by L.H. Cosway
“Trev!”
“What? You know it’s true. And anyway, I’m sick of this bearded trend that’s been going around. Contrary to popular belief, not all blokes look good with facial hair. They think it gives them automatic hunk status. Well, I’m sorry, but you just look like a nerd with a beard. Or a fat bloke with a beard. Or a big nosed sod with a beard.”
“Wow, you’ve really got a bee in your bonnet about this. Is it because you can’t grow one yourself?” I asking, goading him. It was rare that Trev got riled, so I was taking advantage of the opportunity to tease him.
“I’ll have you know I can grow a beard just fine. I simply choose not to. Besides, who’d want to cover up this glorious face?”
“Hmmm, sounds like the gentleman doth protest too much,” I grinned around a sip of my cocktail.
He levelled me with a serious look. “Is that another challenge?”
“Would you like it to be?”
He let out a long sigh. “No. Look, all I’m saying is, I care about you. And I don’t want you going out with some arsehole who doesn’t appreciate how wonderful you are.”
I had to admit, I was touched by the compliment and the ferocity in his voice. “Yes well, you don’t need to worry. I don’t fancy him anyway.”
Now Trev smiled. “I knew you had good taste.”
“Oh, whatever, just admit that you were jealous. And I’m not saying you were jealous in the romantic sense. I’m saying you were jealous in the possessive sense. You don’t like the idea of me dating someone, because it’d mean I wouldn’t be available at your beck and call like I am now. You might not admit it, but you need me, Trev. You’ve become accustomed to having me around.”
I finished speaking and he stared at me for a long moment, a slow, lazy smile gracing his lips. It did something weird to the pit of my stomach. “Fine, you’re right. I like having you around, and I don’t like anyone taking you away. You’re my BFF. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Ha! I knew it.”
He ran a hand down his face. “You’ve turned me into one of those psycho girls who get jealous when their bestie starts spending all their time with a new boyfriend.”
“That just about sums up your personality to a T. And I don’t even have a boyfriend yet.”
“Exactly. I’m gonna go full-on bunny boiler when you start seeing someone. I’ll probably even hire a private investigator to make sure he’s on the level, like Jennifer Anniston did when she first started seeing Brad.”
I let out a surprised chuckle. “How do you even know that?”
“I read TMZ,” he replied humorously.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.”
“I’m not lying. Now come on, drink up. We need to get a move on if we want to make it to our next destination.”
Part II
Even though it was only one cocktail, I felt decidedly tipsy as we made our way to the rave. I knew the whole thing wasn’t technically legal when Trev began helping me climb over a railing that blocked the entrance to the old tube station. He bent to give me a leg up and let out a weird grunting sound. Instead of getting embarrassed, I decided to find humour in the situation.
“I’m not the lightest piece of timber in the crate,” I said, chuckling as Trev made a concerted effort to lift me.
“Yeah, but it’s all in the boobs and arse,” he threw back cheekily. I made it to the top of the railing, but my dress got caught in a section of pointed metal. As I swung my leg over, it shifted, revealing my black cotton underwear for all the world to see. And when I say all the world, I mean Trevor Cross. He waggled his brows as I hurried to pull my dress back down.
“Nice undies,” he said, grinning.
I tried for casual, even though my pulse was racing at the way his gaze traced the line of my underwear. “You should see the ones I wear on special occasions. They put these everyday knickers to shame.”
Now his grin transformed into a smirk. “You mean the red lacy pair with the garter belt? Already seen ‘em.”
I froze, because I did have a red lace underwear set with a garter belt, but I never showed them to Trev. “What?”
His blue eyes sparkled in the dark. “What’s a boy to do when he’s waiting around for you to be done in the shower? I had to entertain myself somehow.”
“Oh my God! If I wasn’t currently stranded on top of a fence, I’d kill you right now.”
“I’m nosy, Reya. You shouldn’t leave your underwear drawer unlocked around nosy boys,” he tutted.
I stabbed my finger through the air at him. “You shouldn’t be looking in drawers that don’t belong to you, underwear or otherwise.”
“Now where’s the fun in that?”
I shot him a scowl and turned to jump down the other side. “I can’t even with you sometimes.” Bracing myself, I made a move but Trev’s voice halted me.
“Wait! I’ll help you.”
Quick as a flash he leapt up the railing and over to the other side. It was decidedly graceful compared to the disaster I was making of the job. Trev reached up and grabbed my hips. I trembled all over at the simple touch and glanced down at him. A moment passed between us and his gaze darkened.
“Jump. I’ll catch you,” he said, his voice unusually gruff.
I felt like making a comment on how if I was a virgin this fence would’ve already robbed me of my maidenhood, but I was too caught up in his stare. I pushed off the fence and just like he promised, Trev caught me. His strong arms gripped my waist and my chest pressed flush to his. My breathing quickened as my attention fell to his mouth. I watched as his tongue dipped out to wet his lips and a small sound escaped me. It was somewhere between a moan and a yelp, and it seemed to do something to Trev.
Before I knew it he had me backed up against the fence and our entire bodies were moulded together. I could smell him again, and this time it was intoxicating.
All I could hear were the faint sounds of the city and our heavy breathing. I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what he was doing, and my head was fuzzy from the cocktail of death I just drank. Finally, I bent my neck to look up at him and was astounded by what I saw.
Lust.
Pure, heavy, unadulterated lust.
Trevor Cross wanted me.
What alternate universe was this?
I opened my mouth to speak. “What are you…”
“We should fuck,” he said and I startled.
“E-excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“Trev, were you drinking before you came to see me today? Because you’ve been acting strange since the moment you showed up and—”
“I just want to see what it’d be like,” he said on an exhale.
“Trevor,” I muttered, my voice shaky with warning.
“Come on, you have to admit you’ve thought about it.”
I didn’t say anything, and for once I was thankful for my caramel complexion, because right then I was blushing down to my toes.
“I know that look. You’re embarrassed, but you don’t need to be. Obviously, you’ve thought about it. I’m male, you’re female, we’re both single and we’re not blood related. I’ve thought about it a few times. Actually, more than a few.”
I knew if it were possible for a human being to turn into a strawberry, I’d be one. I was at once enthralled by the topic of conversation and extremely uncomfortable. Because although Trev might have thought about the act, I was certain he didn’t think about the emotion. But I did. I found him attractive, yes, but I also had feelings for him. Feelings I thought I’d managed to stifle, but tonight they were all floating right back up to the surface.
I levelled my hands on his chest in an effort to put some space between us, but he held firm. “You’re a bloke. Of course you’ve thought about it. Women are different. We’re far more emotional than physical.”
“That’s bullshit. I’ve known women who like sex just as much as I do.”
“Yes well, I’m not one
of them. Sex for me has always involved feelings.”
His gaze flickered over my face and I grew self-conscious at how closely he was studying me. “So, what you’re saying is, you don’t have sex with men you don’t have feelings for.”
I nodded. “Yes, exactly.”
“So it’s perfect. You have feelings for me, therefore, we can have sex.”
“I do not—”
“You’re misunderstanding. If I died tomorrow, would you cry at my funeral?”
“Of course.”
“And I’d bawl my eyes out at yours, so you see, we have feelings for each other. We’re friends, of course we do.”
“Yes, the operative word being “friends”. If we had sex it would change things, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“You wouldn’t lose me. I promise.”
No, but you’d lose me. Because I knew without a doubt that if I slept with Trev, I’d fall in love with him irrevocably. No strings attached wouldn’t work, because there was an entire labyrinth of strings between us. Well, at least on my end there were.
I shook my head. “Why do you even want this? I’m sure there’ll be dozens of girls at this rave you could sleep with.”
Trev scratched his head, his expression thoughtful. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
“I won’t laugh, I promise.”
“Well, I’m been having trouble with women lately. Specifically, I’ve been having trouble with my sex drive in that I haven’t had one. Every time I try to shag a girl, I just don’t feel it. Instead I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”
I sucked in a breath, my heart beating double time. “About me?”
He brought his hand up to my shoulder, gave it a squeeze then slid his hand down my arm. “Yeah, like, the way you wear those long flowy dresses that cover everything up except a hint of cleavage. I imagine what you’d look like under them. Or when I watch you sing, I will you to open your eyes and look at me. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe with it.”
My skin heated at his words, because he had no idea that I used to think of him in exactly the same way. If we were sitting closely on the couch, I’d imagine him throwing me down and kissing me. Or if he touched my hand I’d wish for him to hold it, to prolong the contact in any small way. It was a pity he was having these feelings two years too late, because I’d gone through all that and come out the other end. I couldn’t go back there. For the sake of my sanity, I just couldn’t.
“I can’t sleep with you, Trev. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”
He leaned his body into mine again. His hard dips and lines somehow fit perfectly to my rounded curves. His mouth bent to my ear as he whispered, “Don’t pretend like you can’t feel this. Imagine how it would be. All this tension that’s been building up for years finally having an outlet. I bet you’d blow my mind. I bet it would be fucking epic.”
I trembled at his low, husky words, momentarily lost in a lust-filled haze before his meaning sank in. Building up for years. Had he known I’d wanted him all this time and simply ignored it for whatever fucked up reason? Fury simmered just below the surface as I summoned all my strength and finally pushed away from him.
“You’re a prick,” I spat and kept walking in the direction of the music. The further I got down the steps, the more I could hear voices and the sounds of people having fun.
“Reya, what the hell?” Trev called, catching up and grabbing me by the arm.
“Leave me alone. I need a drink.”
“Why are you so angry all of a sudden?”
At this I spun around to face him. “I’m angry because you just gave yourself away. All this time you’ve known I fancied you, yet you just kept stringing me along, giving me crumbs of friendship when you knew I liked you as more.”
Trev swore under his breath. “It’s more complicated than that.”
I let out a joyless laugh. “Oh, sure.”
Turning back around, I continued down the steps until I entered the platform. The place was packed with people, a makeshift bar set up at one end and a dancefloor at the other. Some people danced, while others stood around drinking and talking, or well, shouting to be heard.
Music blared loud from the speakers and determination formed within me. I had the power now. All those of years of sleeping around had finally jaded Trev to the point where he’d opened his eyes and seen what was right in front of him.
Well, I wasn’t going to just roll over and let him have me, not after all the nights I spent nursing a broken heart and coming to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t his type.
Tonight I was going to find a man and I was going to have sex with him. I was going to find a man who meant nothing to me, just like all those girls who Trev chose instead of me meant nothing to him. I was going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
I got a double vodka from the bar and knocked it back quickly, then asked for another. Across the way Trev moved through the crowd, his eyes on me. I looked away, swallowed down my second drink, then headed for the dancefloor. I lost myself amid the gyrating bodies, soon soliciting the attention of a tall blond guy. He danced beside me for a bit then placed his hands on my hips and we swayed together to the music.
Barely a second later someone caught my hand and tugged me away from the guy. I was vaguely aware of his complaints, but then Trev’s scent invaded my senses and it was all I could focus on. God, why was everything about him so intoxicating?
The vodka hit me hard as he tugged me to a semi-private corner of the platform. When he stopped I looked up at him. I’d never seen him so conflicted. He looked hurt and somehow terrified, and in spite of my previous resolution, all I wanted to do was hug him and make him feel okay. I tried to tamp down the urge.
“What?” I said over the weight of the music.
He only stared at me, chewing his lip until it bled.
“Oh for God’s sake, I’m going home.”
I turned around but he grabbed me, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back flush with his front. He brought his mouth to my ear and shouted, “I have ADHD!”
I jolted at the confession, then frowned and twisted in his arms. What was I supposed to say to that? Trev tilted his head in the direction of the bathrooms and I followed him. It was quieter out there so we could talk more easily.
I studied him and he appeared uncharacteristically embarrassed. “Did you just say you have ADHD?”
He stared at the wall above my head. “You know how me and the boys were contacted to do that TV show?”
I nodded. Trev, alongside a few of his free-running buddies, had been trying for a TV deal for a while now. In fact, he’d had the idea since the very first time I met him. Recently, they’d caught the attention of a television executive with their Youtube videos. Now they were working out the logistics of filming a TV show, where they travelled around different cities pulling off parkour stunts. It still wasn’t set in stone, but it was an exciting opportunity for him nonetheless. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, as part of the preliminaries we had to undergo a psych evaluation. You know, to make sure we’re all psychologically stable enough to spend several months travelling around in a tour bus together. Turns out I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD from childhood and they want me to start taking medication for it.”
“Oh, Trev,” I breathed, shocked by the revelation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was embarrassed. And I didn’t want you to tell Karla, who would then tell Lee, and then everyone would just feel shitty about the fact that we were too poor growing up to realise I had this stupid condition the whole time. Lee would only beat himself up about it.”
I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Trev, you have to tell them. You can’t just deal with this all on your own, and your family would want to help. I know they would.”
He looked at me now. “Nah, they’ve got enough on their plates. The only reason I’m telling you is because I want you to understand my behaviour. I want you to k
now the reason I’ve never been able to let you in.” He tapped his left temple. “I was fucked in the head.”
I narrowed my gaze. “You weren’t fucked in the head. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You had a disorder, and if you hadn’t had such a deprived childhood you would’ve been treated for it. It’s not your fault, Trev.”
I pulled him into a hug and he took it willingly. My mind swam with the news, so much about him suddenly making sense. His issues with self-control, his short attention span, his need for high-risk behaviour. All of it was down to this thing he had and never even knew about.
We stood there for a long time, and I felt like my telling him it wasn’t his fault truly hit home. He’d needed someone to tell him that, and I was glad I got to be the person who did. His body practically melted into mine, and it was only when someone bumped into us that we pulled apart
“Oh, shit sorry,” said the guy, beer sloshing out the top of his plastic cup.
I glanced up, about to tell him it was fine when my words fled me. It was him. The guy I’d had a one night stand with a couple months ago, the one who was practically Trev’s twin. Oh God, could this night get any weirder?
“Reya! Hey, how are you?”
I felt Trev watching but couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “Vinnie, hi, fancy meeting you here.”
“You two know each other?” Trev asked and I chanced a peek at him. He was looking Vinnie up and down, mostly homing in on his face and clearly noticing the similarities.
Kill me now.
“Not really,” I said, eyeing Vinnie firmly.
Unfortunately, he was very obviously drunk, which was why he answered so candidly. “You already forgotten how I fucked your brains out a couple months ago, Reya?”
Never more had I wished to be a tortoise, so I could crawl inside my shell and never come back out. Trev stiffened for a second then plastered a devil may care look on his face. “Oh yeah? Sounds like it wasn’t so memorable for her. You must’ve been a shit lay, buddy.”
Vinnie scowled. “Hey, fuck you.”
“Christ, learn how to take a joke.” Trev rolled his eyes.