I nod. “You’re right. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.” Without another word, I walk into the house and pick back up where I left off.
As I paint the entry way, I can’t help but to think back on that kiss: the way her tongue curled with mine, her soft lips, her sweet taste. All of it brings goosebumps to my skin and causes my lungs to burn as my pulse quickens. Feeling her perfect body against mine will be something I think about later when I’m alone, when I can actually do something with the attraction I’m feeling towards her.
I hear the sound of a car starting, and I duck down so I can see out the front window. Her van is backing out of the drive. Great, I chased her off. I’ll be surprised if she shows up here again tomorrow. She probably doesn’t trust me enough to be alone with me now. I don’t blame her. I don’t trust myself. I thought I could. I thought I was strong enough. I pride myself on being able to walk away from situations that most men can’t.
Annoyance pumps through my veins and turns to anger. I’m hot, dripping wet, pissed off, and turned on all at the same time, and I have nothing to take it out on. I quickly finish up the painting since it needs to be done today so I can start on the floor tomorrow and then I clean up my mess. It’s going on three when I’m leaving. I have no place in mind to go until I’m passing by Drake’s and find him outside, brushing the horse.
I pull in and he looks over his shoulder at me. When I climb out and he sees me half naked and soaking wet, he laughs.
“What the hell happened to you? You fall in a lake?”
“No,” I say, closing the distance between us. “I jumped in…well, it was more like a pond actually.”
He rolls his eyes when he sees the look on my face. “What’d you do?”
“Why do you automatically assume I did something?”
He laughs. “You have that same guilty look on your face like you did when someone painted Mrs. Willard’s cat. Remember that?”
A grin makes its way to my lips. I was an ornery little shit. “It was watercolor. The damn cat was too white. It needed a little color.”
He shakes his head. “Come on, tell me what you fucked up this time,” Drake says, leading the horse into the barn.
Nine
Autumn
That kiss. That kiss was tantalizing, toe-curling, mind-blowing. I’ve never been kissed like that. For a moment, I was lost in it. I wanted more and I was prepared to take it. In that moment, with his hard chest pressed against mine, my thighs wrapped around his hips, feeling his hardness nudging against me, I wanted him completely. But then our eyes met, and I saw fire burning behind them. They were hooded, filled with lust and determination. If I had let him, there’s no doubt that he would’ve taken things further, and I’m not sure how that makes me feel.
I want him. God knows I want him. But he’s something I can’t have, can’t allow myself to take. How am I going to resist him? Especially now that I know he wants me just as badly.
Then my thoughts shift to that waitress. He said they’re not together, and he doesn’t strike me as the player type, but maybe he is. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in this position, but I’ve never been in this exact situation before. Why can’t I just be one of those thoughtless women who don’t think of the consequences? Why can’t I just have what I want for once? Me and him, we could keep things casual, right?
Wrong. I have a son. A little boy who doesn’t need another man ripped from his life. No matter what I do, I have to stay away from Clay. My hands are shaking as I drive away from the house, away from him. I’m not sure if they’re shaking from anger or need or desperation, but they’re shaking, and I know the only thing that will make them stop is time. I need to get him off my mind and out of my system.
I can’t go pick Bryce up soaking wet, so I run to the motel to shower and put on some dry clothes. I park my van and fumble with the keys as I make my way toward the door. I put the key in the lock and turn. The door opens easily. As I’m looking down to remove the key, my eyes lands on an envelope on the floor. It’s crinkled like it was shoved under the door. With shaking hands, I bend down and pick it up. I flip it over and see my name, Autumn, scrawled out across the front. I know that handwriting.
I quickly tear it open and pull out a single sheet of paper.
I hope you’re enjoying Colorado. I’m coming for my son. You can’t stop me.
Your loving husband.
I quickly slam the door. Tears fill my eyes, blurring my vision and falling over the rims. My hands are now shaking for an entirely different reason. I sit on the edge of a nearby chair and stare down at the note. I can’t believe he found me. How did he find me? I’ve been extra careful not to use any of our credit cards. I left my phone at home so I couldn’t be tracked that way. How else could he be doing this?
Is he in town now? Is he watching me? Has he seen me with Clay? I always assumed that Glenn would want to take me back, but the letter only says he’s coming for his son. He’s crazy if he thinks I’m letting him go.
Suddenly, I’m in a hurry. I need Bryce by my side. I need to make sure he’s all right. I pull my wet clothes off and pull on some dry ones as quickly as possible. Two minutes later, I’m back in my van, driving toward the daycare. When I walk in, my eyes immediately find Bryce. Seeing him safe lets me breathe a sigh of relief.
“Hi, Mommy!” he yells, waving his red paint-covered hand at me.
I force a smile and wave.
“Here early today?” one of the workers asks me.
I nod. “Can I speak with you for a moment?”
“Of course,” she replies, motioning for me to join her in the office.
She sits behind the desk, and I sit directly in front of her. “I was just wondering…” I start, but don’t know how to finish without giving up at least part of my past, a past I just want to forget. “I just wanted to make sure that I’m the only one that can pick up Bryce. I mean, if a family member or say, another parent, shows up, they can’t pick him up, can they?”
She shakes her head. “No, not at all. The only person we can release Bryce to is you, which means that even if you can’t get here and you send someone else, we can’t release him to anyone without your written consent. Is there someone else you want to add to the approved pick-up list?”
“No, I should be the only one.” I feel my hands shake less and less as time passes. “One more thing, I know I had to put Bryce’s social security number on the forms, but does anyone else see those? Do you run them into any systems?”
She nods and my stomach drops. “The children’s forms are all run through our database so their files can be pulled electronically. The system also compares the social and photo to those in the police department’s database and from centers for missing children…just to be on the safe side.”
I freeze. If Glenn put a watch on Bryce’s and my social security numbers, every time they’re entered into a computer, he will know. But is he that smart? He is best friends with someone on the police force back home—maybe Sam helped him out with this?
“I’m going to go ahead and take Bryce a little early today,” I tell her, tightening my hold on my purse, grasping for my sanity.
“Sure, I’ll go get him cleaned up for you.” She stands and leaves the office, but I sit frozen. Glenn knows where we are and he says he’s coming, but when? Is this just a scare tactic to maintain his power over me? Is he really coming? If so, when? Why bother sending a note? Wouldn’t the element of surprise be much better?
“Here we are. He’s all ready. I’ll see you tomorrow, Bryce.”
I stand up and smile, telling her thank you as I take Bryce’s hand.
Bryce tells me about his day on the way back to the motel. Pulling into the parking lot, fear consumes me. I shift into park and look around, needing to be extra vigilant. I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. The tree at the back corner of the motel is blowing softly in the breeze. The cleaning lady is going room to room, leaving her cleaning cart outside of
the doors. The parking lot is nearly empty.
“What are we waiting for?” Bryce asks, unbuckling and standing up to look out the windshield.
“Nothing. I was just thinking,” I reply, shutting off the engine and climbing out.
It feels as if every hair on the back of my neck is standing on end as I stand at the door, unlocking it. When it opens, I look down, almost expecting to find another note, but there’s nothing. We go inside and I lock the door behind us. I still feel as though I’m being watched, like danger lurks behind every corner. I casually check out Bryce’s room and bathroom before moving to check my own. We’re completely alone. I sink onto the bed with a heavy sigh.
Glenn has always been power hungry. He’s always wanted control over what I did, what I wore, where I went, who I’d go with. He picked my friends based on who he thought he could trust to report back to him about me. He made my schedule, not allowing me to work certain days or hours. Hell, he even planned the weekly dinner menu and then would usually go with me to the store to make sure I stuck to the items on the list. I’m sure this note is just a way to scare me, to make me feel like he’s still in control. It doesn’t mean that he’s not coming, but for now, he’s happy with the fear he’s inserted into my life again. There’s no way I’m ready to pack up and run again. I just bought the farmhouse and it’s not even completed yet. That thing has been on the market for the last five years. There’s no way I could sell it in its current condition. The money I have left is already set aside for the construction company and what we’ll need to survive until the place is up and running and bringing in money. I literally have nothing else. To run now would be to take a major loss.
I decide that I’ll ride this out for a while. I’ll contact some of my friends and see if they can keep an eye on Glenn for me. Maybe they can alert me if he’s planning a trip or hasn’t been home for a while. At least then I’ll have a head start. I’ll put all of my energy into fixing up this house. By the end, if I feel like Glenn is still a threat, I’ll sell it. I’ll take the money and run. But maybe by then, Glenn will have let go, and I’ll be able to move forward with my plans of opening the bed-and-breakfast.
Even though I’ve made my decision, I’m still feeling a bit off and guarded. I decide that Bryce and I will stay locked up safe tonight. No diner. We have a microwave and a hot plate in the room, so I’ll be able to fix us something to keep us fed for the evening. In the morning, we’ll leave a bit early and go have breakfast at the diner.
A week passes quickly, and I’ve not heard a single thing from Glenn or my friends who agreed to keep an eye on his whereabouts. It seems I was right about his scare tactic. I’ve done what I said I would, I’ve poured all of my energy into repairing this farmhouse with Clay, but things between us have been strained since that kiss.
That kiss. I haven’t even given myself a moment to think about it. I’ve been so preoccupied with Glenn, working on the house, and keeping a close eye on Bryce that we haven’t addressed it again. In fact, we haven’t talked about anything other than decision making when it comes to the house. Every day, we have a quick, awkward meeting. We decide what we’re working on and then split up to do our jobs. We never make eye contact and we talk as little as possible, usually opting to be in separate rooms. Things between us have been put on ice—exactly where they need to be.
I do miss the friendship we were building though. I miss talking and laughing with him. I miss working together, having lunch together, and joking around. I miss the way I’d catch him checking me out when he thought I wasn’t looking. And I miss being able to do the same when he was focusing on his work. Everything between us now feels awkward and strained. I wish there was some way of putting it all behind us and going back to how things were.
Today, I’m in the kitchen, breaking the tiles loose, while he’s in the bathroom, doing the same. I keep music playing at all times. I find the silence to be haunting here lately. It only reminds me that Clay and I aren’t talking, and it causes a panic to rise in my chest when I hear a strange sound and immediately wonder if Glenn is lurking around somewhere.
When noon rolls around, I see Clay walk down the hall and out onto the front porch to eat his lunch. A long breath leaves me and my shoulders fall. Enough is enough. This needs to be fixed. I follow him out and sit beside him. He looks at me from the corner of his eye but doesn’t talk.
Finally, I break the silence. “This is crazy, don’t you think?”
I see one of his brows lift in question. “I’m not sure what you mean,” he replies. The deep, raspy sound of his voice cuts through me, causing goosebumps to prickle my skin.
“This.” I motion between us. “You and me. I mean, we’re adults. We can handle this. There’s no need in avoiding one another. It just makes everything awkward. I used to enjoy coming here and working on the house with you. I enjoyed our little talks and our lunches. And now, it just feels strained.”
He opens the cooler and takes out a sandwich. He looks at me and then hands it over before grabbing another for himself. “I was just going along with you. You didn’t talk to me, so I didn’t talk to you. Thought that’s how you wanted it.” He takes a big bite and looks out into the distance as he chews.
“No, it’s not how I want it. I want things to go back to normal between us. I mean, one little kiss shouldn’t wreck our entire friendship, should it? Can’t we just forget about it and act like it never happened? Go back to how things were?”
He doesn’t answer, and his back and shoulders stiffen, like he doesn’t like being reminded of our kiss.
“What if I don’t want to forget it?” he asks, finally turning and looking at me. His eyes are hooded and filled with heat. The look he gives me causes my lungs to halt in my chest. My mouth hangs open, but no words come out. “You can try to forget about it all you want, Autumn, but I never will. I enjoyed spending that time with you too…more than I should have. I don’t know what you’re running from, but I know who you can run to.” Without another word, he stands up and walks back into the house.
I take a deep breath and look out over the property. I watch the grass sway in the breeze. I watch the birds fly overhead, all while thinking over his words. He doesn’t want to forget. What does that mean? Does he want to take things further? Does he want to date? What about the woman he was with?
Ten
Clay
I can’t believe I just said all of that. To be honest, being here and seeing her, but not being able to touch her, all while thinking about that fucking kiss we shared, has been total hell. Fuck, I’ve never had it this bad for a woman before. It’s so goddamn frustrating, and yet, exhilarating. I can still feel her pressed against me. I can still taste her on my lips. All I fucking want to do is pull her to my chest and kiss the fight right out of her. I wish I knew what she was running from, why she keeps herself so guarded. At least then I might have an idea of how to break my way through. She keeps herself locked up tight, and I don’t know how hard I need to push to make her see through her past, to see me.
I’m afraid that if I push too hard, she’ll just shut down and pull away. But if I don’t push a little, she’ll never see what could be between us. So here I am, stuck in the middle, just waiting for her to push me away or pull me closer.
I pick up the crowbar and get back to work busting out the tiles in the bathroom. I’ve already removed the toilet, vanity, and tub. All that’s left is to rip out the tiles and floor and I’ll be able to build this bathroom from scratch. I’m lost in my own thoughts, thoughts of her, when she appears in the hallway.
“Why don’t you want to forget?” Her hands are on her hips, back straight, and chin held high.
I drop the crowbar and it clatters to the floor. “Let me take you out. Go out with me one time. If you still want me to forget after that, then I’ll forget.”
She shakes her head. “No, I’m not going out with you. I just told you this can’t happen. You’re already seeing someone. I saw it with my
own two eyes.”
Damn it. I want to pull my hair out. I never knew that liking a woman could drive a man so crazy. “I already told you, I’m not with her. We’re friends.” Friends with benefits, but still.
Her eyes stretch wide as her brows skyrocket. “Friends don’t hold one another like that, Clay. And that’s besides the point. I’m new to town. I have a son. I can’t just leave him alone to go on a date with you.”
I shrug. “Bring him.”
Now she’s squinting at me. “I’m not going to bring my son on a date. I don’t have time for dates. I don’t have time for anything but getting this house done so we’ll have a place to live. Please, do us both a favor. Just forget. That’s it. That’s all I’m asking you to do. Okay?” With that, she turns and walks away.
Anger floods my body, and embarrassment burns my face. I’m not one to ask a woman out, but I’m defiantly not one to be turned down. When I ask a woman to dinner, I always know the answer will be yes. But Autumn is different. She’s a challenge. And if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll show her that I can be there for her, if it means as just a friend. I’ll make her see that I’m what she needs.
I’m in the truck heading to town before the sun has even risen. There’s only one thing on my mind: making her see how much she wants me, needs me, how she can’t live without me. I have no idea how I’m going to do that though. It’s not like I’ve had this all planned out. Hell, up until a week ago, I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life alone. Right now, all I can think about is her. I don’t know if I’ll ever change my mind on marriage and the whole family life, but I do know that I don’t want to let her slip between my fingers. She blew into town like a storm, and I know she can leave it just as quickly.
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