Dad pulls the truck into the drive and throws it into park. He turns to face me. “Where is all of this coming from? All of your life, you’ve been a smart girl who’s almost made the hard, but right choice. How do you go from that to this?” He motions toward me. “You’ve never spoken to me with such disrespect.”
“Disrespect?” I ask. “Don’t you think it’s a little disrespectful to drag an adult woman out of the house of the man she loves? Isn’t it disrespectful to not accept the choice I made for myself? A choice that has nothing to do with you, a choice that will affect you in no way whatsoever?”
He looks solemn for a moment as he thinks over his words. Finally, he nods. “You’re right, Brennan. This is your choice. But it’s my choice whether or not to support you. And that’s something I cannot do. If you want to be with this man, your car is right there, your mother picked it up from the bar after they called to tell us you left it there. Go to him, marry him, raise his child as if she were your own. But don’t for a second think that there is room in my life for someone who thinks only of themselves when making a choice that will affect the rest of this family. This family has strong morals and beliefs, and that’s not going to change because you decided to shack up with the town nobody.” He opens his truck door and climbs out, slamming it closed behind him.
I sit, shocked, watching as he passes by my mother and walks into the barn. My mom stands near the back of my car, her eyes cast in my direction. She looks from me to the barn and back. Finally, she shakes her head and goes in the house, leaving me alone, lost, and confused.
I wake later with my eyes hurting from all the tears I’ve cried. I look around the little room I’ve spent my entire life in and, for the first time, it feels wrong. I feel like I don’t belong here. I sit up and rest my elbows on my knees as I hang my head. I pick up my phone and check the notifications. A part of me hopes to see Colton’s name, but I don’t. He knows what I’m going through right now, and he’s not trying to make it harder. He knew today was our last day together.
As badly as I want to respect my father’s wishes, I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I want to. Do I really want to respect the wishes of a man that can’t even respect his own daughter’s wants? Does he think I would be acting this way over some random guy that I’m just hooking up with? Colton, he isn’t just some guy for me. And I’m not just sleeping with him for fun. I love him, and I know it deep in my soul.
But how does he feel about me? He’s never told me that he loved me. In fact, we never even made plans to be together in the future. That was never something we talked about. We both just got lost in the moment when we were together. My dad may be right. Colton could’ve just been using me as a distraction. He’s been lost since his wife’s passing. Maybe I was what he needed to get over her loss. Maybe now, he’ll be looking to find the woman he’s meant to spend the rest of his life with.
I stand up and get to work. If my dad can’t respect me, I can’t respect him. It’s a two-way street. I will respect his thoughts when he can respect my choices. I have a pile of boxes in the corner of the room just waiting to be put together and filled. Since I’m now jobless, it might not be the best time to move out, but I’ll have to do it eventually. Living with my parents makes them look at me like I’m still their little girl. I’m not. I’m a fully grown woman with her own thoughts and ideas on how I want to live my life. Moving out is my only option. Maybe then my parents can look at me and see the woman I am, not the child I used to be.
A week passes, and I’m still just as lost as I was the day I walked away from Colton. But now, my life is in my hands. I’ve rented a small, newly built apartment in town. The building is small, only holding four apartment complexes, but it’s exactly the start this town needs. Being so small, we don’t have a lot of options. Most people that move into town build their own home. I’m nowhere near ready for that yet. Right now, I’m still looking for a job. I saved every penny I made from babysitting, but after paying the first month’s rent and the deposit, I only have enough to live off of for a couple of months. I’ve been filling out applications to work at the bar, restaurant, and grocery store here in town. I even thought of applying at the brewery but thought better of it. There’s no way I want to run into Colton right now. I haven’t seen him or talked to him in a week. He hasn’t called or texted. I wonder if it’s because he expected this the day I left or if it’s because he never cared for me much to begin with. If he really loved me, wouldn’t he have reached out to me already?
I shake my head, needing to clear it. I can’t think of him right now. I have too much to do to be a crying mess again. For the first two days, I barely left my bed. I didn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. It took a miracle to get me to shower. I haven’t even talked to my dad since the day in the truck. He’s been avoiding me and I’ve been avoiding him. My mom, though, she gave me a couple days to calm down before trying to talk to me. She’s the buffer between me and my dad.
“This place is perfect for you,” Mom says, walking back into the living room of my new apartment.
“I know. It’s small, but it’s all I need.” I pick up a piece of pizza and take a bite.
She sits next to me on the couch. “I have to ask. Now that you’re on your own, are you going to go back to him?”
I roll my eyes. “Mom, do we have to do this now?”
“What? I’m your mother. I have a right to know.”
“Aren’t you on Dad’s side?” I arch an eyebrow.
“There are no sides.” She playfully smacks at me as she leans over and picks up a piece of pizza.
“So, you understand my side then?”
She takes a bite and chews it slowly, thinking over my question. “I see where you’re coming from. Colton, while too old for you, is handsome, and despite his family’s reputation, he is a good man. He’s an honest man. He met and fell in love young. They married and started a family. Since her passing, he’s done his best with what he had to work with. He’s raising that little girl and working and doing everything he should be doing. But I also see your father’s side too. He wants more for you than some small-town man who’s already tied down with a kid, honey. He wants you to live the life he never got. He wants you to grow, and travel, and be happy.”
“I’m a small-town girl, mom.”
“Just because you were raised here doesn’t mean you’re meant to stay here, Brennan.”
“But…what if I want to? What if I want your life? I don’t see anything wrong with finding someone to love, someone who loves me back, starting a family with him, and raising my children the same way I was brought up. What’s wrong with that?”
She reaches over and pats my knee. “There’s nothing wrong with that, sweetie. It’s just something you need to think deeply on. Once you start down that path, there’s no going back.” She finishes her piece of pizza and dusts the crumbs from her hands. “I better get going before your daddy comes looking.”
“Will you talk to him for me? Explain to him?”
She gives me a sad look. “Honey, I’ve tried. He won’t listen to me. I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to him yourself. But keep that attitude in check. You come at him angry and all you’ll get in return is more anger.” She bends down and kisses the top of my head. “Night, honey.”
“Night, Mom."
Twenty-One
Colton
IT’S been a week since I watched her walk away. It’s been a week since I felt anything but anger and unhappiness. It’s been a week of sleepless nights, cold covers, and hugging the pillows that still smell like her. Every night after putting Milly to bed, I’ve done nothing but drink and bargain with unseen forces, begging whoever is listening to bring her back to me.
All of my prayers have gone unanswered though. She’s not coming back to me. She’s gone and I’ll be forever lost and alone. Celeste has been watching Milly for the past week while I wait to see if I can get her into the daycare here in town. Drake has been bu
gging me like crazy, wanting to make sure I’m alright. He constantly asks if I’m eating, if I’m sleeping, if I’m going to try and get her back. Honestly, I’m not doing any of that. My stomach can’t even handle the thought of food. Sleep won’t find me. I lay awake most nights, thinking of her, remembering our last day together. And I can’t get her back either. I have to let her go. I have to let her find her own way with her family. I won’t make her choose me over them. The best option for all of us is to move on, put everything behind us.
After work, I head over to Drake’s to pick up Milly. When I pull into the gravel parking lot, I find the barn open, light filtering out into the darkness. Like usual, I step inside to see what Drake is up to. To my surprise, I find Drake and my other brother, Clay, having a drink.
“Hey. It’s about time you come down off that mountain you’ve been living on,” I say, crossing the barn floor to pull him in for a hug.
He laughs and slaps my back. “I know, I know,” he agrees.
“Yeah, I finally had to go pull him off a job he’s doing in town. Basically had to drag him out here kicking and screaming,” Drake jokes.
“I’m sorry. I’ve just been keeping busy,” Clay says, lifting his beer to his lips and taking a drink.
“You finally meet Celeste?” I ask, leaning against the work bench and crossing my arms over my chest.
He nods. “I did. I didn’t think Drake would ever settle down again. She must be some kind of special.”
“Well, she puts up with me, so…” Drake jokes.
“What about you? Anyone special keeping you warm at night?” Clay asks, looking at me.
I cross my arms. “There was, but not anymore. Things didn’t work out.” I push away all the emotion that tries clawing its way up my throat. “You? Who’s been keeping you company up on that mountain?”
He laughs and waves me off. “There’s been a few. None that have stuck though.”
“Hey, did you see Milly? It’s been, what, a year since you last saw her?”
He smiles and nods. “I did. She’s getting big, man. Looks just like ya.”
I wave him off. “Nah, she’s her mom made over,” I argue. “Well, I’m going to run inside and grab her, give Celeste a break.” I motion over my shoulder toward the house.
“I’ll walk ya in,” Drake says, following after me with Clay behind him.
I walk into the house, and Milly runs up to me, grabbing ahold of my leg. “Dada!”
“Oh good, you’re here,” Celeste says, walking into the living room. “I have to run to town.” She has a weird look on her face.
Drake cocks his head. “Why do you have to go to town this late?”
“Because…I have that thing. I told you about that thing.” She bounces from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable.
“What thing?” Drake asks, confused.
“That housewarming party thing…remember?” Her eyes quickly flash from Drake to me and back.
“Oh, right,” Drake says. “I forgot all about it.”
“So Brennan moved, did she?” I ask, grabbing Milly’s jacket and bending over to get it put on.
Celeste nods. “Yes,” she breathes out. “I’m sorry. I know how you’re feeling about all this, and I really didn’t want to mention her name in front of you.”
“Celeste, it’s fine. Really. I’m fine,” I assure her as I pick up Milly.
“Me miss Bre,” Milly says, laying her head down on my shoulder.
“Me too, baby,” I say softly, rubbing her back to comfort her any way I can. “I’ll see you guys later.” I wave before heading out the door.
“Dada, when Bre come back?” Milly asks as I’m strapping her into her car seat.
“I don’t think Bre is going to be watching you anymore, Milly.”
“Why?”
“She’s just…” I reach to find an explanation that she’ll understand. “She got another job.”
“Will she come visit?”
I offer her a smile. “I don’t know. I’ll have to ask her. Okay?”
She smiles and nods, happy with that answer.
I climb behind the wheel and start towards home.
When we make it home, I start cooking dinner while Milly plays in the living room. As I let the oven heat up, I lean against the counter and look around the room. It’s only been a week since she’s been here and already the place is a wreck. The table is covered in mail, newspapers, and magazines. Dirty dishes are piled in the sink, and the fridge is almost empty of everything but drinks and condiments. Looks like I’ll be needing to play Mr. Mom tomorrow. I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for two days now.
After I throw the pizza into the oven, I go to the laundry room and start a load of laundry. While dinner cooks, I give her a bath. Everything I do, I do out of necessity. It’s all so robotic, sometimes I don’t know how I got from one room to the next. Without her, I feel lost, broken, confused.
After dinner, Milly falls asleep in my arms, and I can’t help but watch her sleeping face. I hate myself for screwing this up for her. Brennan was the best thing to happen to her. She was happy, learning and having fun every day. Now, she feels just as lost as I do. I wish I could give her what she deserves. Watching her sleep and knowing that I’m the reason for the sadness she’s feeling, it makes me hate myself even more.
Anger floods my body and suddenly I can’t sit still anymore. I stand up and take Milly to bed, tucking her in before kissing her head and moving out of the room. I shut the TV and lights off before grabbing a cold beer and my bottle of whiskey. I take both to the bathroom and sink onto the shower floor. I take a swig of the whiskey and chase it down with the cold beer. The heat of the water washes over me, but it doesn’t help to relieve stress the way it used to. Sitting in here now only reminds me of the time I held her against me. I can see myself pressing her back to the wall before falling to my knees in front of her. I can hear her moans, I can taste her sweetness. I lean my head back and close my eyes as I relive that memory. My body begins to tingle and come alive. I can’t help myself as my hand wraps around my dick, working its way up and down as I think about Brennan.
I should’ve told her I love her. I should’ve told her how I felt, that I want her by my side every day for the rest of my life. Instead, I let her believe that what we were doing was just a casual fling. It started and ended so quickly that we never even got to plan a future together. Maybe she didn’t want a future with me. Maybe I was just an escape for her, a way to escape her stalker ex, her overbearing father. She’s out on her own now, yet she still hasn’t contacted me. If I meant something to her, she would contact me, wouldn’t she?
She’s probably out enjoying her new life. She has her own place, she’s gotten rid of her ex, and she no longer has to worry about taking care of a two-year-old. She’s finally living the life a twenty-four-year-old woman should be living. She’s probably going on dates with guys her own age, going to parties, and having the time of her life. Of course she’s not going to contact me, an old man who would just tie her down.
I’m so angry and annoyed with myself that I can’t even orgasm. I throw my head back and finish my beer. Setting the beer down in the corner of the shower, I grab the bottle of whiskey and toss it back instead. It burns and I welcome it. Feeling the familiar burn of whiskey is better than feeling the sting of heartbreak.
I sit at the bottom of the shower until the water runs cold. Finally, I get out and wrap a towel around myself. Heading into my room, I find a clean pair of sweatpants, and I pull them on before getting started on cleaning the house. I know I won’t be able to sleep. There’s no point in trying.
It takes me around two hours to clean the house up, and I finally sit on the couch in the dark with my bottle of whiskey. I grab my phone and pick it up, opening up Facebook for the first time in I don’t know how long. The first thing I see is a picture of Celeste, Brennan, and some other girl. The photo caption reads: Brennan’s Housewarming Party #girlsnight.
I toss the phone onto the couch and grab the whiskey once again. If I can’t forget her, I’ll wipe her from my mind with alcohol, even if it’s only for one night.
Twenty-Two
Brennan
“LOOK what I brought,” Rose says, walking in the door and holding up a bottle of wine.
I laugh and roll my eyes. “No way. The last time I had a few drinks, I thought I was going to die.”
She shakes her head. “That was from liquor. This is wine. Totally different kind of drunk. Let’s pop it open.” She sets the wine bottle on the island as she digs around for a wine opener.
“Let’s wait for Celeste. She should be here any minute.” I search the cabinets until I find three cups, not wine glasses.
“So, what do your parents think of this new apartment?” Rose asks, pulling out a barstool.
“My mom has been nothing but supportive, but I haven’t talked to my dad all week.”
A knock comes at the door and I move to answer it. Opening it, I find Celeste on the other side.
“Hey. Thanks for coming,” I say, pulling her in for a hug.
“Of course. I would’ve been here sooner, but I had to wait for Colton to pick up Milly.”
Hearing their names makes my heart seize in my chest. “How’s he doing?” I ask, releasing her and closing the door behind her.
The Slade Brothers: A Complete Small Town Contemporary Romance Collection Page 34