Redneck Eldritch

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Redneck Eldritch Page 41

by Nathan Shumate


  He thought he saw a shadow moving behind him again. Whipping around, he waved the flashlight in all directions looking for whatever caused that unnerving feeling of being watched. But there was nothing except the night wind in this wide open land.

  The bright moon overhead cast an eerie glow on the barren landscape. He was about to get in and drive away when bright lights bore down on him and, expecting the worst, The Squid raised his hands. A familiar horn blasting Dixie let him know Ogre had caught up.

  Ogre leaned out his window shouting, “Hey, Squid! I showed those pukes! You shoulda seen that!”

  “Damnit, Ogre, you almost gave me a heart attack.”

  Ogre jumped out and gave The Squid a hug. “Did you see that? I put those jack-booted sumbitches in their place! Hell’s yeah, I smashed their unmarked black helicopter!”

  “They’re gonna find us.”

  Shaking his head violently, Ogre said, “Not if we haul ass!”

  The Squid looked at the tarp-covered craft. “I still don’t feel good about this.”

  “Had to be done, Squid. They pushed us into this and now we’ve got to see it through.”

  The Squid shook his head at that. “Maybe you should take my truck to your brother’s and I’ll get to Denver as fast as I can before they know where we’re going. If we’re lucky, they have no idea who we are.”

  “Yeah. About that earlier plan, Squid, my truck isn’t gonna make it. They hit my tanks and I’m almost bone dry and we need to haul ass, so I’d better just ride with you and we’ll leave my truck here. I’ll get another later after I’m a millionaire, and after Mom’s surgery, of course.”

  “Of course. And when in the hell will that be? The Feds are gonna impound it! They’ll know it’s yours.”

  Ogre walked around the side of the truck and opened the passenger door. “Well, like you said, they can try. But I’ll have enough dough after this to get a new truck. I’m gonna take care of this. Give me a minute to snag my plates. Dispatch be damned.”

  The Squid stared as Ogre ran to the rear of his truck, then quickly ran back to his cab. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “You ever been no-trace camping, Squid?”

  “What? No! What the hell is that?”

  Ogre pulled a bundle of dynamite out of his cab. “Get in your truck. I’m leaving no evidence behind; they won’t have any idea who we are. I’ll be disappeared like the real Jimmy Hoffa.”

  “You’re insane.”

  Ogre frowned as he lit the fuse on the blasting caps. “Please be mature about this. We have nothing to fear but— Oh shit, run! Drive! I cut the fuse too short!”

  They raced to the cab and jumped in. The Squid slammed the gears to get the rig moving. They had just pulled away by a hundred yards when Ogre’s truck exploded. It was more shrapnel and sound than flames, but a twisted chunk of flying metal smashed The Squid’s driver’s side mirror. “Thanks a lot, idiot! Who knows what that did to my tarps or the craft?”

  “Your precious tarps are fine. Besides, that thing is invulnerable—you saw what it did to the tree. Now those Nazis won’t have any idea of our identities.”

  The Squid shook his head. “You seriously think they can’t piece any of this together? About who was driving tonight? Maybe they call all the dispatch offices? Or ask that nose-picking waitress who was there tonight?”

  “No, dude, we’re talking government employees here. They can’t be bothered with that.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  Ogre laughed and said, “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.” He then stared at The Squid for a long moment. “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  “Who said that?”

  “You did.”

  “No, I mean who said it first? Who am I quoting?”

  “I’m not playing your games, Ogre,” said The Squid before he took a swig from a Mickey Big Mouth.

  “Who said it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Come on, its important.”

  The Squid shook his head. “I don’t know, man. Socrates?”

  “Ha! No. Our Savior, FDR. He won us the Big One.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Do you not know the 33rd-degree President?”

  “I know who FDR is, I just disagree, okay?”

  “Really?” asked Ogre, with genuine shock.

  The Squid shook his head. “So what are we really doing?”

  “We’re taking it to my brother’s. He lives somewhere just southwest of Durango. We’ll drop it off and you can still make it to Denver for the baby’s delivery.”

  The Squid wiped his face and held back a retort. “We’re finding out if she is pregnant, that’s it. But I’m talking about the thing. We’re taking who-knows-what’s-in-there, to the Four Corners? I mean, what if there’s something bad in there? Did you see The Andromeda Strain?”

  “Don’t make fun. That was based on a true story, Squid.”

  “I’m not making fun. I’m seriously asking the important questions and you’re giving me bullshit quotes you don’t know the real answer to and we might be transporting some diseased alien to your brother’s place.”

  Ogre nodded and looked out the window. “Yeah, can we just be cool about this, please? Just drive.”

  4. Living After Midnight

  A pink dawn rose behind the Oquirrh Mountains just as The Squid reached the Tooele exit. “This can’t be right. What the hell, man?”

  Ogre jostled in his seat and woke up. “What?”

  The Squid smacked his dashboard. “I’m almost out of fuel.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I fueled up at the Flying K, your U.N. Stop-and-Shop. That was a hundred miles ago.”

  “Did your tank get hit too?”

  “I don’t think so. I looked when I strapped down the craft, but that’s not what is really bugging me.”

  “What?” asked Ogre, as he adjusted his ball cap and shades.

  “It’s dawn.”

  “So?” asked Ogre, wiping at his eyes.

  “So? We picked up that thing just after midnight.”

  “Yeah, where you going with this, Squid?”

  The Squid pointed at the brightening east. “It’s morning! And we’ve been driving all night and we are only getting to Toolly.”

  Ogre slapped himself in the face a couple times. “Okay. Draw me a picture. What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying, Ogre, that we drove all night to get maybe eighty miles. It doesn’t feel like it, but it took us like eight hours.”

  “I coulda sworn you were doing more than ten miles an hour. What happened?”

  “I was doing more than ten miles an hour! I’ve been doing damn near ninety. This trip takes just over an hour, and that’s what it felt like to me. It should not be morning.”

  Ogre shrugged. “Missing time, dude. I’ve read about this.”

  “Lotta good that does me. What the hell happened?” The Squid pulled off the exit and pulled into the truck stop. He hopped out of the cab and put on his sunglasses. He then went to inspect the rear of his truck and trailer. Looking at his trailer he threw up his hands and cursed, “Son of a bitch!”

  “What?” asked Ogre, jumping out.

  “Not only did we lose a whole night and full gas tank, we lost the damn UFO!”

  The tarps and straps were still there but the craft was gone. “This is some Twilight Zone shit, Squid.” Ogre pulled at a tarp and strap, which were still secure. “Cheer up, Squid—on the bright side, no Feds can say we took anything extra-terrestrial last night. No evidence. No body. No case.”

  “I’d think after everything we’ve been through last night; you’d be a little more upset. What about doing all this for your mom’s cancer?”

  “My mom doesn’t have cancer. Wasn’t this mostly your idea?”

  “My idea?” shouted The Squid. “Oh, that’s just great.”

  “So what happened to the body we saw?” asked Ogre, ear
nestly.

  “There never was a body!” yelled The Squid, pacing in a circular pattern.

  “Well, we are completely in the clear then, aren’t we?”

  The Squid kicked his tires. “Oh, you think so, Ogre? Why did I let you talk me into this?”

  “I don’t remember,” Ogre mumbled. “Everything is fuzzy from last night.”

  “Great. Exactly. You needed this for your mom, so I went along with it.” He walked around the side of the truck and started pumping fuel. “This wasn’t ever my idea.”

  “I’ll just go get us some drinks and grub,” said Ogre.

  “Catch the fuel and a new side mirror while you’re in there.”

  “Why?”

  “Because your dynamite trick blew off my side mirror.”

  Ogre coughed loudly and pointed at the pristine side mirror. “Looks fine to me.”

  The Squid waved him off and pondered what could have happened. He had seen shrapnel shatter the side mirror. How was it still intact? He had fallen asleep at the wheel before a few times, but thank the Lord, he had never wrecked. But he had never lost a full night of driving before. It felt like the whole night went by in an hour, and now it was morning. Where had the time gone? Why did he remember that mirror being broken?

  Ogre returned with drinks and snacks. “What do you remember from last night?”

  “Nothing, just driving,” said The Squid.

  “Had to be something. What happened after I fell asleep?”

  The Squid, took off his sunglasses and rubbed at his face. “Ugh. We hit some cross winds. But it shouldn’t have taken this long. It couldn’t have.”

  Ogre pondered, then he walked to the trailer and clambered up on it and started lifting up the tarps. “Look at this, Squid-man.”

  The shadowy outline of the craft was distinctly there almost like silver paint had been sprayed in that bizarre cigar shape, but tiny hairline tendrils of the mercurial ship also stretched out over the trailer, barely perceptible against the dulled steel. The Squid looked, then went to his cab and noted that they had spread everywhere, even encroaching onto the glossy surface of the Mack’s black paint job. On a whim, he slid underneath and saw the silver veins entwined there too. “Where did that thing go and what are these lines everywhere?”

  “I dunno, man, that’s freaking weird.”

  “Great. That ought to help the resale value.”

  “You know what else is weird? The clerk inside said he saw that fireball last night when it was still way up in the atmosphere, he even felt the impact a little all this way and that the army and cops have been here all night. Guess they must have called ahead. Good thing they weren’t here when we pulled in, huh?”

  “Yeah, great, Ogre. Especially after you said they wouldn’t have any idea who we were.”

  “Hell, if we don’t know what happened, they don’t know. They just had to call around after that spectacle last night and this is the closest service station so…”

  A highway patrolman slowly pulled into the fueling station. He cast a wary eye at the two of them and they could see he was on the radio talking excitedly to someone.

  “Let’s get the hell out of here,” said The Squid.

  “Right,” agreed Ogre, throwing his sack of snacks into the cab.

  The Squid slowly pulled out of the station. The highway patrolman followed closely. “Dammit! He must have our descriptions!”

  “Now, take it easy, Squid. Remember, we don’t have the UFO, so they’ve got nothing on us.”

  “What about the damn tree, resisting arrest, smashed the helicopter and all that? I think they have a case.”

  “You’re such a pessimist.”

  The highway patrolman was right behind them.

  “I’m a realist, Ogre! You live in fantasyland, thinking you know shit about the world but you don’t! You listen to conspiracy radio and dream that you have the inside scoop on things. But you don’t get any of it right! And you even try to distract me by telling me my girl is a tramp.”

  “She is, dude.”

  The Squid reached over and smacked Ogre, the truck swerving while he did so.

  “Well, now that Bear will have an excuse to pull us over,” said Ogre.

  Expecting to see the red and blues flashing, The Squid was surprised to see no trace of the patrolman in his mirrors. He had just been right behind them, hadn’t he? The highway stretched back in a long straight grey line. Where could the cop have gone? The Squid had only taken his eyes off the cop for a second to hit Ogre. He kept watching the rear view for a long time but there was no sign. “That’s not right.”

  “The hell it’s not. Karma, dude,” said Ogre. “We deserved to get away clean.”

  “But where did he go?”

  “Who cares? We’re in the clear.”

  The Squid wasn’t so sure, but there was no denying that the patrolman was gone. They were only a couple miles down the road and the sun was already far too high in the sky for his comfort. It looked like noon, but they had only just filled up. “What time is it?”

  “I dunno, lost my watch last night,” said Ogre. “Does it matter?”

  “Yeah, it matters. I have a schedule to keep and we’re way behind.”

  Ogre scoffed, but smiled to make up for it and handed The Squid a beer.

  “What?” asked The Squid, as he popped his open.

  “Nothing, just that time is simply a construct of man. It’s meaningless.”

  The Squid shook his head. “What? You have deadlines and schedules.”

  “Sure, but not by my making. That’s all just to please someone else, and for what? We made pocketwatches so we could meet appointments with our social betters. What did we do before that? We gauged time by sun up and sun down. Not for me, if I have a say in it.”

  “Oh yeah, you don’t! How else will anything get done?”

  Ogre took a deep swallow of his beer. “Squid, come on. Before we watched the sun-up-sun-down thing, life was free and easy. We did everything for as long as it took and there was no stress. Time is an artificial construct we’d be better off getting rid of. It’s such a stressful frame of reference.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “Am I? Does anything hinge on New Year’s Day? Anything natural? Does any plant, animal, vitamin or mineral give a damn what day it is? What time it is? Of course not. So why should we?”

  “Wait, you said before sun up and sun down. What the hell was there before that?”

  “The purple dawn of creation, Squid-man. Everything was an Eden. We lay back and let fruit fall from the vine and into our mouths. We should live that way again. Back to basics. No worries.”

  “Uh huh. I must be losing it, your insanity is almost making sense and it looks like it’s afternoon already and I know we’ve only driven about five miles and this has been the emptiest I have ever seen the highway. There’s not another vehicle in sight.”

  “Must be some kind of Utah holiday. Maybe May-Day is Pray-Day? Yet another good reason not to recognize time.”

  The Squid shook his head. He was a little buzzed from beer on an empty stomach, but this was the strangest day of his life and it went far beyond Ogre’s crazy ramblings and the cold beer.

  5. Smoke on the Water

  The Squid was looking at a dark cloud out over the Great Salt Lake. At first he thought it was smoke or mist but it rapidly changed shape and density. It grew darker by the moment, forming into undulating bizarre movements. He thought it was a UFO until he pointed it out to Ogre.

  “It’s just birds.”

  The big cloud of birds wafted about in the sky near Saltair. He couldn’t tell what kind they were but guessed they were starlings flocking together in weird patterns. A few more miles down the road and could swear they were following. “That’s weird.”

  “What?” asked Ogre.

  “I don’t see any other trucks or cars or anything on the road and those birds look like they are following us. Just looking at the sky, I would say
it is three o’clock in the afternoon, but it was dawn when we filled up.”

  “See, I told you. Time is bullshit.”

  “And those birds are getting closer and they look huge. What are they?”

  Ogre looked in the side mirror at the rapidly approaching shapes. They were indeed big. A whole lot bigger than starlings. “Hell if I know, Squid. Storks?”

  The Squid grumbled. “Ha ha, very funny. I’m supposed to be in Denver with Jeanie right now. Don’t talk storks to me, Ogre.”

  “Actually—”

  The Squid reached to smack Ogre who ducked away. “Don’t ever start a sentence with ‘Actually’ to me again! Got it!? I’m pushed to my stressing limits here!”

  “It’s not like storks really deliver babies, Squid. I’d think you’d know that by now.”

  “I know that, jackass; I just don’t like being reminded of what I’m missing because of your needs.”

  “Please, this isn’t about me. Without the UFO, we—”

  “What?” The Squid threw his hands up off the steering wheel and the truck started to drift out of its lane. “I want to hear you say it.”

  But Ogre had gone deathly silent staring at the side mirror.

  “Say it, Ogre.”

  “Can this rig go any faster?”

  “Yeah, but you are gonna tell me.”

  “Just put the hammer down and get us the hell outta here!” cried Ogre, in a panic.

  “What is it?” asked The Squid, as he looked in the rear view mirror while taking a swig of his Mickey Big Mouth. He looked at the bottle, then back to the rear view mirror. “What’d you slip into my beer?”

  “Nothing.”

  The things flying after them in obvious pursuit and with dreadful intent were not birds. They did have wings, but beyond that all similarities ended in mind-shattering horror. These dark things were near the size of a man but looked more like black prawns or horrendous insects with multiple clawed pincers and wide fleshy heads covered in myriad throbbing antennae.

  The Squid took another drink but spit it out as the nearest thing swooped down in front of the cab, narrowly missing being swatted into the windshield. Ogre rapidly rolled up his window. Another one of the creatures smacked into the side of the cab on The Squid’s side but didn’t get a grip and was knocked away.

 

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