by L.H. Cosway
When I caught Trev’s eye a second time he seemed fixated on how close Paul and I were sitting. I watched as he ended his call, shoved his phone in his pocket, and came toward us. He didn’t say a word but Paul moved and let him slide in between us nonetheless. It was interesting how he could silently communicate possession like that. He had no say over me, not anymore, but I could still tell he didn’t like the idea of Paul and me becoming close.
His arm rested along the back of the couch, just an inch or two away from my shoulders, and I could feel his heat. When he bent to ask, “You want a drink?” I felt the words sizzle their way to the pit of my stomach.
“No, thank you.”
“Did we wake you?” he went on, his voice low and intimate.
“Yeah, but don’t worry about it.”
“You want me to tell them to turn the music down?”
“No, that’s fine.”
“I love this song!” one of the nameless girls exclaimed in a Belgian accent, jumping up from her seat and shimmying her hips. I imagined it was an attempt to garner attention from the men. I convinced myself I wasn’t bothered. I wasn’t here to compete for anyone’s attention. Not even Trev’s.
Leanne arched a brow and our eyes connected for a moment. We were both less than thrilled about the situation. I was about to ask her if she felt like heading to bed, since we were sharing a room, but then Callum spoke.
“How about a game of strip poker? Winner gets two grand.”
“And who’s putting up the two grand?” James asked casually.
“We can all throw in a few hundred,” Callum answered, like it was obvious, then levelled his eyes on Trev. “You in?”
Trev shook his head. “You know I don’t have a few hundred. At least, I don’t have access to it.”
“Oh, come on. I’m sure you can cobble it together.”
“Sorry, bud. You can’t take the trousers off a bare backside. I’m skint, technically speaking.”
I turned to study him. “You can’t access your money?”
Trev sliced his teeth across his lower lip, considering his answer a moment, then finally said, “Nope. Impulse-control issues.”
Well, that was vague.
“He bought a Ferrari and management lost their shit. Told him he needed to put a lock on his accounts,” Paul explained. “Oh, and didn’t you want to get a diamond necklace for Nicole’s birthday last year?”
I stiffened at the mention of his ex, my ears pricked to hear Trev’s answer.
“Actually, that was probably the only bad spending idea that wasn’t mine.”
“She asked for it?” Callum put in, laughing. “I always knew she was brazen.”
“Did you let her keep it after you broke up?” I asked. I had no idea how much diamonds cost, only that it was usually thousands, if not hundreds of thousands.
“I was hardly going to take it back. A gift’s a gift. Anyway, now if I want to access anything over my weekly allowance it takes five days to free up the cash. That way I can’t buy stuff in the heat of the moment. It’s worked well so far. After about a day I tend to realise I don’t really need a solid-gold statue of a South American jaguar to put in my living room,” he said with a hint of self-deprecation.
“It would be kind of gangsta though.” Paul chuckled just as there was a knock on the door.
“That’ll be the pizza,” said Neil, hurrying to answer it.
“Didn’t you all just eat dinner?” I asked, glancing around the group, still worrying over Trev’s spending issues. I’d never known him to be like that before, but then again, he was just as poor as me back then. You can’t spend money you don’t have.
“That was three hours ago,” said Leanne. “You’ll soon learn this lot never stop eating. It’s like a constant feeding frenzy.”
“Hey! We’re growing boys. Tiny people like you just don’t understand our appetites,” said Paul playfully.
“I have an appetite,” Leanne threw back. “I just don’t eat like a flippin’ elephant.”
I smelled the melted cheese as soon as Neil carried the boxes inside and set them down on the coffee table. My stomach grumbled. I hadn’t eaten since lunch.
“You didn’t eat anything, did you?” said Trev. He knew me well enough to know my hungry face when he saw it.
I shook my head and he smiled as he bent forward to grab one of the boxes. He threw it open and gestured at all the cheesy, tomato-y goodness. “Have at it.”
I picked up a slice and took a bite, resisting the urge to groan at how good it tasted. Flicking my gaze to the side I found Trev watching intently. I swallowed, both self-consciousness and the pizza, and tried to ignore the heat radiating from him.
Everyone dug in, even the nameless Belgian girls. One of them tried sliding onto the couch between Trev and me, but he held out a hand to stop her.
“No room, hon.”
She batted her lashes at him. “There’s room on your lap . . .”
“Nah, you’re all right.”
I stifled a laugh at his casually disinterested response. Back in the day, Trev would’ve welcomed her onto his lap with open arms, whether I was in the room or not. This change in him was disconcerting, but in a good way. Her lips flattened in annoyance just as Callum interjected, “You can come sit on mine, babe. The more the merrier.”
She flashed him a smile and sidled over to join the other woman already on his lap. Both Leanne and Neil got up from the couch, and Neil put his arm around Leanne’s shoulders as though to comfort her. I knew exactly how she felt, because just a few years ago I was in her exact position, only I didn’t have a Neil to comfort me.
Quick as a flash, Callum shoved the girls off his lap and went after them. “Where are you two going?”
“Leave her alone,” said Neil, turning to face him. Neil wasn’t a tall man, nor was he muscular like Callum, but he had a quiet strength about him that was an equal match for Callum’s overt masculinity.
“What makes you think you have a say?”
“Come on, man. She’s been through enough.”
“What she’s been through is none of your business,” Callum gritted his teeth.
I glanced at Trev and saw he was on the edge of his seat, ready to jump in at any moment. I was just glad the cameras weren’t being set up in the apartment until tomorrow, otherwise the TV producers would’ve been able to use this drama as fodder for the show. I’d barely spent a day with them, but oddly enough, I found myself caring about the group. Even Callum. He was basically Trev two years ago, so I knew there must’ve been underlying issues causing his behaviour.
“Neil’s right. You should leave me alone,” said Leanne, her voice a little wobbly. It was difficult reconciling this emotional girl with the stoic, badass chick I knew from the show. “I’m going to bed,” she went on and turned toward the bedrooms.
Callum went after her and Neil grabbed him by the shoulder to try and stop him. Trev jumped up from his seat and in a flash he was between the two men. “Let’s not start this series on a row, yeah?”
“I’m just trying to help Leanne,” said Neil, standing firm.
“And I just want to talk to her for a minute,” said Callum, turning and striding towards the bedrooms after Leanne. Both Neil and Trev went after him, but a second later I heard a door slam shut.
“Get out!” Leanne yelled. She and Callum started having an argument but the closed door muted what they were saying.
“Is it always like this?” I asked Paul.
He let out a quiet sigh. “Not always. It’s been worse the last few months.”
“Yeah well, that’s what happens when you sleep with your best friend,” said James, sounding tired. His words struck a chord with me.
Of course they did.
I knew exactly how sleeping with your best friend could ruin everything.
Ten.
Past.
“I said I love you,” Trev breathed, his eyes electric.
Conflicting emotions wa
rred within me, all of them fighting for attention at once. Surprise. Fear. Apprehension. Excitement. Worry. I was terrified that even if he was telling the truth, it wouldn’t last very long. He was always so changeable, always so unpredictable. The things he wanted could flip from one moment to the next. The emotions he felt could change in an instant.
“Don’t just leave me hanging, Reya,” he pleaded, and I’d never seen him look so vulnerable.
“You love me?” I whispered, doing my best to hold it together.
He nodded, and his hands drifted downward from my cheeks, along my neck to rest on my shoulders. “I love you most of all.”
I slowly moved my head from side to side in disbelief. “This is a lot to take in.”
His lips curved in a warm, tender smile. “Then take your time.”
I love you most of all.
If that was true, then why did it always feel like I was last on his list? Why did it feel like everything—everyone—else took precedence over our time together? Trev slid his fingers through mine, lifted my case and bag with his other hand, and led me from the club.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m taking you home,” he answered.
I didn’t argue, mainly because I was too tired and my emotions had already been through the proverbial wringer this week. Trev flagged down a cab and I climbed inside while he called out my address to the driver. I stared out the window at the shining city lights, the streets busy with people as a thin drizzle dotted the windows of the black cab. I reached out and drew a heart in the condensation on the glass, wondering why my heart was always so unsure. Why was it so hard to know if someone was being truthful? Was I the problem or was he? Had my messed-up past made me incapable of trust?
Trev pulled my hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to the inside of my wrist, distracting me from my worrying thoughts. He held my gaze as he began planting kisses down the length of my inner forearm. I hitched a breath at the sexy look in his eyes, mesmerised, back under his spell.
He shifted closer and tugged the strap of my dress down over my shoulder. I trembled when he brought his mouth to the hollow of my neck and licked, his lips making a journey south. A small sigh escaped me and the driver very loudly cleared his throat. We snapped apart and I pulled my strap back into place. Trev had me so wound up I left my coat back at the club.
I made a mental note to collect it in the morning and fixed my attention on the passing street. If Trev had his way we’d probably be shagging in the back of this cab, driver or no driver.
He paid the fare when we arrived at my flat and insisted on carrying my things inside. I was of half a mind to tell him to go home, but the other half won out. The horny half. As much as I resented him for his absence all week, my heart and body were greedy for his presence, especially after what he said back at the club.
My hand shook as I tried to slot my key in the door. After a few failed attempts Trev caught my fingers in his.
“Let me,” he murmured sliding the key out of my grasp.
I allowed him to open the door, and a moment later we were inside my flat. Since it was a studio, there wasn’t really anywhere to hide. I stood by my sofa and watched as Trev set my things at the foot of my bed. When he was done we just stared at each other for a long moment. The air crackled and fizzled between us.
I felt like things were still open-ended, like he was waiting for me to say I loved him, too. I did love him, I’d loved him for years, and was sure it was for far longer than he’d loved me. I was just too afraid to say it. Once it was out there, there was no taking it back. It felt like I’d be handing him the bullet to shoot me with, and I just couldn’t be that vulnerable.
He wore an intense expression when he finally spoke. “Take off your dress.”
My skin felt too tight as I swallowed. There was a vibe about him now. Something had come over him and I clenched my thighs in longing. He looked like he wanted to devour me. However, for some strange reason, I had an odd need to be defiant.
“No.”
His nostrils flared and the tiniest smirk crossed his features. “Take. It. Off.”
“Make me.”
His gaze travelled down my body and back up, his eyes going soft, intimate, like caramel. “Take it off for me, Reya.”
I couldn’t resist that tone, nor the way his voice caressed my name. My stomach quivered as I brought my hands to the straps of my dress and tugged down until my bra was exposed. It was bronze and lacy. Trev exhaled a loud breath where he stood on the other side of the room, watching me. I met his gaze and continued lowering my dress until it fell to the floor at my ankles.
There was something about how he looked at me that made me feel brave. Sexy. Powerful. I’d never really felt like that with past boyfriends. Sex was always a means to an end. A quick release that left you feeling awkward and embarrassed in the cold light of post-orgasmic reality. Trev was different. He made me feel electric, like I might be hurtling off the edge of a cliff, but I was going to enjoy every single second before I hit the ground.
It was illogical and dangerous. Fatal, really. But I still jumped every time.
“Your underwear, too,” he said, his voice thick with arousal. “Take everything off.”
I was too wrapped up in the game. There was no hope in stopping. Every molecule in the room felt charged, full of desire. Silently, slowly, I slipped my bra straps down, then reached around to unclip the back. It fell to the floor with my dress and my nipples beaded as soon as the air hit them. Trev exhaled loudly, his eyes tracing my breasts, my stomach and hips, before venturing downward. He didn’t have to say a word. I knew what he wanted.
I pulled my knickers off, still moving slowly, until they joined the rest of my things on the floor. A long moment passed while Trev’s gaze devoured every inch of me. I’d never felt so turned on—so alive—in my entire life.
“Get on the bed,” he said next. “On your hands and knees.”
My stomach quivered as he started to unbuckle his belt, his movements confident and sure. As I stepped over to the bed my breathing grew choppy and uneven.
“Face away from me,” he went on, a direct order.
My stomach flipped. I did as he asked until I was on all fours, completely exposed to him. The fact that I couldn’t see him, could only hear the soft shuffle of fabric as he undressed, only heightened my sensitivity. My thighs trembled at the idea of him looking at me like this, taking all of me in.
A second later a warm hand touched my hip, moving up and over my ribs to cup my breast. I whimpered as he bent over me, pressing his lips to the base of my spine. His other hand slid between my legs, his fingers touching my wet folds. He hissed a breath, and his hand left me. There was some movement, and then I felt the heat of his cock.
Panic flared and I tensed just as he whispered, “Don’t worry. I’m wearing a rubber. I’d never do that to you, Reya.”
Relief flooded me and I moaned when he pinched my nipple, his hand drifting up to grip my hair in a fist. He tugged just enough to turn my head, my eyes meeting his in the dimly lit room. There was an edge of pain as he tugged a little harder, then positioned himself more firmly between my thighs. He never broke eye contact as he slowly pushed inside me. I cried out at the invasion. It had been a while since I had sex and warmth suffused my skin with a light sheen of perspiration.
He never dropped my gaze, his hips moving in a tantalising rhythm as he thrust in and out, building to an exquisite crescendo. This was hard, brutal fucking, but a part of me also felt like we were making love, even though there wasn’t much that was romantic about it. Trev’s fingers splayed out on my stomach, holding me in place as his thrusts quickened brutally.
His hand moved down until he found my clit and began to rub. I moaned loudly and he tugged on my hair, causing a sharp burst of pain to shoot through my scalp. It mixed with the intense, building pleasure he elicited with his skilled hand. His cock hit every perfect spot inside me, and combined with his deft manipul
ation of my clit, I came with a sharp, breathless cry.
“Fuck, you feel incredible, so perfect,” he groaned and thrust harder until his body grew still and tense. I felt his heat when he came with a muffled swearword, his teeth biting into my neck.
I shivered when his orgasm subsided and he pulled me down onto the bed. I lay on my back, sated, while he pulled the covers back to draw them over us.
“Did you feel that, too?” he whispered, but I was too overwhelmed to answer. Not to mention, I wasn’t exactly sure what he was referring to. My head was too foggy to think straight.
“Did you feel it, Reya?” he whispered again.
“Mm-hmm,” I mumbled sleepily as he spooned me under the duvet. His hand drew lazy circles on my hip and my eyes drifted closed. I was losing consciousness when I heard him continue with a note of awe, “I never knew it could be like that.”
The morning light woke me while Trev snored quietly at my back. The room smelled . . . well, it smelled like sex. The previous night’s events flooded my memory, an elastic band systematically loosening and tightening around my gut. Needless to say, I had mixed emotions about the whole thing.
On the one hand, Trev had ignored me all week and instead of punishing him for it, I’d given him exactly what he wanted. I was a weak, lily-livered excuse for a woman. But on the other hand, he had confessed he was in love with me. It was difficult to stand your ground when a man like Trev confesses his love. Your brain screamed pointlessly at you not to give in, while your heart melted at his feet. Your heart said his love was real, but your brain called it a passing fancy.
So yeah, mixed emotions.
I climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom, needing a shower to clear my head. When I stepped under the warm spray, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about anything. Through the years, I’d imagined countless scenarios where Trev finally came clean about his feelings, and now that it had happened I was experiencing some sort of immeasurable disappointment.
Maybe I’d been unlucky in love so many times that I was now too cynical to believe his love was real.