by Emma Lea
“It’s just sex, Nate,” she said, the heat in his voice almost scorching him. “I’m not expecting anything more than a spectacular orgasm.”
“Bullshit,” he growled. “You and I both know that if we do this then it will mean a whole lot more than just fucking each other down from the adrenalin high.”
“Oh my fucking god, Nate! We both want this, you can’t tell me you don’t.”
“Of course I want this,” he growled, his body straining to get near her, “but it would be a mistake and you know it.”
“What is so wrong with scratching an itch that we both have? We have fucked before, why would it be any different this time?”
“Because it’s already different,” he said.
“Bullshit!”
“Stevie, I’m no good for you,” he finally said.
Stevie’s mouth dropped open and he saw her try and find the logic to what he was saying. He understood how she was feeling. The need to copulate was like a heavy weight on his chest and she seemed to be suffering the same condition.
“Don't you think that's for me to decide?”
“I don't want this,” he tried again.
Her eyes dragged down his body and centered on his very prominent erection straining his boxers.
“I beg to differ,” she said.
“This would be a mistake,” he said, desperate for her to understand. He didn't know how much longer he could stand there arguing with her, not when he could smell her arousal and see the way her body flushed with desire.
“Sleeping with me would be a mistake?”
He nodded.
“Nate, what the hell are you talking about?”
He turned away from her and grabbed his sweaty jeans from the floor, pulling them on but not doing up the zip, not with his cock still pulsing hopefully.
“This. Us,” he said. “It won't work. You and I both know that. We are on two different paths and this will just complicate things.”
“You don't want me?” Her voice was small and he hated the sound of rejection he heard, but this was the only way. If he had to make her think that he didn't care about her, then that was what he would do.
“We had an agreement,” he said. “We were just sleeping together while we were working on the song. The song is done now and it's time to move on.”
“But the other day you said—”
“I was wrong.”
“And all that stuff during the video, the way you touched me, the things you said to me.”
“I just wanted to distract you so that you wouldn't freeze in front of the camera.”
“The kiss—”
“Was a mistake.”
She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity before he saw the anger take over the lust.
“Well fuck you,” she yelled at him before storming out and slamming the door.
Nate breathed a long sigh. His cock was telling him to go after her and tell her he didn't mean any of it, but his head knew he was doing the right thing. His heart felt like he had just ripped it still beating from his chest and it was lying in a bloody mess on the floor. He sagged against the counter and tried to breathe. He would get through this and he would be better for it. They both would.
Stevie stormed away from Nate’s trailer feeling hurt and humiliated. She had offered herself to him on a platter and he had turned her down flat for the second time in two days. How does that happen? She didn't think men could reason once their dicks were engaged, so how had he managed to turn her down so convincingly? Had that impressive hard on been for someone else? Did he have a clandestine meeting planned that her being there would ruin?
God. She was such a blind fool when it came to Nate. He just had to crook his finger and she came running. For some insane reason she thought that he had finally developed feelings for her, but it had all just been lies. He had wanted in her pants and she had let him, practically giving him an engraved invitation to use her body as he wished. It seemed now that he’d had his fun and he was moving on.
Why would she never learn when it came to that man? Time and again he let her down. She was a fool when it came to him. He was her kryptonite. She had set her heart on him a long time ago and waited for him to finally see her. But he hadn't seen her, he'd just seen a warm body and he had taken advantage of the opportunity she'd offered him.
Nothing hurt as much as being rejected by him and she had given him the knives to make the cuts. After what happened in Nashville, she should have known better than to trust him again. He had let her down then and he was letting her down again now. Nate would always let her down and it was about time she realized that. He was right when he said he was no good for her. He was like a drug that got her addicted and then sucked the life out of her. Well this was the last time she would let him do that to her.
She stepped up onto the bus hoping for some peace and quiet. She wanted to cry herself to sleep, indulge in a one last night of self-pity before she forgot all about Nate and how he made her feel. She had the next two months of touring to keep her busy and by the time they returned home, triumphant, Nate would be nothing but a squashed bug on her windshield.
She climbed into her bed and heard whispers and giggles from Nadine and Vanessa’s bunks. It sounded like they had company. Had they brought guys back on the bus? God, that would have to stop. There was no way she could spend the next two months listening to that. First thing in the morning they would have a meeting to discuss it. In the meantime, she plugged her earbuds into her ears, closed the curtain to her bunk and let herself wallow in heartbreak. It would be the last time she let Nate break her heart. Three times in a lifetime was more than enough. Tomorrow she would be a brand new Stevie, one that didn't have the shadow of Nate hanging over her.
He had hoped she might come back. It was a feeble hope, but hope nonetheless. He knew if she came back and challenged him one more time his resolve would crumble. He wanted his resolve to crumble but he didn't want it to be his fault. He wanted Stevie to come back and demand that he explain himself, demand that he give her the truth instead of the load of bullshit he had just served her. But she didn't come back.
He sighed as he peeled off his jeans and slipped on his running shorts. His cock hadn't deflated, it still held out hope that she would be back. It was in for a rude awakening. Nate pulled his runners on and bent to tie the laces, taking his time, still hoping she would return.
When he couldn't delay it any longer, he left the trailer and started to jog. Since first sleeping with Stevie, he hadn't wanted anyone else. Even tonight when he had breasts shoved in his face and phone numbers tucked into his pockets, all he could think about was Stevie. His body was definitely in the best shape of his life; it was just a shame that he had no one to enjoy it.
He kept telling himself that he was doing the right thing even though his body rebelled at it. Walking away from Stevie was the hardest thing he had ever done, but in the long run it was the right choice. There was too much baggage between them, too many hurts and broken promises. All of them on his side. He would only disappoint her again if he pursued a relationship with her. That's all he ever did, disappoint people.
No. It was much better that he make a clean break from her now. She would hurt for a while but she would do what Stevie did best. She would channel it into her music and it would make her into an artist that the world would fall in love with. People resonated with real emotion and Stevie had a unique way of sharing her emotions. Her songs would only get better, he had no doubt.
He knew it was love he felt for her. Nothing could hurt this much except for love. The pain in his chest and the feeling of emptiness in his gut were symptoms of breaking his own heart. But he would much rather lose her now than later on. If they had stayed together and tried to make a relationship work it wouldn't have taken long for Stevie to discover what a fraud he was. He would have been in too deep then and when she eventually realized that he was the source of all her bad luck and kicked him to the curb, he
didn't think he would be able to survive it.
This was better, even if it felt like he had driven a stake through his own heart. She would thank him one day and then he would finally heal. Until then he would just continue to bleed and hopefully he would become a better person for the sacrifice.
Chapter Eleven
How was it that a simple scent could make you feel like you were ten years old again? Stevie crossed the threshold into the house and stood in the foyer. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. It had been a few years now since she lived at home but walking in the front door always took her back to a time when life was simpler. There was something about being in this house that gave her clarity and helped her to see that her problems weren’t insurmountable.
“Stevie?” Her mother came walking out of the kitchen, a tea towel in her hands and an apron around her waist.
“Hi Mom,” she said and let herself fall into the hug.
It didn’t matter how old she got or how famous, Stevie would always need her mom.
“Hey honey,” her mom said patting her back soothingly. “What’s wrong?”
Stevie pulled back and wiped her eyes with a short bark of laughter. Her mom always knew when she was upset even when she tried to hide it.
“Nothing. I just miss you and dad.”
“Did I hear my name?” Stevie’s dad walked out into the foyer. Also from the kitchen, a smudge of flour on his face.
“Hi daddy,” she said, letting him envelope her in a tight hug.
It had been too long since she had been home. She had been so busy that she just couldn’t fit it into her schedule, but she promised herself she would make more effort. Stevie had been feeling scattered but coming home and sinking into the familiarity of being in her childhood home went a long way to putting her back together.
Her father let her go and peered into her eyes. “Come on,” he said, “I’m making waffles.”
Stevie followed her parents into the kitchen. The tour bus was leaving in a couple of hours so breakfast was really the only time she could stop by to see them. They’d been at the concert the night before but things had been so crazy before and then afterward it all got too messy. She wished now that she had come to see them instead of going to see Nate.
“What do you feel like?” her dad asked.
The kitchen counter was covered with all sorts of toppings for her waffles; fresh fruit, syrup, cream, ice cream, bacon.
“Are those caramelized bananas?” she asked.
“Of course,” her father said proudly.
“Okay then. Load me up with bananas, bacon and maple syrup.”
Her father chuckled as he filled her plate. Stevie sat at the kitchen table that had been the center of her childhood. She’d done her homework there, eaten every meal there, drank tea with her mom as she poured out her heart when Nate had broken it. Her mom sat opposite her now and reached across the table, squeezing her hand. Mom didn’t have to say anything. Stevie fought back the tears that threatened to fall. She didn’t want this visit to be about him. She wanted to fill up on the love of her parents so that she could get through the next two months without falling apart.
Her dad bought her a plate and then went back to make a plate for his wife. Stevie sat and watched their easy camaraderie. She was their only child. Complications during her birth meant that her mother couldn’t have any more children. They could have become bitter about it, but they didn’t. Her parents had always had a strong relationship and she loved the way they worked together.
That’s what she wanted. She wanted the same feeling of comfort and ease that they had around each other. They were still affectionate even after all these years and had seemed to grow together, not apart. Some of her earliest childhood memories were of her parents hugging or kissing. She would sometimes sneak out of her room late at night and watch them as they danced together in the living room. That didn’t mean that they didn’t fight, of course they did. But they always made up and always apologized to each other. She wanted a love like that. She wanted to know that in twenty years, thirty, forty, fifty years, that her love for her partner would be stronger and that she would be loved just as completely in return.
It was why she had turned Carson down. Sure, things had been good with him - comfortable and easy - but there was just something missing. That secret ingredient that she saw in her parents’ marriage. She couldn’t really put her finger on what it was exactly, but she knew that it was missing from her relationship with Carson. She refused to even think about whether or not it was present in her relationship with Nate. There was no relationship with him, not anymore.
“Eat up,” her dad said as he came to sit down at the table with his own food.
They chatted easily. Her parents asking questions about the tour, complimenting her on the concert the night before and asking about the plans for the next leg of her journey. They didn’t mention Nate specifically, which she was glad about, but she knew they were dying to know what was going on. Stevie had told them about meeting up with Nate again but hadn’t gone into specifics. Her mom and dad had picked up the pieces after Nate had left her to sign with Rocksteady and her dad had managed all the negotiations when Nate had wanted to use her songs on his first album. She would sit down with them at some point and tell them what happened (well, the parent friendly version anyway), but not yet. His rejection was still too raw for her to talk about without falling into a heap and sobbing hysterically.
After breakfast, she helped with the clean-up and did the dishes. The simple acts that had played out in her family all her life were like a soothing balm. By the time she was ready to leave, much of her sanity had been restored. She hugged her parents tight and promised to come see them as soon as the tour was finished. She thought she might take a couple of weeks break and just hide out here, but she didn’t tell them that. She would get through the tour first and then see if her broken heart was any closer to being healed.
Stevie knocked on Darla’s front door and waited. She had only been to the house once, when Tom and Darla got married. They hadn’t moved in then, but Darla had fallen in love with it and Tom had bought it for her as a wedding present.
The door flew open and Darla enveloped her in a hug before dragging her inside. Stevie smothered the yelp of surprise when she looked around. The place was a mess, not at all Darla’s style, and packing boxes were everywhere.
“You’re moving?”
“Yes! Isn’t it exciting?”
“But how?” Stevie turned in a circle taking in the chaos. “Why?”
“Why are you so surprised?” Darla asked. “We talked about this ages ago.”
“I know, but…” Stevie looked around her at the packing boxes. “I guess I didn’t realise it would be happening so soon.”
“I told you the salon sold,” she said and Stevie nodded. “Well…Tom got a new job.”
“Does that mean…?”
“We’re moving to Nashville!”
Stevie pulled Darla into a fierce hug.
“Yes!”
They jumped up and down and squealed like little girls. The sound of a baby’s cry quietened them.
“Crap. We woke the kidlets,” Darla said.
Stevie followed her through the maze of half-packed boxes to the nursery. The twins quietened as Darla spoke soothingly to them and picked one up. She directed Stevie to get the other one. Her little face was flushed and her hair in curls where sweat had dampened her scalp. Stevie cuddled her, breathing in her baby scent. One day she wanted one of her own, but not yet. She was quite happy to play Aunty Stevie for the time being.
“Where’s your nanny?” Stevie asked as they wound their way back to the kitchen where Darla began heating up a couple of bottles.
“She’s doing the shopping. It’s been so great having her here. We’ve asked her to come with us, but she hasn’t given an answer yet. I hope she says yes, she’s become part of the family.”
“And how are you?” Stevie asked.
Darla had had a meltdown when she had visited Stevie in Nashville and Stevie had thought that perhaps she was suffering from post-partum depression.
Darla sighed. “I went to the doctor and he agreed that it was depression. He put me on some mild tablets and I’ve been seeing a therapist. I’m good, well, doing better and Tom has been wonderful. How’d I get so lucky to marry a man like him?”
Stevie smiled and her heart ached a little. Darla and Tom were another couple that had that special ingredient that her parents had. It was evident in the way they cared for each other and looked after one another. Was it too much to ask for Stevie to find something like that too?
Darla handed Stevie a bottle and led them into the living room where they sat and fed the babies. They had grown so much since Stevie had seen them last and she was sad to have missed out.
“So what’s going on between you and Nate?” Darla asked.
Stevie groaned. Of course her best friend in the world would go straight for the jugular. “Nothing,” she answered.
“Bullshit,” Darla said, not caring that there were babies present. “There was enough heat between the two of you last night to set alight a forest fire. I practically devoured Tom when we got home because of all the pheromones flying through the air.”
Stevie smirked. “Somehow I doubt I was the reason you wanted to have your wicked way with your husband.”
Darla grinned. “True. But all that sexy playing out on stage definitely sped up the process.” Darla sobered and looked down at the babe in her arms. “What’s going on? You two were hot and heavy last time I saw you.”
Stevie sighed and leaned back against the couch. “We had an agreement. We were only going to fool around while we were working together in Nashville.”
“That still doesn’t explain why he didn’t show up that night.”
“I guess he felt we were over.”
“I didn’t get that impression last night. The two of you were hot for each other. I saw it and so did everyone else in the crowd.”