by Carol Berg
NARIM
Chapter 12
I sat on the high, narrow rim of rock that separated Cor Talaith, the warm, green valley the remnants of my people called home, from the bowl of rock that held Cir Nakai, the lake of fire where we believed the dragons could find their minds again. On that morning, as every time I perched on that dangerous, wind-scoured sliver of crumbling granite, I wondered to which side I would topple if I were to lose my balance. How much was required to remove the stain of terrible error? Was the sacrifice of all purpose save expiation enough? Was the abandonment of all growth and development of our people enough? Would it come to our extinction, as some among us believed, and if so, would that be enough—and would it be worth such a price? And where in such a weighty reckoning was calculated the price of one innocent man’s life?
I should never sit still and think. I knew which way my heart would lead me if I just kept moving, but when I sat still I always ended up on that knife edge and realized I could fall either way.
Far below me in Cor Talaith where the winds were warm and the grass was green, three of my kin and a tall, lean figure—a human male—worked at building a bridge across a steaming fissure that was one source of the warm air that blessed our valley. The bridge would greatly shorten the way from the fertile meadow where we grew our wheat to the caves where we lived and the waterfall where sat our mill and granary. I watched the man struggle to lift a small stone from the cart he had driven from the rockfall on the north side of the valley. He scooped it onto his forearms and bent his knees to get the leverage and strength he could not get from his back, then gathered it to himself and carried it to the growing pile beside the scaffolding at the edge of the fissure.
It had been difficult to persuade the man to stay in Cor Talaith once he had convinced Iskendar and the others that he could offer us no possible hope of redemption. The only way he would accept the refuge we offered was if he had work to do. He had begged me for some hard physical labor that would drown his desolation and fill his emptiness with exhaustion. I owed him that. I had been the instrument that stripped away his last defense against despair. That I had also given him labor that would make him stronger—already after six weeks he could lift stones of ten times the size he could at first—he might or might not thank me as he traveled farther on the terrible road I had laid down for him. Though I cared a great deal for Aidan MacAllister and grieved for the horrors he had endured—and those he had yet to endure—neither love nor sympathy would sway my purpose. Thinking might, if I sat too long on the rim between Cor Talaith and Cir Nakai.
A red-tipped hawk shrieked a cry of triumph and dived toward the wide, barren shingle that bordered the lake as I started down the slope of jumbled rock and hardy, gray-green tuck grass that would take me into Cor Talaith. Preoccupied with my moral dilemmas, I wasn’t looking where I was going, so I almost ran into the tousled figure trudging upward.
“I guessed you’d be up here.”
“Davyn!”
My friend clapped his sturdy arms around me, making dents in my ribs with the greeting. “I finally got loose. There was an ugly uproar in Cor Neuill these past weeks. Thought my legs were going to get run off carrying their messages—but fortunately the fellow I replaced got healed of his wasting fever, so I was able to turn over my duties to a more experienced clerk.”
“Well done. I’ve not rested easy since I saw Acorn come home without you.”
“How is he? I didn’t want to speak to anyone until I’d talked to you. Did all come about as you expected?”
Davyn was not referring to his unflappable horse. I nodded toward the distant group of laborers. “He exists. Nothing more. If anything, I underestimated the impact our story would have on him. By the time we were done with the telling there was so little of him left he might as well have been standing naked before us. He had no difficulty convincing the others that our hopes were irrevocably ruined—and so our leaders are well satisfied.”
“By the One!” My best friend stood perhaps a head taller than me and had shoulders like a young ox—well, at least for an Elhim—so that even in his rumpled weariness he was a formidable presence, especially when his eyes flashed in such righteous indignation. “How can we have fallen so low?”
I clapped him on the shoulder and pointed him back down the hill. “Because few of us have your withering intelligence, your unswerving sense of honor, or your implacable understanding of right. If we were all like you, we’d never have gotten ourselves into this mess.”
Davyn shrugged off my hand and grinned wryly as he headed down the slope. “An odd compliment to one who’s spent the last half year living a lie.”
“Who better to live a lie than one with such steadfast devotion to truth? You never get confused.”
Davyn broke into the infectious laughter of the terminally good-hearted and stopped just ahead of me, gracing me with an exaggerated bow. “And who is this stranger, this self-proclaimed cynic and prince of devilish conspirators? It cannot be the same Narim who is trying singlehandedly to save a race from its own weaknesses.” He put his hands on his waist. “I happen to believe, good Narim, that you’ve never done a single dishonorable thing in your considerable span of years.”
I laughed and shoved him out of my way, hurrying downhill faster—ahead of my friend so he could not read in my face how wrong he was. “You must make yourself known to MacAllister. He’s asked after you often, afraid you’ve reaped severe consequences for his escape. I think you’ll be good for him. He’s stayed very much apart from the rest of us. Doesn’t speak except for what’s necessary. Asks no questions. Shows no interests except to work until he drops. You could poke a knife in him, and he would not bleed.”
“I would have thought he’d be easier with you or Tarwyl. He doesn’t know me.”
“Tarwyl is back to Camarthan to make sure everything is cleaned up, and I ... I’ve been trying to ease the last of Iskendar’s and Nyura’s concerns, so I haven’t had the time to spend with him. Everyone else is a stranger, and he feels the burden of their ruined expectations—even if they’re imaginary.” And, of course, it was part of my plan to leave the fullness of Aidan MacAllister’s desolation on display. My kin had to be absolutely convinced he could do nothing ... and only then ...
“You’ve not introduced him to Lara, then?”
“No. She’s not come around. Just as well. Less suspicious if it occurs by chance. But it needs to be soon. If we’re to make an attempt this year, we’ve got only six weeks to get him ready, and until we know more, her knowledge is everything we have. She’ll have to judge whether he is capable, whether any of this is worth pursuing.”
“But Narim, after what happened in Cor Neuill ...” Davyn stopped again, blocking my way, looking intently at my face. “Surely he told you of it. I wouldn’t expect him to understand, but you ... I knew you’d read the signs. You did get his story about his visit to the dragon camp?”
I couldn’t tell Davyn about my fence-sitting—that I couldn’t face MacAllister without a tidal wave of guilts getting in the way, that I was too cowardly to face his despair. I couldn’t tell Davyn those things, for then he would ask me why I took it so much to heart, and I would have to tell my dearest friend what I had done. “Not exactly. There wasn’t time. The storm on the night of his escape was so bad, and he hasn’t been much for conversation since then. He is so low.”
Davyn laid his hands on my shoulders, and his eyes were swimming as he spoke, ever so softly. “Narim, he heard them. It almost killed him when they would trumpet—a bellow not anything out of the ordinary way—but he felt it so deeply. I watched him three times over. It’s what caused him to be discovered, because he couldn’t hide what it did to him. The first time was so vivid, he called for Roelan. I had the strangest thought that it might be Roelan himself flying over us.”
I couldn’t believe it. I’d been so convinced of what the singer believed about himself that I’d not even probed for the single bit of information that
might have alleviated my own despair. Even yet I wouldn’t let myself believe what I’d heard. “You’re sure?”
Davyn didn’t answer, only raised his eyebrows at me.
“All right, all right.” A prickling began in my chest and flushed my skin, until even the roots of my hair quivered with unaccustomed life. I tried to remain calm ... to check for problems ... to be sure before I let myself feel it. “Could anyone else have seen it?”
“No one was with us the first time. The second came while we were in a Rider’s hut, but the devil was too drunk to notice. The quartermaster and the Udema were close enough to see when the third one came, but they were preoccupied and didn’t know what they were seeing. They would chalk up everything to fear.”
“The link is still there.”
Davyn smiled at me with a radiance no Elhim had seen in five hundred years. “Just as you predicted. It means we can proceed.” He laughed out his joy and as before I was caught up in it. By the One, I felt young again, as if the dragons were beating their wings underneath my heart. I shouted and whooped and tumbled the laughing Davyn to the ground, then ran down the hillside leaping over boulders as if I were sixteen again, not five hundred and sixteen.
AIDAN
Chapter 13
Steady ... pull ... don’t jerk ... roll up the strip of scented pine ... longer than the last. Ignore the burning of muscles too long unused ... too damaged . . . too tired from long days’ labor. Ten more planks to smooth, each with two edges and two faces, leaving flat, white surfaces ready to drill and peg and join to make tables or benches or doors or walls ... no matter what ... The end is the work itself. Bend your aching fingers around the wooden handles, darkened with the touch of countless useful hands ... not yours. These knotted, ugly appendages that once danced over sweet-singing strings ... will them to grip and draw the knife along the grain ... steady ... half the length ... three-quarters ... make the curling strip longer than the last. Endless planks from endless trees. Endless curls of resinous pine to throw in the fire which snaps its smoky pleasure at the tidbit. Over and over. Don’t think. Just do. Again and again until your arms are molten lead and your eyelids sag. Only then stagger into the corner where the straw mat and wool blanket will enfold you in oblivion for one more night. Steady ... pull ...
“So what does old Vanka plan to do with this mountain of lumber?”
I straightened up and squinted at the Elhim who stood in the woodshop doorway, trying to discern the subtle features that would distinguish this one from five others who could be his twin. But for once, even in the wavering light from the woodshop hearth, I had no difficulty. The broader-than-usual shoulders, the shadowed cleft in the chin, the lock of hair fallen over his left eye. “Davyn?”
“Right. Safely home.”
I nodded as I set the knife for another pass. “I’m glad. Truly.” There was nothing else to say. Too bad that he had risked his neck to save me when I couldn’t do what they wanted me to do. To sing again. Heaven and earth ... they wanted me to sing to the beasts of fire and death and set them free.
“Have you eaten?” he said. “I’m heading over to see what I can glean from supper. I’ve not had anything since I got in this afternoon.”
I always had to review the day to decide whether I had eaten. I seemed forever hungry, though eating was never very appealing. On most days I would rise at dawn when no one but Yura, the morose cook, was awake. He would give me a packet of bread and cheese or cold turnips, and I would carry it with me, eating as I drove the cart to the southern end of the valley to begin loading more stones for the bridge. The Elhim gathered morning and evening to eat in the refectory in the large cavern, chattering, visiting, and enjoying each other’s society. They extended me a kindly welcome, but I knew better than to imagine I was good company. My presence could be nothing but a dismal reminder of their disappointment. Even Narim avoided me. So I stayed away. When the early darkness fell I would retreat to the woodshop that the stubby Vanka had turned over to me while he was building a storehouse at the southern end of the valley. There I would eat the rest of my rations and work until I dropped. A straw pallet and two blankets in the corner of the woodshop saved me the long trudge to the cavern.
“I don’t—”
“I smelled Yura’s sausage pie earlier. If you’ve never tasted it, it’s well worth the walk over there. Everyone else is already done with eating and off to other business. I’d like the company. We ought to know each other better, since we own each other’s life.”
I must have looked puzzled, for he laughed, and his gray eyes crinkled into the fine lines that proclaimed it was his habit to laugh a great deal. “It’s an Elhim custom. When you save a person’s life, that life belongs in part to you. You can delight in its pleasures and grieve at its sorrows—and you are obligated to participate in its future course. Since you have saved my life, and I, by virtue of my sturdy friend Acorn, have saved yours, we had best get on with our delighting and grieving and participating, had we not?”
“I don’t think you’ve made a good bargain. My future prospects are somewhat limited.”
“Most Senai would not think an Elhim life worth saving, so we won’t make any judgments yet as to who gets the better of our trade.” Davyn had a winning way about him.
I began to stack the finished planks against the wall, and without saying anything more, the Elhim took up a broom and began sweeping up the curls and slivers of pine and tossing them on the fire.
“Your mount is well taught,” I said. “I felt a right fool venturing into that storm with nothing but a cloak and a horse.”
“I wondered if it was your curses I heard on the wind that night. Fortunately Acorn and his kind have no need for teaching. Have you been out among the herd? They’re a marvel—even in such a marvelous place as Cor Talaith.”
While we finished tidying up the woodshop and banking the fire, Davyn told me of the small, sturdy horses that roamed the valley, and how they allowed themselves to be haltered and ridden, but maintained a streak of independence. “If they get the yen to graze the south meadows, don’t bother trying to lure them north to hunt or haul wood. Might as well try to get a Florin to eat fish.” He propped his broom back in its corner. “So do we eat now?”
“I’ll confess—when I was ten, sausage pie was my favorite,” I said.
“You won’t look back after eating Yura’s.”
We walked slowly across the end of the valley through the moon shadows cast by rocks and trees and outbuildings scattered across the meadow. A number of sheds and workshops were clustered in a broad, grassy pocket created by the sheltering cliff walls. A bend in the valley hid the place from view until you were right on it. An orange glow flared from the forge as we walked past and the clang of ironwork rang out—Bertrand the smith often worked late—but the noise soon faded away as we passed through a dense grove of tall, thin firs. A stream burbled through the trees into the meadow, sparkling in the silvery light. Davyn inhaled deeply of the bracing air—air just cold enough to make my long-sleeved wool shirt welcome, along with the gloves I’d put on by habit. “I do dearly love coming home,” he said. “I stay away too much.”
“It’s a beautiful place,” I said. “Quiet.” Indeed I could not bear the thought of returning to a city—the noise and crowds and unending fear. Earth’s bones, how I hated being such a coward. “It’s kind of your people to let me stay awhile.”
“You can stay as long as you like. No one knows of this place. Even the rare Dragon Rider who takes his mount so far into the god-forbidden mountains overlooks such a small green blot in the middle of the snow as Cor Talaith.”
“But surely—”
“You are only the second gallim—non-Elhim—ever to come here. We are very different from other races, as you know. We have to earn our way in the world, for we’re too few to be self-sufficient, but since we’re neither physically powerful nor warlike, it’s good to have a sanctuary. Our roots are here, no matter where we vines go wan
dering. And it’s important that we have a place ... secure ... private ... especially at certain times in our lives. ...”
His words left the subject hanging. There were questions I should ask, things no human had ever known about the Elhim—why they were so different, how was it possible for them to have children, or did they—and I had the sense that Davyn was ready to answer if I asked. But I was so tired I couldn’t think—the very state I did my best to achieve every day, and I was doing well to force my feet to move one in front of the other. I should have stayed in the woodshop.
Davyn seemed comfortable with silence, and we entered the lighted mouth of the great cavern without further conversation. He rummaged about the deserted kitchen and came up with two mugs of cold cider and two plates of savory sausage and vegetables in a rich brown crust still warm from the embers of the supper fire. We ate our meal, and then he offered to clean up the plates and mugs if I would unroll two pallets from the stack kept for those who had no specific quarters in the warren. I never saw Davyn join me, for as soon as I had rolled out the thin mat, I was asleep, dreaming of murderous dragons who caught me up in their sharp talons and deposited me torn and bleeding into the dark heart of Mazadine.