Turn My World Around

by Kait Nolan

  “I can’t fix it if I don’t know what I did wrong.”

  A muscle jumped in her jaw. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Tucker.”

  “Well, you know, I didn’t think I had. I was under the impression things were going well and we were on the same page with each other. And then you threw up a wall. You backed out of tonight’s rehearsal and you’re doing your damnedest to freeze me out right now. So I’m forced to concede I’ve done something, but damn if I can figure out what it is.”

  She crossed her arms, the mask cracking enough to reveal exasperation. “You didn’t do anything,” she repeated.

  Tucker sighed and shoved a hand through his hair, looking out at the lake to try to gather his thoughts. “Look, Corinne, if I pushed too hard or said something or whatever the hell and you want me to back off, I’ll do it. It sucks for me because I really like you, but that’s absolutely your call. Just say the word. But I have this sense I hurt you somehow, and I never intended that. I can’t apologize properly if I don’t understand what I did.”

  Her eyes closed and she shook her head, those arms going from barricade to holding something in. “It’s for the best. I’m trying to protect you.”

  Whatever he’d expected her to say, it wasn’t that. “From what?”

  “Ridicule. Gossip. All the complete bullshit being involved with me would bring down on your head. I don’t want people to think I’m using you.”

  “Using me? Who thinks that?”

  “It’s what people think I do. Use people to get ahead. God knows it’s exactly what my mother thinks I should be doing here.”

  It took him a full thirty seconds to rein in his temper. “Okay there’s absolutely nothing I can say about your mother that doesn’t violate everything I believe in as a gentleman, so we’ll set that aside for now. You don’t use people. Maybe at one time you did. You were under a lot of pressure from your parents to do exactly that. But you’re not that scared girl anymore, trying to win their approval.”

  She gave a bitter laugh. “Tucker, I’m scared all the time. I’m scared I’ll fail my test. I’m scared I won’t get the job at the hospital. I’m scared I’ll have to uproot my son again to find a decent paying nursing job. I’m scared I’ll do something to completely screw Kurt up because I wasn’t good enough or smart enough or strong enough. I’m scared if I stay here, I’ll never ever move beyond this image of who I used to be.”

  “You are moving beyond it. Every day you’re proving them wrong.”

  “You’re the only one who sees that. And I’m not going to subject you to the backlash because of it.”

  So she decided for both of them without consulting him or giving him a say in the matter? Oh hell no.

  “Look, I appreciate the thought, but I’m a big boy and it should be my decision to make. I’m not afraid of some gossip from people whose opinions I don’t give a damn about.”

  She was shaking her head. “You can’t know that. You don’t know what it’s like. No one walks into that willingly and just endures it. You’d walk away eventually. If not because of that then because you finally figure out I’m not this idealized picture you’re painting. And I can’t take that. I can’t take it if you start looking at me like everyone else.”

  “Bullshit,” Tucker snapped. He took her by the shoulders, turning her to face him. “Don’t put that on me. I’m not your ex. I’m not your parents. And it’s a goddamned insult to act like I am.”

  Corinne flinched, the color draining out of her face, her body going rigid and still, as if braced for a blow. That had him want to start swearing all over again, this time at himself for not recognizing the signs sooner. But he said nothing, gentling his hold, stroking his thumbs along her shoulders.

  “You’re not,” she choked out. “God, I know you’re not. It’s just…”

  “Just what?”

  “You’re not real,” she whispered.

  “What?”

  “You can’t be real. You’re this smart, funny, attractive guy. You pay attention to the small things, the things no one else notices or thinks about. You reminded Mama Pearl that I’d be missing work to rehearse with you, so she’s paying me as if I’m still on shift. Don’t think I didn’t realize. You know I’m stressed out about studying for my exam, so you somehow convinced one of your best friends—who doesn’t even like me—to come help me study. And you picked music my child is going to go gaga over, just because you thought he’d get a kick out of it. You do all this stuff that puts other people first, trying to make their lives better, easier. And I can’t find the angle, I can’t find the motivation for why you’d do any of it for me. That makes you too good to be true, and my life has taught me never to trust anything that comes easy.”

  “So…what? You’d be more okay with this if I were acting like a self-absorbed dick?”

  She huffed out a laugh without an ounce of humor. “That, at least, I’d understand.”

  “That’s not who I am, Corinne.”

  “I know. Believe me, I have ample experience with self-absorbed dicks to know the difference. But I don’t feel like I’m on even footing with you.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re successful and talented, well-liked. You can do so much better than a divorced, single mom, college drop out.”

  “Stop it,” he snapped, fighting not to shake her as his temper flared at every person who’d ever put her down or made her feel small and stupid. “You were a National Merit Finalist, for God’s sake. You’re smart and beautiful and resilient. That didn’t change just because you didn’t end up taking the traditional college path. You’ve put yourself through nursing school, while working a full-time job and being a single parent. Do you have any idea how many people would’ve crumbled under a weight like that? But you didn’t. Then Mama Pearl and I put something else on your plate, something you didn’t have time for. And you did it anyway because you didn’t want to let anyone down. So I tried to do a few things to make that a little easier on you. It’s not a big deal.”

  “But it is. You do these things, things that are effortless to you that mean everything to me.” One hand fisted over her heart and she looked up, those wounded eyes that had first pulled him boring into his. “It makes me feel things, Tucker, and that scares the shit out of me.”

  For the first time since the argument began, the clamp around his own heart loosened. Tucker gentled his voice as he ran his hands down her arms to lace his fingers with hers. “Well join the damned club. I’ve been off balance and feeling things for you for almost a year. But I’m not running from it. If you need some time to settle, to get used to the idea, fine. But don’t throw up road blocks just because you’re scared. We’re too good together.”

  Corinne looked down at their hands. “I was all set to walk away from you. To get out of this before you had the power to hurt me.” She blew out a breath. “Too late.”

  He stepped into her. “Do you still want to walk?”

  She looked up at him, those blue eyes bright and searching. “No,” she whispered. “I never wanted to walk. I was just—”

  “Afraid. I get it. I’m going to stick, Corinne. Until you believe it. However long it takes.”

  She didn’t believe him. He could see it in her face. But she wasn’t running, so that had to count for something.

  “I can’t promise I won’t freak out again. I’ve got issues, Tucker.”

  He snaked his arms around her waist. “We’ll work through them together.”

  Her hands slid up to his shoulders. “You’re a remarkably steady man, Counselor.”

  “That a good thing?”

  “From where I’m standing, absolutely.”

  “Good.” He tipped forward, intending to kiss her.

  “Don’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because we have an audience.”

  Tucker turned his head to look back toward the house. Sure enough, nearly a dozen faces were pressed against the glass.

  “They�
��re shipping us anyway. We might as well give them something worth watching.” And he took her mouth with his.

  ~*~

  “That. Was. Awesome!” Kurt’s enthusiastic endorsement of their performance meant more to Corinne than the thundering applause that had barely died down from the ballroom. “You even have the bagel hair!”

  She laughed. “Yes, yes I do.” And had that been a challenge to execute. But absolutely worth it for the look of total enchantment on her son’s face. “You know, Tucker picked the music special for you.”

  Kurt swung toward him, dark eyes big and round in surprise. “Really?”

  “Really.” Tucker ruffled his hair, crouching down in the short, Episode IV style tunic Luke had worn. Corinne had been privately disappointed he hadn’t gone with Han Solo. With his swagger, he’d have made a great scoundrel. But he’d made the reasonable argument that Han had never carried a lightsaber, so Babette from Brides and Belles had fashioned costumes in matching white.

  Mama Pearl beamed her approval. “I’m bettin’ that’s another winner of a performance. No way you’re gettin’ cut tonight.”

  Corinne agreed but figured it was bad luck to say it out loud. “Well, we’ll see.”

  “Either way, since the performance is done, we won’t be needing these anymore.” Tucker held up his lightsaber. Dropping to one knee, he presented it to Kurt. “For you, young padawan.”

  Kurt gasped, his eyes going impossibly wider. “For me?” He reached out a tentative hand toward the hilt, but didn’t quite touch it. He turned instead toward her, face questioning, as if he were afraid he was being punked.

  “For you,” Corinne assured him. “But,” she added as his hand darted to pick up the saber, “these are not for playing with inside Grandma’s house.”

  “What about here?” Tucker asked, his eyes sparking with amusement.

  “Yeah, what about here, Mommy?”

  They both looked at her, the two men in her life, desperate intention written clear on their faces. She glanced around the wide, empty lobby of The Babylon. “Don’t go near anything breakable.”

  “Yes!” Kurt snatched up the lightsaber, immediately turning it on with whooshing laser noises.

  Tucker held out his hand for her saber. “If I may, Princess?”

  Corinne handed it over without question. The pair of them launched into an epic duel, as if they’d been fencing together for years. Her heart squeezed hard at the identical, delighted grins. How had she gotten so lucky?

  “Some men are born to be daddies,” Mama Pearl observed.

  The idea of it kicked her hard in the gut. She wasn’t thinking along those lines. Or hadn’t been until Mama Pearl said it. After divorcing Lance, she’d had no intention of marrying again. At least, not for a good long while. That would require dating, which would require time and trust she didn’t have. Except she’d made time, and Tucker had consistently worked to earn her trust.

  Too much, too soon. She needed to dial back to the simple, where they were still easing their way along. They weren’t even actually dating yet.

  Still, it was impossible to deny Tucker was great with Kurt. He’d make a good father. Someday.

  “That’s rather putting the cart before the horse, don’t you think?” She was saying it as much to herself as her boss.

  “Not rushing things to know the kind of man you’re letting into your life. Into your son’s life. I’d expect it’s a comfort to know, should things head in that direction.”

  “It’s something,” she agreed, throat thick with an emotion she didn’t want to name. “Anyway, it’s a comfort to know he’s got your stamp of approval. Even if you did do everything but lock us in a room together and throw away the key.” Corinne shot her a knowing look.

  Mama Pearl appeared completely unaffected by the accusation. “Been watchin’ that boy watchin’ you since you came back. All I did’s nudge you to look back.”

  I’m certainly looking now. And she definitely liked what she saw.

  From across the lobby, Tucker’s eyes met hers, warm and sure. Until Kurt almost ran him through with a lightsaber, forcing him to break eye contact as he danced back and executed some fancy footwork on the stairs.

  Even as Corinne laughed, the fullness came back in her chest. It was stupid, really, to feel this much over the two of them horsing around. But she just needed a minute. “Can you make sure they don’t get too rowdy? I need to run to the ladies’ room.”

  “Raised six. I can handle two.”

  Corinne made her way past the huge curving staircase and down the hall toward the bathrooms. They were blessedly empty, so she had the opportunity to collect herself before she did something completely sappy and bawled because her son and her…whatever Tucker was…legitimately enjoyed one another. Kurt’s own father had rarely looked at their son with anything more than annoyance. He’d given up all his parental rights last year without a qualm, already moving on to her replacement. Couldn’t have a rugrat messing with that, now could he? Kurt hadn’t had a male role model in his life since then, and Corinne hadn’t worried too much about it, what with all the more practical worries. But it would be good for him to have a truly good man to look up to as an example. Right now, she couldn’t think of a better one than Tucker.

  She’d have to give some thought to that. Kurt was primed to get attached and if things didn’t work out between the two of them, she didn’t want her son to be an inadvertent casualty. Tucker would be annoyed she kept looking for the end of things when they’d barely gotten started.

  More cart before horse, Corinne.

  As she was wrestling her costume back into place after taking care of business, the door opened. She stilled as she heard someone come inside.

  “—I know you’re upset but—”

  Corinne couldn’t make out the words of the person on the other end of the phone, but she could detect the furious tone well enough.

  “I know you asked me to—”

  Corinne recognized the apologetic tone and she tensed with memory.

  Pacify. Diffuse. Redirect.

  Staying silent, she shifted until she could see through the thin crack in the tall door at the front of the stall. A delicate, long-fingered hand rested on the edge of the marble vanity. Even from this distance, she saw it shook.

  “I know I should’ve asked you, but Norah needed an answer—”

  The woman’s shoulders hunched and her voice got smaller as the guy on the other side continued to talk.

  “I thought I could make some good contacts for your campaign. Political wives are supposed to be involved and volunteer. This is a good cause, Garrett.”

  Garrett? Corrine tipped her head and caught a flash of blonde hair. Whitney.

  “I understand. Yes, I’ll—” The French tipped nails tapped a nervous tattoo on the counter. “But I’m on the tear down committee. I—No. No I didn’t think about your schedule.” Whitney seemed to draw in on herself.

  God, Corinne knew that feeling so well.

  “No, I don’t need to see the rest of the performances. I’m sorry. I’ll find Norah and make some excuse. A family emergency or something. I promise I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

  The man on the other end continued to berate her.

  “I’m sorry your dinner isn’t waiting. No, you’re right, I should have—Okay. I’ll be there soon.”

  Whitney clicked off. The shuddering breath she took was edged with tears. “Stupid,” the woman muttered. “God, you’re so stupid.”

  Corinne stood frozen in the stall. She knew that kind of self-talk. She’d engaged in it herself for more years than she cared to admit.

  This is why she’s so harsh with me, because she’s dealing with someone who makes her feel like less, like she has to cater to his every whim.

  Something was unzipped and Corinne heard the sounds of plastic compacts and brushes being brought out. Through the whole careful retouching of makeup, she wrestled with herself.

  She kne
w what it was to go through this, what it was to be isolated from others, to be desperate to do anything and everything to please him. Everything in her wanted to help, to do something to make up for being so hateful in high school. But because of that history, Whitney would hear nothing she said and would, more than likely, lash out.

  Think. Think.

  Whitney had volunteered to work on a fundraiser for the women’s shelter. Maybe that was her first step. Maybe she wasn’t making contacts for her husband but for herself. This could be the first part of a plan to escape. If Corinne stepped out and revealed herself or tried to say anything, it could destroy Whitney’s courage and set her back weeks or months.

  Better to stay put and say nothing. Wait and see how it all played out. Then, if nothing happened, she could notify Lily Mae or someone else from the shelter. Whitney would take the talk better coming from anybody else but Corinne.

  Decided, she stayed put until Whitney vacated the bathroom. She was still a mite shaky herself when she rejoined Tucker, Kurt, and Mama Pearl in the hotel lobby.

  Catching sight of her face, Tucker frowned and slid his arms around her. “You okay?”

  “Fine. Just tired.” She tipped her head against his shoulder, grateful to feel his solid strength and to know he’d use that strength to protect her, not against her.

  With every fiber of her being she wished that for Whitney. If there was any kind of a just God, her former friend would find it, too.

  Chapter 11

  “You’ve been avoiding us.”

  Tucker looked up from the brief he’d been staring at for the past forty-five minutes to find Tyler in the doorway of his office. He automatically saved the file and rose to come around the desk for a hug. “I’ve been busy.”

  “We’ve all been busy with our respective rehearsals, but nobody’s seen hide nor hair of you since your talk with Piper last week.”

  Which implied everyone else had gotten together without him and discussed the nature of that talk. Super.

  “I’m not avoiding you.” Liar, liar, pants on fire.

  Tyler dropped into one of the club chairs. “I can see the smoke coming off your ass, Tuck.”