
He laughed. “You’ll be fine. Dominik’s quicker than Eamon but he’s a better teacher.” He leaned in and whispered, “Don’t tell Eamon I said that.”
I laughed. “Deal.”
He opened his mouth as if to say more, but a rumbling underneath us silenced him. The floor shook and something boomed in the distance.
We stared at each other, eyes wide for a split second.
The boom came again, and the shaking intensified. The dishes left on the table between us rattled. Ben yelled from the kitchen and a dish shattered.
Xander and I both jumped to our feet, and I grabbed the chair to keep my balance as the ground slid and wobbled.
The others poured out of the kitchen.
“What is it?” Jalene demanded, grabbing on to the table for support.
“Earthquake?” I asked and then felt immediately silly. How could it be an earthquake if we weren’t on Earth? A quake, then.
But Xander shook his head, thankfully understanding my words. “We don’t have anything like that here.”
The floor tipped and bucked, wilder now. Several pictures fell from the walls. From the kitchen came another shattering noise. Ben’s eyes widened, and he took a step closer to his brother.
The Girl Who Called The Stars (The Starlight Duology Book 1) Page 20