by Emma Lea
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I want you Stevie, I want you so much I can barely think when you’re near. But I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be the same asshole that I've been for the last ten years. You deserve more than that and I want to be the man you deserve.”
“It sounds very much like you are going to abandon me again,” she said, her voice eerily calm.
He cupped her cheek and looked down at her adoringly.
“No,” he said in a long breath. “God no. I just… I think we need to take some time. We’re both on tour and after this weekend we will be going in different directions. You need to reach for the stars and experience all the accolades coming your way. You, my little songbird, are going to be a superstar and you need to follow that path without having an albatross like me hanging around your neck.”
“And what about you? What about us?”
“I am going to follow my own path and I am going to show you that I am worthy of you.”
Chapter Seven
Walking away from Stevie was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. But he had to do it. He had to stick to the plan. Starting something with her now would only complicate their lives and when they finally got together, he didn’t want it to be complicated. Neither of them were in the right place to start a relationship and he hadn’t yet proven to himself that he was worthy of her. He needed to know that. He needed to be absolutely secure in the knowledge that he was the right man for her. And that meant sticking with the plan however much it sucked.
She had not been happy when she left. Nate knew that she was trying to understand and it killed him, fucking killed him, that she didn’t. But she would, he had to believe that. He stretched out on the bed and breathed in her scent. He had already taken so much from her, he didn’t want to take the experience of her first tour from her too. He wanted her to enjoy it, to squeeze every fucking drop out of it. He couldn’t give her back the time she had lost when he had sacrificed her for his career, but he could support her as she finally got what she should have had all those years ago. And if that meant he had to go without, then he deserved that and he would take it on the chin.
“Nate!”
Nate rolled his eyes. Mabel. Fucking Mabel was here to give him shit about something and he really didn’t want to deal with it. He wanted to lie here and wallow.
The door of the trailer banged open and he heard her stomp up the stairs.
“Get up Nate! Why aren’t you dressed?”
“Dressed?” he called from the bedroom, not moving, “Where am I supposed to be going?”
“The mayor invited us to dinner. Of course we’re going.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I said no Mabel. I’m not going.”
“It’s the mayor!”
“I don’t give a shit.”
“She’s your mother!”
“I still don’t give a shit. In fact I probably give less of a shit that she’s my mother. I’m not going.”
Mabel stood in the narrow hallway outside the bedroom. Her stance was wide and her hands were fisted on her hips. Murder was in her eyes.
“I don’t give a fuck about your relationship with your mother. I am not your fucking psychologist. I am your public relations manager and I am telling you to get your lazy fucking ass out of bed and into a shower and then into some decent clothes because you are one hundred percent fucking going to dinner with the mayor.”
“Why?”
“What?” Mabel screeched.
Nate sat up on his elbows and looked at her. “Why the hell should I go to this dinner? I am not a headliner. I am just one of twenty acts that are performing at the Apple Orchard Festival. There is no reason for me to be there except to be trotted out like some circus animal so my mother the mayor can get some points in the polls. If it wasn’t an election year do you think she would give a good goddam that I was even here? No. She has never once supported me or my career so I don’t see why I should do her any fucking favors.”
“This has nothing to do with her image and everything to do with yours. Being seen at this dinner is good for your career and you need some good fucking press. You are inches away from reclaiming that career that you so cavalierly tossed away because of drugs and alcohol and sex. You need this. The single with Court’n Jacks is poised to go platinum and we need to be building a solid profile for you so that when it does, we can keep the momentum going.”
“What has having dinner with the mayor got to do with anything?”
Mabel threw her hands up in the air like he was a stubborn two year old. “For fucks sake, Nate,” she growled. “This is your home town. Forget for a minute that your last name is on every other business in town, forget that your parents are some sort of super couple who practically rule the county. This is your home town. This is where you got your start. These people were your first fans. You need to be at this godforsaken dinner for them. So get off your selfish, entitled ass and get ready.”
She turned on her heel and stomped out of the trailer leaving Nate staring after her with his mouth open. He hadn’t thought past the fact that it was his mother that had invited him to attend. He somehow thought in his mind that it would be an intimate dinner party at his childhood home where he would be made to feel inferior to his more accomplished brothers. But of course Joanna Nash never did anything small when it could become a spectacle. Of course it was going to be some big event with a whole host of community leaders there and probably some school kids who won the privilege through some academic competition. If he didn’t turn up it wouldn’t look bad for Joanna, it would look bad for him. It would look like he was shunning his roots, turning his back on his home town and the people who had supported him before he was famous.
With a growl he levered himself up off the bed. Mabel was fucking right. He needed to be there. He didn’t know what was worse; that Mabel was right or that his mother had trapped him into doing it. Either way he was not happy about it. He was grateful for this town and the support they had shown him and Stevie in the early days. He also knew that the town had sided with Stevie when he took Gina’s offer - as well they should. Mabel hadn’t said as much, but Nate knew he had some bridges to mend and some fans to win back and that started by going to this fucking dinner party and pasting a smile on his face.
“Stevie.”
Carson’s voice slid over her skin like silk. The man had a set of pipes on him and knew how to use them. She smiled and turned to him, air kissing him on both cheeks before stepping back, out of his reach.
“Carson,” she said, “I didn’t know you would be here.”
“I’m here to support the mayor in her bid for re-election. When I heard you would be in town as well…” he shrugged sheepishly and shot her an endearing smile. “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see you again.”
Stevie smiled and sipped from her glass. She was still raw from her afternoon with Nate and him telling her that they couldn’t be together. She didn’t think she had the mental wherewithal to deal with Carson at his most charming.
“I miss you Stevie,” he said softly, stepping closer.
“Carson—”
“Just hear me out,” he said, cutting off her protest. “We don’t have to jump straight back into where we left off. I just want the opportunity to see you again. To share a meal, to talk. No one cuts through the bullshit like you do.”
How was this her life? She was in love with one guy who, for all intents and purposes, wasn’t in love with her and then there was this wonderful, beautiful man who wanted to be with her but she didn’t want to be with him. Why couldn’t she love Carson? He had everything. He was good looking, he was smart, he had a good job and he loved her. Being with him would be easy and satisfying and yet her heart was stuck on Nate. Stupid fucking Nate with his blue eyes and his sinful voice. Nate, who knew how to make her body sing with little more than a look. Nate who made her life a completely complicated fuck up. Why couldn’t
she fall for Carson instead?
She reached out and rested her hand on his arm. “Carson,” she said, “I just… I don’t think it would be fair to you.”
He gave her a self-deprecating smile and shrugged again. “I’m not expecting anything Stevie. I just want to spend time with you. I don’t get much free time and this job has made me question all the friends I have. Somebody always wants something from me, but not you. When I’m with you I don’t have to be Senator Giles I can just be Carson. That’s all I’m asking, just a chance to be normal.”
Stevie sighed. How could she say no to him? She had seen his life, she had been behind the scenes and experienced the duplicity that went on. He deserved to have some true friendships and why couldn’t that be her? Nate certainly didn’t want her, so why not give Carson some of her time and attention?
“Okay,” she said smiling up at him. He smiled back at her and she felt like she was basking in the sun. God she wished she could fall for him, that she could feel more for him than just this platonic friendship.
“Stevie.”
Stevie turned to greet Mayor Nash.
“How are you dear?”
“I’m well thanks,” Stevie replied with a smile. She liked Joanna well enough but couldn’t help feeling a little disloyal on Nate’s behalf. Stevie had been there when this woman had practically disowned Nate for his choice to pursue a career in music. She had also been on the receiving end of Joanna’s rather ham-fisted attempts to set her up with one of Nate’s brothers.
Joanna bussed a kiss on Carson’s cheek and Stevie had to make a conscious effort not to let the surprise show on her face. She hadn’t realized the two of them were so close.
“Please tell me that the two of you are getting back together,” Joanna said looking between them.
Stevie felt her cheeks heat in embarrassment and sipped her wine. Carson chuckled good-naturedly and shook his head.
“No Joanna, and stop trying to play match-maker. Stevie is far too important these days to even consider getting tangled up with me again.”
“Oh but you two make such a cute couple.”
“Now Joanna—” Carson began.
“Yes Joanna,” Nate said stepping up next to Stevie and giving her a fright. “Stop interfering. I’m sure Senator Giles doesn’t need your help to find a girlfriend.”
Tingles shot through Stevie as the warmth of Nate’s skin penetrated her thin dress. She could feel the warmth pool in her belly and felt the prickles of her nipples as they began to tighten. She crossed an arm over her chest and rested her elbow in her hand while she sipped her wine hoping to cover her obvious reaction to Nate’s closeness.
Joanna’s mouth tightened but she didn’t lose her smile. She leant forward and air kissed Nate’s cheeks, but her aura was definitely chilly. Not that Nate was any more welcoming.
“You came,” she said when she’d stepped back.
“How could I stay away? Especially when I received a personal invitation from the mayor?”
“It’s good to see you Nate.”
Carson reached out and Nate shook his hand. Stevie watched as their knuckles whitened as they each tried to outdo one another. If she wasn’t careful they’d be whipping out their dicks and throwing them around trying to prove who had the bigger one. It had always been the same with them, they were always in competition ever since the cheerleader. The hand wrestling match finished and Nate rested a hand on the small of her back sending another wave of tingles through her.
“If you’ll excuse us,” he said, exerting the smallest amount of pressure on her back, “there was someone asking to speak to Stevie.”
Stevie smiled at the mayor and then at Carson as Nate led her away. She should be furious with Nate but she couldn’t help but be a little bit excited that he had his hand on her in front of everyone.
“Where are we going?’ she asked.
“There’s someone here dying to see you,” he replied and the side of his mouth kicked up in a smile.
Chapter Eight
“Darla!”
“Stevie!”
Nate left Stevie in Darla’s capable hands and stalked towards the bar. He thought he had made his peace with not starting something with Stevie but when he had walked into the party and saw her standing there with Giles, the jealousy had burned in his gut. As he’d gotten closer and overheard his mother’s match-making, his gut had squeezed so hard that it felt like he was going to throw up.
He slid onto a stool and got the bartender’s attention.
“Soda and lime,” he said.
“Not drinking tonight?”
Nate turned his head to see Tom, Darla’s husband and now his lawyer. He let the corner of his mouth tick up in a rueful smile.
“Figured I’d give the booze a rest while I’m trying to salvage my career.”
Tom ordered a beer and then looked at him. “Good,” he said.
“Thanks for that last minute contract advice,” Nate said.
Tom shook his head. “That was some crappy contract you signed. Who looked it over for you the first time around?”
“No one,” Nate said sheepishly. “I just wanted what they were offering and didn’t stop to think through what it would cost me in the long run.”
Tom shook his head. “I was worried there for a moment that I wasn’t going to be able to get you out of it. Thank God for that loophole.”
Nate blew out a breath. “Yeah. That would have put a spanner in the works that’s for sure.”
“How’d they take it?”
“Gina was furious and it felt fucking amazing to shove that clause under her nose.”
“The new contract with Derek is much better and you retain all your rights, which is fucking awesome.”
They sat companionably sipping their drinks. It felt good to Nate to have someone who was happy just to sit and talk with him and not want something from him. It felt like he was surrounded by people who saw him as no more than a pay check. His skyrocket to stardom had meant he’d had to leave his friends behind and he had been surrounded by people who didn’t know him or even want to know the real Nate. For a while it had been a blast but now it just felt empty.
“So what’s going on between you and Stevie?” Tom asked. “I had to practically tie Darla down when she found out you’d bailed on that last gig. She wanted to castrate you.”
Nate heaved a gusty sigh. “I know. It was a dick move but I was so confused. I saw something that I misinterpreted and then there was all that stuff with the contract. I figured she’d be better off without me.” He looked up and his gaze automatically snapped to where Stevie was standing. “Now I’m just trying to get my life in some sort of order so I have something to offer her.”
“Don’t wait too long,” Tom said seriously. “She won’t like waiting, and won’t understand it. I know your heart is in the right place, but you’re never going to be perfect. None of us are. We are all just good intentions and lessons learned stitched together in some sort of patchwork. Even Stevie. Don’t break her heart a second time or she may never forgive you for it.”
Nate grunted in response. He knew what Tom was saying was true, but he just didn’t feel ready for Stevie. Things were changing in both their worlds and they both needed to get a handle on the new normal before they could really start a relationship. They had always seemed to be on different footing - when they were younger, Stevie had the upper hand and then he’d gotten the recording contract and become a ‘star’ which had reversed their positions. To him it just felt like they needed to be on the same level for a relationship to work between them. At the moment it still felt like the power balance was uneven - Stevie was in a position of strength and he wasn’t, not yet anyway. He was working his way back and until he could look Stevie in the eye and know that there was some sort of equality between them, he knew there couldn’t be anything more. Despite how much his body wanted hers again.
“And maybe watch out for Carson. I know Stevie broke off their
engagement but it looks like he wants the chance to win her over.”
“She told me she wasn’t interested,” Nate said, his gut cramping again.
Tom shrugged and looked over to where Darla and Stevie were talking. “They were together for a long time and they looked good together. If Stevie hadn’t gotten the opportunity to tour with Lily Ames, she probably would have gone through with the wedding.”
“What are you saying?” Nate asked, scared. Scared that he’d made a big mistake this afternoon.
Tom looked at him, searching Nate’s eyes. “All I’m saying is, a girl like Stevie? Don’t wait too long to make your intentions clear. She won’t be alone for long. If it’s not Carson then it will be someone else. I don’t know why you didn’t hook up with her years ago, when you were still playing together.”
“That wasn’t the relationship we had. I didn’t see her like that.”
Tom snorted. “You couldn’t see that she practically worshiped the ground you walked on? Stevie had a crush on you for years. Why do you think she spent so much time teaching you to play? Why do you think she begged you to perform with her?”
“I thought she was my friend, that we had something more than just teenage hormones.”
“Maybe,” Tom said thoughtfully. “Maybe you did but Stevie definitely had the hots for you and you could never see it. Too busy getting into every other girl’s panties in the county to see that Stevie was looking at you with hearts in her eyes. I think nearly every song she wrote was about you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Nate scoffed.
Tom just raised his eyebrows and sipped his drink.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
Tom put his glass down and swiveled so that he could look Nate in the eye. “Because Stevie is Darla’s best friend and by extension she is my friend too. I love her like a sister and I don’t want her to be hurt again. I like you Nate. We’ve got history and now you’re my client, but Stevie is family. You need to know what you’re getting into before you jump in with your big feet and muddy the waters. Stevie nearly didn’t recover when you broke her heart last time. She didn’t sing for a year. A year. That girl was born singing and you stole that from her. If you want to be in Stevie’s life then you need to know that if you break her heart again, it won’t go well for you.”