by L. J. Woods
“Alriiight.” Adam’s tone tells me I should think this through. I don’t.
Pushing a smile on my face, I puff out my chest in the way she likes and approach the clinic door. Most guys at SAA have a thing for Nurse Kelly. She’s young, smart, and let’s be real, Nurse Kelly has some Grade-A double-Ds. My cock used to spring for her, easy. That’s before I realized what a manipulative whore she is but I’m using that to my advantage. Or her advantage who fucking knows, all I know is she has something I want and vice-versa. Every guy has the hots for Nurse Kelly but Nurse Kelly has the hots for me.
“Hammer,” she smiles, already eyeing my body. “You’re back.” She bats her lashes, glancing around. “Can I help you with something?”
I’m already walking into the bright room, giving her those eyes, a bite of my lip. “I’m sure you can.”
Twelve
Delilah
Gabe slinking out of the nurse’s office with his uniform hanging off his body stays on my mind all day.
So does his cock. So does Sammy, that email, and that video of Gemma. Especially the hockey jersey in the background.
Today’s been nothing short of fucked up. After I found my board in pieces this morning, I didn’t make it to that assembly. I do know they’re chalking Sammy’s death up to suicide even though my gut tells me it’s much more than that.
In exchange for Hazel giving me a ride to school, I helped console her all day. She’s a mess. While I hide it under sass and a hard exterior, I am too. Always have been but things just got a whole lot more fucked up in Clementine and all signs point to Gabriel.
Hazel gives me a squeeze when we’re back in my Grandma’s driveway. “Th-thanks, Delilah.” Her nose is red as she chokes back tears. On the drive home, she told me they’re having a small funeral for Sammy, family only. Since they confirmed Sammy’s death was a suicide, her family wants to keep things on the DL.
“Call me if you need anything at all, okay?” When I hop out of the car, I adjust her kilt on my waist for the gazillionth time. “I’ll give this skirt back to you tomorrow if I don’t burn it first.”
I’m exhausted at this point. All I want to do after a day of classes and looking for Godfrey is to curl up in bed. Sammy’s body keeps flashing in my mind. Like Elijah, I’m not sure if I’ll ever know what really happened. Walking up to the door, that’s when I notice the yellow Jeep sitting in the driveway. Haven’t seen it before but it’s nice that Nani has guests. After grandpa died, Grandma hardly has any visitors besides the Godfreys.
“Hey, honey!”
My phone drops from my hand, when I open the door, clattering to the floor. If it wasn’t already cracked, I’d worry. Closing my eyes, I’m hoping I’m imagining that familiar high-pitched sound. “Mom?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?”
Fuck.
Moving into the dining room, she eyes me up, sitting at the table next to him. A coffee mug sits in her jewelled hand, a beer in his. My grandmother sits on the other side, still in her apron. “Don’t you look sweet in that skirt? You missed a spot on your legs.”
She’s always wished I was more like her. Looking at the sparkly halter holding up her inflated chest, I doubt I’ll ever be. I’m willing to accept that. She isn’t.
“Hey there, Delilah!” Tim raises his glass, his beady blue eyes moving up and down my frame.
Pulling my arms around my chest, my entire body tenses and I want to walk back out that door. “I didn’t know you guys were in town,” I mumble before I head for the stairs.
The rail finally buckles under my grip. Nani’s been dying to fix this place up but Mom rather spend cash on fancy clothes and trips with Tim instead of where her daughter sleeps. In a deathtrap.
“What? No hug?” Tim asks, alcohol reeking off his breath. And what the fuck is he wearing? A light blue tunic hangs off his large, round frame, making his pale skin look even paler. Redder. Wait, is that a kurta? He’s been with my mom for way too long and this idiot still doesn’t know what culture he’s married into.
“Go ahead,” Mom urges. “Give Tim a hug.”
Ugh.
Holding my breath, I lean in for one I know will last way too long. It does, his hand coming up and down my back and my mom just watches with that pursed look on her face. She doesn’t ask for one and before I can walk away, he stops me again.
“Sit down, Delilah,” Tim says. “We’re talkin’ about what we want for dinner.”
Kill me now. “You guys are staying for dinner?”
“Is that a problem?” Mom asks. When I glance at Nani, she’s not helping me out, counting up receipts at the kitchen table. “We want to check-in! See how you’re doing at your new school. See if you’re staying out of trouble.”
“So this isn’t to finally talk about Elijah?” I ask.
I know it isn’t. Mom’s only an hour north in Burn when she’s not working, but it’s far enough to avoid the topic. Easier to avoid when Tim’s sitting on pounds of blow.
Still not far enough to avoid a visit from them though. The city? Now that was far enough. Easier to hide too.
“You’re too pretty to be so mopey.” Mom waves me off, wiping her nose before she leans on Tim. “No guy’s gonna want to marry a mope. Are you seeing any of these no-goods around here?” Looking at Tim, Clementine isn’t the only place with no-goods.
“Mrs. Daniels.”
Gabe’s voice comes through the room next, my body stiffening at the sound.
“Gabriel,” my mom greets with no hint of a smile.
My shoulders fall. I’m in the pits of hell and my brother’s lucky he’s dead.
Gabe excuses himself to get changed and since he avoided me all day, I avoid his eyesight. My plate’s already full without his bullshit. Instead of sitting at the table, I ask, okay beg, Nani to give me something to do to help her. Listening to Mom and Tim complain about their jobs isn’t exactly appetizing.
Oh, yeah, Tim? That’s her boss. Got together around the same time I started growing tits. Not only did that help to put a wedge between whatever relationship my mom and I never had, she let him.
Helping Nani organize her receipts helps me avoid their line of scrutiny until Gabe joins us for dinner. Fish and chips. He’s in a white tee and grey sweats. Ones I can see his cock bouncing in.
Things aren’t as bad as I expect, especially with Gabe sitting beside me. He entertains, telling everyone about his hockey and travels. That is until the topic switches to school.
“A fifty-three percent on your first test? That’s no good,” Mom says, sipping more coffee. “You have to try harder. Life’s not easy for us.”
“I know, all the change is a lot to get used to,” I say, leaving the bit of food I served myself untouched. “I’ll get better.” I don’t plan on it, but I tell her what she wants. Less drama. Less talking.
“Good. Your grades are important. You don’t wanna end up working as hard as I do so you better work hard now.”
Slumping in my seat, exhaustion hits me again, and this isn’t helping. “Right,” I mumble.
“You listenin’ to what your mom is sayin’?” Tim asks, mouth full of food, bald head as shiny as his greased up face. Everything about Tim is greasy. From his skin to his attitude to the stains on the piece of cultural appropriation, he’s displaying.
“Delilah’s doing well at SAA,” Gabe pipes up, everyone’s eyes shooting to him. “Even got to speak with the Dean.” He’s saying this with confidence like he’s giving his usual propaganda but I’m waiting for him to say something stupid.
“Well, that’s nice to hear,” Mom pulls a long nail through her pink highlight. You’d think a mom who modelled her wardrobe off Vicki Visage would be fun. It’s not. Friends calling her a MILF are the least of my worries. “I hope you keep it up. College grades are important.”
Groaning, I’m biting on the inside of my lip so I don’t turn this dinner into something more unbearable. “She will,” Gabe cuts in again before he passes
a big plate of fries towards me. “Fries? You should eat.”
He’s one to talk, he hasn’t eaten much either, his plate piled high with food.
“No, no. Watch it on the carbs,” Mom chimes in. “You know what they do with our waistline and you don’t want your chunky years coming back.”
Gabe’s grip on the plate tightens. I’m about to say something before it falls from his hand to the table with a thud, making my mom jump. “I’d be proud to have a daughter who looks half as good as Delilah.”
Tim grunts like the pig he is. “You don’t need the extra fries. Listen to your mom.” He wipes his hand on his shirt, glancing between Gabe and me. “But Grandma tells me you’ve been spendin’ loads of time together.” The more he talks, the tighter my fists get because who the actual fuck asked him? “If you got time for boys, you got time for grades.”
Gabe nudges me with his knee under the table. When I glance at him he tilts his chin towards Tim. He’s telling me to speak up for myself and he’s right. I should.
“Listen.” Lifting my head, I try to level with them. “I’m trying my best. You guys aren’t even around to—”
“Try harder, Delilah!” Tim raises his voice before taking a swig of his beer and Grandma finally looks up. “No stupid excuses. Excuses are for lazy assholes.”
Alright, I’ve had enough. Pushing back from the table, I say the cliched thing every girl with a stupid step-dad says and I hope he gets it through that thick, fucking head. “Guess what, Tim? I don’t care what you say because you’re not my fucking father.” And with that, I kick the chair over on the way out the door.
“Delilah!” Mom calls.
Slamming the door, I see a new board on the porch. Looking around, there’s no way it belongs to anyone else. It’s fresh. Purple wheels and an untouched deck. Green alien on the underside. Gabe?
My mom calls from inside before I tip the board to the ground and go. My blood boils as I take off down the rickety pavement but the wind in my face helps to chill me out.
“Cocks!” Yelling that into the air helps too before I land an Ollie. “Fucking cocks!” Once I smoke this joint in my sports bra, my last, I’ll zen the fuck out while I wait for my parents to leave. Spotting a tall hill in the distance from the main road solidifies my place to unwind. Boarding up to the grass, I grab the truck in my hand before climbing the hill. It’s steep, but it helps to get this angry energy out as I kick every dandelion and rock along the way. Plopping down at the top, the hill overlooks some of the city, the sun setting in the distance. At least Clementine has views that don’t involve smog-making factories. In fact, this is kinda nice with the lake off in the distance.
Taking a breath, I spark the joint. I meant to save it for emergencies and today feels like one. Sammy’s death and Gabe as my roommate are just the tip of it. Add my parents and the fact that I still haven’t found out what happened to my brother and it gets worse. Don’t even get me started on that kiss. Both of them.
“Might wanna close your legs.”
His voice makes me jump, the smell of tobacco strong in the air.
Groaning, I do what he says. “Cocks.” I’ve given him enough of a show today.
“Is that why you were sitting like it’s the Red Light District?” Gabe plops beside me. The smoke escaping his lips mixes with the smoke from my joint. “Cocks?”
I’m way too exhausted to be more hostile so all I can say is, “Go away, Godfrey.” This joint is going way too fast and this weed is way too weak to give me the relief I’m looking for. And when the wind takes the last hit away, I just watch it, my back flopping to the grass. This. Fucking. Day. “I give up,” I groan. “I’m gonna lay here and wait for a coyote to come so if you wanna see another body in Clementine you can stick around for that.” My arms flop to the side and Gabe actually lets out a chuckle, like he’s enjoying my misery.
“Morbid.” The butt of his cigarette lands near my hand.
Before he can say anything else, I ask the first question on my mind. “What the fuck did you do with that body, Gabe?” Silence. Literal crickets chirp in the background before I ask again, “Godfrey?”
My eyes on the darkening sky, a little baggie of pills hangs in front of my face. “Wanna get high?”
My eyes narrow at it, dangling in the breeze. “That’s your answer?”
“Looked like ol’ Thunder Daniels got your panties in a bunch.”
“Suck my dick.”
“Suit yourself.” He rises to his feet with a shrug.
“Wait,” I call and I can’t believe that I do. While there’s still a serious question in the air, that joint didn’t cut it. As fucked up as this sounds, a part of me doesn’t want to be alone. Not right now. “What is it?”
His back hits the grass before he turns his head to me. I turn my head to his. I catch the flecks of light brown in those deep eyes before my eyes drop to his lips, his taste still fresh in my mind. Cinnamon and tobacco. “Dunno. Nurse Kelly gave it to me.”
“So that’s what you were doing.”
“I know I shouldn’t be giving this to Elijah’s little sister but … you down?”
Elijah flashes in my head. Not the bright, happy, chilled-out Elijah. The pale, lifeless, cold Elijah and all my cares go out of the window.
“Fuck it.” I grab it from his hand. “Let’s do it.”
Thirteen
Gabriel
“Woah!”
“You good?” I ask.
Delilah’s spaced-out face glows, her eyes on the sky. “The stars are like, coming to eat me.” Her voice sounds like a wave as she pushes her arms into the air. Our backs against the grass, I’m way too high not to laugh. She opens and closes her hands like she’s trying to grab them. “What is this stuff?”
“Doesn’t matter.” Warmth flows through my body. “Feels good.” A smile settles on my face and I can’t hide it if I want to. “Kinda makes me forget what I had to do to get it.”
Her head turns to me in slow motion, hair covering her face. “What did you do?”
“My secret.” The last thing I wanna do now is talk about Nurse Kelly. I’m way too fucked up to understand why she rather fool around with a nineteen-year-old addict when she looks the way she does. I can’t even figure myself out.
Delilah’s hand on my face startles me, a flurry of tingles erupting on my skin. She moves her thumb across my cheek and she’s staring into my eyes like she’s found treasure. “So. Smooth.” She giggles before her head hits the grass.
Getting lost in the starry sky keeps me from rolling on top of her, our shoulders touching. Silence takes over, the night air cool and calm. Quiet. Peaceful.
“Gaaawd, I hate my mom,” she groans, never one to let a moment get too quiet. “Almost as much as I hate this town. You know, she won’t even talk about Elijah? After his funeral it’s like, he doesn’t exist. Matter of fact, everyone acts like he never existed at all. Makes me wonder if he ever did …” Her voice trails, her thoughts going with her high as the sky darkens like all the stars have gone out at the same time. Then I remember what I like to do when I’m feeling as riled up as she is. As fucked up as her words make me feel.
Rising from the grass, my legs wobble when I stand. Looking out, the recreation center is in view. So before Delilah can say any more twisted shit I grab her by her arms, pulling her up. She stumbles against my chest, a burst of warmth when she leans into me. It’s the same thing I felt my first night back. Comforting. Soothing.
“Get it together, Daniels.” My voice is an embarrassing croak before I clear my throat.
Taking a step back, her eyes drop to my crotch. She laughs. “Tell that to your Johnson, Godfrey.”
When I meet her gaze, the monster in my pants pushes against my joggers. She laughs again and it’s hard not to join her. “It’s the drugs.” Taking her hand, I ignore how warm and perfect it feels in mine. “Whatever. Come on.”
Putting her board under my arm, we head towards the big building. Glancing ba
ck, she’s looking around like a newborn child. Stumbling over her sneakers, she grabs at the bugs that flutter by, laughing between her jaw-dropped wonder.
“I can’t feel my face,” she says as I pull her through the stone-walled lobby. “Can you?” Bringing a finger to my lips, I shush her before grabbing a couple pairs of skates from the rack near the empty reception desk. I’ve known Delilah’s size for years and looking at her worn-out shoes, it hasn’t changed. “Wait!” she says, her eyes as wide as her pupils. “I can’t skate like you.”
“Put ‘em on.” Pushing the smaller skates at her chest, she shakes her head as I take a seat on a nearby bench. “Not a question.” It takes longer than I’m used to getting laced up. My focus drifts as much as Delilah’s while I’m on this shit. When I’m done with mine, I move to my knees, grabbing Delilah’s laces. “Sit still.”
“Yes, sir,” she salutes, her face stern before she snorts.
Why does that make my stomach flip?
When she’s all laced up, Delilah walks like a penguin to the ice. Leading the way, I grab a stick and a puck before getting on the empty ice first. Doing a quick lap around the net gets me used to my skates. Being on the ice while I’m high feels like I’m floating through space, my body too warm to feel the chill of the rink.
Her claps echo in my ear, the pills doubling the effect. “Graceful!” She calls. “You’re quicker on those things. Like a penguin in the water.”
My cheeks warm. I know I’m good at what I do but hearing a compliment from Delilah is rare. “Get on the ice.”
She looks at the rink, hesitating for a second before she gives me a weak smile. Skating over, I take her hands, a spark flowing up my arms. She must feel it too because she pulls her hands away. “These pills are insane,” she laughs, hesitating to put her hand back. “You sure this is safe?” Us together alone? Not at all. “Being on the ice on this shit?”