by L.H. Cosway
“Can you put this on?” one of them asked quietly. He handed me the same microphone from earlier. Were they seriously going to film us talking while we ate dinner? I didn’t think we’d be coming out with any entertaining nuggets given how exhausted everyone was, but I shrugged and put it on anyway.
“Here, I saved you a plate,” said Trev, gesturing to the seat next to him. “It tastes great.”
“You’re a fantastic cook,” James added in agreement.
“Yeah, this is delish,” said Leanne.
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I replied with a smile. “But thanks. How did it go with Isaac?”
Trev arched a brow and shared a look with Callum. “It went well. Too well. We’ll be lucky if that kid doesn’t put us out of a job some day.”
“Really?” I exclaimed, pleasantly surprised. It had been a complete shot in the dark when I lied and told Trev he was good.
“Little shit’s got some skills,” said Callum. “Even I can admit it.”
“Don’t you mean big shit?” Leanne put in. “If that boy grows any taller he’ll hit the ceiling.”
James laughed. “I’m just jealous of his teenage joints. Bet he doesn’t even feel sore after a run.”
“I’m actually thinking of asking him to come with us for the rest of the tour,” said Trev as he lifted a fork to his mouth and I shot him a wide glance.
“You are?”
He nodded. “He could come on as a gofer during the day and I could train with him in the evenings.”
“Wow. Did you mention any of this to him yet?”
“I hinted. I need to run it by Barry first.”
“Well,” I said, scooping up a bite of lasagne, “he’s gonna hit the roof when you tell him.”
Trev smiled big, like he was looking forward to it. “I know.”
I had to admit, all of this was very unexpected. Isaac was a great kid, but I’d never known Trev to be so altruistic. He’d always been just a tiny bit selfish, though not in a bad way. I think it was just a survival mechanism from growing up poor. Two years ago, he would have seen Isaac as a threat, just another mouth to take a slice of the pie. Definitely not someone he could mentor. I was amazed and a little in awe.
“Here’s a good one,” said Callum, his phone in one hand while he ate with the other. “What are your top three pet peeves?”
Paul narrowed his gaze. “Where are you getting this from?”
Callum shrugged. “Some girl just asked me on Tinder.”
I glanced at Leanne, but she didn’t seem bothered by the fact that he was using a dating app. I was certain if he’d made the same announcement yesterday the shit would’ve hit the fan. But now she was all casual, completely chill. They really must’ve cleared the air, like, seriously cleared the air, because this was a massive turnaround.
“If they ask for pictures don’t send any,” Neil warned, pointing his fork at Callum. He looked worried, which made me think there must’ve been trouble with that sort of thing in the past. I bet girls were constantly messaging him for dick pics.
Callum’s lips curled in a smile. “Don’t worry. I won’t fall for that chestnut again.”
I wanted to ask what he was referring to so badly, but I didn’t want to come across as nosy.
“My biggest pet peeve is when people open a brand new carton of milk even though there’s already a half empty one in the fridge,” said James casting a sharp look in Callum’s direction.
“I already told you, I thought it was gone off.”
“You do it every time though, Cal.” Paul chuckled.
“And I hate it when people check their phones at the dinner table,” said Leanne, smiling cheekily at Callum.
“Hey! This isn’t open season to attack Callum,” he protested. “Cut me some slack.”
“You asked the question,” said Trev with a grin.
“Whatever. My pet peeve is when a bunch of bastards all gang up on an innocent and completely undeserving party.”
Trev laughed. “’Course it is.”
“I’ll have you know my parents were legally wed when I was conceived,” Paul added in a haughty tone.
“Do you know what really bugs me?” I said, thinking about it. “Actors on TV shows are always going into bars and holding up a finger to the barman for a drink, and the barman serves them even though they never say what they want.”
“Maybe they can read minds,” James suggested.
“Nah, if it’s their local then the barman’s gonna know their usual,” said Callum.
“But sometimes it’s a bar they’ve never been to before. Kalinda was always doing it on The Good Wife,” I said.
“You’ve got to suspend your disbelief a little on that one,” said Paul. “It saves valuable dialogue minutes to just hold up a finger.”
“Is that a euphemism?” Callum waggled his brows.
“You wish,” Paul shot back. “I saw you checking out my arse during filming today.”
“Piss off.”
“You were right behind him,” said Leanne, a lilting tease in her voice.
“Don’t you start. Besides, the only arse I check out around here is yours.”
Leanne had nothing to say to that, her face flushing bright red. I decided to be a good Samaritan and save her more embarrassment by changing the subject. “Actually, another thing I can’t stand is Tinder. It literally makes me feel like there’s no joy left in the world.”
“You’re on Tinder?” Trev asked, his shoulders tensing.
I cast him a glance. “Well, not anymore. I tried it out a while back, but all the dates I went on were terrible.”
“Oh, I love a good dating horror story,” said Paul. “Spill the beans.”
“It wasn’t so much that they were horror stories, they were just awkward. I feel like the more I fancy someone in a picture, the less I fancy them in real life. And the guys I might not like in pictures could be incredibly charismatic when I met them. Making decisions based on appearances is just so flawed.”
“Oh my God, you’re completely right,” said Leanne in agreement. “My cousin once set me up with a friend of hers, and I didn’t like the look of him at all when she showed me a photo. But then we met and I don’t know, he wasn’t conventionally attractive, but there was something about how he looked at me when I was talking that gave me butterflies. Like he was really listening to what I said, you know?”
I thought I heard Callum let out a quiet scoff, but thankfully Leanne didn’t hear.
“Oh, totally,” I answered, ignoring Callum. “That’s why I never judge a book by its cover.”
Trev had gone very quiet, and though the conversation continued he didn’t speak much for the rest of the meal.
“You wanted to talk?” he asked low, coming up beside me as I brought my dish to the sink. Paul and James had offered to do the clean up, but I was determined to at least bus my own plate.
I glanced at Trev, noticing the tension in his shoulders was still there. “Yes, um,” I looked behind me and saw the camera crew were packing up to leave, which was a relief. “Can we go out onto the balcony?” I asked, at the same time turning off my microphone. The balcony was the only private place I could think of.
“Sure,” he answered and placed his hand to the small of my back to lead me out. His heat sank into me and I suppressed the urge to close my eyes.
It was a cool night. The dress I wore was sleeveless and it felt good to have the breeze hit my skin. Probably because Trev’s hand made me feel so hot.
“We’re heading to Paris tomorrow. Are you excited?” I asked as I sat down on one of the deck chairs.
“Yeah, should be fun,” Trev replied and took the seat next to me.
Remembering he probably had a mic on, too, I reached over and began searching his torso. He let out a chuckle like I was making him ticklish. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to find your mic. I bet that Jimbo is listening to everything we say. Nosy bugger.”
Trev
didn’t argue and I found it tucked into the waistband of his jeans. He sat forward to grant me better access, and my fingers brushed the bare skin of his back. I noticed how neither one of us commented on moments like these. Like Trev could’ve easily switched it off himself, but he’d rather let me do it. I could’ve easily told him to turn it off, but I’d rather do it because that meant I got to touch him.
I was so far gone there was no use trying to climb back to where I was supposed to be. I planned to keep things platonic. I planned to focus on my music. But I’d barely written anything in days and all I could think about was him. When he walked into a room, my eyes instinctively followed.
“So,” I said as I sat back, my curiosity getting the better of me. “What exactly was all that about Callum sending pictures to girls on Tinder?”
Trev’s brow rose. “You don’t know?”
I shook my head. He exhaled heavily and let out a light chuckle. “It was all over the gossip sites a few months back. I can’t believe you never heard about it.”
“Well, I don’t really read gossip sites.” Not unless I’m having a particularly bad day and making the poor decision to google your name, my subconscious added.
His eyes traced the line of my jaw before coming to rest on my lips. “Guess you’re too classy for the likes of that, huh?”
“Too busy trying to make rent, more like,” I replied.
He stared at me for a long moment, then seemed to shake himself out of it. “So, like I said, this all happened a few months back. Callum was having cybersex with some girl he met online. She convinced him to send pictures, and I’m not talking about photos of his grannie’s seventieth birthday party. Dumb bastard goes ahead and snaps a bunch of shots of his wedding tackle. Then boom, the next day they’re splashed all over the Internet.”
My hand went to my mouth in shock. “Did they show his face?”
“Nah, he was clever enough to keep the camera downstairs at least. Our PR rep tried spinning it that they were fakes, but nobody really believed that since the girl had screen shots of their entire conversation. The scandal didn’t do him any harm though. It only had more girls coming onto him, since the pictures were a little too complimentary.”
I laughed at that. “Oh yeah?”
“I still say it was a lucky angle.”
“Well, he doesn’t need his ego stroked any more than it already is, that’s for sure.”
Trev cast me a considering glance. “You don’t like Cal much, do you?”
“I don’t not like him. I just find him difficult to warm to.”
“Because of how he treats Leanne?”
I shrugged. “That’s one part of it.”
“Reya, I know you look at them and see a younger version of us, but their situation is completely different. Trust me.”
“So Callum’s just misunderstood?”
“Nope. He’s a dickhead. But he’s a dickhead who has his reasons.”
“We all have our reasons, but there comes a time when we have to decide whether to keep letting them rule our lives or make an effort to change.” Like you’re doing, I wanted to add, but that was a whole other conversation I wasn’t quite ready to get into. A long few moments of quiet passed. Unspoken words drifted heavy in the air between us.
Trev leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared out at the city all lit up for the night. He seemed to be considering his words for a minute before he asked, “Do you get touched enough, Reya?”
I blinked, his question blindsiding me. “Um, touched as in—”
“Today when I held your hand you went off on that tangent about hand holding and how you wished adults did it more often,” he replied and turned to meet my eyes. His gaze was thoughtful. “So, I’m asking if you need someone to hold your hand. Or you know, touch you?”
I bit my lip, feeling peculiar from the way he was looking at me. “That doesn’t sound very friendly.”
“It can be whatever you want it to be.”
“I really don’t know what you’re getting at, Trev.”
He raked a hand through his hair and glanced away for a second. “I just don’t like the idea of you feeling lonely. I never did.”
That was funny because in the past he’d constantly left me on my own. “You don’t?”
“Remember the night when we went to that dine-in-the-dark restaurant and I put my foot in my mouth like usual? I said we didn’t need partners because we’d always have each other.”
I did. Too well. It was the first night we slept together. We didn’t have sex, but there’d been intimacy. “Yeah, I got pissed because you were condemning me to a life of spinsterhood.”
Trev’s expression grew pained, probably remembering how hurt I’d been. “It upset me so much to think of you feeling that way, alone and just wanting someone to love you. I felt like a piece of shit for upsetting you.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“I was still a fuckwit. Sometimes I can’t believe how stupid I was back then. I was too blind to see that I was fighting for all the wrong things.”
My chest squeezed. “You’ve got a pretty good life now, so some of the things you were fighting for must’ve been the right ones.”
He didn’t say anything for a few moments, just studied me like I was a storyboard full of thought bubbles. When he spoke his voice was soft. “Even now I don’t like the idea of you being lonely when I’m right here. So, you know, if you ever need someone to—”
“Touch me?” I asked archly. I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips.
“Okay, wrong choice of words but you know what I mean. If you ever need company, someone to hold your hand, just come find me, yeah?”
Butterflies fluttered in my chest. What he was offering was just so . . . romantic. Thoughtful. Empathetic. I could never imagine the old Trev offering me something like this, putting my feelings above everything else. It just never would’ve occurred to him. I hate to say it, but he really did take me for granted back then. Then again, can I really blame him when I was so willing to take any scraps he deigned to throw my way?
I stared into his eyes and saw the truth. He was acknowledging how he treated me in the past and he was trying to make up for it. This was his penance. It might’ve bothered me if I couldn’t see the sheer remorse in his eyes for his past actions.
“Okay, Trev, I’ll come find you.”
Happiness flooded his features as a slow smile spread across his lips. He looked thankful for the chance to simply be around me, and it was so bizarre. We sat in quiet for a little while before he spoke again.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” His voice was low and serious. He must’ve sensed this wasn’t going to be an easy topic.
A car horn honked from below; the noise of the city was all around us, even though we were situated in a private little bubble. It felt pleasant to just be alone with him. I turned my body to face him and clasped my hands together.
“I’m pretty sure Barry is trying to work our relationship into the show.”
Trev’s brows furrowed as he studied me. “What makes you think that?”
“Just a vibe. I’m being filmed a lot more than I think is warranted. Plus, you know they always work a personal angle into the episodes. In the first season, it was all about Paul and his ex-girlfriend. In the second it was Callum and Leanne and their whole love-hate thing. In this season, it can’t be you and me. I can’t let that happen.”
His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “How do you know it won’t be Callum and Leanne again? Things might’ve settled down between them now but it never lasts long.”
I thought on that. He definitely had a point. “Maybe you’re right. I just worry.”
Trev studied me, his brows drawn in thought. “So what if they do feature us? What harm can it do?”
I shot him a look of disbelief. “Uh, it can do plenty of harm. I don’t want to become ‘known’, not even a little bit. And I don’t want those gossip
magazines that write about you looking into my background. That wouldn’t end well.”
His expression intensified, understanding dawning on him. “If any journalist wrote a single word about your past I’d make sure they never worked again.”
“That’s very noble, but I’d rather not take the chance.” Plus, that wasn’t exactly how things worked nowadays. Once something was out in the world of all things cyber, it was impossible to pull.
Trev swore under his breath. I saw a million thoughts buzz around in his head. “I’ll try convince Barry to pick another angle, but you’ve already signed all the contracts. If they want to use you there’s not much we can do about it.”
“Then I’ll leave.”
His face flashed with anger. “You can’t leave. You’d be breaking the terms of the contracts by doing that, too.” I thought maybe there was another reason, but I didn’t voice it.
Still, I deflated because he was right about the contracts. This had the potential to become such a mess.
He threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him in a soft embrace. “I’ll try and make sure nothing comes of it, okay?”
I stared into his eyes, wishing there was some way he could guarantee it, but I guessed trying was the best he could do. “Okay.”
We were both quiet then, and I thought about what was transpiring between us. Because despite my best intentions, things were transpiring. I knew deep down that he cared for me. But sometimes his emotions were still like a swinging pendulum. Horny and sexy one moment, caring and thoughtful the next. It was confusing, but it was Trevor. A man I still loved with every part of my heart. Whether I ever gave him that again would be something I’d war against. Karla told me to have fun, but I knew being safe—heart safe—might be more important after all.
Fifteen.
Past.
I rubbed my thumb across the screen of my phone, wondering if I should text Trev, check in and see how everything was going. He’d started filming for the show, so he was practically unreachable. Again. This time I knew he had a good reason though.