by Ann M. Noser
“Yeah, well it’s not like I have a kid or an old girlfriend here.”
Walker raises his eyebrows when Mike mentions his lack of a girlfriend. Then he makes a beeline for the refrigerator.
Mike continues, “Steve said the river called to him.”
“The river calls to you?” Walker asks through a spoonful of pudding cup.
Mike speaks as if to himself. “Steve said I was lazy, that I’d had months to decide what I should do, but still hadn’t figured it out. He said I was the reason everyone else got a chance to come back, and the only one who didn’t appreciate it.”
Walker opens and shuts cabinet doors, examining the contents. He has gotten way too comfortable in my apartment.
“I kept trying to get between Steve and the river, but he just knocked me out of the way.” Mike flinches as he touches his bruised cheekbone. “He reached the water’s edge before me and dove in.”
“Did he see castles and dolphins?” I ask.
“Did he see what?” Walker crunches his way through a handful of Wheat Thins.
“There wasn’t even a ripple afterward.” Mike sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I think I’m gonna take a shower now.”
Walker remains silent for a full minute after Mike leaves the room.
I know it won’t last.
“And then there was one.” He stabs my leftover noodle hot dish with a fork. “Listen, Mike can stay with me from now on if you’d like.”
I frown at Officer Leftover Leech. “Why would I like that?”
He leans on the kitchen counter. “Well, I just thought it might be kind of awkward with only the two of you living here now. Especially since Mike knows the reason you got into this mess in the first place was because you thought he was hot.”
I want to throw something at him, either something hard or something gooey. Too bad he already ate all the pudding. “For your information, I got into this mess because I felt guilty about Mike.”
He smirks. “Whatever you say.”
“You’re aggravating. I don’t know why I even bother talking to you…or feeding you, for that matter.”
“I’m taking this meal as payment for the favor you owe me.”
I cross my arms. “This better be a big favor, because you just ate my entire dinner.”
Walker chuckles. “The Lawrences wanted to meet the girl who found Steve’s body, but I figured that would be too confusing, considering the circumstances. So I told them you were this extremely timid girl who had been so upset by the discovery that I couldn’t bear to traumatize you any further. They were fine with that.”
“Why is that funny?”
He raises his eyebrows. “You’re not anywhere near timid.”
“Yes, I am, and I hate myself for it. I hate being scared of everybody all the time. It sucks. I’ve always been this way.”
“I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you’re the opposite of timid. And if you’re ever scared, which I doubt, you sure hide it well. You wormed your way into Mrs. Metzger’s and Claire’s homes. Right or wrong, you’ve ruined the academic career of the most popular girl on campus. And you’ve raised five people from the dead. Need I say more?”
Am I hearing things, or is Officer Walker impressed? “Amanda never had much of an academic career anyway, it was more of a dating career. Also, I think I am afraid of her. I’ve been avoiding her all semester.”
Walker scoffs. “You’re telling me you’re not afraid of dead people, but you’re scared of some Homecoming Queen? That’s ridiculous.”
“Not really, I suppose, but I’m still pissed at her for stealing Sam’s paper and ruining his life… And lying to you.”
He cocks his head. “Lying to me?”
“Yeah. She fed you some line about family troubles and how her life was so bad. Blah, blah, blah―”
“You know, Emma, maybe you should just talk to her.”
“No way! If I talk to her, we’re just going to get into a fight.”
Walker shakes his head. “You females are all the same―drama, drama, drama.”
“I suppose you think it would be exciting―like two chicks mud wrestling in bikinis.”
“That does sound interesting. Can you schedule it for when I’m on campus?” He puts his plates in the sink. “And, Emma, don’t be too upset about Steve. I’m sure he was ready to go. He’d already accomplished everything he could here for his kid.”
“But what about the case? What about his murderers?”
“I promised to take care of it, and I know you’ll help me if I need you.”
“How can I help?”
“Oh, I’ll think of something. And just let me know if you want me to take Mike off your hands.” And with those final irritating words, he leaves the apartment.
While Mike showers, I pace the kitchen. My eyes catch on Steve’s final message written on the whiteboard:
“What I’ve learned―
that heroes (Emma) are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.”
―Anonymous
I’m going to miss him.
Ten minutes later, Mike comes out of the shower and silently begins eating the scraps Walker left behind.
“Mike, I don’t mean to be a nag, but Steve was right. There must be something you need to accomplish here.”
He doesn’t answer.
I clear my throat. “I hate to point out the obvious, but what about your brother?”
Mike crosses his arms. “I told you I don’t want to talk about Kevin anymore.”
“Well… I think we should do something to help him.”
“You’re so strange. Why would you want to help him? He’s been horrible to you.”
I can’t tell if Mike’s criticizing me for wanting to help his brother, or criticizing Kevin for his barely restrained hostility toward me. “What about your mother, then?”
Mike shudders. “No. I don’t want to hurt her. I told you. She’s been through enough already.”
“Can’t you think of anything you should do here?”
“I can think of only one thing. I want you to give that Book of Shadows back to Angie, where it belongs.”
A wave of possessiveness rushes over me. “No way. The Book of Shadows is mine. Angie either deserted it on purpose or never even noticed it was missing. She never asked for it back.”
I know that by not returning it to Angie, I’ve basically stolen it, but I refuse to give it up. Its true home is with me.
he next morning, Mike and I rush to the bathroom at the same time, then stand around telling each other to “go first”. During breakfast, both of us reach for the same box of Cheerios.
“Help yourself,” Mike offers.
“Thanks.” Dumping the box over, I discover there’s only half a bowl left.
“Oh, Mike, I’m sorry. Why don’t you take it? I can eat something else instead.”
“No, thanks. Maybe I should grocery shop today while you’re at class.”
My breakfast doesn’t taste very good after that.
Then I brush my teeth, pull on one of Jake’s old Doors shirts, and hurry off to campus. I hate to admit that Walker’s right, but things are a bit awkward without Steve here as the buffer.
I cross over the bridge, enjoying the sun on my face. The beautiful spring day hints at the summer warmth to follow. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Amanda and her clones cutting off my direct path to the Science building. This time, instead of turning away, I march straight toward her, clenching both hands tight at my sides.
Let’s see if Walker is right about this, too.
As I approach Amanda, the ugly faces of my junior high and high school bullies float before me. Their mean words buzz in my ears, telling me I’m worthless. That I’m not good enough to be anyone’s friend. Starting around my feet, the wind begins to stir. Leaves, debris, and small sticks fly up into the air.
Amanda doesn’t spot me until our paths cross in the center of the campus mall with Schofield Hall in the background. She turns to her friends. “Listen, you guys, I’ll just see you after class, okay?”
“Oh, okay! See you after Sociology!” Katie teeters off in her platform heels, and the other girls follow, their goodbyes echoing behind them.
Amanda takes a deep breath. “Emma, I’ve been looking for you all semester, but I couldn’t find you anywhere. Have you been avoiding me?”
Everything about her angers me―her pretty skirt, her pretty hair, her pretty face. “Well, here I am. What do you want?”
She sighs. “You’re not even going to apologize for what you did, are you?”
“Nope.” I cross my arms. “You’re the one who should be sorry for copying Sam’s paper! I’ll bet you were already failing that class. Without that paper, you would have had to repeat it anyway.”
“So I’m not the perfect student―so what?” She narrows her eyes. “Who are you to judge? Since you’re Little Miss 4.0, I suppose your life is perfect. Must be nice to look down on the rest of us.”
My jaw drops. “But you’re the one who thinks you’re better than everyone else!”
“Oh really?” She puts a hand on one hip. “Why do you say that?”
“You make people cry at dance-line tryouts!” Boy, that was lame! Why was that the first thing out of my mouth?
“Oh, please!” She sniffs. “Girls always cry when they don’t get what they want. And not everybody can make it on the team. That’s just the way it is.”
“Forget about the team, then. What about stealing Sam’s paper? You shouldn’t have taken it!”
“I know that! But if Sam was still around, he’d have helped me with my paper anyway. He was always nice to me.”
“So he was good enough to do your homework, but not good enough to date?”
“I shouldn’t have to date anyone I don’t want to,” Amanda argues. “Besides, I’d already told him I wasn’t seeing anyone for a while because of my family situation, and yet he kept pushing.”
“Don’t make up some lie about your family just to make me feel bad for you―”
“It’s not a lie! And it’s also none of your business, but since you must’ve overheard our conversation that night, you know all about it, anyway.”
“You mean Walker told you?” The wind whips the leaves around our feet.
“No. I just assumed that’s what happened.” Amanda cocks her head. “But what I don’t get is…if you heard everything, why be mad at me?”
“Because you were mean to him! You told him he was stupid!”
“Well, he was stupid! He said he’d never be like my dad because I was so beautiful. No one could ever be unfaithful to someone so beautiful, blah, blah, blah. What’s that supposed to mean? That my mom isn’t pretty anymore? So it’s okay to cheat on somebody once they’re old, like, forty or something? Forget that!”
“Okay. I see your point.” This conversation is not going the way I expected. “But couldn’t you have let him down a little more easily?”
“I tried, but some friends of mine were coming down the hall―and when I say ‘friends’, I don’t mean real friends.” Amanda shrugs. “Just party buddies, and I didn’t want them to know about my dad cheating on my mom. So I had to shut Sam up quick and get rid of him, so I did it the only way I knew how. I would’ve explained it to him later but―”
“But then he went and killed himself.”
Amanda opens and shuts her mouth twice before speaking. “I guess you’d understand me better if you had something to hide.”
I glance down at Jake’s shirt. “Maybe we all have something to hide.”
Amanda bites her lower lip. “So you won’t tell anyone?”
“No.” My anger against her dissolves. I finally realize I’ve taken my leftover hate for my past bullies and forced it onto her, which isn’t fair. The wind at my feet dies down.
“You promise? I mean, my friends know my parents are getting divorced. I just don’t want to get into the nasty nitty-gritty about it with everyone, okay?”
“They won’t hear it from me. It’s none of their business anyway, right?” I check the clock. “I’ve got to get to class.”
“Me, too.” She smirks. “Wouldn’t want to flunk another class because of you, now would I?”
I smile and turn toward the Science building. When I reach the door, a guy dressed in jeans rushes past me. His Concho belt catches my attention, as does the Doors tune he hums.
“Jake?” My heart flutters and then crashes as “Jake” looks back with a stranger’s face.
“No. Sorry.” The stranger smiles. “But I like your shirt!”
“Oh. Excuse me.” My cheeks burn. “And thanks.”
What’s wrong with me? I’ll never see Jake again.
“I finally confronted Amanda!” I announce when I get back to the apartment that evening. “And it was so easy. I should’ve done it months ago. But I’m not sure if I should be happy, or sad, or feel guilty, or what.”
Mike yawns and stretches. “So… What do you want to do tonight?”
“At first I wanted to celebrate, but now I’m not sure if I should.”
“Celebrate what?” Mike asks.
“That I confronted Amanda, of course. But now I feel guilty for thinking all kinds of bad things about her, when maybe I was wrong.”
“I don’t see why that’s such a big deal. She’s just some snooty girl. It’s not like she’s important to you.”
I sigh. “Listen, Mike, do you want to go to Pizza Heaven or not?”
“Pizza Heaven? Sure!”
As we drive several miles north of campus, I wish Jake rode beside me instead. He would show the proper level of appreciation for what I’ve done. It would be more fun to celebrate with him. All Mike cares about is eating. Not that I blame him. Who doesn’t love a pizza buffet?
We walk into the warm restaurant and glance around, inhaling the mouth-watering fragrance of tomato and basil. The salad bar contains the greatest chocolate pudding ever. As I crane my neck to better view this delight, Mike nudges me.
“Look who’s here.” He nods toward Chrissy and Angie sitting at a table.
Before we can select a seat far away from them, Angie spots us. Both she and Chrissy wave and smile.
That’s odd, I think. Angie looks different than before.
“Why don’t you sit with us?” Angie slides her chair closer to Chrissy to give us more space.
I stare at the two sisters: they have similar hairstyles, wear almost matching outfits and similar amounts of makeup. Why’s Angie wearing eye shadow? And her hair is curled. This doesn’t make sense. Where’s the organic cotton?
As we join them at their table, the two sisters share a significant glance, and then both of them turn to us.
“I’m thinking of breaking up with Kevin,” Chrissy announces.
Mike tenses.
Leave it to Chrissy to act like she’s never stopped being my friend. She automatically assumes I still care. The pathetic thing is that she’s right. I have missed her fair-weathered friendship.
Chrissy explains. “Kevin’s always so angry, and he’s starting to take it out on me. That night, after Kevin saw us chatting outside the police station, he went ballistic, yelling about how you were to blame for Mike’s death.”
Chrissy pauses to take a short sip of soda. “For once, I argued back. I’ve had enough of his sick obsession. I told him you weren’t the one who got his brother drunk in the first place, and that it was too much to expect you to save Mike once he got in the river. It’s not like you’re athletic or anything.”
Despite the insult to my physical fitness level, I know Chrissy means well. She actually defended me against the accusations of her oh-so-important boyfriend.
Mike sinks lower in his chair.
Why has he given up on his brother? He isn’t even going to try to help him.
Suddenly, Mike per
ks up, a haunted look in his eyes. “Emma, weren’t you just saying that you still had something of Angie’s you borrowed a really long time ago?”
No! He has no right! My stomach sinks.
“Uh, Angie, I have my…I mean your Book of Shadows.” My hands shake beneath the table. “You left it in our dorm room last fall. I found it under the bed but forgot to give it back to Chrissy after she moved out.”
Angie’s face pales. “That’s not possible.”
“I’ve had it for months. Didn’t you notice it was gone?” A wave of protectiveness washes over me. How could Angie be so careless as to forget it somewhere?
“I loved my grandma,” Angie whispers, tears springing to her eyes. “And I loved her book. But I had to get rid of it.”
“You ditched it on purpose?” I ask, flabbergasted. “Wouldn’t your grandma be disappointed in you?”
“Stop it, Emma!” Chrissy puts an arm around her sister and scowls at me. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. She had good reason to throw that awful book away. It’s dangerous. It gave her bad dreams.”
Bad dreams? No kidding.
Mike clears his throat. “If it’s so dangerous, then why did you give it to Emma?”
“But I didn’t,” Angie whimpers.
Chrissy frowns. “Yeah, I thought you said you threw it in the pond back home.”
Angie wipes away tears. “I did.”
The room goes fuzzy, and my head spins. “Then how did it get under my bed?”
“I don’t know,” Angie whispers.
None of this makes any sense. “I figured you just left it in our room accidentally the last time you visited.”
“No. I took it back home. That’s when things got weird.”
“What things?” I ask.
“Everything was fine until we did that love spell for Chrissy and Kevin,” Angie explains. “You remember that, don’t you, Emma?”
Mike sits up straight. “You did a love spell on my bro… I mean, on Kevin?”
“And look what that did to me!” Chrissy exclaims. “My life’s a total mess right now!”
As usual, no matter the situation at hand, everything is still always about Chrissy.