by Amanda Uhl
I opened my mouth to speak but George continued, almost to himself. “Says I’m too tied to my family. She doesn’t think I can stand on my own two feet. Well, I’ve done it now. I’ve gone and moved out. I’ve got my own place.”
“So tell her, George. Leave a voicemail if you have to. I’ve never known you to be shy or afraid once you’ve made up your mind. Go after her.”
George looked at me, his large eyes glassy, vulnerable. “She won’t talk to me. Claims I’m not good for her. I’d like to convince her to give me a chance…if I could see her in person, alone. Elias said most of Reynolds will be at the Q Hall to celebrate the new product launch on Friday.”
It was true. Our friendly paint was poised to lead in all markets. After a week of overtime, Reynolds was about to a launch a smash hit. Charlie had invited everyone to the Q Hall for a happy hour celebration. Julie said Clarissa would be there so I hadn’t planned on going. I didn’t have the stomach to watch the two of them together.
George pleaded. “Won’t you come with me? Please. Help me reason with her? She listens to you.”
I hesitated, considering. I couldn’t bear to watch Charlie with Clarissa. Two charming power people in their power world.
“Please, Val.”
I sighed. After everything I’d put him through, I owed George his happiness. It would ease my guilty conscious to pave the way for him with Bernie. And it shouldn’t be hard. I wouldn’t have to stay long. Just long enough to convince Bernie that George was sincere. She’d talk to George…wouldn’t she? And I could manage to avoid Charlie for the few minutes it took…couldn’t I?
Chapter Thirty-three
As it turned out, I underestimated Bernie’s resistance to being alone with George, or my inability to ignore Charlie with Clarissa.
I suffered my first niggling doubts about Bernie the moment I tried to talk to her after lunch. First, I called her cell. The minute I heard her bubbly voice, I hung up. What I had to say was much too important to leave in a voicemail. Next, I stopped by her cubicle but found it empty. I took a quick stroll around our floor. Bernie wasn’t in the bathroom or the shipping area or at the vending machine—our usual haunts. I eyed the powdered donuts in the machine while I considered other possibilities. Would one little white taste of heaven go straight to my thighs? Did I care? It wasn’t like there was anyone to notice.
“You’ve given up on the grapefruit diet?”
The sound of Charlie’s familiar voice so close and yet so far away made me cringe. I pulled my hand from the vending machine like it was red hot. Why did it seem he caught me at the worst moments? I stared at the machine. I guess I was wrong about no one noticing. I would not turn and look at him, though. It was none of his damn business if I ate a whole basket full of donuts. And I didn’t think I could bear one more indifferent scan from his knowing blue eyes. “Not at all,” I said. “I was looking for someone.”
“In the vending machine?” He laughed, the sexy sound traveling up my spine, causing my shoulders to tighten.
I gazed at his wavy reflection in the glass but did not turn around. What did he want? Why was today the day he’d decided to break his glacier silence and talk to me, ask me questions? I shrugged. “Oh, for Pete’s sake. Of course not in the vending machine.”
I waited, but he didn’t leave. I couldn’t stay this way forever, staring at the goodies, my back to him. I was going to have to turn and look at his handsome face. Pretend like my heart wasn’t thumping madly in my chest. Like his expressive eyes, which had once looked at me with great tenderness, didn’t chill the blood in my veins, causing warm tears to rush to mine.
I sucked in a breath, turned, swallowed, managed to avoid looking directly at him. I stared at the wall over his left shoulder and fought to keep my expression even. “Did you need something?”
“How was your lunch with George?”
“Okay.” I wasn’t giving anything away for free. If Charlie’s asking me questions was his signal he was over the frigid silence, he needed to do better than ask me about George. I stole a quick glance. I couldn’t resist. God help me he was gorgeous. His eyes caught and held mine, causing my breath to hitch. Look away! My alter ego shouted orders. I shifted my eyes back to his shoulder.
“Val, I…” Charlie took a few steps toward me. His cell phone buzzed in his pocket, but he didn’t stop to answer it. “You don’t look like it was great. You look like you hardly ate a thing. Who were you looking for?”
“What?” I couldn’t keep staring at the wall, could I? “No one.”
“Does he want you back?”
Now my eyes darted to his. He sounded as if he… No, he couldn’t be jealous of George. He knew we’d broken it off. I’d told him I didn’t love George. That I loved…but no, I wouldn’t think of that. Not right now. Not with Charlie’s perceptive eyes on mine, peering into my soul as if he could read my innermost thoughts. Otherwise, I’d become a sniveling mess. I’d be like all the others, pleading for him to take me back.
“He…he asked for a favor.” I deliberately kept my tone mulish. I could do this. Impart information without giving in to my fragile emotional state.
There went the slightly raised brow, the expression so familiar I was sorely tempted to smooth a finger along the left side of his face. He was asking without words what favor George wanted. Why George would suddenly pop back into my life and request favors. I had the incredible urge to tell him—to share the burden of George’s dilemma with Charlie. But I didn’t. Because two things happened in conjunction. Charlie’s cell phone buzzed again. This time he checked the number, pulling away from me to answer. Above the phone, his eyes caught mine momentarily. His voice softened, deepened. “Hi. Yeah. Great. Everything okay?”
He turned his head and cupped the phone under his chin. Somehow, I knew the caller was Clarissa.
“Tomorrow night. Casual’s fine. It’s a bar. Meet me at Reynolds. I’ll introduce you around.”
Charlie hung up just as I spied a flash of lime green from the corner of my eye. “There’s Bernie.” I pointed down the hall. “I…gotta run.”
“Val, wait. We need to talk,” Charlie said.
“No time right now. I’ll catch you later.” I didn’t wait for Charlie to respond before I took off at a run.
“Bernie, wait up!” I shouted at her backside as she rounded the corner. I huffed and puffed, mentally reminding myself to give up on donuts, and eventually caught up to her. Except she wasn’t alone. Jim from Sales was holding her hand. When she saw me, she let go.
“Hi, Jim.” I nodded and looked at Bernie. Jim must be George’s competition. What the heck was Bernie up to? “Can you spare a few minutes? I’d like to talk to you…privately.”
“Okay,” Bernie said. “Jim, lunch was nice. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Sure,” he said. He didn’t move though. I looked back once to see him still standing there while I pulled Bernie into the nearest conference room. I looked around. The room was tiny with two chairs and a table and no windows to let in light.
“What’s up?” Bernie asked as she pulled out one of the chairs and sat.
I grabbed the other one. “What do you mean, what’s up? Bernie, what the heck were you doing with Jim?”
Bernie laughed. “Nothing. We’re…friends.”
I stared at her, as if I could see inside her mind. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand any better than I had a second ago. “Oh come off it. You were holding hands.”
Bernie shrugged. “Yeah, what of it? He’s a nice guy. Cute, too.”
“What about George?”
Bernie sighed, twisting the glittering gold ring on her right hand. “What about George?”
“Bernie, the man’s in love with you.”
Bernie shot out of her seat, hands clenched at her sides, face red. “No…that’s where you’re wrong. He’s not. At one time, I thought… Well, never mind what I thought. It’ll never work. His mother hates me. And I…I’ve moved on.”
“You’ve what?” I tried to make sense of the words spilling from Bernie’s lips, but they seemed to be in some foreign language. How could she move on when she loved George?
“Jim and I are dating now.”
“Bernie, that’s not fair. Believe me, it’s not good to date one man when you have unresolved feelings for another.”
“Oh, so you’re the relationship expert now?”
I sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”
Bernie ran a hand through her tight curls and said, “I know what you meant. Sorry, I don’t mean to rub your…love issues in your face. But you’re in the same boat I am. Just because you’re pining after Charlie, and I haven’t made the same choice, doesn’t mean you’re making the right one. Which reminds me… I saw them…together.” Bernie put one hand on my shoulder and patted it with sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
All thoughts of George vaporized. “What…who?”
“Charlie and that Clarissa chick you told me about. I saw them the other night. Jim and I ran into them at a wine bar.”
My stomach sank. I cleared my throat. I did not want to know any more. Did I? “What were they…doing?”
Bernie looked away. “It was dark inside. Hard to tell.”
“Bernice Kathleen! What aren’t you telling me?”
“Listen, I’ve gotta go.” Bernie placed her hand on the doorknob. “Jim and I are having dinner tonight, and I’ve got invoices to process.”
I stood and covered her hand, pulling it away from the knob. “Stop right there. What did you see? What aren’t you telling me? Bernie, please.” Desperation made my voice squeaky.
Bernie let out a great big gusty sigh. With her free hand, she wound a strand of her dark curly hair through her fingertips. “They were kissing, okay? They were dancing to some country music song and kissing. Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you. But give up on Charlie. He’s a player, Val. You were right about him all along. Forget him. Find someone better. Someone who shares your lifestyle and interests.”
I fought the sting of hot tears. Hard to believe after I’d survived my disastrous first engagement, I was right back where I started nearly three years ago. Except this time was much worse. This time the beating of my heart was a hollow sound in my chest, and my brain was sending out distress signals. I gripped the back of the chair, as if it could prop me up. Forget Charlie? How was it possible?
A ringing sound started in my ears and spread to my sinuses. Sharp pain lanced my skull, splitting my forehead in two. I breathed shallowly through my nose. The man had stolen my heart. How would I ever forget him?
Bernie was still talking, but I couldn’t make sense of the words. They surrounded me, hanging somewhere in the air above my head. I pulled the chair out before falling into it. “I need…a minute.”
Bernie kept talking. Eventually, there was a pause. “I’ll be okay,” I heard myself tell her. “I need to be alone.” I must have been convincing because the door opened and closed. For a long while, or maybe it was only five minutes, I sat there. Motionless. Empty. Time seemed to drag to a slow, grinding halt.
Before this moment, I believed I would win Charlie back. Somehow. After he’d gotten over his hurt and anger at my lack of trust, he would admit he still cared for me. I could apologize properly for not having faith in him.
I shook my head. Foolish girl. To believe he loved me. To believe there was more to Charlie than the charming façade he showed the world.
Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, rolling down my face. I used both hands to brush them away. What a mess. My own damn fault. I’d known what Charlie was the moment I’d laid eyes on him. I’d told myself not to get any big ideas. Why hadn’t I listened? What was wrong with me that I went after charmers?
Panic ripped through my body, tearing my heart in two. Charlie had moved on. With Clarissa. My fall from the mountaintop stole my breath, sending a solid stake through my heart. It was time to leave…get away. Running Val had returned, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stay at the company I loved one more blessed day. To see Charlie and Clarissa together. No way.
A knock sounded. Oh Lord. Someone was coming. The door opened. I only had time to remove my hands from my face and stand.
“Val, what’s wrong?”
Charlie. Damn. This wasn’t happening. My hands shook. Anger surfaced, bitter and strong like the blackest coffee, rushing to my defense. I straightened my shoulders and glared. “This isn’t any of your concern.”
Charlie ignored me, entering the room and placing both hands on my shoulders. “Don’t be that way. I am concerned. What’s the matter?”
You. You’re what’s the matter. I wanted to shout the words at him. But I had my pride. So I shook my head, trembling with the force of my hurt and anger, and swiped at my tears with the back of one hand. “There’s nothing to tell. I got some hor…horrid news. Nothing you need to be concerned about.”
He placed his cool hands on either side of my face and smoothed the hair from my eyes. I closed my eyes, momentarily stunned into silence by his touch. “Too late. I’m concerned,” he said. “Now tell me.”
I blinked and pulled away, shaking my head at him in disbelief and trying my best not to fall apart. I reminded myself of the cold treatment he’d served me all week. “You have some nerve.” I headed toward the door, throwing my next words back over my shoulder, dismissing, my tone laced with bitterness. “I’m not in a talking mood. Besides, why would you care?”
Charlie grabbed my arm, forcing me to face him. “I do. Care. I more than care. Val, I was a fool. I’m sorry. I was hurt. I said things I don’t mean. If it makes you feel better, I’ve been disgusted with myself all week. I don’t want to go on like this.”
His words stopped me in my tracks momentarily. Long seconds ticked by. How I wanted to believe him. But Charlie was lying. He had to be. Bernie said she’d seen him kissing Clarissa. I turned to stare at Charlie’s hand on my arm. What the hell was he telling me? Despite my anger at his treachery, I needed to understand. I slowly raised my eyes to his. “You’re sorry,” I said evenly.
“Yes, I’m sorry for ignoring you and pretending like I don’t care. I do care. Very much. I overreacted. I can admit it now. I’d like to… I want to try again. Please.”
He wanted to try again? But he was already trying with Clarissa. What did the man think I was? A robot? He could take his charming looks and cheating ways and go to hell. “I’m afraid it’s a little too late for that. Go amuse yourself with Clarissa. You two are perfect for one another.”
As a final comeback, it wasn’t half bad. Three short sentences, and he knew I knew about Clarissa. I had my hand on the knob and was out the door before Charlie could offer a counterargument.
Chapter Thirty-four
I tore out of the conference room like there was a mad gunman behind me, my arms swinging from side to side, head bent. Fat tears rolled down my face, but I didn’t waste any time trying to wipe them away. I had to get away. Back to my apartment where no one would bother me. I’d curl up on my couch with a bag of Cheetos and the remote. Maybe I’d watch The Hallmark Channel, where a girl could meet a guy and not have her heart torn into a million pieces.
I swiped a hand across my wet, and probably mascara-streaked, face and continued my rapid pace to my cubicle I’d need to find another job of course. I couldn’t stay here. It would be unbearable. I passed the break room with the Keurig machine where I sometimes made lattes in the morning. I’d miss the Keurig machine. The bathrooms were up ahead. Reynolds had the sweetest bathrooms. I’d miss those, too. God, I’d loved this place. Reynolds was the first place I felt accepted, even praised for my nerdiness. It would be hard to say good-bye. My feet slowed as I reached my cube. Home sweet home. I’d never sit behind this desk, plug in my laptop, answer the telephone. Oh God.
I made a grab for a photo frame of Bernie and me at an Indians game. It was last year’s home opener I remembered. Larry Reynolds had awarded me club sea
ts for working overtime on a project, and George couldn’t go. The girl in the picture was smiling, happy. Would I ever smile like that again? Would I be happy as a spinster? Because I was fairly certain I was destined to be one. Maybe I should get another cat? Just because I was miserable without a partner didn’t mean Mitzi needed to be partnerless, too.
My desk telephone rang. I ignored it. Instead, I moved around my cube, throwing anything personal I could find into a cardboard box I happened to see in the corner. The ringing stopped momentarily and started up again. I continued throwing items in the box. My mug, a Christmas card from Larry, my calculator. I couldn’t part with my calculator. I’d had it since high school. I gave it a loving pat before placing it in the box with all the other stuff. I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. God, I was a mess.
Chirp. The desk phone rang again. I had a feeling I knew who was calling. The challenge of the chase, I suppose. Well, I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed the phone and yelled into it. “Leave me alone!”
“Val?”
“George?” Something about hearing George’s familiar, steady voice caused the tears to roll in fat drops down my cheeks. I blubbered. “Imadeamessofthings.”
“What? Calm down. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I drew in air in uneven gulps and tried again. “I’m a wreck. I’ve made a…a mess. Bernie…” I hiccupped and started over. “Bernie wouldn’t listen to me. And Charlie’s got…Clarissa. And you and I…and we’re…all alonnnnne.”
“What happened? Is that why you didn’t answer your cell? Never mind. I’m nearby. I’m coming to get you.”
“Oh, no, no… You don’t have to… George? George?” I looked at the phone helplessly. He’d hung up. There went my plans to drown my sorrows alone in a bowl full of Cheetos.
The phone rang again. He must have changed his mind. “George?”
“Val, listen to me.” Charlie’s voice sounded panicked. Which made no sense. He had some nerve. I threw the phone in its cradle.