by Rye Hart
I walked out of the office with my overloaded purse, my cobbler, and my tea, and for the first time in my life, I had no idea where to go. I spent so little time at my apartment, that it was practically like a hotel room. My fridge had nothing more than creamer for coffee and bottles of water. Gwen was right. I was cheap because of the way I was raised by my father, and I was scared of spending money because of the turn my life took in high school.
When I was fifteen, my father lost his job. We weren’t wealthy by any means, but with state assistance, we got by. My mother worked whatever jobs she could until her back gave out, and she had to quit. My escape from my world was always going over to Gwen’s. Her parents had wonderful jobs, and food overflowing their fridge at any given moment. I was mesmerized by the way they lived. I’d always looked forward to sleepovers, when I would eat until I couldn’t see straight. Then her parents would always give me plates of food to take back to my parents.
However, when my father lost his job and couldn’t find work, we were evicted and living on the streets.
My father always taught me how to rub two quarters together to get a dollar, but those couple of weeks on the streets until Gwen’s family found out and took us in had done their damage. My mother had begged for money on the corner while my father applied for any and every job he could find. It wasn’t until I broke down to Gwen one day in the library that she finally knew what was going on.
Gwen’s family took us in for a time, but I knew they couldn’t keep us in their home forever.
I couldn’t blame them. One family taking in another family skyrocketed bills and grocery runs. Even with trying to ration my food, I knew the toll we were taking on the Maxwell household. My father used their computer to apply for jobs all around the country, and after two months of straining an entire household, he found a job.
A factory job in the middle of South Dakota.
Gwen’s family offered to keep me with them so I could stay in school and graduate in my hometown, and at first, my parents were against it. We fought, and we yelled. We screamed, and we cried. I called them every single name under the sun, and they continuously called me selfish. The stress and the pain and the fear that I’d kept shoved down boiled over the top, and it drove such a rift between my parents and me that we couldn’t even stand to be around one another.
Eventually, however, they caved to the notion and left me with Gwen.
What I didn’t realize was that I’d barely hear from them again.
To this day, we barely spoke. They barely called after they got to South Dakota, but I was so scarred by the upheaval that I didn’t reach out much. I didn’t care that I didn’t hear from them, except on certain occasions like birthdays. I didn’t care that they didn’t want me. Maybe they were ashamed that they couldn’t give me the life Gwen’s parents could, so they were doing what they thought was best for me.
But as I stood on the edge of the corner outside of the place I used to call work, I sipped my tea and held back my tears.
I felt like that lost little girl again, sleeping on the street, and I didn’t know where in the hell I could go from there.
Chapter 3
Liam
I could taste the sweat on my brow. I could feel the blood trickling down my arms. I could hear the screams of the innocent while the chains from my bondage wrapped around my wrists. They bound me to a floor that simply kept sinking, sinking into the effortlessness of giving up. I screamed and shouted. I saw Paxton’s face while he sat at his shoddy desk. I heard the cries of those gurgling on their own blood and, as the floor kept eating me whole, I felt it all wash over me.
Pain. Guilt. Anguish. Anger.
I shot up from my bed, leaving behind a pool of sweat while my brow continued to drip. Throwing the covers off my body, I swung my legs around the bed. The bed in the cabin. In Gatlinburg.
I’m in Gatlinburg. I’m in Gatlinburg.
That had become my mantra over the past month. The nightmares and terrors that seemed to follow me all the way from the Navy had found me in my self-inflicted deep, dark hole. I dragged myself to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I needed to get this sweat off my body. I needed to change my sheets.
I needed to have another reel to play in my head.
I got to the sink and opened up the tap, splashing water on my face with my shaking hands. I couldn’t breathe. I placed my lips underneath the faucet, avoiding the one thing I knew was waiting for me when I picked up my face. I guzzled down the crystal-clear well water, trying my best to wash away the metallic taste of blood. So many innocent lives spared to save the wretched and all of it fell onto my back.
All of it was my responsibility.
I drank until I sputtered and then I drank down some more. I drank until I knew my stores had been replenished. I felt the water running through my beard. The beard the Navy would never have allowed me to have. I didn’t want to look at myself. I couldn’t stand the sight of the traitor I felt I had become.
But when I lifted my head up to dry myself off, there I was. Right there in the mirror.
I studied the sunken-in look of my eyes and how pallid my skin had become. I took in the thickness of my beard and how I could no longer see my face underneath. My lips were barely there and my eyes were bloodshot. The water was trickling down my lackluster skin and, even though I recognized the eyes staring back at me, I still felt like a stranger.
A stranger in a cabin in the middle of the damn mountains. Who was this man?
I couldn’t roll back into bed. Not after the things my mind had conjured up. I could smell the sweat that permeated my bed all the way from the bathroom, so I went out and ripped the sheets off. I threw them into the washing machine before gathering up my dirty flannel, chuckling at the memory of that conversation I’d had with Paxton.
It seemed the mountains had finally inducted me into their family.
By the time I started the washing machine, the birds were chirping outside. Despite winter setting in, there were still a few birds who chose to hang on until the very last minute. I had to check the storage shed and make sure I had enough dry wood chopped up for the next few weeks of winter. Then, I needed to run into town to stock up on some supplies.
I needed gas for the generator in case the power went out, matches to make sure I could always keep a fire going, canned foods and meats I could deep freeze and vegetables I could vacuum seal to get me through until spring if I got stuck up here in heavy snows. The city of Gatlinburg didn’t snowplow the roads all the way back here. There just weren’t enough people for them to justify the expense.
But that didn’t matter to me. I was completely fine with being snowed-in.
I went out to the storage shed and opened the door. I’d have to chop up a little more wood to get me through the cold months but, other than that, I was all right. It wasn’t urgent like the need for food and gasoline was, so I hopped into my truck and ran on into town. It took me a good forty minutes to get to the store I knew would have everything I needed.
“Hey, Liam!”
“Hey there, Moose,” I said, walking into the general store.
“Coming into town for some stuff, I see,” he said. “Need anything in particular?”
“Just as much gasoline as you can load me up with,” I said.
“How does twelve gallons sound?” he asked.
“Can you put them in those one-gallon containers with the nozzles?”
“You got it.”
Henry Weavil, also known as Moose due to his sheer size, was the shop owner in town. His place had everything you could need. From bait and tackle to hunting boots, to gasoline, to every single grocery you could ever need, he always made sure the people of Gatlinburg could make only one stop if they needed to. Him loading me down with gasoline freed me up to grab the groceries I needed to stock my place, which meant I could get out of here and back to my cabin quicker.
I didn’t like being in town too much or too long.
; I walked around the store and grabbed anything I could think of: steaks, fresh fish, some chicken breasts. I’d already shot and processed a couple of bucks while I’d been here, so I didn’t need much meat, but a bit of variety always did a soul good. I grabbed lots of canned goods, as well as some frozen vegetables, then grabbed two massive sacks of rice before I started loading up the smaller things.
I ended up making two trips around the store before I could think about leaving. I bought another set of sheets for the bed and picked up some free newspapers for kindling. When I was finished, I took my second haul up to the register, where Moose was standing.
“So, newcomer, how you liking our part of the country?” he asked.
“I like it just fine,” I said.
“Have you been to Fred’s Tavern yet?” he asked. “They do it up right over the holidays.”
“Haven’t gotten there yet, no,” I said.
“You should go. Make yourself some friends. Maybe find yourself a nice lady to keep you warm this winter. I hear it’s gonna be brutal.”
“That’s all right,” I said, chuckling. “I’m doing just fine on my own right now.”
“Well, a handsome man like yourself wouldn’t have no problems finding you a nice country gal around these parts. If you’re ever looking for one, my granddaughter’s a sight.”
“I’m sure she is, if she looks like you,” I said.
“Damn straight she does. Her mother’s a hoot, though. Gets her sense of it from her.”
“I bet she does.”
“Any luck finding a job?” he asked.
I started picking up the bags and putting them into the cart. “Not really looking for one,” I said.
“Not looking for a job?” he asked.
“I’m retired, sir.”
“Retired? Son, you don’t look any older than thirty.”
“Thirty-two.”
“Then how are you retired?” he asked.
“Military,” I said.
I knew what was coming. It was the sentiment that always came after I said something like that. I had no interest in telling him I was a medic or a doctor or any sort of physician that could help people. That part of my life was behind me. Because the truth was, I didn’t help people. Not on that last tour before I got us the fuck out of there.
I broke every damn promise I ever made to myself on that tour. Decent doctors didn’t do the things I did.
Nope. Those fucking days were behind me.
“Well, son. Thank you for your service. What you’ve given to this country’s a mighty big sacrifice. I want you to know we appreciate it. I appreciate it and I appreciate you.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said.
I snatched up the last of my groceries and paid in haste. I needed to get back to my cabin. I could already feel the shaking in my hands settling in and I needed to get out from underneath the gaze of others before someone wanted to start a conversation I had no intention of having.
“What happened to your hand there?” I heard Moose ask.
And, of course, before I could catch myself, I turned around.
There was an elderly man at the register, buying himself some chew and a gallon of sweet tea. He was in rugged old jeans and a t-shirt with a coat and his hand was bandaged up. It was swollen and bruised and I could tell by the way his thumb was sitting that it was dislocated. I ran my eyes up his arms, noticing the swelling in his wrist before his arm disappeared underneath his coat.
Then, I caught it. He reached for his wallet to pay for his stuff and his middle finger wouldn’t move.
He’d broken his hand. Probably picking up something he shouldn’t have been and dropping it on himself. He could move his wrist, so it wasn’t shattered, but he couldn’t move his middle finger, which meant one of the main ligaments was being impeded by something leaning up against it.
And it had to have been a broken bone because dislocations didn’t cause the kind of bruising this man had.
Images started flashing around in my mind. Suddenly, the grocery store was flickering in and out. It kept switching from food to darkness. Food to darkness. Food to chains. Food to a basement. I closed my eyes and shook my head before I turned back toward my grocery cart.
I had to get out of here. I had to get out of here before things got out of hand.
I walked out to my truck and tossed everything else into the back. Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm the storm rising in my chest. I could feel my heart hammering against my ribs, threatening to split my sternum as I wheeled the cart over to a gathering point.
By the time I got back to my truck, I was practically in a full-blown run.
I hopped behind the wheel of my truck and cranked the engine. I only had a half tank of gas, but I didn’t fucking care at that point. All I wanted to do was get back up my mountain. Get back to my quiet space where no one could see me. There, I could sweat and scream and rage all I wanted. There I could chop wood to dispel my anger and toss myself around in bed without anyone next to me.
I felt the shaking of the truck as the wheels carried me up the mountain and I finally started to breathe a sigh of relief. I knew that the moment I hit the thicket of trees ahead of me, no one would be able to see me. No one could ask me questions or stare at me like I was losing my mind. No one could try to make small talk or try to figure out what I was doing in town.
No one could hear me scream myself awake or cry in the shower when I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I felt my truck being swallowed by the shadows of the trees and my entire body relaxed.
It was done. I was done.
No more people until the winter was over.
Chapter 4
Whitney
I lay on my air mattress, my mind whirling. It had been a month since I’d quit my job and, while I wasn’t hurting for money, I was hurting for a purpose. I slept until noon, got up long enough to grab an apple, pee, and then I’d crawl back into bed and feel sorry for myself.
My entertainment for the day was watching my clothes swing in my closet with the breeze coming through the window that wouldn’t quite shut while I fell in and out of sleep.
But then my phone rang.
I groaned, rolling over on the mattress that needed to be blown up again. I picked up the phone and put it to my ear, not bothering to see who was calling.
It couldn’t be anyone else but her.
“What’s up, Gwen?” I asked.
“Get your ass out of bed and get down to this salon,” she said.
“Why, are you okay?” I asked.
“Because I just finished my last client before lunch and I’m about to go to the bank. We’re having a celebratory lunch.”
“In the salon?” I asked.
“Yes. It’s gotta be quick but I’m making the final deposit into my ‘get my own business’ account.”
“Oh my gosh. Gwen, that’s amazing!”
“It is, so roll your ass out of bed and get down here. Whitney, you have a fucking law degree. You shouldn’t just now be warming up your voice to talk to the world at lunchtime. Get up.”
“Okay, okay. I’m coming. I’ll be there in… twenty minutes?” I asked.
“Make it thirty. Take a damn shower, girl.”
I hung up the phone and scrambled to the bathroom. This was my life now, living vicariously through my best friend. She had a goal and, now, she was taking another massive step toward that goal. I couldn’t be happier for her. I figured if I watched her succeed long enough, I’d know what the hell to do with my life. I’d know where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do.
But as I got myself dressed and drove over to her salon, all I could think about was the last time I’d actually stepped out of my apartment.
And I really couldn’t remember.
I drove through town and had to put on my sunglasses. Even though the sun wasn’t bright, it was hurting my eyes. That was how long I’d cooped myself up in that dingy old apartment. The sun, even on half blast, w
as killing my eyes. I drove through my favorite coffee place and got myself a strong cup, then floored it over to the salon. I couldn’t wait to swing my arms around my best friend and congratulate her on this massive step in her life.
All of a sudden, I wanted to go building shopping with her.
“Girl, I hope you didn’t bring me any,” she said. “Shaky hands and sharp scissors don’t mix.”
“Nope, just me,” I said, grinning.
“Good,” Gwen said. “I went to our favorite place and got you a massive salad. And some soup. With some bread. And some cake.”
“That’s some serious food.”
“It’s a serious celebration,” she said. “And you look like shit. Have you seen yourself in a mirror?”
“The one in my apartment’s broken,” I said.
“Of course, it is. Just like everything else in that damn place. Come on back. We’ll talk.”
I sipped my coffee and followed her into the back room. It was a lot dimmer than outside or the main room of the salon and I was finally able to take my sunglasses off. I sighed with relief while my eyes adjusted back to their preferred state. Then, I tossed my sunglasses onto the table and threw my arms around my best friend.
“I’m so proud of you,” I said.
She hugged me close and I could feel her smiling into my shoulder.
“Me, too. I honestly didn’t think I’d get there. Life threw me so many curveballs this year that I wasn’t sure if I was gonna make it.”
She was right. Life had dealt her a shitty hand this past year. The engine of her car broken down and she had to get another one. Her washing machine blew up. The plumbing in her home went haywire and stuff had to be repiped. She was dipping into her cushion account more than she wanted and she was so scared she’d have to start dipping into her “future business” account for anything else. I’d offered to give her money from my own savings a few times, but not surprisingly she’d turn it down. She wanted to hike the mountain on her own and I was damn proud of her for making it happen.