“No. It’s nothing like that, Jules. It’s not a good time, not with everything. You’re…”
“Like a sister to you,” she finished, and he didn’t say another word.
“You know that I love you,” he said, not meeting her stare.
She nodded, not asking him to clarify the meaning of the words. “I know.”
He rose from the couch and started for the exit. “I should go.”
She relaxed her shoulders, and when the doors closed, she whispered four words.
“I love you too.”
____________
The room was dimly lit, but I found Natalia on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
“Are you alone?” she asked without directly addressing me.
I sat beside her on the bed. “I am.”
“Good.”
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“About what? The fact that my arm is now that of a robot, or that my daughter ran off and turned into one of those Zan’ra…” She actually laughed, and a tear fell down her cheek. “Or that my husband died trying to save me?”
“Stop it. I know what he meant to you. I do. Of all people, I understand. I was there, I saw you before you’d even talk, the way he’d look at you, dote on you. So stop it. You’re stronger than any of us, and you will make it through this.”
Nat sat up, propping the pillows behind her. “I don’t even need to be in bed anymore. The doctor… fixed me, but I can’t bring myself to get up. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Not without a sedative. What’s going to become of me?”
“You’re going to heal, day by day, and when we find your daughter and return her to you, you’re going to be the mother to your two children, like you always have been,” I told her.
“Magnus knew something was going to happen. He was so jumpy the last few weeks, like he was suspecting it. I told him we should turn around, but he wouldn’t do it. He was adamant that if someone needed help, that we’d be there to give it to them.
“We arrived, and they came at us so quickly. They ambushed our ship. Somehow, they’d been expecting us,” she said.
“I know. They told me the same thing.”
“Who were they, really?” Nat asked.
“It sounded like Lom of Pleva was behind it. Not the Ritair part. That was old news. Lom must have indoctrinated someone in the Arnap organization to believe his stories,” I said.
“Did you capture her for questioning?” she asked.
I shook my head, feeling sick to my stomach. “No. I shot her in the face.”
Nat lost her bluster and pulled me into a hug. She stroked my hair, like I was the one in need of a mother, and I laughed at the idea.
“I’m going to miss him,” I told her.
“So am I.”
We talked for a while longer, and by the time we were done, Nat sat up, ready to step out of bed. I helped her to her feet, and she walked aimlessly around the empty suite.
“Would you like me to stay?”
“No. Dean will be here soon. I’ll make something to eat,” she assured me. She looked better, more vital, and already the color was seeping into her cheeks.
I left her there, knowing Natalia of all people would make it through this. I just hoped the rest of us could.
____________
It took a month and a half to reach New Spero. When we arrived, we brought the last of the Ritair people through the portal to Haven, where Mary had already begun to set up their village at the outer edge of the city.
Brik went with them, and I was glad we could at least reconnect him with his people, even if it hadn’t been in the way we’d expected. Regnig and Fontem were closer to finding out more about the Zan’ra, but the process was slow. So far, none of the Alliance members had sighted a girl with purple eyes, or Lan’i, out there, and I took that as a good sign.
We would track Patty down at some point, and I was confident Jules would be able to find a way to figure this all out. She was more comfortable in her skin, and we’d begun going over her abilities, cataloging things she was able to do. At least, the things that were safe to practice in the gymnasium of our starship.
The only thing left was the wake for our good friend Magnus. I wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye.
____________
I stepped outside, the air indoors too stuffy, the smells too familiar. The back porch board creaked under my weight, and I remembered the day we’d added the expansion on his deck. I peered to the outdoor kitchen, seeing the field beyond it, wheat ripping in breeze under the auburn Proxima moonlight.
Magnus had been such a huge part of this colony. He’d been one of the early arrivals, sent in the colony ship right after we’d left chasing after Leslie and Terrance. They’d settled in this house, building it with the help of some local carpenters. They’d even built one for Mary and me on the acreage over.
A hand slid onto my back and squeezed my shoulder. “We’re all going to miss him, boss.” Slate stood on the edge of the porch with me, his other hand resting a beer on the railing.
“I know, Slate.”
“I… I can’t replace him, and you two were friends before we even met…”
I nodded, staring at the crops. “Slate, I’ll lean on you when I need to.” I appreciated him saying it, but Slate and my friendship didn’t need to be defined by the others in our group.
Slate took a drink from his bottle. “This isn’t going to be easy, is it?”
“No, it’s not.” Every now and then, a bolt of fury would shoot up my spine, making me want to do crazy things. To chase down the rest of the Arnap and blow them from existence. I’d thought so many things, but I always saw Magnus in my inner mind’s eye, shaking his head. Telling me to let it rest and to move on. To play this one defensively, but I didn’t think that was possible, not with my allies.
We stood in silence for a while longer until the door opened, Magnus’ favorite old rock and roll music carrying from inside where the wake was coming to a close. All our friends were inside, but they began pouring out now. I turned, watching Mary and Jules head toward me. Sergo and Walo walked behind Loweck and Leslie, and Karo and Ableen joined our group. Hugo sauntered over to me, hugging me around the waist, and I tousled his hair. He didn’t even gripe about it tonight. Leonard smiled, and I waved at my old friend. He was doing so well these days, and it was good to see him.
Leslie had dealt with the loss of Terrance over the last few years, but she wasn’t the same woman as she had been. She wore a strong and supportive smile tonight, and I loved seeing in her this light.
Regnig appeared to be conversing with Sarlun, and Suma lingered inside, talking with Natalia. I stared at my Russian friend. She wore black, her hair done up the way Magnus had always liked it, and she met my gaze, her eyes growing misty once again. She’d held up well all day, but I could see the walls caving in around her. She was going to need our strength to get through this, and I nodded to her, silently sending her my assurance.
She passed a slight smile and turned away, walking deeper into the house. Suma came outside, and Dean joined her. Patty’s absence stung like a fresh wound, but no one brought up her name. That would put Nat over the edge, and for tonight, we only wanted her to remember the big bear of a man that we had all loved and would have given our lives for.
Dean came and stood beside Jules, and she wrapped him in a hug, resting her head on his chest for a moment. He didn’t pull away, and I grinned to myself. Young love in a time of tragedy. I thought about Karo’s theory, about the balance of the universe, and felt there was so much truth to his people’s ways.
Everyone was chatting, but no one was really talking: just idle comments on the weather, the food, the music, and it all felt a little forced. Magnus would have hated this. He’d have wanted us to puff up our chests, drink some beer, and talk about the good old days. Reminisce about the Event, and meeting each of the guests at the wake.
“Where’s Nat?” I whispered in Mary’s ear,
and she shrugged.
“I’ll find her.” But she didn’t have to. Natalia pushed through the back door, and the dogs followed her outside. Carey, Charlie, and Maggie ran down the steps and onto the grass, playing and barking in the warm night air. Nat held a box, and it took me a moment to see what she’d brought with her: a humidor.
“He’d have wanted you to each have one.” She opened the mahogany box, and I laughed at the sight of the dozen or so well-rolled cigars sitting side by side. Nat passed them out, each of us taking one. When Nat stopped at Jules, she looked to her mother, then me, and I waited for Mary to tell her it was okay. My wife did just that, and Jules hesitantly took the cigar, Dean grabbing one as well.
“Does everyone have one?” Nat asked, and I saw even Regnig had a cigar.
“What about me?” Hugo asked, and everyone laughed.
“I don’t think so, son.” I told him, and he shrugged and took a seat.
We raised them high, and Nat produced Magnus’ favorite metal lighter. She flipped it on, the flame flickering in the dimly lit porch light. “My husband was a great man. He was larger than life and gentler than a soft breeze. His voice was loud, and his compassion was endless. He found me when I was at my weakest, the rock bottom, and when I saw his soft eyes and that stubble-covered chin, I discovered hope.
“It took me a long time to heal from that pain, but beside him, each day put me farther from it, each week I was better, each year I was stronger. Magnus was my everything, and even though I can’t imagine my life without him, I’ll be able to go on, because he healed my heart. He made me strong enough to survive this. Magnus has done the same for many of us. He was a hero, a great father, captain, and husband, and we will never forget him.” Natalia was crying now, and I hardly noticed the tears on my own cheeks as I smiled at her words.
She walked around the deck, lighting each of our cigars, and soon the area was filled with the aroma we’d grown so accustomed to smelling on our good friend over the years. Jules coughed a few times, and so did a few others as we stood there, sipping our drinks and recalling fond memories.
I told the story of how Carey and I had first met Magnus and Nat on the road in South America, and everyone asked me to talk about us running through the Kraski mothership, carrying the heavy Kalentrek.
Sergo regaled us with his story of meeting Magnus for the first time, saying how he’d been sure the guy wasn’t really human, but some kind of barbaric alien with a thirst for Padlog syrup. And we continued on long into the night, finding seating outside while we finished our cigars and drank more than we should have. For us, there was a tomorrow, and that was what we were celebrating, because that was what Magnus would have wanted.
Epilogue
The laughter warmed my heart. I stood in the field, wishing I could join them, wanting to show myself and share my much older memories of my old friend Magnus. But I couldn’t, for so many reasons. I watched the younger version of myself and smiled at the way I interacted with everyone. People were drawn to me back then, like moths to a flame. I worked that deck like I belonged, like I truly was a Recaster.
I limped closer, my knee aching where the metal implants jutted from the skin, and I scratched at it. I stayed for hours, hoping no one would see me, and just when I thought I’d managed to avoid all contact, a snuffling dog nose bore through the wheat fields.
“Maggie?” I asked, but no, it was the other one, the older one. Carey. We’d started this together so long ago, and I crouched. He knew it was me… somehow this must have confused him, but he still wagged his stubby tail; he rubbed his head into my legs, his long ears flopping around.
I petted him and scratched his head like I used to do, and a sadness enveloped me. That was nothing new. Part of me wished I’d been snatched up that day of the Event, that I’d have been sent into the sun, and that I’d never had to deal with so many years of hardship. But that was my timeline, and I had to live with it.
This Dean’s was different.
I clutched his Delineator in my hand and shoved the device into my pocket. I’d had to steal it. I’d seen what having this power had done to me. The pain from trying to get Magnus back. The things it did to my family, and his. I couldn’t let myself do it again. I needed a timeline where Dean could be happy. Where he could grow old and see his daughter get married, have children.
I needed to know that he could retire eventually and spend weeks at a time fishing in Eilios Oot. These were things I’d never had the chance to do, and this was my gift to the younger version of myself.
Someone called Carey, and he looked up at me one last time, tilting his head to the side, then he bounded off, returning to the party. I smiled as I saw Jules walking down the steps, and I waved, even though she couldn’t see me. I pretended she waved back.
My Delineator felt heavy in my hand as I opened it, setting the course to my own present. I tried to take in the strength the recently-widowed Natalia had shown tonight. I was going to need it.
I pressed the device to life, the swirling time gap opened, and I took one last glance at myself and my old friends before stepping through.
____________
Jules saw something in the fields: a brief flash of light, then it was gone. She still felt woozy from the cigar, and her head was swimming a little bit. That was all it was. The grass was trimmed short, and it was damp on her bare feet tonight.
There were so many questions in her head about the Zan’ra, but tonight wasn’t about her, or the others like her; it was about Uncle Magnus. She already missed him.
The stories were incredible, and she’d even heard a few new ones. She walked along the edge of the house, searching for Dean. He’d disappeared a while ago, and she guessed he only wanted to get some air.
He’d been sweet lately, more than usual, and she wondered if they were bound to have a future together. She’d dreamed of it for so long, but now wasn’t the time to suggest it. They had too much on their minds.
Would Dean stay on Light with them, or was he going to return to New Spero with his mom while Jules searched for Patty and Lan’i? Only time would tell.
“Jules?” her dad’s familiar voice called.
“Over here.”
He walked over, smelling like Magnus’ favorite beer and cigars, and he stared at the fields with her. “You okay?”
“Sure. You?” Jules asked him in return.
“I will be. I think.”
“Same.”
“Have you seen Dean? Nat’s looking for him.”
“No. Maybe he took a walk…”
“Someone took the lander, boss,” Slate said, jogging over to us.
Natalia came to join them, staring at the landing pad where the missing ship stood out like a sore thumb. “Dean’s gone. I can’t lose him too.”
“You won’t,” Jules proclaimed. “I know where he’s going.”
THE END
Continue the adventure with
Old Secrets (The Survivors Book 13)
The Zan’ra have returned. A Deity has been freed from his prison cell.
Under the guidance of Fontem, Dean Parker heads to a distant planet, where he hopes one of the Terellion’s hidden treasures will help him stop a new enemy.
Jules’ loyalty is tested as she’s drawn to others of her own kind, but a secret might be what causes her eventual decision on which side to stand.
A promise of someone close to them dying has everyone on edge, but can they prevent the prophecy from coming true?
Find out in Old Secrets, the thirteenth book in the Survivors series.
Old Secrets
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The Survivors (Book 12): New Discovery Page 23