by T. L. Haddix
At a complete loss, all she could do was shake her head and watch Noah get farther away. “What in the hell is wrong with him? Did I do something and nobody mentioned it?” Half-angry, half-worried, she turned to Eli.
“He had a rough night.” He looped his arm over her shoulders to give her a reassuring hug. “I don’t think it’s anything personal. He’s just feeling the pressure of… everything.”
Sophie wasn’t sure she believed him, but there wasn’t even a hint of deception in Eli’s words or his face, and she told herself to stop being paranoid. Besides, if she didn’t believe Eli, there was no hope for her. “What can I do?”
As Eli told her about the nightmare and Noah’s mood all morning, she realized what was happening. Noah’s fears about intimacy, that it would enhance his abilities and lower his guard, had seemed to be all for naught. They’d been fully together for a week, and he’d been fine. Happier, more relaxed than she’d ever seen him. But dollars to donuts, that was what had happened—letting down his guard had caught up to him.
“He’s been pretty calm since he talked to Grandma,” Eli said. “But as soon as you pulled up, all that tension came back. I’m sorry, Soph.”
“It’s all right. I understand what’s going on.”
Owen joined them. “Everything okay?”
Sophie nodded. “I think so. I’m sorry I’m late, sorry about all this.” Noah practically lived there and was Owen’s grandson, but she was still embarrassed they’d had words in public.
“You’re late?” Owen glanced at his watch. “Nah. You’ve got an hour before I’ll start docking your pay. It’s lunchtime.” He winked at her. “How can we help?”
Grateful beyond words, she looked toward the barn. “You can’t, really, other than what you’ve been doing. This is something Noah and I have to handle on our own. I’ll go talk to him.”
Eli sent her a skeptical look. “You sure?”
“Yes. We’ve let too much fester for too long. No more. Excuse me.”
She felt their worried gazes following her as she headed for the barn. She was concerned too. As much as she meant what she’d said, she didn’t know if Noah would feel the same way. That little devil in the back of her mind was whispering all sorts of doubts, like maybe he’d gotten what he wanted and was tired of her and this was his way of telling her.
She shoved it aside ruthlessly, cursing it to perdition. “I’m not letting anything else get in the way of happiness.”
As she spoke, the realization hit her that she’d turned the corner and finally given herself permission to live and love and laugh again, and it nearly brought her to her knees with relief. But she kept going. She had to.
Noah was in that barn with who knew what running through his mind, and the stubborn man needed her. Whether he knew it or not.
Chapter Thirty-Three
“Petulant twelve-year-old.” Noah gave a disgusted huff, not sure whether he was more upset with Sophie for agreeing or with himself for being offended.
Because he was well aware that he’d acted like an ass. He’d known as he was speaking that his mouth was going in a direction a hundred eighty degrees from where his rational mind wanted it to go. Sure as shooting though, he couldn’t seem to manage to shut up. Out of desperation, he’d run to the barn.
Now, as he sat in the stall Owen had long ago set up for the shifters to use for changing, he kept replaying everything he’d said. The shock and confusion and, yes, the hurt on Sophie’s face shamed him.
“That’s just like you, Noah. You get things figured out, then you screw ‘em up all over again. You’re an idiot.” He rested his face in his hands and sighed.
He was so tired that if it hadn’t felt like quitting, he’d have gone home and gone back to bed. Between the stress of the last couple of weeks, the nightmares last night, and the argument he’d just had with Sophie, he was exhausted.
He was still working on figuring out what in the world to do to fix things when he heard someone step into the barn. Figuring it was Eli come to wring his neck, he groaned and scrubbed his face. “I know I’m a major fuckup. You don’t have to tell me that.”
“Okay. I won’t.”
He jerked up his head. “Oh. I thought you were Eli.”
“Nope.” Sophie crossed her arms on the top of the stall door and rested her chin on them, studying him. “He told me about last night.”
Noah swallowed and let his eyes drop back down to his hands. “Yeah.”
She didn’t say anything, and the silence grew between them. After a minute, she opened the door and came inside. Noah didn’t look up, not wanting to see the anger and disgust on her face. He wasn’t quite ready to face the destruction his behavior had wrought.
But a gentle hand touched the crown of his head, and she threaded her fingers in, pushing back his heavy hair.
“What in the world am I going to do with you?” she asked.
When he looked up, stunned, she eased onto his lap, her knees on either side of his hips. Cupping his face, she shook her head then kissed him.
“Stubborn man,” she whispered.
Noah wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against his body as he tucked his face into her neck. “Will you forgive me? Could we start there?”
She laughed softly then sighed. “Maybe. If you promise to work on this ‘not talking to me’ thing.”
Unable to speak, he nodded and tightened his arms. After a few minutes, he pulled back sheepishly. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I was doing a good impersonation of a twelve-year-old.”
Her lips quirked. “Maybe.” She traced his nose, her eyes serious. “Are you okay?”
“I’m working on it. Having you here helps.” Giving in to temptation, he kissed her again.
This time, Sophie pulled back. “You do realize that we’ve still not talked.”
Noah cleared his throat. “We haven’t?”
She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “No, we haven’t.”
“Sophie, I’m no good at talking. Every time we talk, I mess things up.” Looking at her, he marveled at how incredible it was that she wasn’t angry over what he’d said. “And I really, really don’t want to mess things up with you.”
“Why don’t we start by you telling me what you do want then?”
Her hands were soft against his face, and Noah nuzzled one of her palms, then he turned and kissed the other. “I want you.”
She goosed him and tightened her legs around his hips. “I can tell that, silly. But aside from that, what?”
“I told you—I want you. I want to be with you.” He gave a little shrug. “I know I’m ridiculous sometimes, but I guess I’m hoping you want me too.”
Sophie slid her fingers into his hair, forcing him to tip his head back so that he couldn’t look away. “You’re a stubborn, mule-headed Campbell. Probably the most stubborn man I’ve ever met. But you’re also the love of my life. So yes, I think it’s safe to say I want you too.”
Certain he’d heard her wrong, that he was hallucinating or dreaming or something, he stared at her. “You what?”
She dipped her head so that her lips brushed his when she spoke. “I love you, Noah Campbell.”
Thirteen years he’d waited to hear her say those words again. Thirteen long, cold, empty years. “You do?”
“Yes,” she said, laughing. “I love you, love you, love you. Is it too soon to tell you that?”
Burying his face in her throat, he held on to her and laughed. “Hell, no. Oh, Sophie. Thank God.”
He couldn’t say another word for several minutes. His gratitude, almost like grief it ran so deep, was too overwhelming.
“I never stopped loving you, I don’t think, no matter how hard I tried or how much I told myself I had,” she said. “I’ll go to m
y grave loving you.”
“Me, too.” Noah shook his head slowly, his eyes damp as he framed her face with his hands. “We Campbells have this thing, you see. Grandpa says it comes from the Brownings. It happened to him and Grandma, it happened to… well, pretty much every person in my family. Did you ever hear about when Dad first ‘saw’ Mom?”
“No.”
He smiled, thinking about the story. “He’d known her for years, since they were little, and she’d never really been anything to him other than Emma’s friend and cohort in crime. But he came home for Christmas during his second year at college, and there she was coming down the steps. Everything changed.” Noah had to swallow around the lump in his throat. “He said he felt like someone had knocked the wind out of him. It turned him completely upside down, and from that point on, she was it for him.”
“How old was she?”
“Seventeen, I think. They didn’t start dating for a year and a half, but he said she always stayed right there in the back of his mind, haunting him. In a good way. Every time he saw her after that, they got closer. Then he came home the summer between his third and fourth years and… the rest is history.”
Sophie was smiling. “And then they made you, you mean.”
He laughed, flustered. “Yeah, they did. Anyhow, my point is I had that kind of epiphany when I saw you the first time. It was like my heart had known it was waiting just for you, and there you were. And that’s never changed. I’ve loved you ever since, and I fully expect that I always will. I hated you for a while after… well, after. Hated myself for not being able to stop loving you because it hurt. You know?” His voice was low, his throat tight, and he hoped she understood what he was trying to say.
“I do. It was the same for me.”
He was relieved. “I never expected this when you came back. Honestly, when Eli came home, I wasn’t thrilled to find out you’d be moving to town. I’m sure that’s news to you.” He slid his hands around her waist and hugged her to take the sting out of the words.
“Oh, sure, it is,” she said, tongue-in-cheek. She even winked and gave him the “okay” sign.
“Obviously I didn’t stay with that train of thought. And that damned kiss from back in October nearly drove me out of my mind,” he said. “After Thanksgiving, I hoped we’d at least be able to be friends someday. I didn’t dare hope for more. But then things changed. I could hardly believe it. Every time something else happens, I think I’m happy and it’ll be enough if that’s as far as things go. Even if I wanted more and more and more, I tried to stay focused on being satisfied with the status quo.”
“But you’re not now?” she asked, shifting on his lap.
“No. After Christmas, I started to dream. Big dreams, long-term dreams. Daydream kind of dreams. Then last night, everything caught up to me. God, Sophie, you can’t know how awful it was, how real it felt.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “And this morning? What happened?”
He shrugged. “I felt like I was coming out of my skin. Everything tingled, like someone’s coming through to see me, but it was muted. It was constant until you got here. I think I’m having a delayed response. Anyhow, when we got here and Grandpa said you were at the doctor’s, I lost it. I’m sorry.
“I do trust you. I know you don’t have to report every move to me, and that’s not what I expect. Not in the least. I don’t want you to feel like you have to ‘answer’ to me. I knew that even as I was lecturing you, and I was powerless to stop it, to shut my mouth. So I walked away.”
She sighed, resting her forehead against his. “What am I going to do with you?” she asked in a voice that was achingly soft.
“Hopefully the same thing I’m going to do with you.”
“And what’s that?” She tilted her head, a smile playing around her lips.
Noah touched her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Love you. I’m simply going to love you.”
And that’s just what he did.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The following Sunday night, Sophie was more than content to find herself stretched out in bed next to Noah. They had his house to themselves as Eli was staying with Haley, who had a bad cold. Even though a fierce cold front had moved in, the bedroom was toasty warm thanks to the fire Noah’d built before they went upstairs.
Sophie was pleasantly worn out given that they’d done a heck of a lot more than talk once they’d gone to bed. As a matter of fact, she was liable to be a bit sore tomorrow. But she didn’t mind. Not in the least.
Noah was lazily trailing his hand up and down her arm, the subtle touch making gooseflesh rise. “Cold?”
“Mmm, no.” She shifted, rubbing her legs against his, and did some hand-trailing of her own, tracing his nipples. “As long as I live, I don’t think I’ll get tired of touching you.”
He moved her so that she was sprawled on top of him. “Me either.” He ran his fingers down her spine, making her arch into him.
Just like that, he lit her on fire. Sophie sat up, easily taking him inside despite her sore muscles. Their loving was slow and leisurely, unlike the heated desperation they’d both felt earlier. When it was over, both of them sated and boneless, Noah pulled the sheet up to cover them.
“Noah, we’ll make a mess of the bed,” she protested.
“I’ll change the sheets in a bit. I need to hold you first.”
As she was more than happy to hold him in return, Sophie curled even closer into him.
“So I was thinking,” he said.
When he stopped, she lifted her head. “About?”
He gave a shrug she thought was meant to be casual, but his tension was hard to disguise. “Weddings.”
Sophie smiled. “Were you now? I can’t imagine why.”
Even with Haley sick and absent, the discussion at Sunday dinner had centered around her and Eli given that they had finally settled on the weekend after Valentine’s Day to exchange their vows. As it was only a hair over six weeks away, there was a lot to be done.
“I was thinking about weddings and rings and things.” Noah traced the lines of her left hand, his touch resting on the base of her ring finger. “And I was thinking that I’d like to see this hand with a ring.”
The tension in his muscles was so high he felt as if he were carved from stone. But Sophie couldn’t focus on that, only on his words.
She pushed herself up on an elbow and stared at him. “What?”
His face was inscrutable. “How would you feel about marrying me?”
Sitting up fully, she pulled the sheet up to cover her breasts, curling the soft cotton in her hands. “Noah? Are you asking me to marry you or asking my opinion?”
He sat up as well and ran his hand over her back. “Marry me. Please.”
For several long minutes, all she could do was stare at him. When he became blurry, she realized she was crying. “You’re serious? You really mean it?”
“With all my heart.” He wiped her tears away with his thumb. “I love you, Sophie Turner, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving how much. Let’s get married.”
She tried to smile, but she couldn’t get her mouth to stop trembling, so she nodded instead. “That sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
Noah kissed her hard then pulled back with a laugh as he smiled down at her. “Yeah?”
“Oh, yes. Oh, I love you so.” With that, she fell into his arms, laughing, crying, and trying to surreptitiously pinch herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.
After their overwhelming joy had subsided somewhat, she relaxed against him with a sigh, tucked under his arm, her back to his front. “I can’t believe… oh, Noah. I can hardly stand the idea of waiting.”
He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Then why don’t we elope?”
She looked back at him. “Elope? Really?”
“Sure. Unless you want a fancy wedding. Do you?” He frowned. “It’s fine if you do.”
She didn’t answer straightaway, wanting to give the question serious consideration. “I don’t want to say our vows in a chapel in Vegas. But I don’t think I want a big ceremony either. Not even on the scale Eli and Haley are planning.”
Their ceremony would be small with less than a hundred guests, most of them Campbells since Haley didn’t have any close family. But it would still take a bit of work to pull off the way Eli and Haley wanted it done.
“What if we surprised everyone, kind of like what Sydney did?” he asked. “We could maybe get Danny to marry us, have it at his church. Or we could have it here. Or at your house. It’s big enough.”
“Who all would you want to invite?” She turned over and propped herself up to look at him.
Noah clasped her hand and kissed her fingers. “Honestly?”
Sophie smiled. “Of course. Nothing but.”
He blew out a breath. “Grandma and Grandpa, Mom and Dad, Eli and Haley. Molly, if she’s in town.”
“That is small.”
“Yes. You could get a nice dress, I could wear a suit, and we could invite them over and keep it a secret until they got there. No drama, no fuss.” He frowned. “I guess Emma’d have to be there too, to take pictures.”
Sophie chuckled. “And what about Archer? Sydney? Everyone else who’d feel slighted if they weren’t asked to attend?”
His frown turned to a scowl. “Now we’re up to a big crowd again.”
“You really don’t want that, do you?”
He hesitated, but when she leveled a stern look on him, he gave in. “No. I know better than to think we can fully get away with an elopement. At the very least, when they find out, the family will throw together a reception or something. I’m fine with that. But the intimacy of a wedding ceremony? That’s not something I’m willing to share with dozens of people even if I do love them all dearly.”