by Virna DePaul
She was preparing lunch when Stanley tugged on her shirt. “Miss Jill? I think he’s sad.”
“Who’s sad, honey?”
“The giant next door.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Why do you say that?”
“I looked out the window and saw him. Why do you think the giant is sad?”
She struggled with what to say. She could tell Stanley that Cole’s mother had died, which meant the man was grieving, but she didn’t think that’d be the best idea. She could also tell him the truth—that the giant had said some mean things and now he felt bad. “I’m not sure,” she said instead.
“Maybe you should go talk to him. If I was sad, you’d talk to me, right?”
“Of course I would. Are you sad?” Jill crouched and looked directly into Stanley’s brown eyes. He shook his head. “You’re sure? Because you know you can always talk to me.”
He looked at her and nodded. “You should talk to that man because he’s sad.” He whirled around. “I’m going to go play now.”
And just like that, he scuttled off to play Legos with the other kids in the living room. Jill envied his ability to just shake things off and continue as if nothing happened. If only she could do the same.
She thought about Stanley’s father, Jason, again—the way he always lingered for just a minute whenever he came to pick Stanley up. At times, she’d gotten the feeling that Jason had a crush on her. She ignored it, mostly because he gave her the creeps, but more than once, she’d seen someone lingering outside after hours and wondered if maybe it hadn’t been him. She didn’t have any reason to believe it was Jason. However, she had plenty of reason to believe Cole was sad. It had nothing to do with the way she’d blown him off earlier, though that probably hadn’t helped.
Worry and guilt, my two oldest friends.
She’d spent so much of her life feeling them. Guilt as she’d watched her father deteriorate from a vibrant young man to an addled invalid practically overnight. Worry that she couldn’t do enough for him or that he didn’t know how much she loved him. Worry that she’d be walking the same path as her father someday.
She glanced out the window at Stella’s house and wondered what Cole might be doing. Probably packing his mother’s things. Missing her. It was human nature to think you had forever to say the things that needed to be said to your loved ones. Or to do the things that needed to be done.
“You should talk to that man because he’s sad.”
Cole obviously felt bad for what he’d said to her and had apologized right away, immediately afterward and then again today. It made her heart ache, remembering the way he’d looked when she’d thrown his apology back in his face. If he was over there struggling with his grief and regret, it was partly because she’d made things harder for him.
And that was a thought she couldn’t bear.
Chapter Eight
Cole sat in the middle of the kitchen floor, watching the shadows dance across the wall as car headlights passed by. It was early evening, and the sun was going down. He’d made great headway by packing up his mother’s guestroom. Now he sat surrounded by a stack of cardboard boxes and tissue paper, wrapping up dishes and pans. He hadn’t ventured back into his mother’s bedroom, figuring he would leave that room for last along with the china hutch.
His thoughts kept turning to Jill.
Just let it go, Cole. She made it clear she wanted nothing else to do with him. He had to respect that. It just wasn’t what the universe wanted from them.
A knock on the front door pulled him out of his pity party. He pushed himself up off the floor. When he pulled open the door, he found Jill standing there, holding a Tupperware container and a bottle of wine.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hey,” he said, relief washing through him.
“I should probably still be mad about what you said last night—” She looked down at the food container.
“Are you?”
“A little. You really hurt my feelings, thinking I’d try to manipulate you with sex. That’s just not me, Cole. But I thought about it, and I figured it’s not your fault. I didn’t exactly give you much opportunity to know me first.”
He leaned heavily against the doorframe. “It was still stupid of me. I’m sorry.”
“Well, I decided to forgive you, but only because I’m craving conversation with someone who has been potty trained for at least a few years.” She smiled sweetly.
He stared at her for a long time. Something about her smile made his heart clench, and he sucked in a quick breath..
“Soooo…are you going to invite me in, or should I keep standing here?” she said.
“Oh, no, come on in.” He jumped back, clearing the doorway.
“Thanks. You’d be surprised how heavy Chicken Alfredo gets after a while.” Jill stepped in and looked around.
“I’m a big fan of Chicken Alfredo.” Cole flipped on the lamp. “Excuse the mess, I was packing.”
“So I see. Do you mind if I heat this up? I don’t know if you’ve eaten yet, but I’m starving.”
“Sure, of course.” He watched her breeze across the floor and head into the kitchen where she proceeded to warm up the dinner in the microwave. It smelled delicious, and his stomach protested loudly.
Jill opened the cabinet, obviously familiar with the set up, but paused. “The plates?”
“Oh, they’re in here now.” He gestured to the box on the floor, opened it and took out two plates. “That smells great,” he said. He pulled out a chair at the bar and sat down. “When do you find time to cook with all those kids under foot all day?”
“I don’t. I have to do it when they’re not there. I got tired of quickie, pre-packaged meals every night, so on the weekends, I cook then freeze my meals for the week.” The microwave dinged.
He watched her fix their plates and take two glasses out of a cabinet. “Wine?” she asked.
“Water will work.”
“Okay, go sit at the dining room table, and I’ll bring it out.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Cole wasn’t used to being told what to do or where to sit, but he did as she asked. He figured she was still in teacher mode after a full day of running a daycare.
More likely, she was still in nurturing mode, and he had to admit, it felt good to be nurtured again.
She brought out the plates and cups and slid one in front of him.
“You look pretty experienced at this.”
“I serve up seven plates at least twice a day. Sometimes three, if a kid’s mommy or daddy is late.” She set her plate down and placed the glasses in front of each.
Cole took a bite and closed his eyes. It was the perfect blend of flavors. “Amazing,” he said, knowing he wasn’t just talking about the food.
They made small talk while they ate, telling each other about their days. He enjoyed being with her in such a simple, relaxed way.
She was talented. Smart. Capable. Sweet. Wild. And hot as hell. In some ways, it felt like they’d known each other forever. She made him feel at ease, free, and secure. Warm. Safe. Cole had never felt this way about a woman before. When he wasn’t with her, he was thinking of her. The memory of her touch and the scent of her skin made him ache. Not just his body either, but his heart. Every time he did see her, the ache became more and more intense until it felt like a fire was raging in the pit of his stomach.
But feelings that intense wouldn’t last. It was probably just because they had unfinished business. Because they’d only had that one perfect night together, and he wanted more of the same. But he didn’t want a relationship. The thought of being tied to one place and one woman terrified him.
He knew without a doubt that his mother had been right—any man would be lucky to have Jill in his life. But it couldn’t be him.
He wanted fewer complications in life, not more.
And yet, here she was. Now. Sharing a meal with him. He’d concentrate on that miraculous fact while he could and enjoy it.
When they were done eating, Cole found some coffee and made them each a cup. That’s when she told him how Stanley had been worried about him. “I guess he could see you through the window. To him, you’re the giant next door, so I guess the thought of you being sad...”
“That’s sweet of him to care, but I’m fine,” Cole said.
“I care, too, you know.”
Startled, he looked up. Then reached out and took her hand. “Thank you, Jill. That means a lot to me.” And it did. Right now, it meant everything and despite all his mental reminders that he couldn’t have anything long-term with Jill, the thought that she was soon going to walk out the door again had him almost panicking. “You don’t have to leave right away, do you?”
She hesitated. Finally, she let out a soft rush of breath. “No, I don’t have to leave. In fact, I’d like to help you with some of this packing.”
“You don’t have to help with that.”
“I want to. Stella was important to me. And I—I like you, Cole. I want to help. Please?” She gave him a great set of puppy dog eyes. “Just let me?”
He appreciated that she wanted to help him even after putting in a full day of work. And he didn’t ask for help often. But accepting Jill’s help meant one very important thing—he’d get more time with her.
“Follow me,” he said. He led her down the hall to third bedroom, which his mom had used as an office.
When he opened the door, Jill’s mouth dropped open. “Wow!”
Cole smiled. Bookshelves lined the walls from floor to ceiling all around. They were filled with books from children’s Little Golden Books to Tom Clancy novels. “My mom liked to read. She used to read to me all the time when I was a kid.”
“This is quite a collection,” she said. “She gave the kids some books, but I had no idea… She’d never brought me in here.”
“She was quite a collector, of all sorts of things. Books, knickknacks, my old art from when I was a kid…” He stared at the books a while. “I guess we should pack these up.”
“Well, books are definitely less fragile,” she said. “I’ll get some boxes.” She left and came back a few minutes later with several boxes from the living room.
“Thank you,” he said simply.
Jill nodded and sat by the bookshelf. “Oh, I loved this story,” she said, holding up a children’s book.
“You want some books for the daycare?” he asked, looking at the shelf. Why he hadn’t offered right away was beyond him. They would be in perfect hands.
She looked up from her spot on the floor, first at him and then at the shelves. “That’s not why I came here…”
He frowned. “I know that. Believe me, I regret what I said to you, Jill. You’re not manipulative. In fact, you’re pretty damned incredible. The things you do every day would be hell for other people, yet you make it all look so easy. Those kids and their parents are so lucky to have you.”
“Well…thank you. For the compliment and the books.” She smiled, slapping the book shut and placing it in the empty box.
As they packed away the books, they talked about which ones they’d both read as adults and which ones were their favorites as kids. Turned out they had the same taste in books, but then again, Cole shouldn’t have been so surprised. Cole loved mysteries with a twist at the end, and Jill’s eyes widened with surprise just before she said she loved them too. They also had a mutual love of historical fiction and true crime. What shocked Cole, however, was when Jill admitted she loved all things horror, be it a novel or movie.
“In fact, my favorite horror novel that I read last year was—”
“Let me guess, something by Stephen King?” he said.
“Close. It was called Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill.”
“And that’s close because…” He tilted his head at her.
“Because Joe Hill is Stephen King’s son?” she said, like it was common knowledge.
“Oh wow, you just taught me something.”
She set a book down on her lap and leaned into him. In a sexy voice, she said, “Well, I am a teacher of babies, Mr. Cole.” She held it together pretty good for a moment, but then she started laughing.
“Very funny.” He smiled at her, loving the musical quality of her laughter.
They went on talking and laughing, and every so often, he caught her gaze sliding up his arms or down his legs. She was checking him out. She wanted him just as badly as she had two nights ago…just the way he wanted her.
Chapter Nine
The next morning, when Liz showed up a full half hour before she was supposed to, Jill knew the time of reckoning had come. Mostly, she was glad. Even packing a few boxes with him had her feelings for Cole building into a confusing mass of emotions, and she’d started to panic at the thought of him leaving in a few days. She’d be hurt no matter what. So what was the point of stopping herself from enjoying him while he was here?
Staying away from him might not actually be accomplishing anything. Her resolve to keep things friendly and fun between them was apparently crumbling under the temptation that was Cole.
Sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, Jill faced Liz with hope that talking to her friend could help her sort things out. But apparently, Liz had already put two-and-two together. “So, tell me the truth. You’re getting it on with the ‘giant’ next door, aren’t you?” She lifted her glass of orange juice and stared at Jill as she sipped.
Jill forced a laugh. “Everything is not about sex, you know.”
“Maybe not when you’re in your twenties and getting it regularly, honey.” Liz crossed her arms. “But when you’re a forty-something-year-old widow, it becomes almost like a goal.”
“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not having sex with Cole. That is, we didn’t have sex last night. I just had dinner with him and helped him pack. He’s pretty torn up over losing his mom. He just needs a friend right now.”
Liz stilled. “You didn’t have sex last night,” she mused, fishing for more. “But…”
Jill looked at Liz, smiled, then covered her eyes with her hands, only to peek at her friend through the spaces between her fingers. “Okay, we did have sex that first night.”
“Aha! I knew it.” Liz slapped the table and sat back, satisfied. Then she leaned forward. “How was it?”
Jill sighed heavily and lowered her hands. “Indescribable. But that was it for us, just that one night. We both agreed to no more, and I wasn’t even supposed to see him again before he showed up next door. He’s heading to San Fran soon. It’s over.”
“You really believe that?” Liz asked.
“Yes.” Jill shook her head. She laughed ruefully. “No. I’m trying to make myself believe it, but I’m starting to cave. And that frightens me. If I let myself have more, I’m going to want the whole package…and that’s not something Cole can give me.”
Liz covered Jill’s hand with hers. “I know the one-night stand thing is not you, honey. But I’m happy that you got to have that experience. You’ve spent so much of your life taking care of people. First your daddy…having to take care of him every day when he couldn’t even remember your name…” Liz shuddered. “I can’t imagine how hard that was on you. Then, having to be strong for your mom until the end. And now taking care of these babies every day. You deserve some plain old fun sometimes. But I’m glad you’re being careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I don’t want me to get hurt, either. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. He’ll be gone soon. I just want to help him through this if I can, but I’m keeping my head about me. And my hands to myself. I have to.”
“Just remember,” Liz said, “it’s not your job to take care of him. He’s a big boy, Jill.”
Oh, yes he is, Jill thought.
The rest of the day flew by. Seven scrambled eggs on toast and seven glasses of milk. Seven brushings of teeth and washing of hands. A little bit of cartoon watching until everyone was there, then working on
numbers 1-10, practicing ABC’s for the older kids, and stacking blocks for the little ones. Snack time, Chutes and Ladders, lunch time, naps, crafts, then story time. It all whizzed by in a blur until finally they all sat down with snacks and a movie, as one by one, the kids got picked up to go home.
Jill sat with Anaya on her lap and Charlie pressed up against her other side. Together, they relaxed in a big, happy clump. By the time six o’clock rolled around, only Jill and Stanley were left. Stanley’s father was getting later and later with his pick-ups, with no explanation or prior arrangements. Yes, given some of her kids had parents who were sick, she was all about being flexible. She would be flexible even in cases where a family member wasn’t sick, as was the case with Stanley. But Jason’s tardiness was unexplained and frequent. It just wasn’t right. She’d hate to start charging him extra but she didn’t want to feel taken advantage of either. She’d have to talk to him about it. But worst of all was her worry over what Stanley might be feeling, like maybe his dad didn’t want to come get him.
Fifteen minutes after the movie ended, the doorbell rang. Finally. She opened the door to let Jason in and took out Stanley’s things from his cubby. She struggled with her conscience—she really needed to inform Jason he must be on time, but she didn’t want to lecture the man in front of his son. She’d give him a call tomorrow, she decided, then knelt down to say goodbye to Stanley. “You be good, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gave him her usual parting hug.
Stanley surprised her by putting his little arms around her neck and hugging her tightly. He wasn’t usually such an affectionate kid. “Bye, Miss Jill,” he said before letting go.
When she straightened up, Jason surprised her even more by touching her arm. She had to physically hold herself in place to keep from jerking away. “Nothing bad ever happens to him here.” Jason stared into Jill’s eyes a little too long. “I tell him all the time how lucky he is that he gets to spend so much time with you.”