Wrapping his bed sheet around me, I walked over to the door. I ran my hand along the roughly-patched door, smiling as the memories of last night came flooding back to my mind. The way Jace’s rippling body pressed into mine. The way his hands tangled in my hair. The salted sweetness of the cum dripping from his cock. The way my tongue had been so eager to taste him.
My nipples were standing at attention again just thinking about it.
But where the hell was he? Why wasn’t he here with me? I knew he’d been here all night, so where the fuck was he now? I pushed my way into his bathroom and looked around for him, checking the shower and even looking in the damn closet.
But it wasn’t until the smell of toast and bacon hit my nostrils that I understood where he was.
I cleaned myself up at his sink before I made my way downstairs. I picked up my clothes along the way, pulling them on as I made my way to the kitchen. I dropped his sheet to the floor as I ran my hands through my hair, trying to make myself look a little more presentable.
But it was his half-naked form that stopped me in my tracks.
He was standing at the stove in the kitchen, cooking up some breakfast for us both. He had on his jeans from last night, but they were dangerously low on his body. His torso was completely bared to me, calling out for my hands as I approached him cautiously. I could see the kissable dimples just above his tight ass before my eyes raked up his strong back. It was like every muscle in his body stood at their peaks for me. I could see every ridge and trace my fingers along every divot. The muscles in his arms were expanding and contracting as he cooked, causing me to salivate as his strength was showcased for me.
I sat down on a bar stool at the kitchen island and waited. I could tell Jace was tense. Debating on whether or not he should speak up. He kept moving his body and pausing, moving his body and pausing. It was like he would talk himself into something, then second-guess himself before he could execute it.
And I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t know what to think about any of this, either. On the one hand, I wanted us to go back to the way things were. Before the lying became chronic and before he threw me out of his home. There were so many confusing aspects of this. So many things that were still out of place and unaddressed. Even if I wanted him back. Even if I was willing to forgive him for what happened between us, I didn’t know if I could trust him.
I didn’t know if I could ever trust him again.
I waited for Jace to provide an opening to talk. A grunt or an acknowledgment. A ‘good morning’ or a ‘how did you sleep.’ Anything to show me he wanted some sort of communication prompted between the two of us after all the fuckery that traversed last night. But the opening never came, and I was back to doing what I did for most of our relationship.
I was back to taking the reins on positive, honest communication.
“Last night was fun,” I said.
“I enjoyed it,” Jace said.
“But you know it doesn’t mean anything.”
That was when he turned around, carrying the pan of bacon along with him. I continued to talk quickly so that he would let me finish my thoughts.
“Just because we fucked around doesn’t mean I can forgive you for how you treated me that night,” I said. “That’s… some hard shit to forget. And I can’t. I can’t allow myself to.”
“I understand,” he said, sighing.
“Do you?” I asked.
“Yes. I do, Laiken,” he said. “And I want to explain things. You think I don’t, but I do. I just… don’t know how right now.”
“Are you serious?” I asked. “We fucked one time-”
“Two times,” he said.
“Two times over the course of one night, and you’re already keeping secrets?” I asked.
“It’s not a secret. I mean it is, but now you know there is.”
“I knew there was from the beginn-... Jace? Do you even know why I’m fucking angry with you?”
“You’re still angry with me?” he asked, grinning. “Because I could’ve sworn with the way you were holding me last night that we had made some progress.”
“See, this is why women don’t fuck around with men like you. You think your cock can heal shit like grabbing my arm and tossing me out onto a concrete fucking porch.”
I watched the smirk fall from his face before he set the sizzling bacon on the counter.
“Hungry?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said.
“Want some toast?”
“Sure. Got any butter?”
“I want to tell you,” he said as he grabbed the butter dish, “but it’s hard.”
“Letting someone into your life isn’t supposed to be easy,” I said.
“I never said anything about letting you in anywhere. I was only talking about explaining the lies I told you while we were dating.”
“At least you admit they were lies,” I said, murmuring.
“Laiken, there’s a good reason, I promise.”
“What is with you and all the secrets?” I asked. “Are you part of some super-secret CIA black ops team or some shit?”
“Depends. How sexy is that to you?” A slow smirk spread across his beautiful face.
Even though I didn’t want to, I grinned. No matter how angry I got with Jace, he always had this way of breaking down my exterior. That was one of the reasons why I hid myself from him. When we ended, I was three weeks away from graduation. I cashed in my sick days, finished up my work, and only came in to take my final exams. I skipped out on walking with my classmates altogether and opted for them to mail me my diploma. I was on the road to Los Angeles the morning of my graduation, and I didn’t look back. I knew if I did, I would go looking for him. And I knew that if I found him, he would talk me into staying.
Between him grabbing me the way he did and my mother spiraling into endless oblivion, I knew I couldn’t stay.
It would’ve eaten me alive had I stayed.
“This isn’t funny,” I said. “This is serious.”
“I know it is. And trust me, when I can find a way to tell you what’s going on that protects you in the process, you’ll realize how serious I was, too. How serious I still am.”
“Protect me? Do you know who you’re talking to?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said as he looked straight at me. “I do.”
His gaze was stern and unwavering. Usually, I found solace in his eyes. Comfort when I needed it most and understood when I least expected it. But this time his eyes were angry. Silently dripping with a warning call. They were buzzing with unspoken words and fiery fears, and my stomach dropped to my toes as I took a bite of my bacon.
What had Jace gotten himself into?
“Jace? Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yep,” he said.
“Jace, you’re lying to me. What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Laiken. For once in your damn life, I need you to drop it,” he said.
I was about to strike up another fight with him before I heard my phone ringing out. I felt around in my pockets for it, but it wasn’t there. Looking around, I was about to hop off my chair before my phone was slid across the kitchen island and right into my lap.
“I put my number in it. You know, just in case,” Jace said.
“In case… what? I needed the help of a man I don’t trust?” I asked.
He turned his back to me quickly, and I knew my words had stung.
“Officer Riley.” I jumped down from the stool and walked into the other room to take the call. I looked back and saw Jace staring at me, his gaze hard on my body. I furrowed my brow at him and shooed him away, forcing him to turn back around to tend to whatever the hell it was he was cooking now. My work conversations were nothing he needed to be privy to.
Especially if he was still fucking keeping secrets.
My captain told me to get my ass into work, so I hung up the phone and sighed. I walked to the front door and grabbed my bra from the floor, shoving it into the waist
of my jeans.
“I need to go home, Jace,” I said. “Got called into work.”
“Officer Riley,” he said.
“That’s me.” I looked up into his eyes as he grabbed his leather jacket, his stare hardened and his gaze curious.
“Congratulations,” Jace said.
“Just get me home,” I said.
Chapter 17
Snake
Officer Riley!? Fuck. Laiken was a cop? I mean, I knew she had ambitions and shit, but I figured since she was in town she ended up doing something different with her life. But a cop? In town? With the DEA snooping around and shit? What the hell had I gotten myself into? Had I known that shit this morning when I got up, I would’ve never put my phone number in her phone in the first place. Had I known she was a cop, I wouldn’t have messed with her last night. Not one fucking bit. The last thing I needed was to be tangled up with some fucking government-employed asshole.
Holy shit. I’d really fucked up this time.
I knew I loved her. When I got up this morning and saw her face lying next to mine, I felt that flutter in my heart. That sappy bullshit stuff people talk about in books. My palms started to sweat, and my dick began to rise to life. I debated on whether or not to wake her up with it, for fuck’s sake. I’d let her stay over, and when her body was pressed into mine, I could feel my soul reaching out to her again.
Just like it had all those years ago.
But her being a cop was dangerous. Especially a cop here in town. With the DEA poking around and tailing The Devil Saints, it was only a matter of time before she figured out what the fuck was going on. Adding a cop into all this shit would bring more heat to me and my club, and shit would hit the fan. Beast would probably come out of the woodwork again and rain his hellfire and damnation upon all of us, and I wasn’t sure if we would survive another attack like that.
Another attack like the one that happened six years ago.
But the thing about Laiken was that she was relentless. Smart as a fucking whip and stopped at nothing until she dug to the bottom of something. When she was yelling at me last night, it didn’t shock me one bit that she’d done all that stuff. Going through my phone and smelling my clothes. Most men would’ve thought she was a crazy bitch, but that only showed me how intelligent she was. I didn’t even know she was doing that kind of shit while we were together!
She was relentless, she was intelligent, and she was sneaky. And with a cop, that was a dangerous combination.
I had no choice now. I had to cut her out of my life and for good this time. It didn’t matter how much I loved her and I didn’t matter how much I wanted her. Right now, every move I made affected the club. Every woman I sank myself into and every person I brought back with me had repercussions. And this woman-- with her job and her skills and her personality traits-- was dangerous as fuck for the club.
The ride back to her place was silent. She gave me directions to a place she was renting in town, but other than that the ride was silent. Her arms weren’t as tight around my stomach any longer, and her hands weren’t as curious about my body. She wasn’t pressing herself into me, and her head wasn’t resting on my back. All of the signs that screamed that she wanted me last night were gone in the blink of an eye, and it torched a part of me inside.
A part of me Laiken would always hold.
I hated it. I hated every fucking part of it. I wanted to go back to last night. Back to when things were a little less complicated. Not by much, but enough for us to entangle ourselves in one another. I was with Laiken, and I was already daydreaming about when it was good between us. I could remember how her hands roamed along my abs while we rode back to my place last night. How eager she was to get me out of my clothes. Her body pulsed for me last night. She had craved me last night. But now, I was obsolete.
Unimportant.
An obstacle she now needed to get rid of.
I wondered if she regretted it. Regretted coming back and sleeping with me. I could never regret being with her, but I could understand if she did with me. The moment I opened my eyes that morning, I knew I was looking at everything I ever wanted. The slivers of light streaming through the breaks in my curtains illuminated her features. The soft swell of her cheeks and the rosy red tint of her neck. There was a stream of light running just over her breast, captivating me with her nipple’s pale pink color. There wasn’t a single thing about her that morning that hadn’t taken my breath away. That hadn’t reminded me of all the shitty things I’d done to push her away.
But now, I knew it was for the best. I knew that pushing her away for good would not only keep my family safe; it would also keep her safe. She would hate me, and I knew that whatever shot at a second chance I thought we had would be gone. But I didn’t care. I knew I was doing the right thing by both facets of my life.
No matter how much it fucking burned me inside.
As we rode through town, I felt her body grow weaker and weaker against mine. Soon, she was hanging onto the handles beside her hips instead of my body. She had removed herself completely from me as she called out directions, seemingly oblivious to how she was affecting me. I could feel my chest tightening. I could feel my heart shriveling up. I could feel my anger returning in twenty-foot waves that were ready to crash down onto the shores of The Devil Saints.
Had it not been for their bullshit in the first fucking place, maybe I would’ve had a second shot with Laiken.
“Right here,” she said. “The one with the red door.”
I pulled into a small driveway attached to a quaint little home. It couldn’t have been larger than a two-bedroom home, but somehow it suited Laiken. Just enough for her to spread herself out without worrying about her shitty fucking mother. Just enough for her to feel like she had a home in a place she had run from so quickly after college.
“Can I just… ask you one thing?” I asked.
“What,” she asked as she slid off my bike.
“Where did you go? You know, after our fight.”
She slid her head from the helmet and handed it to me. I put my feet on the ground and balanced my bike, taking my spare helmet from her hand. Her eyes locked onto mine and studied me, debating on whether or not she should answer my question. And I couldn’t blame her if she didn’t. It wasn’t like I was jumping at the ready to give her any answers to her questions.
Even though she did deserve them.
“Los Angeles,” she said. “Went in and graduated from the police academy and worked with the LAPD for a little while. Got transferred here when Mom got sick.”
“Is she okay?” I asked.
“Do you fucking care?” she asked.
“I do.”
“Well, she’s not.” I hated every single part of this. I could see her walls crashing down between us. The iron gates were dropping, and her drawbridge was being rolled up. Every defense mechanism she had was being pushed to the forefront, and it only increased the distance between us I thought had been fixed last night. She was standing right there. Within arm’s reach. If I reached out for her, I could touch her. Take her hand and even bring it to my lips.
But it felt like she was miles away. A mere phantom of the woman I remembered. The woman I cherished.
The woman I loved.
“Well, if you ever need me-”
“I won’t,” she said.
“I’m just saying, if you ever-”
“Goodbye, Jace.” I watched her turn her back on me and start for her front door. My eyes danced around her body, taking in every last bit I could. The sway of her hips and the tousled aspects of her hair. The way her shirt fluttered around her arms and how her back stood tall. I sat there on my bike, clutching my spare helmet, and waited for her to get inside safely. If she was concerned about getting back to her car at the bar, she didn’t act like it.
The door to her home opened and I expected her to look back at me. I expected her to want one last look at me before she left. One last look at the man that had tried to
give her everything and still protect her.
But instead, she stepped into her home and closed the door.
I felt blank. Empty. Alone and devastated. In some ways, this was worse than the first time. When I went after her and couldn’t find her, at least I was able to convince myself that had I been able to get to her, she would come back to me. I could lay my head down at night and dream of all the ways she’d run back into my arms and forgive me. But this was different. Now, I knew where she was. And I knew she wasn’t going to be accepting me anytime soon. She had my number and would never use it. I knew where she lived, and yet she would never invite me over.
I could no longer convince myself that she would forgive me. Not like I could the first time.
I stored my spare helmet in my cargo compartment before I struck my bike back up. I took one last look at her house, my eyes scanning the windows to see if I could see anything. Maybe she was looking out at me, trying to see what I would do. Maybe she was sneaking one last look at me, trying to put up a strong front when she really just wanted me to follow her into her home.
Laiken always loved it when I chased after her after we fought.
But the house was quiet, and the curtains were still. There was no sign of her after she had shut that door, and whatever hope I’d clung to last night vanished. I kicked off from her driveway and rode away from her home, chancing one last glance in my rearview mirror before I settled my mind.
She really didn’t give a shit that I was leaving.
Riding down the road, I tried to get myself back into a different mindset. I needed to go home, clean shit up, and get back to the lodge. I knew the moment I checked my phone I’d be ripped back into that world. The world of being crammed into a lodge with people who were secretly fearing for their lives. The Devil Saints were tearing apart their own damn town just to seek revenge for something they couldn’t fucking prove. I was going to be yanked back into a world where our choice to defend women and children were about to get us fucking killed by our enemies and tracked by our government.
So I allowed myself to cling to Laiken just a little bit longer. I went home and cleaned up the dishes before I picked up the shit off my floor. I tossed the comforter back onto the bed and brought my sheet to my nose, breathing in her scent. I allowed that scent to carry my mind back to a better time. A time when The Devil Saints hadn’t gunned us down, and this impending brawl wasn’t two seconds away from imploding on itself. I was caught between two worlds. I was in love with a cop, and I was related to a gang. I was dedicated to my outlaw family, and I wanted to be dedicated to a police officer.
Snake (The Road Rebels MC Book 3) Page 10