by Virna DePaul
He reached out to caress her hair, and she murmured and rolled closer toward him. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, he started. It was after seven already, and he knew her kids would start arriving at eight. “Jill,” he said, caressing her face. “It’s seven. Do you need to get going?”
“Yes,” she sighed. “But let’s snuggle first.”
Cole grinned. She’d blown his mind with a blow job and a raunchy fuck in his office last night, but funny how snuggling with her held almost the same appeal.
Five minutes later, he was still holding her as the light coming in from the window grew brighter. When his phone buzzed on the nightstand, she murmured something incoherent—and slightly grumpy—which made him smile. Reaching across her, he picked up his phone and noted the caller. He turned back to Jill and nuzzled her hair, murmuring, “It’s Luke.”
Jill blinked, nodded sleepily, and started to get up, as if maybe he were kicking her out. “Hey, where you going?” he protested. “Stay. We’re not done snuggling.”
She looked surprised but then settled into him again. Reaching out, he traced the lines of her cheeks and chin with his fingertips.
I’d be so gone for this girl if I let myself be, he thought.
“Hey, Luke,” Cole answered his phone.
“I’m sorry to bother you so early. Especially when you’re probably not alone. But I figured I’d give you as much warning as possible.”
Cole stiffened slightly, even though Luke didn’t sound tense or worried. Jill could probably hear their conversation, and it surprised him how much he didn’t care. He felt at ease with her, with nothing to hide. Except his growing feelings, of course. To Luke, he said, “What’s up? Have you heard from Eric?” Cole laid his hand on Jill’s thigh and smoothed lazy circles against her silky skin.
“No, sorry. Not that. It’s about a job. When I checked my messages last night, I’d received a call from the aide of Senator Taylor.”
“Who?” Cole said, realizing how disconnected from work he’d been before he and Jill connected there last night.
“The senator whose whole campaign was about going green? He’s visiting LA for a conference and wants us on the security detail. And he asked specifically for you. Otherwise I wouldn’t be bothering you with this.”
“Where’s the conference?”
“Staples Center. It starts in four days, lasts three days, and he wants to meet with you early morning the day after tomorrow.”
The hand he’d been using to caress Jill fell still. The day after tomorrow. With the conference starting soon after. It sounded like he’d only be gone less than a week, but the thought of being away from Jill even that long bothered him.
Which in itself bothered him even more.
He’d obviously grown too attached to her. And that was a big problem. Since when did the thought of leaving a woman make him hesitate for even one second to take a job? He had to pull himself together. That wasn’t the kind of relationship he had with Jill. Being tied down to one woman, being tied down to any particular place, wasn’t what he wanted or needed. So he forced himself to say, “That’ll work.”
“Cole—”
“Luke, Jill’s here and I want to get back to her. I’ll call you later and get the details for the meeting.”
He heard his friend sigh. “Talk to you then.”
He disconnected the call, then glanced at Jill, who’d sat up. “Looks like you have a great job waiting for you,” she said. “I’m sure it can only speed things along and get you to San Francisco all the sooner.” Though her voice trembled just slightly, she wasn’t being sarcastic. She sounded happy for him, or at least she was really trying to.
He braced himself on an elbow to look at her. “I don’t want to cut our time short. This has been amazing. You’re amazing.”
She smiled sadly, and it broke his heart. “You’re amazing, too. But we both knew this was coming.”
He reached out to brush her top lip with a finger, then traced her bottom lip too before leaning over to gently nibble it. The sweet kiss turned into a fast, heated one, but before things got out of control, she pulled away.
“I’ve got to head to my place, but we can finish packing tonight.” She got out of bed and grabbed her shirt off the floor.
“I’ll call a storage company. See if they can have a truck here in the morning.” He forced himself to smile, but Jill was getting dressed, avoiding eye contact, and talking about the day of work ahead. She was in self-preservation mode, already putting distance between them, laying down a stretch of blacktop for him to ride down and disappear forever.
And normally, with any other woman, that would have been just fine.
But Cole knew, after the time he’d spent with Jill, nothing about him would ever be normal again.
* * *
Jill slogged into her house, flung her purse onto her bed, and fell onto the comforter with a huge sigh. Comforter was the right word, because there was nothing like being in her own room, on her own bed, to bring reality and familiarity back. She had so many things to do today. She just needed some time to think.
Or not think.
Cole would be leaving tomorrow. And clearly he wasn’t planning to come back given he was calling movers to pick up boxes and put them in storage tomorrow morning.
Jill watched the ceiling fan go round and round above her, much like how the contents of her brain refused to stop swirling. She had to face facts—in only a few days she’d fallen hard, despite her own warnings. Too hard. And soon, she was going to pay the price.
In a way, she already had. Because surely the reality of Cole being gone couldn’t be any worse than the anticipation of it.
After showering and preparing for the day to come by setting out art supplies and building blocks, she sat at the kitchen table with her coffee, stirring her creamer in absent-mindedly. Liz came in, hung her key on the wall, and paused when she saw Jill.
“Holy crap, what happened to you?”
She smiled tightly, knowing she probably looked like she was grieving the loss of something important. It was how she felt. “I went out last night.”
“With the biker next door?”
“With Cole, yes.”
“Oh, he’s Cole now.” She smiled, pulling out a chair and plopping down, then folded her hands politely.
“He’s always been Cole,” Jill said, sipping her coffee but not really tasting it. “And tomorrow, he’ll be that guy I once knew for about three days. He’s leaving and he’s not coming back.”
Liz winced, dropped her head a bit, and peered up into Jill’s fallen face. “I’m sorry, Jill. I know you tried not to get involved. I so didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“It’s nobody’s fault.” Jill checked her phone for the time. The first kids would be arriving at any moment. “I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.”
“Will the pain at least be worth it?” Liz raised an eyebrow.
Jill thought for a moment. It was true she’d had the best time ever with Cole—their first night together, the wild impromptu sex, the conversations, the shared meals, the bike ride through LA, the role-playing sex they’d had in his office last night. In just a few days, they’d smiled and laughed an awful lot. So yes, it hadn’t just been the sex—she’d genuinely had a good time with a great guy.
“I could have loved him,” she heard herself say. She stared into her coffee.
Liz was quiet, but Jill didn’t need confirmation that she was talking crazy—she already knew it. She’d only known Cole a few days, after all.
Jill pulled herself together and looked up. “I know that sounds crazy, and anyway, it’s not going to happen. I can’t fall in love with someone who’s not here.” She stood, downed the rest of her coffee, and placed a plate into the sink.
She heard a car arriving outside and was about to head to the front door when Liz reached out and grabbed her hand. “Honey? Meeting someone you could love. That’s not such a bad thing, is it? And may
be this doesn’t have to be the end.”
“It’s better that it is.”
“Why? Because you’re afraid you’ll end up like your dad?”
Jill felt a pang in her stomach at Liz’s words. Funny how she hadn’t thought of that, not recently. No, she’d been too busy simply enjoying Cole. But it made sense. Imagine how Cole would react if he knew about her medical history—both her cancer scare and her risk of developing Alzheimer’s. “It’s a valid reason to avoid a relationship, Liz. What kind of person would knowingly do that to their partner? Make them think they’ll have a lifetime together when chances are, they won’t. At least my father didn’t know he was going to become demented at forty years old. He had no idea he wouldn’t know his own wife and daughter. It’s hereditary, and I don’t want to become anyone’s burden.”
Liz let go of her hand and shook her head. “It’s hereditary, yes, but you only have a fifty percent chance that you carry the gene. You’re letting the unknown future hold you back. Are you still on the fence about getting tested? If the news isn’t good, at least you’ll be better prepared to make life decisions.”
“Logically, I know that. But emotionally?” She shook her head. “I’m not ready to face it, reality or not.”
“Then you’re not ready. You’ll know when you are.” Liz flashed her big sister type smile.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. I’m much older and wiser than you. That’s why you keep me around.”
The doorbell rang, and both Jill and Liz sprang to attention, Liz pulling out flour and baking powder while Jill headed for the door. “No,” Jill said over her shoulder with a smile. “I keep you around because the kids say your pancakes come out way fluffier than mine.”
And because, unlike Cole, Liz was there for the long haul. Someone Jill could count on. Love wholeheartedly. Someone who’d love her back.
Chapter Thirteen
Crossing the lawn to Cole’s later that night, Jill recited, “It was fun while it lasted, Jill, but he’s not the one,” over and over. Her head was almost convinced, but her heart was having a harder time believing her words. Cole was so much more than a fun dalliance—he was a sexy, honorable, brave man who’d loved his mother, treated women well, owned his own company, and was looking forward to bigger, better things for himself. More importantly, she had fun with him and he made her feel things—wild, amazing, tingling, mind-blowing things— she’d never felt before. And now she was supposed to just go on with her normal life as if they’d never met?
Obviously, she had to. She wasn’t going to be the clingy woman that made their parting awkward.
When she arrived, she rang the doorbell and took deep, cleansing breaths. Cole opened the door with a huge but obviously strained smile plastered across his face. He wore a tight, black T-shirt, his biker vest, and jeans, looking hotter as hell.
“Hey there,” he said. “I hope you’re hungry.” He pulled her inside and toward the dining room. White boxes from her favorite Thai restaurant sat on the table along with a delicate porcelain service. Two tall candles stood lit in the middle.
“Oh, wow. This is amazing, Cole.”
“I wanted to say thank you for all your help.”
“You’re certainly welcome. I’ve had fun helping you,” she added with a smile. There was no escaping thoughts about the time they’d spent pleasing and teasing each other. He was obviously remembering the same things, too, given the light that had sparked in his eyes. Cole walked over to the table and pulled her chair back for her.
“Why, thank you. What a gentleman.” She smiled, immediately loving the way she felt around him.
However, once she sat down and he joined her, it hit her—harder than she could have ever imagined. This was a goodbye dinner. Hold it together, Jill, she told herself. After a minute, she found her voice. “Your meeting is tomorrow?”
“Eight a.m. If we get the job, things will be crazy for a while.” He took her plate and began serving her some fried rice.
Jill nodded. She tried to hold back the storm forming behind her eyes, even looking down at the food to hide her face.
“So, how were the kids today?” Cole asked. A nice, safe topic.
“They were good. You’re still Stanley’s hero, you know. He made a motorcycle out of clay today. I was going to take a picture of it to show you, but then he smashed it with his fist.” She laughed. Not symbolic at all. She cleared her throat and looked up at him. “Don’t worry about packing. I’ll stay until we finish.”
“I can always come back later for any last odds and ends,” he said slowly, as if gauging her mood.
Was that a hint he may return at a later date? Hope filled her for a moment then died quickly when he spoke again. “Still, if we can try to finish, that would be great. But only if you’re up for it. I feel bad asking you to do more work.” His sincere expression made her heart sink.
“No. I want to help, Cole.” She gave him a weak smile. “Feel free to take a rest if you can’t keep up with me.”
He grinned. The heavy mood lifted but not for long. They both picked at their food while trying to find lighter things to talk about. Anything but his mother, this house, or Cole leaving. Once they weren’t pushing rice around their plates anymore, she cleared the dishes. When he still didn’t move from the table, she said, “We should probably get started.”
“All right.” He rose, tossing his paper napkin on the table. “Where should we start? The last of the collectibles?”
“Sure.” She grabbed a box, and they got to work. Unlike the day before, she didn’t ask him questions or tease him. She was determined to be as efficient as possible, and it paid off—within a couple of hours, they were done.
Looking around the house full of furniture and boxes, a wave of melancholy rose into her throat. She wasn’t surprised to be sad—Stella may not have been her mother, but the woman had acted motherly toward her, always making sure she was okay, always baking cookies for Jill’s kids, always proudly talking about her son—
Before she could change her mind, she went with her instincts by grabbing her keys and heading for the door.
This is it, Jill. Just say goodbye, tell him you’ll stay in touch, and get the hell out of there.
At the front door, she turned around and held out her hand. “Well, Cole. It was wonderful meeting you. I’m so glad I was able to help you, and I do wish you the best of luck with all your endeavors.”
Cole stared at her, hands on his hips. “So, that’s it? You sound like you just informed me you won’t be hiring me.”
Jill sagged. “Cole, don’t make this difficult, please. How else am I supposed to say goodbye?”
“With a hug maybe? A long, sweet kiss? A night together, enjoying what we have for just a little while longer? I dunno. Is that stupid of me to think?” He crossed his arms over his broad chest.
“That would only make things harder, Cole, and you know it. I should be going. I have to get things ready for the kids in the morning.” She brought her hand down. If he wasn’t going to take it, then this ending was turning out worse than expected.
“Jill…”
She opened the door but couldn’t bring herself to step outside. She just stood there, wanting to cry. She’d tried to be distant and failed, and she’d tried to let him into her heart and failed. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
“Would you just listen to me, please?” His voice grew husky. “Jill, you’ve been distant ever since I got the phone call about leaving tomorrow.”
Jill whirled around. “Was I supposed to jump for joy? Do cartwheels? You tell me, Cole. How should I have reacted? How should I have felt knowing that in less than twenty-four hours, the man who’s made me laugh and cry, who’s filled my soul, would be leaving? I mean, I got into this knowing you’d be taking off. I’d prepared myself. But even so, it hurts.”
His eyes flared at her words. Something in his face softened, relieved. “Stay.”
“So you can squeeze
one more fun time out of me before you go? Is that it?” She knew she was being difficult and unreasonable, but she just couldn’t see the good in dragging this out any further. The pressure behind her eyes was too much, and her hands flew to her face to cover up her tears.
She felt his soft, warm hands covering hers. Gently, he pulled her hands away, exposing her mess of a face. He lifted one of her hands to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “So I can make love to you, Jill,” he whispered against her hand. “Even if it is just one more time. Please stay.”
Feeling his mouth on her skin sparked her desire on top of every other emotion she was feeling. They stood still for a minute, looking into each other’s eyes, until he pulled her close to kiss her. It felt like a hello and goodbye mixed together, slow and sweet, savoring. He touched her lips lightly at first, softly searching, and then deepened the kiss. Behind her, she heard the front door close as he pushed it shut.
Maybe she’d never learn. Maybe this was life, these moments of heartache, and she had to live them whether she liked it or not. Ignoring them was even more difficult.
She slid her hands up his side and broad back, bringing them closer together as he enveloped her in his arms. They kissed, scrambling through the living room and hitting a wall—literally—until she couldn’t take the need anymore and pressed her hips against his.
What was he thinking? Feeling? Had he deliberately used the words “make love” rather than “have sex?” Was he acknowledging he had feelings for her?
She pulled away to look at him, to scan his eyes and read his intentions, but she couldn’t tell. He pulled her back in, dropping his mouth to her neck, and she moaned.
Cole kissed around the neckline of her shirt before pulling it off, then kissed trails around her bra. He traced her skin with his fingers, dropping soft kisses here and there, leading her toward his bedroom, which still had the linens from last night.