by Annie Seaton
‘Trouble? You thought it was about university?’
‘What else was I to think?’
‘I wrote to you.’
‘An email?’
‘No, a real letter. You know. On paper. In an envelope and with a stamp. When you didn’t answer, I knew where I stood.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘You sent it to my home address?’
‘Of course. Where else would I have sent it?’
Jeremy took another step closer. This time, his sleeve brushed her arm and she caught the familiar smell of his aftershave. Despite the heat of the room, goosebumps rose on her skin.
‘I never got a letter from you, Emma.’ His voice was low.
He really didn’t know? Was he telling the truth? Could she trust him? A small tendril of hope unfurled in her chest but she pushed it down. Even if he was telling the truth, it wouldn’t make any difference. He hadn’t been a part of her life for a long time. You couldn’t recapture the past; they’d both moved on. But knowing that Jeremy’s silence had not been motivated by disinterest, or the fact that he had moved on with someone else, eased that old pain. It might have been a long time ago, and the hurt might be buried deep, but she still carried it.
Emma ignored the shaky feeling in her knees and the warmth pooling low in her belly. ‘The day you left for that football trip I got a call.’ His blue eyes held hers. ‘From home. From Dru. She was with Mum waiting for the police and the paramedics to arrive. I had no choice. My father died suddenly. I had to go home.’
‘Oh, Em.’ His expression softened and he took a step towards her. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Emma took a deep breath. Her nerve endings skittered wildly as he stood close to her.
His voice trembled with emotion. ‘I didn’t know. Do you believe me?’
Emma pulled back and looked up at his blue eyes, no longer cold but filled with intensity. A fierce expression crossed his face.
‘I need to know you believe me, Emma.’ He ran his hand through his hair again. ‘Christ, what sort of a lowlife would that make me if I’d known and not contacted you?’
‘Yes. Yes, I do. It must have gone astray.’ She nodded. ‘I couldn’t believe it when you didn’t reply.’ She turned sad eyes to him. ‘But then all I could think was what your mother said.’
‘What did she say?’
‘That I didn’t fit into your world, that you were marking time with me. And the day I rang—’
‘When did you ring? After you left?’
‘Yes. After the funeral.’ Her voice firmed. ‘When I called, she told me you and Polly were away together on the south coast and I knew you’d moved on.’
‘She never told me. God, I can’t believe it. And just to make it clear. I wasn’t with Polly.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry. Surely you know I would have come to you if I’d known. I would have been there for you.’ Jeremy dropped his head and rested his forehead against hers. ‘Tell me what happened.’
‘It’s a long story and it was a dreadful time for our family. Mum’s been struggling for years and she’s only recently starting to come through it.’
He reached out and took her hand gently. As she looked down at his fingers, he lifted the other hand and cupped her cheek. She turned her face into his palm and closed her eyes, taking comfort from his touch. His hands were smooth and the fresh, clean smell of his skin overwhelmed her. The touch of another person was rare.
‘You were away and Mum needed me.’ Her voice broke as the memory of that horrible day filled her. ‘My sisters needed me. Dru had to deal with it by herself until Ellie and I got home. She was so strong.’
‘And you never came back? You didn’t ever want to come back?’
‘Mum couldn’t afford for me to go back to Sydney.’
The need to keep her distance disappeared as instinct kicked in. Five years away didn’t matter anymore. Emma leaned into him and put her arms around his waist, resting her face against his chest. The beat of Jeremy’s heart against her skin took her back to the days when he had loved her. The times he had held her like this, and the days when he had been there for her. The days when Jeremy had been the most important thing in her life.
Neither of them spoke for a full minute. The emotions surging through her were overwhelming. Confusion, happiness, doubt. Emma blinked and fought back the ache building behind her eyes. The contact was elemental. Memories flooded her mind and echoes of the love she’d once had for this man resonated through her.
But she shouldn’t be feeling this way. That was in the past now. Sense won out and she took a step back.
Jeremy reached out a hand to her but she didn’t take it.
‘Oh no, you don’t. I can see you over-thinking like you always did,’ he said. ‘Stop it, Emma. Remember. Remember what we had. It was special.’ He stood beside her and his scent was so familiar and comforting she was tempted to lean into him again.
‘It was, Jeremy. It was special and it was a great time.’ Her voice was sad. ‘But you know we wouldn’t have lasted, even without all of this. We’re too different, our backgrounds, our beliefs, the way we see things. We would have parted eventually. Maybe at uni. Maybe later. We can’t go back.’ Her voice was sad and a feeling of heaviness settled in her chest.
‘No, Em, you’re wrong.’
She ignored the disappointment in his voice. ‘Why are you here, Jeremy? Why did you leave Sydney?’
Chapter 17
Saturday morning
Crooked Cottage
‘I guess I’m looking for happiness. A cliché, I know, and I probably sound ungrateful, given how easy I had it.’ Jeremy looked at Emma, drinking in the beauty of a face as familiar to him as his own. ‘But I wasn’t happy in Sydney. The social merry-go-round, the expectations, living up to the image. It wasn’t for me. It was artificial and I was over it.’
He looked down to the little dog as he whimpered for attention. Leaning down, Jeremy focused on rubbing the sleek black coat.
‘After uni I worked for two years in emergency in St Vincent’s, then I went back to study last year. Did an MBA.’
‘I’m pleased to hear that. I’m still surprised that you left Sydney.’
Teacups clattered as she put them on the table in front of him.
‘Do you remember what they used to call Kings Cross?’
Emma nodded and pulled out a chair. ‘The naughty patch. I did a short placement at St Vincent’s in second year, remember?’
‘I’d forgotten.’
‘Two years is a long time to work at that pace.’
‘I loved it at first. Stab wounds, gunshot injuries, alcohol-fuelled head traumas, drug overdoses, car crash casualties, and that was just a normal night. It was totally unpredictable.’ He dropped his head into his hands for a moment. ‘But after a while it lost its appeal. I guess I burned out and when there was a situation . . . I . . . realised I couldn’t do it forever.’
‘So here you are,’ she said slowly.
‘That’s why I took the job way up here. A new direction. A new start.’ He lifted his head. A small frown etched two small lines into his brow. ‘And so far it’s been everything I’d hoped for. Watching the way you guys work up here and comparing it to how we worked at St Vincent’s—dealing with the immediate problem, never really connecting with the patient—well, it’s motivated me.’
‘So you’re beginning to understand holistic medicine.’ Emma’s chair scraped back as she stood again. She poured hot water in to warm the pretty blue and white teapot.
‘I guess I am. I know I’ll be learning a lot from how you work at the hospital. And I’m excited about the Outreach work.’
Emma set the pot down in the middle of the table.
‘Still a collector of bits and pieces, I see, Em?’
She smiled. ‘Visitors get the fancy one. George and I use the old battered one over there. Still milk with two sugars?’
‘Yes please.’ He picked up a bark arrangement from the middle of the table and h
eld it up to the light. Shades of colour from deep brown to a pale pink caught the light as he slowly turned it. Emma sat at the table and poured his tea and added the milk and sugar, just like she always had.
He lifted the cup and sipped the steaming liquid as an awkward silence settled between them. The kitchen was quiet apart from the ticking of a large old-fashioned clock on the wall and the occasional snuffling of the little black dog that had gone to sleep on his feet.
‘Em—’
‘Jem—’
‘You go first.’ Her wide hazel eyes were full of life but despite the laugh her voice was hesitant.
‘I just want to say how sorry I am to hear about your father.’ He wouldn’t share that he’d been envious of her family. Not that he’d ever met them, but he’d seen enough photos and overheard enough Sunday night phone calls to know that there was a lot of love there. ‘What happened? A farm accident?’
He was surprised by the expression of raw grief that crossed her face.
‘Dad was murdered. We only found that out this year.’
‘Murdered? Jesus, Emma! What happened?’
‘For a long time we thought he’d killed himself and it was hard to deal with. Mum would never accept that he’d suicided and she had all these conspiracy theories.’ Emma took a deep breath. ‘Ellie did some digging, and it turned out Mum was right all along. It was a guy who wanted Dad’s land and he wouldn’t sell.’
‘It must have been horrible for you all to deal with.’
‘It was. It’s impacted on a lot of decisions each of us has made since then.’ She put one hand to her lips looking to the window.
‘Did your mum keep the farm?’
He’d heard all about the mango farm where she’d grown up and how she and her younger sister couldn’t wait to get away to the city when they were in their teens. Her childhood running wild in the outback had sounded idyllic. His had been so structured: the private schools, the piano lessons, the rugby coaching and rowing lessons.
Her face lit up in a smile and his heart beat a little faster. ‘Ellie lives there now. She and her partner, Kane, have resurrected the mango farm and from all accounts it’s going well. They’re getting married soon, and Dru will be home from Dubai for the wedding. I’m so looking forward to seeing them.’
‘Dubai?’
‘Yes, Dru lived with me in Townsville while I finished my medical degree at James Cook and she studied civil engineering. Just after I moved up here, she got offered a fabulous job in the Emirates. Anyway, that’s enough about me.’ Emma took a sip of tea. ‘Tell me about your new job.’
‘I start officially on Monday. The four-wheel drive’s on the way, and I’ll be heading off to scout out some locations for clinics pretty much straight away.’
Emma’s voice was dry. ‘That’s going to be hard, not having any local knowledge.’
‘A lot of the preliminary work has been done for me. I’ve been reading up all week.’
‘A big challenge going cold into an area you don’t know.’ Emma stared at him for a moment before she spoke. ‘I want you to know I applied for the position too.’
‘You did?’ Surprise laced his voice. ‘I thought you were settled into your clinic.’
‘I am. I didn’t think it through. To be honest, I think it was more about proving to myself that I was good enough to get it.’ Her eyes clouded.
‘You are, Emma. And you know the community so well. Did you get to interview?’
‘I did. I’m still waiting for the feedback. I got a letter this week telling me I’d been unsuccessful. You know, if I’d got it I think it would have been the wrong direction for me. I have enough patients here in town between the hospital and the clinic. And it would have meant a lot of time on the road, and I realise now that it is very much an administrative role and I hate that side of things.’
Jeremy remembered the conversation with the regional director and his stomach dropped. ‘The other candidate was involved with other aspects of the health service and was highly valued in those positions, and a very busy doctor.’
Should he be honest or let it go? What would be achieved by telling Emma what had been said? And the director had asked him not to say anything. He felt guilty not telling her but he would leave it for the time being. Things were just settling between them and he didn’t want to jeopardise the fragility of that.
‘I’d be interested to hear what feedback you get,’ he said carefully. ‘Emma, I have no doubt that you are more than good enough to take on anything you wanted to. And be great at it.’
‘Thank you.’ Her smile was genuine and another jolt of warmth hit his chest.
‘So . . . where to now?’ He stumbled over the words and cleared his throat.
‘What do you mean?’ Her brow wrinkled in a frown.
‘Do you think we could be friends?’
‘I guess so. We can try.’
‘Can a friend ask if you and Troy are, you know . . .?’ He cut straight to the chase.
‘I don’t know. Maybe.’ Emma stood up suddenly and the little dog shot out from beneath the table and began yapping.
He knew that she had retreated back into her shell. Jeremy took a deep breath, pushing away the disappointment.
We can’t go back, she’d said.
He’d be seeing about that. But he’d take it slow. He knew Emma hated losing control and if she had an inkling of his intentions, she’d run. He’d settle into this town and into her life and see what happened.
Troy could go take a flying leap.
Jeremy stood and walked across to the sink with his cup, cursing himself for changing the mood. He tipped the remainder of the tea out and rinsed the cup. What had he expected? Sort out the past and she would jump back into his arms?
Emma let out a sigh as he kept his eyes on her. The window was open and the soft breeze lifted tendrils of hair around her face. His fingers itched to reach over and brush them back but he had no right. Her face softened as she looked away.
‘I’ve got to go out today, so how are you getting back to Dalrymple?’
Leaning against the door frame, Jeremy relaxed and crossed his arms. ‘You want the bad news?’
She frowned. ‘What?’
‘George said you’d drive me back to town. We collected his car from town so I need a lift. He drove me here and now he’s gone bush for the day.’
‘I should make you walk back.’ Emma’s laugh warmed his heart.
Chapter 18
Saturday morning
Cape Tribulation Road
‘It’s beautiful up here.’ Jeremy’s arms rested on the roof of Emma’s car as the vehicular ferry made its way across the Daintree River. She ignored the sculpted muscles that flexed beneath his T-shirt. On the way back to town, Jeremy had persuaded her to let him come along for the drive up to Wilma’s place.
‘Makes more sense than taking me south to town. Besides I’ll be company for you.’
‘I suppose it does make sense. It’s quite a long drive, though,’ she said as they approached the T-intersection.
‘I’ve got all day,’ he said with a grin. ‘Not a lot to do in my room at the pub.’ If the truth be known, she appreciated having him with her. Troy’s warning at the club last night had spooked her and knowing that there was a possibility of running into someone in the bush, the presence of a six-foot-two male made her feel safer.
‘And it’ll be a good way for you to see where you’ll be spending a lot of your time once you get on the road next week.’ She turned and pointed to the other side of the river. ‘You’ll get to know the road north very well. There’ll be a lot of travel up to Cape York for you.’
Jeremy’s smile widened and his teeth flashed white in the mid-morning sunshine. ‘I’m looking forward to it.’
Emma took in the quiet serenity of the river. The sun was high in the sky and an early breeze had come up. Small waves kicked in the water as the outgoing tide pushed against the easterly wind. The ferry was full this mornin
g as tourists and weekend travellers made their way north to Cape Tribulation.
‘I love it up here.’ she said.
He nodded. ‘It’s one of the most stunning places I’ve ever seen.’
‘Look, a croc.’ Emma pointed to the mud flats on the other side of the river.
‘Awesome.’ Jeremy’s eyes were wide as the crocodile took off at a run and disappeared into the muddy water.
‘And deadly. You make sure you look out for them when you’re up at Cape York.’ She was looking forward to showing him the scenery on the drive north. ‘What do you know about the Daintree and the rainforest?’
‘Just what I’ve read about on the tourist sites. And that it’s a World Heritage site.’
‘Wait till you see the rainforest near Wilma’s place. Gorges, tumbling rivers, pristine rainforest, and rugged mountains.’ Her voice ran on and Jeremy smiled at her. ‘There’s just so much to see.’
‘You love it here, don’t you?’
‘I do. It’s sort of like the Territory because of the grandeur of the landscape but in a very different way. Did you know it’s older than the Amazon? Over a hundred million years old.’ Anticipation filled Emma at the thought of showing Jeremy some of the locations she loved. She knew he wouldn’t be disappointed. ‘And the animals and birds, the biodiversity is incredible. It’s a unique place.’
‘And criminal to think that someone might be interfering with the wildlife,’ Jeremy said.
‘Yes.’ Emma sobered at the thought of what was probably happening out there. ‘I spoke to Troy about it last night and I feel more confident now. We don’t have to worry.’
‘Oh?’ To Emma’s surprise Jeremy’s expression darkened. ‘Why’s that?’
‘Troy reassured me that National Parks and Wildlife are investigating it already.’ Emma kept his warning about staying out of the rainforest to herself. It was enough to have George on her case without getting Jeremy more worried.