Fix Me

by Aubry, A

  “You’re such a strong girl,” Finn kissed my forehead before placing my cold washcloth back on it.

  I wiped my tears away, “No, I’m not, Finn. I’m so scared.”

  He took my hand in his, “You are doing great, baby. I’ll be right here by your side. We are going to meet our son soon.”

  The medicine began to work, and I started to feel tired because I wasn’t in horrendous amounts of pain anymore. My eyes starting to get heavy.

  “Take a nap, baby. You need to rest,” he whispered.

  Only because you said so.

  “It’s a boy!” Dr. Sanchez announced from below a sheet that covered my legs.

  The nurses laid a blanket on my chest before Dr. Sanchez placed my bouncing baby boy on top of it. Multiple hands were using the blanket to wipe him off as he laid there crying. His adorable round mouth, shaped exactly like Finn’s, my wide almond shaped eyes, and Finn’s nose all took my breath away. I was a mother, I had a beautiful baby boy. I kissed his clean head, whispering that mommy was there for him as his cries died down. Looking up at Finn, I caught a tear running down his cheek before he wiped it away. Leave it to my husband to pretend to be macho when I catch him crying.

  Dr. Sanchez picked up Leo and took him across the room, doing normal checks before putting a diaper on him and swaddling him for me. He was soon back in my arms and the nurses recommended trying to nurse. Leo latched almost immediately, sucking as though I never fed him everything he ever craved while I was pregnant. When he was finished, Finn offered to burp him for me. I watched the two men in my life bond quicker than I had ever seen two people bond before. And that was coming from a girl who got married to her husband after only two months of dating.

  Finn decided to go make the phone calls to our family, announcing our son’s arrival. Leo James McAllister was born at 10pm on January 27th. A year, down to the exact time, from when his father and I first met. Happy tears burned my eyes as I came to this realization. Everything had come full circle.

  “You planned this, didn’t you little guy?” I whispered softly to my son who slept in my arms.

  My lips gently pressed against his tiny forehead, “I love you so much, Leo. And your father loves you just as much. He will protect you and love you just like he does for me. He does say some very cheesy things sometimes, but don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to respond to that. You are so beautiful my baby boy…”

  “…but not as beautiful as your mother,” Finn’s voice said softly as he walked into the room, slipping his phone into his pants pocket.

  I looked up at him, “How much did you hear?”

  He smiled, “Everything. Even the part about how I say cheesy things.”

  My cheeks flushed, “Well you do…”

  “Only for you,” he kissed my lips before he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Leo’s head.

  I ran the back of my finger over Leo’s chubby cheek before bringing my attention back to Finn, “Thank you, Finn.”

  “For what?” He furrowed his brow.

  “For loving me and giving me this beautiful gift.”

  “Anytime.”

  Our word.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I had heard many parents say that when you have a child, it’s like you blink and they were grown up. That was how the last five months went. My little Leo was able to roll over onto his tummy all by himself and even hold up a bottle which saved my arms the ache. He babbled like it was nobodies business, and he loved his pureed fruits and vegetables that we started to introduce right before his five-month mark.

  Finn and I had been doing pretty well, I guess you could say. We were perfect for the first two months after Leo was born, then soccer season picked up and the traveling began. Now it felt like I could barely get to see him even though he only had a game once a week. He was always at practices or other events that were put on his schedule. A few nights over the last couple months he’d ask to go out with the guys to relax. Who was I to tell him no he had to stay home with me every single night?

  The only thing regular about our relationship was the sex since I was cleared by Dr. Sanchez after six weeks. Well, that was whenever Finn was home or wanted to actually do it. I had been working out and keeping a good diet to maintain a good production of breastmilk for our son, it also didn’t hurt that the baby weight soon fell off after I started doing that.

  The Minnesota United FC had a game out of town this Sunday and that meant that Finn would be leaving on Saturday. I figured, since it was Friday, that I could talk Angie and Bo into babysitting so that Finn and I could have a date night away from the house. We hadn’t had one of those since Leo was born and I felt like now was the time to change that.

  “Ba-ba-ba-ba,” Leo cooed from his highchair.

  I giggled and fed him a spoonful of bananas, “Is that so, Leo James? I didn’t know that.”

  He smiled wide at me as I wiped up some bananas that his tongue pushed out. I put the spoon back into his mouth, feeding him some more of his favorite fruit.

  “Do you think daddy and I should go out tonight?” I asked my son, in my usual baby talk.

  “Ba-ba-ba,” Leo replied.

  “Well I’m glad you agree, mister. Let’s see if daddy thinks it’s a good idea when he gets home,” I kissed his chubby cheek.

  The garage door opened, the telltale sign that Finn was finally home from his latest soccer practice. Feeding another spoonful of food to Leo, Finn came through the door.

  “Hey baby,” he smiled and put down his game bag.

  I looked over at him, “Hi sweetheart, how was practice?”

  “It was good. I think we’re ready for Sunday’s game. How’s my family?” Finn walked over to where I sat on a chair in front of Leo and kissed the top of his head, “Hey big guy.”

  He kissed my lips quickly, “Why do you taste like bananas?”

  I giggled, “I must have accidently kissed some off of Leo’s cheek here. He’s having some for dinner.”

  “Well, as long as it is our son’s cheek and not some strangers, then I’m alright with that,” he smiled my favorite smile.

  This was going to be one of our good days. Not one where he barely talked to me and went to watch television. I could work with that, maybe he’d even go out with me after all.

  Finn brought his phone out of his pocket as he walked over to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. I stood up, handing a plastic block to Leo before putting his dinner on my chair and walking over to where Finn was leaning against a countertop. I jumped up on the kitchen island in front of him and reached over, grabbing his shirt and pulling him over to me.

  “So baby, I was thinking,” I smiled as Finn locked his phone and put it next to me on the island.

  “That’s not good,” he teased.

  I stuck my tongue out at him, “Do you want to call Bo and Angie and see if they’ll watch Leo tonight? We can go out and have dinner…maybe go out for a little longer after that, just the two of us?”

  “I wish we could, Julianna. But Bo and I already made plans with the guys to have a quick drink after we all go to dinner. It’s Calvin’s birthday, one of the new draftees from January,” he put his hands on my thighs.

  My smile faltered, “Oh, okay. I wish you would have told me that, I was really hoping that we could do something together. I feel like I rarely ever see you anymore.”

  “I’m sorry baby, it was all decided as I was driving home. We will do something together tomorrow before I fly out, how does that sound?” He kissed my lips gently.

  “That sounds great. You should probably go get cleaned up if you’re gonna go out with your friends. But, not too cleaned up…I don’t want another girl stealing you right out from under my nose,” I forced the best smile that I could, complete with playful chuckle. Sadly, I had perfected those two things over the last two months.

  “Thanks for understanding. I love you,” he walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

  “I love you more,�
� I said to no one in particular.

  Leo squealed from his chair and I returned to feeding him, “I guess it’s just you and me tonight, Leo. Are you okay with that?”

  He shook his head from side to side before giggling.

  “Not you too,” I sighed.

  “Goodnight my sweet angel,” I whispered as I put Leo in his crib, his eyelids getting heavy.

  Quietly, I snuck out of the nursery with the video baby monitor and went down to the living room. I checked the clock as I plopped down onto the couch. It was only eight o’clock and Finn had been gone for two hours. He hadn’t texted to check in, he hadn’t even bothered to give me another kiss as I undressed Leo for his bath before he left.

  Bringing out my phone, I decided to call Angie. Bo was out with Finn and the guys, she must have been as bored as I was.

  “Hey, Jules. What’s up?” She sounded happier than I was feeling.

  “Nothing, just put Leo down for bed and now trying to decide what movie to watch. What about you?” I leaned back against the arm of the couch, pulling a blanket up my legs.

  “Oh, Bo and I are watching the latest Thor movie.”

  “I’m sorry?” I asked, sitting up quickly.

  “The last Thor movie? You know, that one with the name I can’t pronounce?”

  “No, you said Bo is there with you?”

  “Yeah, he’s been home since he got back from practice. Why?”

  “Finn told me that they were going out together with the guys. Something about it being Calvin’s birthday?”

  I heard a low murmur as Angie spoke to Bo away from the phone.

  “Bo says it was Calvin’s birthday three months ago,” she finally replied to me.

  “Ang, then what the fuck is Finn doing?”

  “You’re asking me? Fuck if I know. He’s your husband.”

  Looking around for the tiniest clue of what Finn could be doing, I saw his iPad sitting on the coffee table.

  “Does it make me a bad wife to check his texts on his iPad?” I asked, reaching for the device.

  “Not if you don’t know where your husband is,” she answered, “Want me to stay on the phone with you?”

  I took a deep breath, putting in Finn’s passcode, “Yes, please.”

  Angie quietly told Bo to pause the movie and then everything around her went quiet. My hand shook as I pressed the Message application on his tablet, thankful that his apple devices connected the same way that mine did. There at the top of the list was a message thread with a name I had never seen before.

  “Who the fuck is Victoria?”

  “No way, you found something?”

  I opened the text message exchange.

  Victoria: We still on for getting together at Yard House in Saint Louis Park tonight, sexy?

  Finn: Of course ;). Just got done at practice. Have to head home to change then I will be there.

  Victoria: But you look so hot in your uniform :(

  Finn: Maybe you can come to the next home game and you can see it come off me ;)

  Victoria: I’ll definitely be there. See you tonight, boo.

  Finn: See you later, baby.

  “Jules? Hello? Are you still there?” Angie’s voice pulled my attention back to the here and now.

  “He…he’s cheating on me…” I said in disbelief.

  “No, he’s not cheating on you, Jules. There’s no way that Finn McAllister would cheat on you,” she tried to reassure me.

  I read her the text messages.

  “Okay, he could be cheating on you. Bo and I will be right over.” She hung up.

  I couldn’t cry. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t. How could he do this to me? Fuck me, how could he do this to Leo? Finn’s father left him and abandoned his family for another woman, according to what his mother had told me after we all had a heart to heart family talk when Finn and I got married. Now Finn was becoming just like his father. How didn’t I see this coming?

  Angie and Bo let themselves in with the spare key that we had given them for when we would travel to Atlanta to see Finn’s family. Someone had to help me keep the plants in this house alive because apparently everything else in my life was dying around me. Bo took Finn’s iPad off my lap, putting it back on the coffee table. My eyes hadn’t left the messages since Angie had hung up the phone. They were now seared into my memory.

  “How could he do this to me, Angie? How could he do this to our son?” I asked, the tears finally spilling out.

  “I don’t know, Jules. Bo said on the way over here that Finn had been acting a little different, but he still talked about you and Leo the same amount as usual. Has anything happened between you two?” She asked, handing me a tissue before slipping an arm around my shoulders.

  “No, two months ago he just started being distant but not like, horribly distant. We still have sex regularly, he tells me he loves me like he always has, but he’s just not there, you know? One day it’ll be exactly how we have always been and the next he’ll be buried in his phone or say he’s tired or has something to work on in the office.”

  “Wait, you said two months ago?” Bo asked as he sat down next to Angie.

  “Yeah, right after Leo turned three months. Why? Did something happen?” I wiped my nose with my tissue as I hiccupped, my tears slowing down.

  “And you said the girl’s name was Victoria?” He asked, without answering my question.

  “Yeah. Bo, do you know what’s going on?” I asked.

  “No fucking way,” he shook his head and looked away.

  “Bo, you gotta tell us,” Angie insisted as she put her hand on his knee.

  He looked back at me, “We got a new medical coach in April. He transferred in quickly after our original coach had to leave the position to care for his wife. He has a daughter named Victoria who is maybe a year younger than you and Finn. When she met Finn, she was very flirtatious with him. He tried to be polite and all, but she was really nonstop on him. Later on, I saw them talking and I didn’t think anything of it. I assumed he had finally told her he was married and had a son and she toned it down. I thought they were just being nice to each other or whatever.”

  I couldn’t believe it. This girl might not even know that he’s married. He just wants to run around with her and be unfaithful to me.

  “What do I do now?” I asked, bunching my tissue up in my hand.

  “Maybe it’s best if you go to Yard House and see if he really is there with her. I’ll go with you,” Angie offered.

  “No, Ang. I should go with her. I’m the one who knows what Victoria looks like. She should know if it is exactly the girl that I think it is,” Bo quietly stated.

  “He’s right, Angie. I can’t sit there and speculate with you when Bo knows if its really her or not. Bo should be the one to go with me,” I stood up, walking towards the front door.

  “You’re not going dressed like that, are you? If he is cheating on you…we gotta show him what a hot momma you are and what he’s losing,” Angie followed me into the foyer.

  I looked down at my jean shorts and the loose fitted t-shirt I had thrown on this morning. She saw my reaction to her proposal.

  “Come on, I know just the thing for you to wear.”

  The galleria that housed many bars, including the one where Finn and I had met, was crawling with people tonight. Friday night was the start of the weekend. It was time to let loose of all the shit that happened over the week and have fun. But in my case, my week had just turned to shit.

  After ten minutes of some major persuading, Angie finally won out and I chose to wear the outfit that she picked out. On our last shopping trip, we saw a dress in the window of one of the many stores that we liked to pop into. They only had one left in my size and now that I lost all of the baby weight, it was a perfect fit.

  The dress was black lace with a nude underlay. It came down to just above my knee and had a V-neck cut that showed a good amount of cleavage with the right bra. That amount of cleavage was being shown with
my lacy push up bra that Finn had seen many times before. I wore black high-wedged booties and my hair cascaded down my back in its natural waves. My eyes were ringed with charcoal, courtesy of Angie’s expert makeup skills and my lips were their natural shade of pink with just a dab of gloss.

  I stopped Bo before he opened the door to Yard House. My heart was pounding in my chest.

  “Is this really a good idea?” I asked him, my hand on his elbow.

  “Jules. You need to know once and for all if this is really happening. Besides, Angie was right. Finn won’t know what hit him when he sees you in that dress,” he smiled and gave me a quick comforting hug.

  “Okay…let’s go,” I said, holding my clutch tightly in both hands in front of me.

  Bo opened both doors for me and we were suddenly thrown into the chaos that was the Friday night bar life. I searched around the room, but I couldn’t see anyone who looked like Finn.

  “What if they’re already gone?” I called out to Bo over the loud chatter and music.

  “They aren’t,” he said, sounding certain.

  “How do you know?” I asked, trying to look around.

  He held out his hand and pointed directly across the bar. There sat Finn and a blonde pixie haired beauty. She almost resembled Tinkerbell from the movie Peter Pan. Except her dress was pale pink and Tinkerbell’s was green. His hand was on her thigh, just underneath the hem of her dress as she giggled and kissed him. That was the proof that I needed. While I was at home, caring for our son for the last two months, Finn was with this girl doing god knows what. He grabbed his beer with his left hand, his wedding ring catching the light. So she knew he was married, what a slut.

  My heart raced and before I knew it, my feet were carrying me towards their table as Bo was calling out after me. I came to a stop right beside their table, my breath suddenly catching in my throat. I had no idea what I was going to say to them, my body just took me over here. Victoria’s attention caught on me before she smiled at Finn.

  “Babe, you have a fan here!” She cooed to him over the music.

  His face met mine and my heart leapt into my throat. Finn’s eyes widened in surprise before they traced down my body and back again. Any other time he would have done that, it would have turned me on. But this time, it was much different. He quickly took his hand off her thigh as Bo raced up behind me.