"No. I hate fighting with you. Verbally, I mean. I don't mind in the gym."
I thought I detected the hint of a smile. Always a half-smile for me. Rarely a full one. "I don't like fighting with you either."
Sitting next to him there, I marveled at the warm and happy emotions springing up inside of me. There was something about being around him that felt so good, that moved me in a way Mason couldn't. You can't force love, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.
The next words that came out of my mouth astonished me, both because they were completely unselfish and because I actually meant them.
"You should take it."
He flinched. "What?"
"Tasha's offer. You should take her up on it. It's a really great chance."
I remembered my mom's words about being ready for children. I wasn't. Maybe she hadn't been. But Tasha was. And I knew Dimitri was too. They got along really well. He could go be her guardian, have some kids with her … it would be a good deal for both of them.
"I never expected to hear you say anything like that," he told me, voice tight. "Especially after-"
"What a bitch I've been? Yeah." I tugged his coat tighter against the cold. It smelled like him. It was intoxicating, and I could half-imagine being wrapped in his embrace. Adrian might have been onto something about the power of scent. "Well. Like I said, I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want us to hate each other. And…well …" I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them. "No matter how I feel about us … I want you to be happy."
Silence yet again. I noticed then that my chest hurt.
Dimitri reached out and put his arm around me. He pulled me to him, and I rested my head on his chest. "Roza," was all he said.
It was the first time he'd really touched me since the night of the lust charm. The practice room had been something different … more animal. This wasn't even about sex. It was just about being close to someone you cared about, about the emotion that kind of connection flooded you with.
Dimitri might run off with Tasha, but I would still love him. I would probably always love him.
I cared about Mason. But I would probably never love him.
I sighed into Dimitri, just wishing I could stay like that forever. It felt right being with him. And-no matter how much the thought of him and Tasha made me ache-doing what was best for him felt right. Now, I knew, it was time to stop being a coward and do something else that was right. Mason had said I needed to learn something about myself. I just had.
Reluctantly, I pulled away and handed Dimitri his coat. I stood up. He regarded me curiously, sensing my unease.
"Where you going?" he asked.
"To break someone's heart," I replied.
I admired Dimitri for a heartbeat more-the dark, knowing eyes and silken hair. Then I headed inside. I had to apologize to Mason…and tell him there'd never be anything between us.
CHAPTER 18
The high heels were starting to hurt me, so I took them off when I went back inside, walking barefoot through the lodge. I hadn't been to Mason's room, but I remembered him mentioning the number once and found it without difficulty.
Shane, Mason's roommate, opened the door a few moments after I knocked. "Hey, Rose."
He stepped aside for me, and I walked in, peering around. Some infomercial was playing on the TV-one downside of a nocturnal life was a shortage of good programming-and empty soda cans covered nearly every flat surface. There was no sign of Mason anywhere.
"Where is he?" I asked.
Shane stifled a yawn. "I thought he was with you."
"I haven't seen him all day."
He yawned again, then frowned in thought. "He was throwing some stuff in a bag earlier. I figured you guys were running off for some crazy romantic getaway. Picnic or something. Hey, nice dress."
"Thanks," I murmured, feeling a frown of my own coming on.
Packing a bag? That didn't make any sense. There was nowhere to go. There was no way to go, either. This resort was as tightly guarded as the Academy. Lissa and I had only managed to break out of that place with compulsion, and it had still been a pain in the ass. Yet, why on earth would Mason pack a bag if he wasn't leaving?
I asked Shane a few more questions and decided to follow up on the possibility, crazy as it seemed. I found the guardian in charge of security and scheduling. He gave me the names of those guardians who'd been on duty around the resort's borders when Mason had last been seen. Most of the names I knew, and most were off duty now, making them easy to find.
Unfortunately, the first couple hadn't seen Mason around today. When they asked why I wanted to know, I gave vague answers and hurried off. The third person on my list was a guy named Alan, a guardian who usually worked the Academy's lower campus. He was just coming in after skiing, taking his equipment off near the door. Recognizing me, he smiled as I approached.
"Sure, I saw him," he said, bending down to his boots.
Relief flooded over me. Until then, I hadn't realized how worried I'd been.
"Do you know where he is?"
"Nope. Let him and Eddie Castile…and, what's her name, the Rinaldi girl, out through the north gate and didn't see them after that."
I stared. Alan continued unhooking his skis as though we were discussing slope conditions.
"You let Mason and Eddie … and Mia out?"
"Yup."
"Um … why?"
He finished and looked back up at me, a kind of happy and bemused look on his face. "Because they asked me."
An icy feeling started creeping through me. I found out which guardian had watched the north gate with Alan and immediately sought him out. That guardian gave me the same response. He'd let Mason, Eddie, and Mia out, no questions asked. And, like Alan, he didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with that. He appeared almost dazed. It was a look I'd seen before … a look that came over people when Lissa used compulsion.
In particular, I'd seen it happen when Lissa didn't want people to remember something very well. She could bury the memory in them, either erasing it all together or planting it for later. She was so good at compulsion, though, that she could just make people forget completely. For them to still have some memories meant someone who wasn't as good at compulsion had worked on them.
Someone, say, like Mia.
I wasn't the fainting type, but for just a moment, I felt like I could keel over. The world spun, and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I could see again, my surroundings stayed stable. Okay. No problem. I would reason this out.
Mason, Eddie, and Mia had left the resort earlier today. Not only that, they had done it by using compulsion-which was utterly forbidden. They hadn't told anyone. They'd left through the north gate. I'd seen a map of the resort. The north gate guarded a driveway that connected to the only semi-major road in the area, a small highway that led to a little town about twelve miles away. The town Mason had mentioned that had buses.
To Spokane.
Spokane-where this traveling pack of Strigoi and their humans might be living.
Spokane-where Mason could fulfill all his crazy dreams of slaying Strigoi.
Spokane-which he only knew about because of me.
"No, no, no," I murmured to myself, almost running toward my room.
There, I stripped off the dress and changed into heavy winter clothes: boots, jeans, and a sweater. Grabbing my coat and gloves, I hurried back toward the door and then paused. I was acting without thinking. What was I actually going to do? I needed to tell someone, obviously…but that would get the trio in a lot of trouble. It would also tip Dimitri off that I'd gone and gossiped about the Spokane Strigoi information he'd told me in confidence as a sign of respecting my maturity.
I studied the time. It would take a while for anyone around the resort to know we were missing. If I could actually get out of the resort.
; A few minutes later, I found myself knocking on Christian's door. He answered, looking sleepy and cynical as usual.
"If you've come to apologize for her," he told me loftily, "you can just go ahead and-"
"Oh, shut up," I snapped. "This isn't about you."
Hastily, I relayed the details of what was going on. Even Christian didn't have a witty response for that one.
"So…Mason, Eddie, and Mia went to Spokane to hunt Strigoi?"
"Yes."
"Holy shit. Why didn't you go with them? Seems like something you'd do."
I resisted the urge to smack him. "Because I'm not insane! But I'm going to go get them before they do something even stupider."
That was when Christian caught on. "And what do you need from me?"
"I need to get off the resort's property. They got Mia to use compulsion on the guards. I need you to do the same thing. I know you've practiced it."
"I have," he agreed. "But…well…" For the first time ever, he looked embarrassed. "I'm not very good at it. And doing it on dhampirs is nearly impossible. Liss is a hundred times better than me. Or probably any Moroi."
"I know. But I don't want her to get in trouble."
He snorted. "But you don't mind if I do?"
I shrugged. "Not really."
"You're a piece of work, you know that?"
"Yeah. I do, actually."
So, five minutes later, he and I found ourselves trekking out to the north gate. The sun was coming up, so most everyone was inside. This was a good thing, and I hoped it'd make our escape that much easier.
Stupid, stupid, I kept thinking. This was going to blow up in our faces. Why had Mason done this? I knew he'd had this whole crazy vigilante attitude…and he'd certainly seemed upset that the guardians hadn't done anything about the recent attack. But still. Was he really that unhinged? He had to know how dangerous this was. Was it possible…was it possible I'd upset him so much with the making-out disaster that he'd gone off the deep end? Enough to go do this and get Mia and Eddie to join him? Not that those two would be hard to convince. Eddie would follow Mason anywhere, and Mia was almost as gung ho as Mason to kill every Strigoi in the world.
Yet, out of all the questions I had about this, one thing was definitely clear. I'd told Mason about the Strigoi in Spokane. Hands down, this was my fault, and without me, none of this would have happened.
"Lissa always makes eye contact," I coached Christian as we approached the exit. "And speaks in a really, like, calm voice. I don't know what else. I mean, she concentrates a lot too, so try that. Focus on forcing your will on them."
"I know," he snapped. "I've seen her do it."
"Fine," I snapped back. "Just trying to help."
Squinting, I saw that only one guardian stood at the gate, a total stroke of luck. They were in between shifts. With the sun out, the risk of Strigoi had disappeared. The guardians would still continue in their duties, but they could relax just a bit.
The guy on duty didn't seem particularly alarmed by our appearance. "What are you kids doing out here?"
Christian swallowed. I could see the lines of tension on his face.
"You're going to let us out of the gate," he said. A note of nervousness made his voice tremble, but otherwise, he did a fair approximation of Lissa's soothing tones. Unfortunately, it had no effect on the guardian. As Christian had pointed out, using compulsion on a guardian was nearly impossible. Mia had gotten lucky. The guardian grinned at us.
"What?" he asked, clearly amused.
Christian tried again. "You're going to let us out."
The guy's smile faltered just a little, and I saw him blink in surprise. His eyes didn't glaze over in the same way Lissa's victims did, but Christian had done enough to briefly enthrall him. Unfortunately, I could tell right then and there that it wouldn't be enough to make him let us out and forget. Fortunately, I'd been trained to compel people without the use of magic.
Sitting near his post was an enormous Maglite, two feet long and easily seven pounds. I grabbed the Maglite and clocked him on the back of the head. He grunted and crumpled to the ground. He'd barely seen me coming, and despite the horribleness of what I'd just done, I kind of wished one of my instructors had been there to grade me on such an awesome performance.
"Jesus Christ," exclaimed Christian. "You just assaulted a guardian."
"Yeah." So much for getting the guys back without getting anyone in trouble. "I didn't know just how much you sucked at compulsion. I'll deal with the fallout later. Thanks for your help. You should head back before the next shift comes on."
He shook his head and grimaced. "No, I'm going with you on this."
"No," I argued. "I only needed you to get through the gate. You don't have to get in trouble over this."
"I'm already in trouble!" He pointed at the guardian. "He saw my face. I'm screwed either way, so I might as well help you save the day. Stop being a bitch for a change."
We hurried off, and I cast one last, guilty glance at the guardian. I was pretty sure I hadn't hit him hard enough to cause real damage, and with the sun coming out, he wouldn't freeze or anything.
After about five minutes of walking down the highway, I knew we had a problem. Despite being covered and wearing sunglasses, the sun was taking its toll on Christian. It was slowing us down, and it wouldn't take that long for someone to find the guardian I'd taken out and come after us.
A car-not one of the Academy's-appeared behind us, and I made a decision. I didn't approve of hitchhiking in the least. Even someone like me knew how dangerous it was. But we needed to get to town fast, and I prayed Christian and I could take down any creepy stalker guy who tried to mess with us.
Fortunately, when the car pulled over, it was just a middle-aged couple who looked more concerned than anything else. "You kids okay?"
I jerked my thumb behind me. "Our car slid off the road. Can you take us to town so I can call my dad?"
It worked. Fifteen minutes later, they dropped us off at a gas station. I actually had trouble getting rid of them because they wanted to help us so much. Finally, we convinced them we'd be fine, and we walked the few blocks over to the bus station. As I'd suspected, this town wasn't much of a hub for real travel. Three lines serviced the town: two that went to other ski resorts and one that went to Lowston, Idaho. From Lowston, you could go on to other places.
I'd half-hoped that we might beat Mason and the others before their bus came. Then we could have hauled them back without any trouble. Unfortunately, there was no sign of them. The cheery woman at the counter knew exactly who we were talking about, too. She confirmed that all three of them had bought tickets to Spokane by way of Lowston.
"Damn it," I said. The woman raised her eyebrows at my language. I turned to Christian. "You got money for the bus?"
Christian and I didn't talk much along the way, except for me to tell him he'd been an idiot about Lissa and Adrian. By the time we reached Lowston, I finally had him convinced, which was a minor miracle. He slept the rest of the way to Spokane, but I couldn't. I just kept thinking over and over that this was my fault.
It was late afternoon by the time we reached Spokane. It took a few people, but we finally found someone who knew the shopping center Dimitri had mentioned. It was a long ways from the bus station, but it was walkable. My legs were stiff after almost five hours of riding a bus, and I wanted the movement. The sun was a while from setting, but it was lower and less detrimental to vampires, so Christian didn't mind the walk either.
And, as often happened when I was in calm settings, I felt a tug into Lissa's head. I let myself fall into her because I wanted to know what was happening back at the resort.
"I know you want to protect them, but we need to know where they are."
Lissa sat on the bed in our room while Dimitri and my mom stared her down. It was Dimitri who had spoken. Seeing him through her eyes was interesting. She had a fond respect for him, very different from the intense roller coaster of emotions I alwa
ys experienced.
"I told you," said Lissa, "I don't know. I don't know what happened."
Frustration and fear for us burned through her. It saddened me to see her so anxious, but at the same time, I was glad I hadn't gotten her involved. She couldn't report what she didn't know.
"I can't believe they wouldn't have told you where they were going," said my mother. Her words sounded flat, but there were lines of worry on her face. "Especially with your…bond."
"It only works one way," said Lissa sadly. "You know that."
Dimitri knelt down so he could be at Lissa's height and look her in the eye. He pretty much had to do that to look anyone in the eye. "Are you sure there's nothing? Nothing at all you can tell us? They're nowhere in town. The man at the bus station didn't see them … though we're pretty sure that's where they must have gone. We need something, anything to go on."
Man at the bus station? That was another stroke of luck. The woman who'd sold us the tickets must have gone home. Her replacement wouldn't know us.
Lissa gritted her teeth and glared. "Don't you think if I knew, I'd tell you? You don't think I'm worried about them too? I have no idea where they are. None. And why'd they even leave… it doesn't make any sense either. Especially why they'd go with Mia, of all people." A twinge of hurt flickered through the bond, hurt at being left out of whatever we were doing, no matter how wrong.
Dimitri sighed and leaned back on his heels. From the look on his face, he obviously believed her. It was also obvious that he was worried-worried in more than a professional way. And seeing that concern-that concern for me- ate up my heart.
"Rose?" Christian's voice brought me back to myself. "We're here, I think."
The plaza consisted of a wide, open area in front of a shopping center. A caf é was carved into a corner of the main building, its tables spilling out into the open area. A crowd moved in and out of the complex, busy even at this time of the day.
"So, how do we find them?" asked Christian.
I shrugged. "Maybe if we act like Strigoi, they'll try to stake us."
A small, reluctant smile played over his face. He didn't want to admit it, but he'd thought my joke was funny.
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