Came to me that night. Fall from grace. No. I shook my head, denying the words, what they must mean. No.
“Oh, Bobby, I’m sorry,” Katherine breathed. “I didn’t know how it all happened.”
“No one would ever have known if I hadn’t confessed to Melissa,” Daddy said almost to himself. “But I couldn’t bear the guilt. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. I hadn’t thought about it in years. But see, all of a sudden, it’s my daughter who’s sixteen. And I hear that Danny’s half brother is comin’ to town. What’s more, he’s some singing star. And Jackie, my daughter, the jewel of my life, wants to meet him. I know I overreacted. Maybe I’m even carryin’ old resentments I didn’t know I still had, which is hardly the Christian thing to do. But the situation just . . . scared me. I can’t stand to think of anything that could lead to Jackie bein’ hurt. God knows she’s been through enough already.”
“I know,” Katherine soothed. “Jackie’s a special girl. I don’t want her to be hurt either. But, if I could just say—I think this will be okay. Jessie says all she’s heard about Greg is that he’s a terrific kid. His parents are strong Christians, and he’s been raised that way.”
“Uh-huh. Terrific kids can get into trouble, too.”
“Oh, Bobby.” Katherine sounded almost exasperated. “I do understand everything you’ve said, but—you really need to lighten up.”
Daddy managed a chuckle. “Probably. I have a feelin’ you’re goin’ to help.”
Silence.
They were probably kissing again, but I could not think about that. Daddy’s talk of Celia Matthews echoed too loudly in my head. I pictured Mama on the mantel, smiling down at him. How could Daddy have done to her what he did? With her best friend. How could Celia have done it? I couldn’t begin to imagine Alison’s doing something like that to me. They had both betrayed Mama. Daddy had betrayed her, when she loved him so much.
I could hear no more. Sick to my stomach, I turned toward my bedroom. But when I rounded the corner, a loud crash rang from Robert’s room. My breath caught.
“What was that?” Katherine cried.
I scurried to throw open Robert’s door, searching the dimness. From the family room came the sound of running feet.
“Robert?” I flipped on the light, rushed inside. My brother had collapsed on the floor, his crutches scattered like two pickup sticks. Softball trophies lay askew on the carpet. He squinted in the sudden glare.
“What are you doing?” I crouched at his side.
Daddy and Katherine ran into the room. “What happened?” Daddy sank to his knees. “Robert? Say something!”
Robert batted bleary eyes into focus. “Howdy.”
“What—” I threw out my hands. “What did you do?”
“Just tryin’ to go to the bathroom. One crutch got away.”
“Oh, Robert!” Katherine slapped her hand to her chest. “You scared us to death!”
“Sorry.”
“Come on.” Daddy pulled the crutches together. “Let’s get you up. I’ll help you to the bathroom and back into bed.” He looked over his shoulder at Katherine. “I think he’s just woozy from the pain pills.”
It was all too much. Spindly fingers snatched the air right out of my throat. My eyes pricked with sudden tears.
“It’s okay.” Katherine rubbed my back. “He’s going to be fine.”
I nodded, my whole insides trembling. But I wasn’t crying in relief. I couldn’t push their conversation from my head.
Daddy shot me a glance. “Help us, Jackie.”
The three of us tugged and lifted and straightened until Robert stood swaying on his crutches, Daddy’s hands under his elbow. “Okay, champ, let’s go. Then it’s back to bed.”
I didn’t want to say another word to Katherine. I couldn’t look at her, too afraid she’d see the truth on my face.
“Jackie? Are you okay?” She touched my arm.
I focused on my feet. “Uh-huh.”
She surveyed me. “No, you’re not.” She reached out, lifted my chin. Fresh tears tumbled from my eyes. Her lips parted. “What is it?”
I shook my head, my chin quivering. She drew me to her, and I leaned against her shoulder, silently hiccuping. She stroked my hair.
I had to get hold of myself; no way could I let Daddy see me cry. How would I explain? Forcing down the ball in my throat, I pulled back.
Katherine gazed at me, frowning. Then slow dismay crept over her face. “Oh, no. Our talking. Don’t tell me you heard us.”
I made no move to deny it.
“Oh, Jackie.” She ran a finger down my cheek. “Why did you listen?” I heard the toilet flush. “Please don’t tell Daddy.”
“Telling’s not the issue; you heard things you don’t understand.”
I twisted my pajama top.
“We’ll have to talk about this,” she said. “When we have some time, okay?”
The bathroom door began to open. I jumped at the sound. Without a word, I fled to my room.
chapter 16
I slept little that night, I can tell you.
Robert did not feel up to attending church the next morning. Neither did I, but I had no excuse to give. I volunteered to stay home with my brother, but Daddy wouldn’t hear of it. “No,” he said, “you go with Clarissa. I’ll keep an eye on Robert myself.”
All my grandparents except for Grandma Westerdahl, who was still sick, clustered around me and Clarissa before the service, asking how Robert had fared the night. I managed to put on a good front. I told them of Robert’s fall, how he’d blinked up at us and said howdy. Grandpa Delham hooted at that, and everyone laughed along with him.
“You want to sit with us?” Grandma tweaked Clarissa’s nose.
I glanced across the small sanctuary and saw the Kings entering. “I think we’ll sit with Katherine.”
Grandma smiled, clearly pleased. “Gettin’ along with her, are you?”
I nodded, wondering how much Daddy had said to her.
“Hi, Katherine!” Clarissa threw herself into Katherine’s arms. I watched them, wishing I could do the same thing. I still hardly knew how to feel that morning, and only Katherine could guess what I was going through. No way would I tell anyone else the shameful things I’d heard. Not even Alison.
“Hey, there, squirt.” Jason King bent down and made a face at Clarissa. She made a face back. Miss Connie hugged my sister, then me. Almost as if they were family.
Derek ambled in, head tilted. His eyes cruised the sanctuary and fell immediately upon me. He smiled almost self-consciously, then leaned against the end of a pew, talking with Grandpa Westerdahl. I blinked at that. Not that they weren’t acquainted, but I’d never known them to say much to one another. Derek focused upon my grandpa, but I felt a vague emanation from him, as though he were highly aware that I watched.
Katherine pulled me aside. “How are you?” She ran her hand down a strand of my hair.
“Okay.”
“You look tired.”
“I didn’t sleep all that well.”
“Me either.” She shook her head. “Way too much to think about. I worried half the night about you.”
I could find no response to that. After everything that happened between her and Daddy, she thought about me?
The service would begin soon; we needed to sit down. Clarissa and I followed the Kings to their pew. I did not want to end up beside Derek, but that’s exactly what happened. “Come on.” Katherine beckoned to him. She urged Clarissa into the pew before her with sheer innocence, then followed with me behind. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought she did it on purpose.
I focused on my lap as Derek slid into his seat on the end. He took his time getting settled, his knobby knees nearly hitting the hymnal rack of the pew in front of us. “Hi,” he said.
“Hi.”
I couldn’t see his socks.
He drummed his fingers on both legs. “Robert’s okay, I hear.”
“Yes.” I felt like an
idiot, finding so little to say. I did not want him to think me unfriendly after all he’d done yesterday; he didn’t deserve that. “Thanks again for your help with Clarissa, Derek. I really appreciate it.”
He nodded. “You’re welcome.”
Well. If Pastor Beekins didn’t preach an appropriate sermon that day—“Forgiven, But Not Forgotten.” What had he done last night, I wondered, been a fly on our wall? “What do we do,” he asked, “when God has forgiven us of a sin, but the natural consequences of that sin remain to trouble our lives, maybe even the lives of those we love?” Pastor Beekins leaned over the pulpit. “Because I’ll let you in on a little secret. God will forgive you, but nature won’t.”
Derek shifted in his seat, his arm rubbing against mine. He drew it away.
My mind wandered back to Daddy and Mama. And Celia. For the hundredth time I wished I’d never listened to that conversation last night. Never, ever. Vaguely, I heard Pastor talk about God’s turning even the negative consequences of sin in our lives to good. But I could not concentrate on his words. Over and over again I heard Mama’s voice, telling me how she’d always loved Daddy. Never once letting on that she’d been so hurt. I’d thought their relationship so perfect.
How could he have done it?
. . . So I’ll stay
Hung up on you,
That’s all I can do.
I just keep on dreamin’,
My thoughts on you schemin’
To make you my own,
My love for you’s grown.
I’m nothin’ but hung up,
You just got me strung up,
I’m nothin’ but hung up on you.
Tiredly, I hummed along with Greg and LuvRush as I changed the sheets on my bed Sunday afternoon. Katherine had come over and sat in the family room with Daddy and Robert. Clarissa played with Alma Sue. My mind still reeled with thoughts of Daddy and Mama and Celia and Katherine, and I just wished it would be quiet. Then I happened to glance out my window and spotted Clarissa, kicking through the front lawn, arms pumping, chin in the air. Mad as a hornet.
Oh, great. Something else I’d have to take care of.
The door banged open. I met her in the hall. “Trouble with your friends?”
“Yes!” Her eyes blazed. “Alma Sue won’t let me do anything I want. She always has to be the boss of everything. Plus, she cheats!” She stomped away from me and back again. “We played checkers, and I had to go to the bathroom, and when I got back, she’d moved the whole board around. Sayin’, ‘Look, Clarissa,’” my sister’s voice mimicked in singsong, “‘I can jump this man, and this one and this one.’” Clarissa breathed hard, tears filling her eyes. “Sometimes I just hate her!”
Daddy appeared. “What’s goin’ on?”
“She’s fightin’ with Alma Sue again.” I patted my sister empathetically on the head. “Just stay here, sweets, you don’t need to play with her anyway. What about Della?”
“She can’t play this afternoon.” Clarissa crossed her arms and pressed them against her chest. “Oooh, Alma Sue makes me so mad!”
“Well, make sure you stay that way.” I couldn’t resist the dig. “Don’t go easin’ up on her just because she offers you a bag of candy.”
Clarissa seared me with a look, as if to ask how could I possibly think she’d stoop so low.
“Come on, Clarissa, Katherine’s here.” Daddy urged her down the hall. “She’s playin’ with Robert on the computer. I’m sure they’ll give you a turn.”
“I don’t want to play on the computer! I don’t want to see Katherine. I am just too mad!”
Clarissa humphed her way into her bedroom and slammed the door. Daddy and I looked at each other. “Must have gotten your mama’s temperament,” he commented.
Katherine materialized in the family room doorway. “Did I just hear a tornado blow in?”
“Yup.” Daddy eased to her side. “Wanna get under a desk somewhere?”
They smiled at each other secretively, forgetting my presence. I swung away toward my bedroom, irritated and weary and hopelessly sorry for myself. Couldn’t even summon the energy to finish making my bed. Instead I found myself dawdling before the LuvRush photo, staring with longing at Greg’s face.
Some fifteen minutes later I sat at my desk, flipping halfheartedly through the pages of Teen Dream when I heard scraping noises on the porch. I tried to ignore them, but they did not stop. Now what? Sighing, I tossed down the magazine and went to investigate. Only to find Clarissa, with creased forehead and a determined jaw, setting our lightweight outdoor folding chairs around the perimeter of the porch.
“Clarissa. What are you doing?”
“Guardin’ our property.”
“Guardin’ it? From who?”
“Alma Sue.” She made a tsking noise, as if I were an idiot to have to ask.
I gazed at the chairs, which weren’t much heavier than the wind. “Hm. Looks like a real fortress.”
“I know she won’t be happy to stay in her own house and leave me alone,” Clarissa said in a rush. “She’ll come over here with her big self, sure as you’re livin’. And if I’m not out here to watch things, no tellin’ what she’ll do.”
I forced my mouth not to smile. “I see.” I leaned against the door, clearing my throat with all seriousness. “You gonna just sit out here?”
“Yyyup.”
“Anything I can do?”
“Nnope.” She puckered her chin at me. “I got it all under control.”
“Okay.” I left her to the war.
I didn’t see what happened next. Suppose that’s a good thing, because I’d surely have wrung a neck. But, as Clarissa poured out her sordid tale not one hour later, I could well envision the scene.
At first, Clarissa played the good soldier, sitting cross-legged on the porch and keeping watch. She soon found this quite boring, however. No harm in keeping occupied while she guarded, she thought. Quickly fetching a brand-new coloring book and a box of crayons, she lay on her stomach on the porch, soon absorbed in filling out a picture. The warm air made her more than a little sleepy. Besides, coloring always did tend to demand her utmost concentration.
Somehow, she let down her guard.
Next thing she knew, Alma Sue stood on the top step, glaring down at her, water pistol clutched in her hand.
“What’s this?” she taunted. “A little girl coloring?” And with that, she swept her athletic body through the folding chairs. Clarissa faced a moment of unadulterated terror as she stretched her neck up to view the dreadful apparition towering above her, complete with the barrel of a gun.
Pffzzzt. A stream of water shot out of the pistol onto her page. A second shot, and a third, and before Clarissa could even react, the coloring book lay in utter ruin. Alma Sue, coward that she was, turned and ran. Wailing to the heavens, Clarissa picked up the book by one soggy corner and hightailed inside in full retreat.
“I’ll never talk to her again!” Clarissa sobbed, her coloring book leaking blue-and-yellow drops onto the hall floor.
“That—that Amazon!” I pried the evidence from my sister’s hands, holding a palm under it to catch the water. “We should call her mama right now.” I marched to the kitchen and dumped the book into the trash. By the time I returned, Clarissa sat in Daddy’s arms, crying into his shoulder like a toddler.
“What are you going to do about it?” I demanded.
Daddy rubbed Clarissa’s back. Katherine’s hand rested on her shoulder. Robert had hobbled over on his crutches and looked on in empathetic silence.
“Maybe we oughtta break Alma Sue’s leg,” he offered.
Daddy tossed him a look.
“All right, Clarissa.” Daddy slid her down to the floor. “You’re gonna be all right. Not the nicest thing to happen, I know. But you just stay inside now for the rest of the day. Let Alma Sue cool off.”
Clarissa sniffed. “But now I don’t have anything to color.”
Katherine watched her mournfully. “Maybe
tomorrow we could buy—”
Daddy held up a hand, stopping Katherine in midsentence. “You have other coloring books, Clarissa. And you have plenty of games, and books to read, and the computer.”
Before long, Clarissa and Katherine were playing dominoes on the coffee table. I watched for a while, a tirade of accusations against Alma Sue running through my head. That girl was nothing but a big bully. Somehow I had to teach Clarissa to stand up to her. Without getting creamed.
One of these days, I promised myself, Clarissa was going to learn to fight back.
Katherine carved out a few moments to talk to me in my room that afternoon, but we found ourselves at an impasse over the eavesdropped conversation. I did not want Daddy to know I’d listened. He’d be so disappointed, and he’d lose some of his trust in me. Katherine gently insisted that it wasn’t her place to talk to me about what had happened in Daddy’s personal life so many years ago.
I knew I’d put her in a difficult position. In a way she betrayed Daddy by not telling him, yet she’d betray me if she did. She’d chosen me, and for that I felt grateful. I just wasn’t sure why.
That evening Katherine suggested that she and Daddy take a drive. Well. Guess I couldn’t listen to any conversation that way, could I? As they left, I avoided looking at her, imagining the hint of a knowing smile on her lips.
I don’t know how Katherine finagled it. Except through pure use of her charm. But somehow during their talk that night, she convinced Daddy to allow me to meet Greg. After he got home, Daddy came into my bedroom and told me he’d changed his mind.
With all that had happened, I needed some good news. I nearly went nuts.
“Oh, are you sure?” I cried, bouncing up and down. Then instantly thought, What a stupid thing to say! Like you want him to take it back? “Oh, thank you, Daddy, thank you, thank you!” I threw my arms around his neck.
He hugged me back almost wearily, as if he wondered what on earth he’d let himself be talked into. “Yeah, well, thank Katherine,” he said as he nudged me off of him. “You’ve got a friend in your corner, that’s all I can say.”
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