by Ann Hite
I took the blood-red rose. “Thank you.”
He shrugged. “I’ve been thinking on you all afternoon.” He didn’t sound happy.
I waited.
“It was your fault that I did what I did. You wanted me to do it. I’m never wrong. I thought you’d been around some.”
“I haven’t.” I was wearing my prettiest blue dress.
“You got me confused, Rose.” He lit another cigarette. “You might be different from the girls I come across. How old are you?”
“Twenty,” I lied.
“That’s young, but not too bad. I don’t want no trouble from that mama of yours.”
A breath caught under my ribs. “My mama doesn’t care if I ever come back.” The truth after so long sounded sad when released into the air.
“I don’t know. I ain’t scared easy and you scare me. I ain’t got it in me to do a proper courting or be a proper beau. I might be gone for good tomorrow.” He was quiet. “I’ve done bad things, and the truth is I will probably do them to you. See, I’m telling you stuff that is best kept to myself. I can’t always control how I do things. My mama was disappointed in me when she died. Let’s just say the women in my life have been real let down for good reason.” His face was calm.
I was hooked. He was telling his heart to me. “I’m not looking for a proper boy; that would be boring.” I swirled the rose in my fingers.
“I ain’t no boy, Rose. I’m twenty-five going on twenty-six.”
“Well, if you leave me at least I had some excitement.”
He smiled and pulled me to him.
“I don’t care what you did, Hobbs.”
“Don’t say that, Rose. You would care.” He said this into my hair. “You might be different, Rose Gardner.” Kisses led to more kisses, and we took our time with the moon looking down on us. Something deep inside me said Hobbs Pritchard had never taken his time for anyone else. And that would be the only thing I was right about when it came to him.
When we rolled over on our backs, looking at the sky, I knew I would be Hobbs Pritchard’s girl forever, until he died and then some.
“I like you, Rose.” He lit another cigarette. We stayed there until the stars faded and the moon fell away.
Thirty-five
Things between Hobbs and me went fast, knocking the breath out of me. We moved at full speed for five months. I would meet him on the street, and he would take me to one of his poker games, where I sat at his side as a good-luck charm.
One night we stood on the street outside my house. “Hobbs?”
“Yeah.” He scrunched up his forehead.
I kissed his cheek. “Are you my boyfriend?”
He laughed so hard my cheeks heated. “I guess I am, Rose Gardner. I guess I am.”
“Haven’t you ever had a girlfriend before?”
“A long, long time ago. Things didn’t go so well. I haven’t had no use for it since then.”
I nodded. “You won’t be sorry being my boyfriend.”
“You’re changing all the wrongs, aren’t you?” He touched my cheek and laughed.
“Maybe.”
I was sure we’d get married. We saw each other four or five times a week. But then one week in late September he didn’t come. At first I didn’t think a whole lot about it. He was Hobbs after all and probably got sidetracked playing poker, and he was winning. Another week came and went. I waited and thought about the pretty girls that made eyes at him. But we loved each other. I decided to check around and see if someone killed him or the law caught up to him.
He was sniffing out a little girl serving at the soup kitchen, one of those do-gooders. Miss Nellie Clay was her name, and she was as sweet to look at as a honeysuckle vine loaded with blooms, or so Hobbs’s friend at the bakery said. I let another week go by.
On my next visit to the bakery, Hobbs’s friend reported the news. “He’s marrying her today down at the little Baptist church close to the soup kitchen. Hobbs Pritchard getting married. I pity that girl.”
Without giving my actions any thought, I slapped him cross the face.
“What the hell is that for? I didn’t do anything.”
I walked away, moving in the direction of Hobbs. He couldn’t marry Miss Nellie Clay. He loved me. That much I knew. When I reached the church, I ran right to the doors with every intention of stopping a wedding. Hobbs held his new wife in a passionate kiss. She was tiny and fragile where I was tall and strong. Something powerful ran between Miss Nellie and me as our stares met. Her long blond curls hung away from her face. She was prettier than me. If I had to compare myself to this girl, I was an elephant dressed up in ribbons and satin to disguise my tough hide.
I left without a word. My life was over. Hobbs was married. All the way home I shook with a rage I was sure would kill me. I hated him, hated her. I wasn’t thinking straight when I finally ran into my room, shut the door, and dug deep in the back of the old cupboard. Hoodoo isn’t something to be taken lightly, especially when a person believed with all her heart in its power. I threw a spell with a twist. This conjure would make Hobbs Pritchard hunger after me until he left that pretty, perfect wife. It was so powerful I wasn’t sure how fast it would work. I lit a candle, placed it in my window, and waited.
Six weeks later, two days before Thanksgiving—my third candle was burned to the nub—still no Hobbs. The sun was shining bright, and the redbirds were singing. I could smell winter in the air, my favorite time of year. I wandered out into the maze, barren and dead. Deep in the hedges a twig broke behind me. I turned and the sun nearly blinded me. A person stepped towards me and blocked out the sun. My heart raced. Hobbs stood there grinning as if he’d only been gone a couple of days. He caught me to him. I breathed in his scent of whiskey and cigarettes. My body was home, in the place it wanted to be.
“You’re the only one for me, Rose Gardner. Why’d I ever think different?”
I pushed him away. “Well, you decided a little too late, didn’t you, Hobbs? You picked her over me because she’s little and pretty.”
“I’m sorry.” He pulled me back to him. “She’s all bones, girl. You got something none of the girls in these parts have.”
“Really, Hobbs? Did you tell Miss Nellie Clay that too?” I let her name float between us with its shiny sharpness.
He wrapped his arms around me tighter. “I was dumb. I know I was. I wish I could go back in time and change it all, Rose. Nellie ain’t you. You’re smart, pretty, and strong. You set me straight. But most of all you know me inside and out. I can’t hide anything from you. I’m weak and you know it. But I got to have you. Get your clothes. I’ve had enough of this seeing you here and there.”
“Why would I? You’re married.” But as the words came out, I knew I’d follow him anywhere.
He laughed. “If that’s what marriage is, I don’t want no part of it. I want us. Don’t you?”
“You’ll leave Nellie?” I relaxed in his arms.
“Pretty much.”
“I know you love me, Hobbs. We’ll get married and have a good life.”
He pushed away. “I ain’t talking love, girl. I’m talking souls. That’s more important than love. Don’t you think?” He was looking at me as if he might have mistaken me for some other girl.
“Mama will never let me come back again.”
“What is it with girls and their mamas? You’re grown. Twenty ain’t a kid. What do you want?”
“If you don’t leave Nellie for good, we’re over.” I didn’t want him to know I’d lied about my age.
He grinned. “Go get your stuff.”
Every girl wanted parents that cared enough to watch over her like a hawk. I slid out of the house without Mama even noticing. My suitcase wasn’t too heavy. Mama could go about her new life without reforming me. Living with a man was not tolerated by the Asheville women, especially if said man was married and known for breaking the law.
Our little house sat on the edge of town facing Black Mountain, Hobb
s’s favorite place in the world. When I looked at its large shadow, I thought of one thing only: Nellie. She sat in our new place as if she belonged. She had to understand that I had him first.
We didn’t have a stick of furniture except a bed. That’s all we needed. For the first days, we stayed there most of the time. We ate among the rumpled covers. We laughed and talked.
“Tell me about your family.” I’d always wanted a brother and a sister.
Hobbs was propped against the pillows. His face turned hard. “I got a sister, who up and ran away, and a stepbrother that gets in the way all the time. Mama and Daddy have been dead for a while. And I got Aunt Ida. I love her. She knows me like you.”
“Why did your sister run away?”
“Sour grapes. She wanted more than she got out of life.”
“Why don’t you like your stepbrother?”
He laughed. “Jack wanted the same girl as me when we were young. Her name was Patty Harkin.”
“Who got her?”
The dark look on his face bothered me. “No one.”
I put my head on his chest. “I bet it was you.”
He sniggered.
“Does she know where you are?”
He rubbed my head. “She who?”
I slapped at him playfully. “Who? You know who.”
“Why you got to let Nellie in this room?” The air in the room had changed. Nellie walked right in and soaked into the walls. “I don’t want to talk about her. I’m here. That’s where I want to be.” He looked out the window at the mountain.
“We need to talk about her sometime.”
“Why? Why can’t we be like this, Rose?” He opened his arms out as if to catch me as I fell. “Why has life got to be all tied up in a nice neat package?”
I’d been wrapping my beautiful package ever since I was little.
“When I look at you, I see what the world can be. All the girls I’ve met want something from me. Mama wanted me to be like Daddy. AzLeigh wanted me to be strong and hold her up. You don’t expect nothing of me, Rose. Can’t we just be together like we are now?”
“What does Nellie expect?” I whispered, but he covered my mouth with his lips.
That night we made Lonnie as the full moon shone through the window. Of course I wouldn’t know for a while. All I wanted was to have Hobbs there with me. He had a wandering eye, a fondness for other women. Men were like this unless a woman got herself a Mr. Carlson, dull as paint drying. Hobbs was worth my effort.
I snuggled into the crook of his arm. “Why’d you marry her?” I waited to see if he would answer.
He was quiet so long I was sure he wouldn’t. “Mama would have liked Nellie. She would have approved.”
A lump grew in my throat. “She wouldn’t have liked me?”
“That’s why I’m with you, Rose. You’re right the opposite of any girl my mama would have chose.”
Simple.
The last time I saw Hobbs, he was headed back up the mountain to leave Nellie for good. He knew about the baby and his tenderness came out. It was his idea to go end his marriage. He walked out the door promising to be back as soon as possible. As he drove out of sight, I realized he might be lying to me just like he lied to Nellie. What if he never came back? What if he really didn’t love either one of us? A familiar feeling of dread ate away at me. Nothing was ever going to work out with Hobbs, nothing.
Thirty-six
Two weeks later I sat straight up out of a dead sleep. Rose! Rose! Oh God, Rose!
I heard Hobbs like he was sitting on the side of my bed. Mama always said that each soul calls out when leaving the world. My name sat in the air and left me empty inside.
I stayed in the house living off money Hobbs left me. Just over a month went by and Jack came knocking at the door. I’d been spending all my time alone, never going out in case Hobbs came home.
One look at Jack and I understood all the reasons Hobbs hated his stepbrother. He was tall, quiet, and unruffled. He wasn’t much to look at like Hobbs but he was peaceful, a lake of cool clear calmness.
He took off his wide-brimmed hat. “Are you Rose?”
“Yes.” I fought the urge to laugh like a crazy person. “Are you Jack?”
He took a step back. “Yes, but …”
“I just know.” I opened my door wide. “He’s dead, but you know that, don’t you.”
Again he looked at me. “When’s the last time you saw him?”
“He was headed back home to break off his marriage. Over a month ago.”
“How do you know he’s dead, then?”
“Just do.”
He looked at the floor. “Do you know who did it?”
“I got my guesses, but you can’t blame a person on a hunch.”
He nodded in a no-nonsense way. “I’m sorry to have bothered you.”
“No bother.”
“You need to go home to your family.” He looked at the bulge under my shirt.
“Thank you.” The edge in my words broke the kindness in his expression. I didn’t need his pity. I’d do fine one way or another, just like Mama.
Jack stepped out the door, put his hat on his head, and gave me a nod.
I watched his truck until I couldn’t see it anymore.
Thirty-seven
I never intended to go up Black Mountain. Half the time I was angry at Hobbs for dying when I needed him the most. In all fairness, I wasn’t so sure had he lived we would have been together.
Women without men were lost to making any kind of decent living. Mama proved this to me. My life took a hard turn after Lonnie was born. It wouldn’t have taken much to put me in one of those lean-tos by the tracks. So I turned to what I knew. I threw spells for people. I became the local hoodoo woman. Some of the most important people in Asheville, such as the mayor, came to me. Love and money were the top two wants. One time I conjured a love spell for a girl from the uppity side of town. Her mother knew Mama. She wanted to marry Mr. Perfect so bad she would have done anything. Maybe she was sleeping with him, and that’s why he was dragging his feet. Who knew?
“Here’s what we do.” I took the rose she brought me. With part of the petals I made some rose water. Then I took one of the big soft velvety petals and handed it back to the girl. “You write his name on there.” I handed her an ink pen.
She looked at me strangely.
“You have to believe or it will not work.”
She nodded and wrote her beloved’s name.
I took the petal and soaked it in the rose water. “In the night and in the day, love will find this boy some way.” I placed the wet petal in her open hand. “Now, you go throw this at his house. When you do, picture yourself wearing a wedding dress in a church. That should do the job.”
She gave me a long look. “Okay.” She wrapped those pretty, long fingers around the petal.
“Good, now go.”
She tripped out of the little house.
A week later she showed up on my doorstep. “He asked me to marry him. You did it!” She pressed a twenty-dollar bill into my hand. This was the most I had made on a spell. Most of my customers wanted something for nothing.
I wasn’t making ends meet for Lonnie and me. Mama refused to have me at her house. So I was reduced to following in her footsteps, showing wealthy men a good time. If not for Lonnie, I would have put an end to my sorry life. Then one day Mr. Carl Ramsey Sr. offered to take me to the seashore. Just the sound of the invitation in his mouth was lovely, special. I begged Mama and she agreed to take Lonnie but vowed to call the state if I left him with her one minute longer than I promised. I guess she had forgotten her old life altogether.
Mr. Carl Ramsey was one of those men who liked to act way younger than he was. This was evident by the strands of hair combed over his big bald spot. As if no one could see the scalp shining beneath. Girls like me helped him feel twenty. He promised we would stay in a nice house on the coast, where I’d be waited on hand and foot, along with swimming and l
aying around in the sun, not a bad way to earn some money. I needed the rest. The day we were leaving I stood in front of the mirror.
“You see what I’ve come to, Hobbs? Even you wouldn’t want me sleeping with old men for a living. I’m tired and I miss you.” I pulled my brown hair back in a ball at my neck. “It doesn’t matter because if I could do it all again, I would. I have Lonnie. He’s so sweet and cute. If you could see him, you would have straightened out your life.”
The house on the beach turned out to be old as the earth but big, and it was on an island off the Georgia coast. Not a maid to be seen. The first day we arrived, Mr. Carl Ramsey wanted to keep me in bed all day. I should have seen that coming, but I was hoping. No man had complained about my performance under the sheets, but this old man couldn’t seem to get enough. Between him and the sound of water rushing in and out all hours of the day and night, I couldn’t concentrate. I kept seeing Hobbs standing here and there. When Mr. Ramsey wanted to eat supper—that I cooked—in bed, I took a long walk on the beach. I walked into the deafening wind, thinking of the ocean and how easy it would be to drown.
Rose.
I looked around for Hobbs.
Go home.
“Where’s home?” I shouted into the wind.
The air stilled for a minute. The money is there. Go get the money.
Ah yes, the money. Hobbs never was much of a giving person, but he did look after me. He told me there was plenty of money stashed away all over his farm.
“I’m tired, Hobbs.” The tears in my voice made me quiet.
Black Mountain, Rose.
Could I manage it? Could I find the courage to go up that mountain and take what was Lonnie’s? I was at my rock bottom. The wind grew still again.
I turned around and nearly ran back to that old house. I insisted Mr. Carl Ramsey take me home right that minute. And yes, I understood I would not receive any pay. For the first time since Lonnie’s birth, I had a plan. Hobbs had spoken to me.