by Ryan Rimmel
●
● Your stats increase: +2 Strength, +2 Dexterity, +1 Endurance
● Hit points increase by 160 Hit Points. Max Hit Points is now 400
● Stamina increased by 160 Stamina. Max Stamina is now 380
● All Duelist perks unlocked
● All Duelist talents unlocked
I regained my power! Then, I threw up and fell face-first into the dirt. Pain washed over me. Julia took a step toward me but stopped. I forced myself back to my feet. While my maximum possible Hit Points had increased, I had not gained any new Hit Points from leveling up. From the perspective of the
“Oh, that explains it! Your Duelist class required a sword. Because you couldn’t use a sword, you couldn’t be a Duelist. That’s fixed forthwith!” exclaimed Shart. I could tell the little butt-face was smiling.
“What about Mage Knight?” I hissed.
“Hmmm, you still don’t have it. If I had to guess, it’s probably because your Mana network doesn’t currently have any magical cores in it,” stated Shart.
“How do I fix that? Is there a perk?” I asked.
“No perk, but let me check on that,” replied the demon. Without menu time, these conversations took too long. It was incredibly awkward if I had witnesses, like, for example, Julia. However, I could talk while looking at my character sheet.
● Jim, Cleric 5
● Adventurer 14
● Duelist 14
● HP: 243/410
● Mana: 100/100
● Stamina: 245/365 (You have the Winded Condition for the next 9 minutes)
● Strength: +2
● Dexterity: +5
● Endurance: +3
● Spirit: +1
● Willpower: +3
● Charisma: +3
I stood back up with enough force to hop slightly because my strength was now much higher. As I stood, I was noticeably taller than I was before. Julia frowned, but the social convention on Ordinal was to ignore sudden level related changes to one’s body. She had gone from being taller than me to a full head shorter in a few seconds.
“Much better,” I said.
“Normally, adopting your god doesn’t do quite that much,” she said, looking down at the expanding pool of vomit and then up at me. I wiped my mouth.
“Must have been something I ate,” I said, reaching for my stolen healing potion before I stopped myself and started to cast Heal Damage, but stopped again. I had a new Spell. I cast Renew.
● Renew: Heals 1 HP per tick for 20 ticks, out of combat. Cost: 30 Mana, Self. Base healing increased by + 4 Endurance and + 6 Charisma (doubled due to perk).
Renew was uncomfortable. Everything felt itchy, but, as I was healing even faster than with Demonic Regeneration, I was satisfied. I doubted Renew would be compatible with my Shart-given healing, but Renew healed me for just over 200 Hit Points in less than 2 minutes. There wasn’t even a cooldown; a second casting just reset the timer on the first one. Excess time was lost. My Empowered Healing did grant me an additional 6 Hit Points every time I cast it, but, compared to Renew’s primary effect, that was nothing. After a lifetime of healing potions, this was so much better.
Staring at the healing potion in my hand for a second, I swore inwardly. I unstoppered it and pulled out my ingredients. I mashed the herbs into the bottle and shook it vigorously. That wouldn’t have worked for most people, but my Crafting skill applied to Alchemy. Considering the BotoxTater was a poison, my Poisoner Perk was also activated. Through their combined powers, I was able to make a low-quality oil de skin shrinkage.
“What are you doing?” asked Julia, as I finished shaking the vial and handed it to her.
“Cosmetic healing,” I replied. She looked at the oil questioningly. Then, she smiled as she sniffed the concoction. Her Alchemy skill fired off, so she could read the oil’s description.
Her outfit flew off more quickly than if it had caught fire. She dumped the bottle into her hands and began rubbing the concoction over her chest. Once she realized what she was doing, she turned away, still rubbing vigorously. Her mangled mammary shrunk back from its vastly elongated tube sock form into something more familiar. Then, she screamed. It did not sound like a scream of gratitude.
“This isn’t any better!” she shrieked, turning around. Her formerly droopy hooter was normal now. The other one, however, had squashed flat into her chest as the skin around it tightened massively.
“Why did you rub the potion on both?” I yelled. “Quick, wash it off the normal one!”
She stumbled over to the water. “They are both good, I’ll have you know. I just had so much oil; I had to put it somewhere,” she replied, trying to keep the ointment on half of her chest while she rubbed it off the other half.
“Let me help,” I said, stepping forward to assist with the rubbing off.
She slapped my hand away. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Anyway, this is all your fault!”
“I didn’t know casting a Healing spell during active Damage would cause that,” I muttered, as she used one hand to water seal one of the girls and the other hand to rinse the other one. I decided I needed to reassure her slightly, as her washing became more frantic. “You know, most women’s breasts aren’t symmetrical. It’s normal to have one that is slightly smaller than the other.”
“NOT LIKE THIS!” the princess screamed. I thought I heard Shart laughing in my head. I considered adding that boobs don’t make a woman but wisely decided to keep that to myself. While true, it wasn’t what Julia wanted to hear at the moment. Thankfully, the oil was magical. As she washed the oily substance off, the effect immediately stopped. The affected sweater monkey returned to its former glory, while the wounded one stayed healed.
Finally satisfied, she turned to face me. Her lower body was submerged, her healed upper torso fully exposed. “Are they even?”
“They look even,” I said. Julia was, in fact, a beautiful woman. It helped that both her boobs now pointed in the same direction. Or at least one doesn’t threaten to trip her when she runs.
“I need a better answer than that. Get over and put your hands on them, Cleric,” she ordered. I plopped into the water and walked over to her.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked.
In answer, she grabbed my hands and forced them onto her cans. “I can’t trust the girls to a self-cast Healing spell, I need someone to cast it for me and you are the only one available. I need you to cast Heal Damage on the girls and hold them until the spell completes,” she said, giving me the sternest look I’d seen on Ordinal. I was aware of the strategy, at least. She’s worse than AvaSophia.
My hands were where the magic came out. They would heal both of her chesticles simultaneously. That magical healing would overpower the oil, which was also magical, and leave her with a rotated, balanced set. The process was quick. However, to make sure the plastic effect didn’t cause further problems, I would have to leave my hands in place the entire time.
Suddenly, I felt something glorious. As the Healing magic continued to flow through my hands, I was getting some sort of feedback from the spell. I’d cast healing spells on myself before, but none of them ever felt this way. Using Arcane Lore, I gathered that feedback only happened when you cast a healing spell while making continuous contact with the target. Through that feedback, I was able to modulate my magic and ensure the cosmetic healing took.
I tried to look into Julia’s eyes as I cast the spell but flinched away. The angry look she was giving me was unnerving. Instead, I looked behind her. It was a good thing I did; that’s where I saw the Hydra swimming over for its snack. Using Julia’s jugs as leverage, I pivoted her away, just as the Hydra attempted to chomp on her. The creature bit my arm instead. Activating Mitigate and using my newly increased strength, I remai
ned unmoving, as the Hydra continued to gnaw into my arm. With the combination of my defensive perks and sheer stubbornness, I was able to stand motionless as the spell finished. A tiny pinprick of blood fell from my arm dripping into the water.
“I believe you have recovered. Please, get out of the water,” I said. As the creature tried to pull away from me to go after the easier prey, I grabbed it by the mouth. Julia scampered back, dripping wet. The beast attempted to force its way past me, but even with all three mouths engaged it just couldn’t do very much.
It all boiled down to levels. The creature was a level 14 monster. It did mostly regular Damage, with a fair bit of both Slashing and Piercing thrown into the mix. My Resistance perk granted me a base Defense of 33, and my Duelist Damage Resistance perks converted most of the Slashing and Piercing Damage down into normal Damage. That let my Defense soak up a vast percentage of it, without much actual Damage to me. What little Slashing and Piercing got through, I was able to Mitigate away.
In short, a level 14 monster couldn’t do enough Damage to really hurt me.
Of course, there was a problem. Yelling, “I shall smite thee,” I started punching the creature in the eyes. The Hydra did have some defenses, and my naked forearm wasn’t entirely up to the task of beating it to death, even with my magical assistance. The commotion was also summoning several more Hydras.
“If I tear this Hydra’s head off, is another one going to grow in its place?” I asked.
“Yes,” replied Julia, who was putting her shirt back on. Nice to see her priorities are in order. “I mean, at least until he runs out of Hit Points.”
Ah, Hit Points, the great equalizer.
As I continued to beat the creature to death, the middle head suddenly seemed to expand. Before I had a chance to react, it fountained out a mixture of acid and mucus. Even that wasn’t enough to bypass my Dragon Scales perk. However, it did serve to dissolve the tattered remnants of my furs.
“I don’t have a weapon. Can you blast this thing?” I asked politely.
“Um, sure,” stated Julia, holding her arms up and blasting a bolt of Holy magic into the creature’s chest. As it squirmed in my arms, Julia cast the spell twice more. The third blast finally killed the beast. I dropped it into the water and stepped out, my own tattered furs drooping in strange places. I stepped next to Julia. She blushed and looked away.
“I know it's impolite, but good level up,” she said, then turned and walked away from me.
Looking down at my body, I realized that my stat buffs had started to change my appearance, just as they had before. Mental stats didn’t seem to alter one’s appearance much, but the physical stats manifested quickly. Higher Dexterity made you quicker, more sure of yourself, and a bit leaner. Endurance made you stockier, tougher, and healthier looking. Strength made you taller and more muscular. When I’d first respawned, I was a skinny kid. Now, I was looking quite buff. With my high Charisma stat, I was rather pleasing to the eyes.
Julia returned, handing me a loincloth she’d crafted from the scraps of her furs. Neither of us looked too impressive, but it would have to do until we got to the next town. Even wearing rags, I had Rule One going for me. Be attractive. Good looking people could pull off anything.
“To the Vineyards!”
Chapter 14 – Small Town Living
The night passed uneventfully. I awoke the next morning, mostly rested, to the sounds of Holy magic as Julia recited a litany of prayers. We’d slept in the wilderness again. With all my perks and abilities, I could stand sleeping in the bushes with no supplies. It sucked, but I was not complaining.
“You aren’t?” Shart asked in my head. “It sure sounds like you are whining like a newborn baby.”
I ignored him, choosing to focus on my junk instead. My loincloth was becoming uncomfortable. I didn’t understand how tribal people had managed to wear just a loincloth, especially around attractive women, for centuries. I supposed the bug bites helped keep one’s libido in check. Mind you, walking around with the boys flapping in the breeze could be kind of relaxing. Running was a different issue entirely.
As we traveled through the barren mountain country, avoiding adventurers that were sent to kill the princess, I kept coming back to the same point. Having a target painted on my back was making my life complicated. I had puzzled over my problem for a long time last night but had come no closer to figuring out how to summon Shart without Julia’s help. That meant I had to carry this albatross with me until he was summoned, at least.
Speaking of, Julia had risen, gone to the river, and cleaned herself. While there, a Hydra attempted to attack her. The attack led to Julia blasting the creature into chunks. Shortly after, Julia dragged one of those chunks back to our makeshift camp, where she was attempting to make breakfast. I was sure this little hobby of hers wasn’t going to last, but, for now, she was still enamored with cooking.
“Here, try this,” ordered Julia, as she dropped a handful of crushed waterleaf onto the Hydra steak she had prepared. I smiled and ate the offered breakfast. It was a far sight better than the venison we had eaten the previous day. Julia had probably moved out of the untrained portion of the skill to Novice.
The quickness of any adventurer in skill level gains was something that needed to be seen to be believed. Julia wasn’t a gourmet chef yet. However, if she kept cooking for several weeks, she would be. Some skills still required a massive number of Skill Points to advance, but mundane skills were, for the most part, cheap and easy to level.
“What are our plans for today?” I asked. I was mainly joking. After breakfast, we were going to have to haul ass to gain some extra distance on our pursuers. I still wasn’t sure of the best way to accomplish that, and Julia knew the local area better than I did.
“There is a decent-sized, free town south of here,” stated Julia.
“Free town?” I asked.
“They pay their noble so their town council can run the town independently,” stated Julia. That was fairly common in feudal politics. A small, prosperous town would pay in gold rather than offer up people to serve their lord. Oftentimes, the lord could get the people and other resources elsewhere, but he needed the gold the free town provided.
“You can make it after lunch if you hurry, Dum Dum,” said Shart. I groaned. Another day of hiking.
We started marching downstream immediately after breakfast. The river was all rocks and rapids, making it difficult for anyone to come this way by water. The actual road from Angwin went west, away from us. It ended in a different town, a town many leagues away. Going cross country should make us harder to track.
Just in case, I had left a few traps to discourage the adventurers, should they decide to come our way. Of course, that would reveal our position. I discovered Julia wasn’t capable of hiding her tracks unless we found some banks of snow for her to blast about. Unfortunately, while the local terrain was cool, the environment was more late fall than the heart of winter. We did our best for the first few miles, before deciding that speed would be more of an ally than an ineffective effort to hide our tracks.
The real trick with the towns was that there was a civil war, or, as Julia insisted, a dynastic struggle, going on. Most of the towns pledged to Julia’s aunt, the duchess, or her uncle, the duke. There was very likely a reward on her head. If she just walked into any population center, someone would report her.
“Won’t they try to capture you?” I asked.
“I’m an adventurer. I’d love to see them try,” she said dismissively. Falcon used the older Grebtharian style of adventurers and professionals. That eliminated the more blatant classist terms, like Chosen and commoners. Still, if you said “adventurer” with enough sauce, it came out the same way as proclaiming yourself as Chosen.
Fortunately, the town was isolated. It also seemed unimportant enough to remain uninvolved in the civil war. Hopefully, it would still be large enough to have what we needed. We passed by several small thorps on the way, but those were just
small collections of huts.
When I’d called the first hut community a village, Julia had been quick to correct me.
“Those are thorps,” she said, as we looked at the small grouping. “We might pass a hamlet on the way, as well, before we get to the village.”
“I thought a village was the smallest size town,” I said.
“Oh, no. Dum Dum is thinking again,” Shart moaned in my head.
Julia rolled her eyes. “I guess if you are living out in the sticks, maybe. A village anchors a province, but, in a developed area, the rulers are likely to have a few extra licenses they can’t use. Those are typically used to make thorpes.”
“I thought licenses were kind of rare,” I said.
“He never learns,” muttered the demon.
“Maybe in a younger kingdom,” scoffed Julia. “Among other factors, castles generate licenses based on age. The local castle has stood for centuries. Each local province gets a new license every so often; many of them are underdeveloped, like this one. The local lord will just use the license to create a thorp and hope it grows into a hamlet.”
“But these thorps didn’t grow into hamlets,” I said.
Julia frowned. “This place is on the edge of the great valley. The regions to the east and west are very developed. Out here, there just isn’t anything to draw people in. Fishing is poor, farming is not commercial grade, and there is insufficient mineral wealth. I suppose someone could make a go of it, but it would require a substantial investment that no one is willing to make.”
I was from Ohio, so I knew about land like that. Some hardy souls would always find such places enjoyable, but, from what I’d seen, I doubted that would occur here. This region was in abject poverty, and the people looked miserable. We’d circled a farming hamlet, at my insistence, and I’d been horrified. The hamlet was a collection of weak huts not suitable for dealing with a cold winter, let alone the frigid ones Julia assured me were common.