by Emma Lea
Stevie picked up her phone again and stared at the text from Nate. She had stormed away from him that last day and had thought she would never hear from him again. But here was a text saying something different. He did still care, even though he had pretended he didn’t. If she was just one of his many bed partners that he had gotten tired of, he wouldn’t have texted her to check on her. She had a choice. She could ignore the text and go on pretending she hated him, or she could be a grown up. They had been friends once. Maybe they could be again. They had a number one song together and, despite his fall from grace, Nate had been where she was right now. He could help her traverse the mine-field. He might even be able to help her with the growing pains of the band. If they couldn’t be lovers, maybe they could be confidantes at the very least.
Stevie: It was okay. A bit unexpected. We’re all okay though. How’re you? I saw you get mobbed. I’m surprised you’re not bald now.
She waited for the reply but it didn’t come so she put her phone down and exhaled the breath she hadn’t known she was holding. He was probably busy. Maybe he had another show tonight, although she doubted it. She wondered if things would change for him now. The plan was for him to do festival appearances all summer but after that scene, she wondered whether it would still be feasible for him. He would need his own security. So would they, she realized. If things kept going the way they had this afternoon, they would need security to travel with them, just for the sake of crowd control. They couldn’t expect the venue to supply them, not for the band’s personal security. She made a mental note to speak to Marci about it and then climbed out of her bunk. She couldn’t lie there any longer and wait for Nate to text her back.
Stevie padded down the aisle of the bus until she reached the little lounge area at the back of the bus. She poked her head in and saw Jace with his head phones plugged into his guitar as he played something Stevie couldn’t hear. She stepped in and he looked up, his face hard until he saw her and then it relaxed into a rueful smile as he removed his headphones.
“Stevie,” he said.
“Hey Jace,” she replied, “do you mind if I join you?”
“Not at all,” he said.
Stevie walked into the room and took a seat next to him.
“Sorry about this afternoon,” he said to her. “I don’t know what has gotten into Nadine. She seems to be going off the rails.”
Stevie smiled at him. “No, she’s just stretching her wings. This is heady stuff, being famous. I know we’re still new at it, but people actually know our names and want our autographs. There’s bound to be an adjustment period.”
He nodded and strummed thoughtfully at his guitar.
“What were you playing?” she asked.
“I was noodling with the song you wrote the other day. Want to hear it?”
Stevie nodded and reached for her Takamine. As she settled it on her lap, she felt calmness descend. It didn’t matter how fucked up her life was, holding her guitar in her lap always made things settle into place. She strummed a few chords and adjusted the tuning pegs before looking up at Jace.
“You just start from the top and I’ll show you what I’ve been working on.”
Stevie nodded and closed her eyes as she found the song in her head. She began to play and everything else fell away.
Chapter Fourteen
“Natasha,” Nate said. Inwardly he groaned. “What are you doing here?”
She shrugged and elegant shoulder and her weird plastic boobs didn’t move.
“Remember what we used to do before you went on stage?”
He did, although the details were sketchy. The whole time he had been with Natasha had felt like some weird, drug-induced trip that he only remembered as a hazy dream-like memory.
“I’m not interested,” he said. “You shouldn’t be here.”
She took a step closer and dragged at crimson-tipped nail down his cheek. His cock jumped in his pants, but it wasn’t because he was still attracted to her. It was a conditioned response and his cock knew all of Natasha’s seduction moves. It had been a while since the big guy had any fun and he was willing to go there with Natasha even if Nate wasn’t.
“Come on, Nate,” she whispered, “don’t you miss me? Even just a little bit?”
“Actually, no,” Nate said truthfully. “You’re a succubus, Natasha, and I’m completely done with you.”
Her hands gripped his shirt and she pulled herself against him, her weird boobs pressing into him like two hard, marble rocks. How had he ever found that attractive?
“Oh Nate, there’s no need for name calling. At least not until we get naked. You know how much I like your dirty talk.”
He peeled her fingers off his shirt and stepped away from her. “Why are you really here?” he asked, putting a chair between them.
“Can’t a girl just come by to say hi?”
“Other girls maybe, but not you. Did Gina send you?” Where was Mabel and Wade when he needed them? And how the hell did Natasha get past his security?
“So suspicious, Nate,” she said with a shake of her head as she prowled closer.
“No, not suspicious,” he replied, moving away from her again. “I just know that everything you do is calculated. What do you want?”
She smiled and then moved faster than Nate was prepared for. He stepped back, but his back hit the wall and she was pressed up against him before he knew it. She mashed her lips against his as he tried to fight her off without resorting to violence.
There was a flash and then the door opened and Nate managed to detach Natasha.
“Oh, sorry,” Mabel said, but her voice said she was anything but.
“Mabel! Wait!”
Mabel stood in the doorway staring daggers at him.
“Natasha was just leaving.” Natasha pouted but then sauntered towards the door.
“I’ll see you later Nate,” she said before slipping out the door.
“That was not what it looked like,” Nate said as Mabel closed the door.
“Really? Then why was she in here? And how the hell did she get past the security guard at your door if you didn’t give her permission?”
“That’s exactly what I want to know,” Nate said as he paced the small space that was his dressing room. It was his last show before a short break and he was tired. He never remembered the early days being as draining as this festival tour had been. Every night he fell into bed, exhausted, but not able to sleep. The bone-deep weariness was beginning to take a toll on him.
“Where’s Frankie?” Nate asked.
“He’s out front,” Mabel said. “You really didn’t invite her back here?”
“No,” he said. “No way. I don’t want her anywhere near me.”
Mabel watched him like she was trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. “Okay,” she said with a sigh, “I’ll let Frankie know and he can get his guys to keep an eye out for her.”
“Good.” Nate ran a hand through his hair and breathed out slowly. He just wanted this set over and done with. Mabel had organized for them to fly home later that night, after the show, and he couldn’t wait. He needed time to regroup and he needed some fucking sleep before he went insane.
“Oh, by the way,” Mabel said. “The sale on your apartment went through. You can settle on that other property as soon as you’re ready.”
He grinned. “Yeah?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
He clapped his hands together and rubbed them. That’s exactly what he needed to hear. He could go home and move into the little house he’d bought on the outskirts of the city. He’d get some solitude and maybe then he’d be able to sleep. Stevie hadn’t seen the house. She didn’t even know about it, which meant there would be no memories of her there. It would be somewhere he could escape to where she couldn’t haunt him.
“Are you ready for tonight?” Mabel asked.
Nate swung his arms around and twisted this way and that as he loosened up his body. “Yeah, I’m
good to go.”
There was a knock on his door and someone called “Five minutes.”
“Are you ever going to sing the song?” Mabel asked.
“It’s Stevie’s song now,” he replied as he fussed with his hair in the mirror, avoiding Mabel’s eyes. “Besides, I don’t have a female voice to sing with me.”
“I’ve given you plenty of names,” she said with a huff. “You need to perform it. Your fans want to hear it.”
“It’s Stevie’s song.”
“For fuck’s sake, Nate!” Mabel yelled. “It’s at number one and your goddam fans want to hear you sing it live. You know that you have the joint rights to perform it. Stevie is. She’s singing it with Jace every night and they sound great. You need to sing it too, with someone else. You need to remind your fans that it’s your song too.”
Nate gripped the edge of the vanity and closed his eyes. He couldn’t tell her that he could barely listen to the song, let alone perform it. He especially couldn’t perform it with someone else. It was the last bit of Stevie he had and he didn’t want to share it with anyone.
“I said no, Mabel,” he said and stalked from the room.
“What the ever-loving hell?” Stevie hissed.
She stared at her phone not able to reconcile what she was seeing with reality. It was Nate and that skank that had been in his apartment back in Nashville. Natasha. Had he gone back to her? It certainly looked like it. The Instagram photo was one of those awful couple selfies where they were kissing each other. It was sickening and it pissed her off.
Stevie took a deep breath. Why the hell was she so upset about this? She had moved on from Nate. He had made it clear to her that he didn’t want to pursue a relationship with her. Now she had to woman-up and accept his decision. Okay, yes, they’d exchanged a few text messages and things weren’t as frosty between them as they had been, but that was no indication that he wanted her back, or in his life romantically at all. They were friendly texts. Texts that you would exchange with a friend and nothing more. The sooner she got it out of her head that there could ever be a future between them, the better she would be.
Nadine and Vanessa walked into the communal area of the bus dressed to the nines.
“Where are you guys going?” Stevie asked.
“Out,” Nadine said.
“We’re going to a club,” Vanessa said. “One of the roadies told us about it. You wanna come?”
Stevie’s instinctual reply was no, and she opened her mouth to say it but what came out instead was, “Yes.”
Vanessa clapped her hands and Nadine gave her a surprised look.
“What?” she asked as she stood to go and change.
Nadine shrugged. “I thought that maybe you’d forgotten how to have fun.”
Vanessa slapped her sister on the shoulder but Stevie just laughed. “I kind of had,” she replied, “but I just now made the decision that I can’t sit around pining away. I’m still young and I should go out and have some fun.”
Nadine smiled. “Okay then.”
Stevie rushed to get changed. She chose her shortest dress and went a little overboard on the eyeliner, but for once she didn’t give a shit. She was a goddamned country music diva and she was going to own that shit tonight. If Nate could hook up with one of his groupie/fuck-buddies, then she could go out and find a well-built guy to rub up against on the dance floor. She wasn’t a grandma yet, even though she felt like it at times. Why shouldn’t she go out and have some fun?
The three of them headed out into the sticky night. The summer was a hot one and even the nights didn’t bring much relief. The girls had ordered an Uber while she changed and they climbed into the backseat. Stevie felt a rush of excitement. It had been so long since she’d let her hair down and partied. And maybe it might go a ways to repairing the rift that seemed to be forming in the band. It was a pity that Jace couldn’t join them. Scratch that, Stevie thought. She didn’t want him here with his frownie face making the girls feel like they were out with their father. His presence would only make Nadine act out more, so it was good that it was just the girls tonight.
The car pulled up to a club with a line that snaked down the sidewalk. Nadine jumped out and led them to the front of the queue. The bouncer looked them over and must have recognized them because he lifted the velvet rope and let them in, even waiving the cover charge.
They walked into the dark club and the wall of sound hit Stevie right in the solar plexus. The driving beat of the bass amped her heart rate up until it beat in sync with the music. Nadine pushed through the crowd leading them to the dance floor and Stevie followed, drawn into the mass of gyrating bodies like a magnet. Closing her eyes and letting the pulsating music seep into her soul, Stevie began to dance. God. How long had it been?
Bodies pushed up against her, but she didn’t care. They were all here for the same thing, to get lost in the sensation. She let go of the tension and the stress that had been keeping her locked up in the bus between gigs and just moved. She danced with guys. She danced with girls. She danced with both and with none and let herself go.
The music changed. The driving beat slowed and became something darker, sexier. She felt the body snug up against her back and she leant her head back as they moved together. She didn’t know who he was, but she liked the way he moved. Their hips did a slow roll and she felt every hard inch of him. Oh yeah. That felt good.
She turned in his arms and raised hers above her head. He grasped her hips as she shimmied and slid his thigh between her legs. Stevie couldn’t remember the last time she had danced like this with a stranger… or if she ever had. It felt good to be anonymous, to be someone different. She wound her arms around his neck and pressed against him as they moved. She could feel the heat of his body through her clothes and the whisper of his breath on her cheek. She wanted to get lost in him and forget all about the heartbreak that seemed to follow her around. She wanted one night of hedonistic pleasure and she didn’t want to feel guilty about it.
He threaded his hand into her hair and tipped her head back, his lips crashing down on hers. It should have felt good. It should have been sexy. It was exactly what she’d wanted and yet it grated against her psyche like a discordant chord. His lips felt wrong. The way he held her felt wrong. What had felt good only moment ago now felt odd and awkward. She pushed the unwelcome sensations away, but nothing about what was happening felt right. It wasn’t that he was doing anything she hadn’t welcomed before. She didn’t feel wary of him or in any danger. She just felt wrong, like wearing odd socks or wearing two different shoes. She kissed him back, trying desperately to feel something, even just the smallest spark of attraction. But there was nothing, just the pervading wrongness of kissing someone who wasn’t Nate.
Fuck, she thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’d broken her. The stupid asshole had broken her.
With a growl of frustration she pushed away from the stranger in her arms. She gave him a saucy wink, even though she didn’t feel it, and left him on the dance floor as she headed for the bar and some much needed alcohol. Damn Nate. Damn him to hell.
Nate’s phone was blowing up. It was hard enough for him to get to sleep and now he was rudely awakened by something on Twitter. With a growl he rolled over and grabbed the offending device and looked at what was so fucking important that it had to wake him from what was a pretty shitty sleep. Twitter mentions lit up his screen and the hashtag #natesha. What the hell? Nate sat up and swiped to open his Twitter account. He groaned and then swore.
“Fucking Natasha.”
She had taken a photo of him when she kissed him. That was what that fucking flash was. And now she’d posted it on Twitter with #natesha as if they were some sort of celebrity couple. He scrolled through the responses and had to smile. Natasha wasn’t winning any fans. He stopped as he noticed Mabel’s Twitter handle. She’d posted a simple hashtag #stalker and had gotten a whole load of retweets and likes. He muted his phone and tossed it back on the bedside, lying back do
wn and closing his eyes. Mabel had it under control and he didn’t need to deal with it. He’d wondered why Natasha had come by his dressing room before his set, now he knew. She was a publicity whore and she’d seen an opportunity to cash in. Now that he was making a comeback, she wanted to be along for the ride. He couldn’t think of anything worse. Frankie had been livid when he’d found out that she’d gotten into his dressing room. The guard on the door had been unceremoniously sacked when it was revealed that Natasha had bribed him.
He took a breath and sighed, letting his mind drift back to sleep. What was the worst that could happen? It was just a photograph, and not a very good one at that. She couldn’t cause much damage with it and now that the security guys knew to keep an eye out for her, there was no way she would get close to him again. Without any follow-up, the story would die.
Nate’s eyes popped open. Fuck. Stevie. Stevie would see it and think that he and Natasha were back together. He didn’t want her to think that. Even if he and Stevie never managed to get their act together the last thing he wanted was for her to think that he was going back to his old ways. Nate wanted Stevie to know that he was maturing, growing up and owning his life, not falling back into the toxic cesspool that his life had been two years ago.
He sat up and grabbed his phone. He brought up a new text message and typed quickly.
Nate: It’s not what it looks like
Stevie slid into the Uber and leaned her head back against the seat. The night had started out fun and she was now gloriously exhausted. She needed to do that more often. Let her hair down and get a little lost in the music while she danced with strangers. Maybe not kiss them though.
With a sigh she rolled her head to the side and watched the city go by as they drove towards where the bus was parked. Kissing that guy had been such an odd sensation. It was nothing like kissing Nate and it wasn’t even like kissing Carson. It had just felt so wrong on so many levels. The dissonance it created in her had shocked her. How could something as little as a kiss feel so very wrong? But then again, how could a kiss from the right person feel so very right? They were two actions that were identical and yet they had such different results. A kiss was a kiss and yet… being kissed by Nate had always felt so natural and normal with a kick of heat and passion. Kissing that guy earlier just felt weird to her.