by Emma Lea
“Hey Jace.” Carson’s voice rumbled through his chest and Stevie stepped away, looking towards the door.
Jace looked like hell. He had dark circles under his eyes and his skin was pasty. Stevie walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. He sagged against her for a moment and held her tight before straightening and stepping back.
“How is she?” Stevie asked.
“Sleeping,” Jace replied as he ran a hand through his hair. The brown strands stuck up in all directions, proof that he had been doing that a lot.
“Did you speak to her?”
He nodded and turned as Vanessa walked into the room. Stevie gathered her in her arms and held tight. She felt so thin and frail and Stevie had to swallow down more tears. She needed to be strong for them. Jace put an arm around Vanessa and Stevie stepped away from the embrace. Vanessa seemed to collapse into Jace and Stevie had to clamp her mouth shut to stop the small cry of alarm that threatened to erupt from her throat. Vanessa looked like a marionette with all its strings cut as she sagged against Jace’s side.
“I’m going to take Vanessa back to the bus. We all need sleep. Nadine won’t be awake until tomorrow, so there’s nothing we can do here.”
“I have a car waiting out front,” Marci said as she strode into the room. “It’s ready to go when you are.”
“Can I see her?” Stevie asked. She hadn’t yet been allowed in because she wasn’t family.
“She’s asleep, Stevie,” Jace said.
“I know,” Stevie replied. “I just need to see her with my own eyes. You two go on. Carson can give me a ride.” She looked at Carson for confirmation and he nodded.
“Okay,” Jace said tiredly before leading Vanessa away.
Stevie took a deep breath and looked at the door behind which Nadine lay.
“Do you want me to come in with you?” Carson asked.
Stevie shook her head. She walked the few steps out of the waiting room and then through the door into Nadine’s room. Nadine lay there peacefully, her skin almost the color of the sheets beneath her. Stevie stepped up to the bed and took Nadine’s cool hand in hers. She didn’t know what to say. She wanted to yell at her for being so stupid and putting herself in danger but she also wanted to gather the frail woman in her arms and hold her close. Stevie looked down at the tattoo on the inside of Nadine’s arm and lightly traced the violin with a finger. Something had been going on with Nadine, but Stevie had been too focused on the tour to pay attention to her band member. That would stop as of today. They had been a team before this tour and they needed to stay a team.
Stevie bent over and kissed Nadine on her forehead, promising her that she would try to do better.
“What is this place?” Stevie asked as she looked around the grand foyer.
“It’s the home of a friend of mine,” Carson replied. “He is away on business at the moment and told me to stay here while I was in town. Hotel rooms get a little stale after a while.”
“You should try living on a tour bus,” Stevie said with a smile. “Thank you for bringing me here, but you could have just taken me back to the bus.”
Carson stepped close and rested his hands on her shoulders as he looked down into her eyes. “You need a decent sleep in a real bed. Besides, it might be good for Jace and Vanessa to have some alone time. Now, can I get you a drink?”
“Have you got any wine?”
“Come on,” Carson said, leading her through to the kitchen. There was a wine fridge beneath the giant island counter and Carson went straight to it and pulled out a dark bottle. He moved around the kitchen with familiarity and Stevie wondered just how many times he’d stayed here. He reached up and pulled down two wine glasses and poured the deep red liquid. He picked up the glasses and took them through an archway and into a comfortable sitting room with big leather couches. A bookcase that took up an entire wall dominated the space and Stevie walked over to run her fingers over the leather-bound spines. They weren’t classics or novels, not from what she could tell. They looked like legal books, the kind you find in a lawyer’s office or a university.
“Come and sit,” Carson said, holding out the glass of wine to her.
Stevie took the glass and sunk into the couch. She closed her eyes for a second, the weariness dragging at her. When she opened her eyes, Carson was sitting next to her, looking at her with concern. She gave him a small smile and sipped her wine, savoring the dark cherry taste.
“I should have known something like this was going to happen,” Stevie said staring into the dark crimson liquid as it sparkled in the lamp light. “Nadine was getting more and more out of control.”
“This isn’t your fault, Stevie,” Carson said, laying a hand on her knee. “Nadine is an adult and she made her own decisions.”
Stevie sighed. “I know. It’s just that she was acting so out of character and I was too caught up in the tour and everything to really see what was happening.”
“Maybe she’s not cut out for this,” Carson said carefully. “I know she’s talented, but fame…” he shook his head sadly, “fame can change people. It has the uncanny ability to magnify everything. Emotions, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness. Some people don’t know how to deal with all of that.”
“I know,” Stevie replied softly. “It’s been tough on the band, this insta-fame. We didn’t have the opportunity to grow into it, not like other bands do. We basically went from studio musicians to having a number one single overnight. I don’t think any of us were prepared for it.”
“So have you thought about what you are going to do? Will the band take a break for a while until she gets back on her feet?”
“We haven’t even discussed the logistics of it all,” Stevie said cautiously. “We don’t have a gig tomorrow night, well, I suppose it’s tonight now. We have one the next night and then we travel to the next venue. I don’t even know when she will be out of hospital.”
“Have you considered what you are going to do if she doesn’t want to come back? If she doesn’t want to play anymore?”
Stevie hadn’t let her thoughts go there. Marci’s bombshell burned in her brain but every time her thoughts wondered to the possibility of striking out on her own, she shied away from it. She needed to talk to someone about it and with the night she’d just had, the wine and the easy intimacy she felt with Carson, the words just seemed to pour out of her.
“Marci came to me and said that someone was offering me a contract to go solo.”
Carson didn’t say anything, but his eyebrows lifted in surprise.
“I said no initially, but…?” she shrugged. “After what happened tonight, maybe I should consider it.”
“That’s… that’s amazing,” Carson said with a grin. “You would be an awesome solo artist, Stevie. Your voice is incredible and your songwriting…you should do it.”
Stevie sipped her wine. “I don’t know,” she said, “it feels a little underhanded. We all started this journey together, I wouldn’t feel right about walking away from it without giving it a proper attempt. I can’t just walk away at the first hurdle.”
“You’re too nice,” Carson said. “After what happened tonight, do you think you even have a band left? You need to look after yourself, Stevie. This is your career. Your livelihood. Nadine could have completely ruined that for you tonight with her selfish actions. Do you think she was thinking about the band when she went out and did this to herself?”
His words were blunt but not harsh. What he was saying was the same things she had been thinking, when she hadn’t been worrying about Nadine. Nadine had been thoughtless and hadn’t considered the consequences of her actions. They were meant to be a team, but lately it had seemed more and more like they were four individuals who didn’t really like each other very much.
“I know you feel loyalty towards them,” Carson said, his hand stroking her arm before coming to rest on her thigh. “But you need to protect your art. Those songs belong to you and there wouldn’t even be a band
without them.”
It was true that the others hadn’t written the songs, but Jace had worked on the arrangements. Vanessa and Nadine really didn’t have much input into the pre-production of a song. They just played what they were told, when. Stevie knew that together, her and Jace would make a good team. They could be a solid duo. She also knew that Jace would never leave his sisters. If she wanted Jace she would need to take all three of them. A solo career was looking more and more attractive.
Chapter Seventeen
“There are press on your front lawn,” Stevie said, turning to Carson with a frown.
Carson shrugged. “That’s not an unusual occurrence. They know I stay here when I’m in town.”
“Now they are going to know I stayed here last night.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Yeah, but they don’t know that. You know what these guys are like. They are going to see me leaving and it’s going to look like I’m doing the walk of shame.” She looked down at herself. “I’m not even decently dressed.” She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, the first things she’d pulled on before they’d left for the hospital.
Carson took her hands and turned her so she was facing him, her back to the window. “It’s going to be fine,” he said, his eyes searching hers. “We’re just two old friends catching up.”
Stevie snorted. “There is no way they are going to buy that story Carson.”
“So I tell them something else. Trust me, okay. Neither one of us need the press speculating about our relationship. I have a whole team of people that deals with this.”
Stevie sighed and rested her head against his chest. It would have been easy to fall into bed with Carson last night. There was comfort in the easy familiarity and she knew he could make her forget the shitstorm that was waiting for her when she got back to the tour bus. It would have been easy to just forget all of that for a little while and let someone else look after her. But it wasn’t Carson who she’d wanted to take care of her. It was Nate. It would always be Nate.
Stevie took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. She had managed to escape for a little while but now she had to get back to the real world. She dug around in her handbag for her sunglasses and pulled her hair back in a smooth pony-tail. She was not going out there with bed hair. She slicked on some lipgloss and then looked up at Carson.
“Okay. I’m ready.”
The car was waiting for them on the road but they had to get through the crush of reporters first. Carson opened the door and two burly security guards flanked them as they descended the stairs. Stevie could hear the click of camera shutters and the shouted questions as Carson guided her through the melee. She kept her head down and didn’t speak. She should have thought it through before allowing Carson to take her there the night before, but she’d been too upset and just needed to escape for a while. No good deed ever went unpunished in paparazzi-land and now she was paying the price of her weakness.
The car door opened and she was bundled inside, Carson sliding in next to her and then the door slammed closed muting the noise from the press that now surrounded the car.
“We’ll drop Ms. Jacks off first—”
“No, Carson,” Stevie said shaking her head. “I’ve already disrupted your life enough for one day. Besides, I wouldn’t mind a bit of time alone before facing Jace and Vanessa.”
Carson inhaled and then sighed. “Okay,” he said. “But I want you to call me if you have any problems.”
The car began to move slowly, dodging the reporters. Stevie leant her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. By the time she had fallen asleep the night before, it had been really late and it had been an early wake-up call. She had turned off her phone because she hadn’t wanted to deal with Jace or Marci, but before that she’d sent them a text so they knew where she was at least, even if she didn’t want to talk to them. Carson had been a perfect gentleman, although she sensed he would have been more than willing to help her forget the events of the day. The only problem with that was that all she could think about was talking to Nate. Hearing his voice, feeling his arms around her. He’d offered to come to her and now she wished fervently that she’d said yes instead of trying to be strong about it.
The car pulled to a stop and Stevie opened her eyes, looking around.
“This is me,” Carson said, looking at her with concern. “Are you sure you’re going to be all right?”
She gave him a small smile and nodded. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. A few hours’ sleep will do me the world of good and hopefully Marci has a plan for us. You go. I’m all good.”
He gave her one last look before sliding out of the car. Stevie reached into her handbag and pulled out her phone, turning it on and watching as the missed call notifications lit up the screen. They were all from Nate. She touched the screen and lifted the phone to her ear. It was answered within the first two rings.
“Stevie?”
“Nate.”
“Oh god Stevie. When you didn’t answer your phone, I went a little crazy wondering if you were all right.”
“Sorry. I turned it off. I didn’t want to deal with Jace and Marci, you know? I just wanted a night to myself to sort through everything.”
“Any more news on Nadine?”
“She was sleeping when I left the hospital. The doctors said she would be fine, but…”
“Tell me.”
Stevie shrugged even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “I don’t know what all this means for the band. I thought we were old enough not to fall into this trap of drugs and alcohol, but ever since this tour started Nadine has been getting wilder and wilder. I thought maybe it was just blowing off some steam or getting caught up in the insta-fame, but now I’m worried that there is something else going on.” She didn’t voice the fears that Jace had shared with her. It wasn’t her story to tell.
He exhaled roughly. “Oh babe, I don’t know what to tell you. I know how easy it is to fall in love with the fame. People want to party with you and they are willing to do anything for you. Nothing is off limits and it takes a stronger person than I was to resist it all.”
“But you did, eventually.”
“Yeah, but it cost me my career in the process.”
“No, what cost you your career was you being led around by your dick instead of making the grown-up decisions.”
He chuckled. “You’re right. I didn’t take control of my career and that’s why I ended up in the mess I did. Things are different now though.”
“I know,” she said with a smile, “you’re doing really well out there. The fans love you.”
“Not as much as they love you,” he said, his voice soft and husky.
Stevie took a deep breath. “I’ve been offered an opportunity to go solo,” she said and then held her breath waiting for the answer.
“Really? Wow. Do you know who?”
“Marci didn’t tell me who, she just told me that someone had offered me a solo deal. I don’t know what to do. After last night, I am inclined to think about it seriously. I just want to write and perform my music, I really don’t want any of this drama. Being on tour with Jace and the girls has made me question the whole band thing. They fight all the time and the easy way we had with each other is gone. It’s not fun anymore. And now with Nadine in the hospital, I don’t even know if we have a band anymore.”
Nate was quiet for a long time and Stevie had to check that the call hadn’t been dropped. When he finally spoke, his voice was serious.
“You can’t make the decision without talking to them first,” he said. “You need to tell them about the offer and you need to lay your cards on the table. It was the biggest mistake I made, taking that deal with Rocksteady, but I had been too young and stupid to see it at the time. I wasn’t honest with you Stevie. I should have told you how scared I was that you would be offered a contract and leave me high and dry. I should have told you that I didn’t believe I had enough talent to make it on my own and when Gina offered
me the contract I thought it was the only chance I was ever going to have of making it big. I knew if I told you all of that, you would talk me out of it and I didn’t want that, because I didn’t believe in us enough. I thought that if I walked away from Rocksteady, I would be walking away from everything I’d ever wanted. But the truth was, walking away from you was walking away from everything I’d ever wanted, I just didn’t know it at the time.”
Stevie felt the tears on her cheeks as she finally forgave Nate for taking the deal with Rocksteady. She hadn’t known that he felt so insecure and she had thought it was because he hadn’t had faith in her that he had walked away.
“Oh, Nate,” she whispered. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me.”
The car came to a stop next to the tour bus and Stevie quickly wiped her eyes.
“Listen. I’ve got to go, but I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay,” he said. “Talk to Jace and the girls. Promise me that you will talk to them before you make any decisions.”
“I will,” she replied. “I promise.”
Jace looked up from his cereal bowl as Stevie stepped into the bus.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” Jace replied. “We’re about to go back to the hospital to see Nadine if you want to come.”
Stevie sighed. “Yeah, I do. Just let me get changed.”
Stevie walked past Jace to her bunk and grabbed a change of clothes before slipping into the small bathroom. She had a quick shower before getting dressed. When she returned to the front of the bus, Marci and Vanessa were waiting with Jace.