Stop thinking about what can’t be! He was on duty and had never had any intention of getting seriously involved with another woman besides Shanna.
He drank a gulp of the hot liquid and almost spewed it out. Instead he swallowed it and put the mug on the end table. Kay eased down at the other end of the sofa, thankfully oblivious to his scalding mouth. What was it about Kay that drew him? Made him do things he didn’t normally do?
“What if Kaleb isn’t my son? What if—”
“Then why hasn’t there been an Amber Alert put out on him?” Drake asked before she let her doubt interfere with whatever she would remember in the future. “I’ve checked across the country and beyond our borders. There’s nothing about a baby that fits his description. When you put pressure on yourself, it can stifle you.”
“And you need me to remember.”
“Yes. I’ve seen you and Kaleb together. He isn’t afraid of you. In fact, when he’s upset, you’re the only one who can calm him down. I’ve never had children, but that tells me there’s a connection between you—like a mother and son.” For a few seconds, all the regret and sorrow he’d experienced when the medical examiner had told him Shanna had been pregnant when she was murdered inundated him. They had wanted a family.
“I feel that way, too. I’m just getting desperate, especially after what happened last night at your ranch.”
“Trust yourself.” Drake cradled his mug, and this time he slowly sipped his cooler coffee. His gaze fell on an unopened carton Anna and his dad had given them before leaving. “I thought you and Dallas would have looked at what was inside the box.”
“I was going to, but Kaleb took up all my time. He’s been fussier than usual. Not much pleases him. Even Mr. Teddy and holding him weren’t enough until he exhausted himself.”
“He could be teething.”
“I checked his mouth. I couldn’t see or feel anything to indicate that.”
“He’s probably sensing all our tension.”
“Maybe. I thought of that, too, so I’m trying to be as calm as possible when holding him. Hopefully he’ll be better after he gets some sleep.” Kay waved her hand toward the carton. “In the meantime, we should see what’s inside.” For a moment, excitement lit her eyes.
“Go for it.” He handed her his pocketknife.
She slit the tape on the top and flipped the lids back. Her gaze widened. “A miniature Christmas tree.” She lifted it out of the box and set it on the coffee table, then plunged her hand back inside and brought out another small box. When she opened it, she smiled. “Leave it to Anna to think of everything. These are the decorations for the tree.”
“I’d forgotten we hadn’t put that one up yet this year. My father bought it for my mother my first Christmas. I was crawling and a little terror. She was afraid I’d pull the big tree down and get hurt.”
“At least Kaleb isn’t crawling, although his scooching on the floor could cause trouble. I’ve put some items out of his reach. I hope I thought of everything.” Kay scanned the room, rose and took a small trash can and set it up higher.
“Let’s have some chili, then put the ornaments on the tree. It’ll brighten up the cabin.”
“And make this place feel more like a home than a hideaway. Stay right there.” She headed for the kitchen. “I’ll bring you a bowl, then we’ll do what we can to this cabin.”
While Kay fixed their dinner, Drake relaxed against the couch cushion and closed his eyes, letting his tension siphon from him—at least for a while, or he would never catch any z’s before his next guard duty shift.
A picture of Kay hiding from the assailants the night before appeared in his mind and wouldn’t go away. She’d been brave, but in her expression, he’d seen the fear. He remembered that same look on his mother’s face when he’d been eight years old and the new bull charged him in the field. His mom had managed to catch the angry animal’s attention, which allowed him to flee the paddock and then watch her race for the fence. The bull struck the wooden planks as his mother scrambled over the enclosure, one horn grazing her calf.
He couldn’t allow the time he spent with Kay doing normal activities to lure him into a sense of safety. Like that bull, whoever was after her and Kaleb could appear at any time. Drake sat forward, resting his elbows on his thighs and clasping his hands tightly. His actions as a child had nearly caused his mother to be gored badly by a charging sixteen-hundred-pound machine. He needed to distance himself from Kay emotionally, but as she returned to the main room, carrying a tray with two bowls and crackers, her gaze found his, and for that moment there wasn’t any fear. Instead, a soft glow radiated from her.
He was in trouble.
*
While Drake slept in the bedroom with Kaleb, Kay sat on the couch, staring at the three-foot Christmas tree in the center of the table—half in the kitchen and half in the living room. The miniature ornaments sparkled and glittered, a festive touch in a trying time.
Would her life ever return to normal? What was normal for her? She kept pushing herself to remember, and for a few seconds, she would think she was within grasp of a memory. But then she’d hit a dark wall and lean back to find its top. There was no end to the barrier. Ever since she arrived at the cabin eight hours ago, there had been no memories or feelings about her past, whereas before she’d been receiving some. Did she have to be in danger to remember? Was she blocking the truth from herself?
She looked again at the Christmas tree as though the answers were somewhere on it. The twinkling lights mesmerized her, urging her to go to sleep. She blinked and dragged her attention away. She would sleep when Drake went outside to relieve Dallas. Maybe when she was totally relaxed and sleeping, something would come to her. Remembering her past could be the difference between safety and death for her and Kaleb.
It wasn’t even nine o’clock, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open. She’d insisted that Drake sleep on the bed because an hour ago she couldn’t image herself resting yet. She’d been wound so tightly that she’d used the time Drake had gone into the bedroom to clean and finish putting up the few decorations Anna had given them besides the tree and ornaments.
Now she was surrounded with Christmas, and she couldn’t remember anything about the traditions she had at this time of year. Maybe she should grab some shut-eye. She could be interrupted with a…
Something teased her thoughts. A memory. She couldn’t quite put it together.
She fixed her attention on the garland hanging from the mantel over the fireplace. Slowly she dropped her gaze to the dying flames in the grate. She rose and snatched a log to add to the fire, then another. Sparks shot upward, and crackles sounded. A blaze flared with the additional fuel. When she put another piece of wood on top, waves of heat enveloped her.
The sensation sent her to her knees. She gripped a fireplace stone as visions paraded across her mind. Red-hot flames surrounded her, dancing closer and closer to her. Trapped. Calling for help, she spun around, trying to find a way out. A break in the inferno beckoned her. She hurried toward it, only to have each end race to meet the other.
Kay jumped to her feet, swinging away from the fireplace.
The memory vanished, and all she saw was Drake crossing the room to her, deep lines of concern etched into his face. He clasped her upper arms. “Are you okay?”
She nodded.
“Did you remember something that’ll help us?”
“I’m not sure what it was.”
He urged her toward the couch and sat as she did—right next to her, his thigh touching hers. “Tell me about it.”
His nearness soothed her taut nerves. “I was trapped in the middle of a raging fire. Then I saw a way out, but it was quickly disappearing.”
“Did you escape?”
She attempted a smile that quivered. “Apparently, I did, if it was a real memory.” She waved her hand down her length. “But I don’t know if it really has anything to do with why I was in Big Bend with Kaleb.”
&n
bsp; “Or something else?”
“Yes, from my past or totally made up. It happened when I was putting more logs on the dying fire.”
“So you think it was the power of suggestion that produced the memory?”
“Maybe. It might have nothing to do with my past.”
“Or everything. Remember you told me you’d been in a fire before. Maybe the two memories are connected.”
“I’ll never take for granted remembering my past or the importance of it. I feel like I’m living with a stranger in my head. We’re who we are because of all our previous experiences. People draw on their prior knowledge to help them make decisions. It becomes difficult when you don’t remember those experiences. What’s stopping me from recalling what happened to me? My head doesn’t hurt anymore, and even the scrapes and bruises I suffered are starting to disappear.”
“Your mind can block memories of a traumatic event to protect you from pain and suffering.”
Kay dropped her head and scrubbed her hands down her face. “All the more reason I shouldn’t forget what it was. It’s obvious with those men after me it’s something dangerous—at least to me and Kaleb.”
“Turn around. You’ll never get any sleep if you don’t relax.” He ran his fingers down her neck. “You’re coiled tighter than a boa constrictor around its prey.”
She did as he asked, a deep throbbing ache along her shoulders, the muscles twisted into a knotted ball. When he began kneading the soreness away, her eyes slid closed. She willed the tension from her body, and slowly, as he worked, she truly relaxed for the first time in days. She hadn’t thought that would be possible, especially after last night. Something traumatic had most likely happened to her, causing her to be injured in Big Bend. She’d blocked that from her mind, but she remembered every second of the shootout at the ranch and the assailant coming after her behind the café. What memory was worse than those incidents?
“You’re tightening up again. Relax. Think about good things.”
“Isn’t that kinda hard when you’ve forgotten your past?”
He chuckled, the soft sound producing a grin from Kay. “There. Keep doing whatever you’re doing now.”
Thinking about Drake. Dangerous. How could she have feelings for him when she couldn’t even remember who she was? She couldn’t explain why she knew she wasn’t married—that she didn’t have anyone in her life except Kaleb.
Before she tensed again, she focused on the sweet baby boy in the other room. He’d been a trouper through the past days, although this afternoon nothing had pleased him. Poor Dallas had gotten little rest before he’d relieved Drake outside. She was glad she’d finally gotten Kaleb to sleep.
Drake stopped massaging her shoulders. “That should help you a little.”
“More than a little,” Kay said as she twisted toward him.
He was so near, their faces only inches away from each other. His intense expression, focused totally on her, seized her attention and held it captive. Their breaths tangled. He tilted his head closer.
She wanted him to kiss her again. Anticipated it.
TEN
Drake couldn’t drag his gaze away from Kay’s mouth. He wanted to kiss her again.
No, I shouldn’t.
Those words screamed through his mind, taunting him. He shouldn’t have before. She was vulnerable. He couldn’t lose focus on his main task: protecting her and Kaleb.
For a long moment, he hovered suspended between kissing her and pulling away—doing the right thing. A battle raged inside him, and it took all his willpower to slide his hands away from her and lean back.
Her forehead furrowed as two patches of red colored her cheeks. The urge to cup her face and explain his dilemma was strong. But the closer they became, the harder it would be to deal with her situation objectively. Because in the past few days, he’d realized one thing: whatever Kay was involved in wouldn’t go away, and someone out there wanted to kill her and take Kaleb. He hadn’t been looking at her circumstances as a police officer but as a man attracted to her. He was missing something vital that might mean the difference between life and death.
He surged to his feet. “I need to relieve Dallas.” He started for the door, snatching his overcoat from a peg.
“You still have half an hour. Stay and rest. I’m going to bed.”
At the door, he glanced over his shoulder. “That’s okay. I need to call the captain and see what’s going on in Cactus Grove, especially concerning the death at the jail.”
The hurt in her eyes pierced his heart. She covered the distance to the bedroom door, quietly opened it and slipped inside—without a word.
He felt the knife in his heart twist even more.
He stalked outside before he made another mistake and sought to explain how he couldn’t care for someone and lose her like he had his wife. He’d barely pulled himself together after her murder and the loss of their unborn child.
He dug deep for his professional mantle—for Kay’s sake and his.
Cold air embraced him with icy arms. In a few hours, the temperature had dropped at least thirty degrees.
Drake strode toward Dallas. “Have you heard from the El Paso office?”
“Nope.”
“Then I’ll give Brad a call and see if he has any news about the suspect’s death. He didn’t seem like a guy who would kill himself.” Drake took the sat phone from his partner. “Kay and Kaleb are in the bedroom.”
“Was Kaleb asleep while I was out here?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Because he wasn’t a happy camper earlier. I didn’t think Kay would be able to get him down. Poor little guy. He must be having a hard time understanding what’s going on.”
“Or he does and doesn’t like it,” Drake said with a chuckle. “If I were in his shoes, that would be how I would deal with all the chaos.”
Dallas headed for the cabin. “I’ll relieve you in four hours.”
The nearly full moon brightened the landscape, but not enough. Once Drake had finished talking to Brad, he would use his night-vision binoculars and circle the cabin, panning the terrain from all angles.
Drake made his call to the police captain.
“I assume y’all are settled in,” Brad said, a little out of breath.
“Yes. Is everything okay?”
“Yes and no. I got the autopsy on our unknown suspect who died in jail last night, but the results only bring up more questions.”
“How did he die?” Drake began a slow sweep of the landscape.
“Cyanide poisoning, although it wasn’t from what he ate or drank at dinner. His death was hours after that, and cyanide acts fast.”
“He killed himself?” Drake whispered, trying to run through all the scenarios in his mind.
“There were no signs that he was forced to take the cyanide by someone else. In fact, I don’t see anyone forcing that big guy to kill himself. He was thoroughly searched when he arrived at the police station before questioning.”
“What if he decided to commit suicide because that was expected of him if he was caught? Remember how the other two that came to the ranch ended up dead. One of them killed the other, then went down in a shootout.”
“Which means we can’t get any information from them.”
“Yeah. Who has that kind of sway over a person?” As Drake proposed the question, the ruthless heads of a few criminal organizations immediately came to mind.
“The head of a drug cartel.”
“Possibly.” How did Kay get mixed up in a drug cartel? “But even more important, how did our suspect get the cyanide, probably a pill, to kill himself if he was thoroughly searched when he was brought in?”
“As you know, that’s protocol, and when not being interviewed, he was kept in a cell by himself.”
“Start there. Someone breached your security.” Drake made his way to the side of the cabin.
“The only people he talked to were his lawyer and my personnel…” Brad sigh
ed. “I’ll look into this personally.”
“Keep me informed.” When Drake disconnected from the police captain, he couldn’t shake his earlier question: How did Kay get mixed up in a drug cartel?
*
Kay stumbled through the gap in the fire, the smoke so thick she felt turned around. Where am I?
She knelt and scrambled forward. Visibility near the floor was a couple of feet in front of her. A crash behind her prodded her even faster. While glancing back to see what happened, she continued to crawl in what she prayed was the direction out.
As she returned her attention ahead of her, she ran into a still body. She grabbed the little girl and dragged her toward a door.
Into a hallway where flames raced in her direction. She scanned for another way out, but sweat pouring down her face made it difficult to see through the…
Kay’s eyes opened, staring at the darkness. Or was she still dreaming? It took a moment to realize she was in a cabin. She turned her head and, through the dimness caused by a slit of light under the door, she spied the playpen and Kaleb sleeping—still. She looked at the clock on the nightstand—5:00 a.m. Kaleb had gone to bed over eleven hours ago. Although he didn’t understand what was going on, it was obvious exhaustion was taking its toll on them.
Kay sat up and mopped her hand across her forehead. Sweat covered her fingers. She now understood the earlier memory and the dream she’d had.
A whine from Kaleb sent her flying off the bed. She didn’t want to wake up anyone in the other room. Drake and Dallas needed as much rest as they could get. It should be Drake’s turn to sleep.
How can I face him? I wanted him to kiss me.
Heat scored her cheeks as she leaned over and picked up Kaleb.
And Drake didn’t. He pulled away.
He was right to do that. She shouldn’t develop feelings beyond friendship. Her life was out of her control, but even the little she was remembering made her wonder if it ever had been.
Put your trust in the Lord. He’s in control.
Those words scrolled across her mind. Who had said that to her?
Her mother—when Kay had been trying to decide what to do after high school graduation.
Lone Star Christmas Rescue Page 11