“You say that like you really think I’d kill someone.” Finn’s voice cracked with pained emotion and Jacquelyn cringed. God, she didn’t want to hurt him. She still cared about him.
“I don’t. But—”
“But you do think that I’d shack up with Furies?” His voice rose again, his anger mounting. “After all that we’ve been through and the things that we’ve seen? You actually think I’d invite Furies into McCall? That I would welcome them into my soul?”
Confusion tainted her frustration, making it hard for Jacquelyn to keep her emotional wall intact. She had no idea what to think. Finn had become so distant, shirking his obligation as her Bearer and to top it off, he could be connected to both victims. In a town as small as McCall, everyone knew everyone, but Finn worked for Willie Carmichael and as for Bree…
Finn seized her wrist in an iron-grasp, cutting off her circulation. “You do!” He moved in close, his nose almost touching hers. “Don’t try to fucking deny it either, I can feel the doubt. It’s making me sick! You actually think I might be responsible for this!”
“I—” She tried to pull away, but he held her tight. “Finn, I don’t know what to think. You’re hurting me. You need to let go and cool down. Let’s talk this out.”
“I don’t have anything to say!” Finn shouted, drawing the attention of the entire pub. “Why don’t you just kick me while I’m down, huh, Jax? Jesus!” He released her wrist and grabbed both of her shoulders. “I love you!” he exclaimed, shaking her roughly. “I love you and you just took a shit on that!”
Before he could shake her again, Wes flew between them. He pulled Finn away and pushed him back into the corner, knocking down one of the dart boards in the process. When Finn tried to fight him off, Wes shoved him hard against the wall. Jacquelyn could only hope it had shaken some sense into him. “Take it easy, buddy,” he said as Finn renewed the fight. Nope. No sense at all. “Finn!” Wes shouted and shoved a little harder this time. “I said, take it easy. Go get a beer.”
Finn looked at his friend as though he’d just noticed him standing there. With a last heated glare in Jacquelyn’s direction, he threw Wes’s arms from his shoulders and stalked toward the bar.
“Are you okay?” Wes asked.
“Yeah, fine. Thanks.” Jacquelyn gave a nervous laugh and took a deep breath. She bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood, fighting against the surge of tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She’d be damned if she let anyone see her shaken. “I’ve gotta get out of here. See ya, Wes.”
Jacquelyn burst through the door and stood in the middle of the parking lot as the cool evening air washed over her. She hugged her arms to her chest and stared into the darkening twilight, her gaze cast upward at the burnt orange sky painted by the setting sun. Her bike was parked in the back, but she couldn’t force her feet to move. Trish was miles away, and Micah with her. The last thing she wanted to do right now was pedal five miles home. Fuck, why hadn’t she gotten her goddamned car fixed?
Behind her, the door opened and the momentary roar of the pub floated out to her ears and then fell silent. Footsteps scratched against the pavement, but she didn’t look back, too numb and shocked to do anything but stare at the sky.
“Hey, Jack-lyn.” Pete startled her as he came up behind her. “What happened to your car, anyway?”
If it wouldn’t have been childish to stomp her feet, she would have thrown a king-sized hissy fit right about now. Finn might not have cared who witnessed their fight, but she did. If Pete had thought it a good idea to check on her, she was sure all of McCall would be buzzing with misinterpreted versions of gossip tomorrow. “It’s at my house,” she said with a snort. “I need to get it fixed.”
“How’d you get here?”
“My bike. It’s parked in the back.”
Pete placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. Was it her imagination that his fingers trembled? Or was that her, still shaken up by Finn’s temper? “I have my truck, I can take you home.”
Wes was no doubt inside talking Finn off the ledge. He wasn’t going to be able to drive her. And Micah was too far away. She didn’t feel like pedaling the four miles back to her house. Pete had offered, after all. “Thanks,” Jacquelyn said. “I don’t think I could pedal another foot.”
If Pete hadn’t offered to drive her home, Jacquelyn would probably still be standing in that damned parking lot. First thing in the morning, she was calling Libby and giving them the green light to overhaul her car. Thankfully, Pete hadn’t mentioned Finn or the scene they’d made at the pub. He remained silent beside her and gave her some space. Thoughtful of him, really. Just because she didn’t want to talk about it didn’t mean she wasn’t still bothered by it, though. Too many conflicting emotions fought for center stage in her thoughts, least of all the hurt she’d caused to someone she cared about.
Pete pulled into her driveway and cut the engine. A ripple of momentary unease sent an adrenaline-infused burst through her body, but when Pete jumped out and hauled her bike from the back of the truck, Jacquelyn forced herself to relax. Jeez, jumpy much? She shook off the worry and let herself out.
Taking the bike from Pete’s waiting hands, she steered it toward the garage and parked it beside her soon-to-be revived Subaru wagon. How she’d gone so long without a vehicle was a mystery. “Thanks Pete,” she said, waving him off. But rather than head for his truck, he walked beside her right up to her front door.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” His tentative concern had become almost broody. “Finn can be a jerk sometimes, I should know.”
“It’s nothing.” Jacquelyn lingered at the front door. Intuition tingled across her scalp as if warning her to stay put and not go inside the house. “Exes fight. It was my fault as much as it was Finn’s.”
“Maybe,” Pete said. He reached out, and took her hand in his. “But no matter who’s fault it was or wasn’t, he shouldn’t have put his hands on you like that.”
Whoa! Pete. Touching. Her. Hand. His flirtations were usually awkward and shy, he’d never actually tried to make physical contact before. Jacquelyn gave a nervous laugh and tried to take a step back, discovering she had nowhere to go. “Finn’s harmless. I know how to handle him. I’ve got years of practice.” Crap. She’d been effectively cornered and her only option was to sidestep Pete and head for the front door. He wasn’t a threat. Right? This was Pete, not some skeevy sexual predator. It didn’t change the fact that her stomach was twisted into an anxious knot, though. Something was off. Or hell, maybe it was her who was off. Finn had definitely thrown her for a loop this evening.
“I’m fine, Pete. Really. Thanks for your concern, but Finn’s all bark. I’m more violent than he is. He’s just angry and I didn’t do anything to help the situation.”
“Still, you were upset. Maybe I could buy you dinner? Comfort food might help to calm you down.”
There wasn’t enough mac ‘n cheese on the planet to calm the nervous energy pooling in her body. What was wrong with her? “Sorry, I’m going to have to pass. But thanks for the ride home. I really appreciate it.”
Pete reached toward her and Jacquelyn steeled herself against the contact, knowing that slamming her head against the door wasn’t going to help her situation. The tips of his fingers brushed the curls of her hair and hovered in mid-air as though he was unsure of what to do next. She suppressed a shudder, feeling suddenly threatened. This was Pete, she’d known him for years. He was about as threatening as a puppy, so why did she feel like she needed a can of mace?
Jacquelyn opened her mouth to… what? Protest? Scream? Bite him? Bright headlights turned down her driveway and she recognized the rumble of Finn’s truck. Pete took three generous steps backward and she let out a relieved sigh. With enough speed to let her know how he felt about tangling with Finn, Pete loped to his truck and managed to wave and flash Jacquelyn a brilliant smile before climbing into the cab and pulling away.
Chapter 20
JA
CQUELYN’S LEGS GAVE out beneath her and she slumped to the porch. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, she thought, as Finn jumped out of his truck, a few long-legged strides landing him beside her.
“Jesus, you’re scared shitless,” he said, helping her to stand. “Was that Pete? What in the hell was he doing here? Did he do something to you?”
Jacquelyn suppressed the wild laughter that threatened to bubble up her throat. “Pete gave me a ride home from the brew pub. He didn’t do anything to me, I’m just spooked.” And why was that?
He searched her face, his own expression drawn and tired. “Jax, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for acting like an asshole.”
Pulling hard on every ounce of emotional strength and all of her training, Jacquelyn fortified the invisible wall preventing Finn another opportunity to peer into her emotions without permission. He came over to apologize, sure, but that didn’t mean he was off the hook yet.
“Don’t do that,” he said, low.
“What?”
“Shut me out.”
Jacquelyn let out a sigh that didn’t relieve an ounce of the tension built up in her muscles. She hadn’t felt so damn tired in a long time and she was straight up, fed up. “Finn, I need something that’s mine. Something that you can’t steal or read or interpret or replace. I have to shut you out. If I don’t, I won’t know what I truly feel or what you want me to feel and I’ll go out of my fucking mind.”
Finn reached out and traced his fingertips across Jacquelyn’s cheek, sending chills across her skin as memories she’d tried to suppress surfaced in her mind. She allowed her eyes to drift shut and the heat from his body saturated hers as he inched closer, slow and steady until his body was pressed tight against her. Jacquelyn leaned on the door for support and Finn sandwiched her against his chest, dipping his head until his lips grazed her ear. His breath—so warm—tickled as it stirred the hairs near her temple and she felt her wall crumbling by small degrees.
“Jacquelyn…” He drew her name out on his breath. “I’ll be better. I promise. I’ll stay here, I’ll take Trish’s place with the Sentry. Whatever you want. But please, don’t shut me out. Don’t turn me away. I need you. I love you so damned much it hurts. You’re mine. You belong to me and you always will.”
Jacquelyn’s brow furrowed as her chest knotted with emotion. Finn’s statement rang true somehow. She could think of worse things than belonging to Finn. He’d been her partner, loved her, and most of all, shown her what forgiveness felt like when she couldn’t forgive herself for what happened to Ryan. They’d been together for five years and that had to count for something, right? She breathed him in, filling her lungs with his scent, musky and clean. He smelled like home. It would be so easy to give in to him…
What about Bree? A voice scratched at the back of her mind. And Willie? What about your vow to protect innocent people? Finn could be involved, and then what will you do?
Finn wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her away from the door. His lips touched her forehead, soft as a whisper, and he eased the metal ring from her closed fist while he searched for the key to the front door. “Don’t push me away, Jax. You’re hurting as much as I am right now. Don’t punish us anymore.” She heard the key slide into the lock as he turned the knob and the door gave way behind her. “No more worries…” He laid his lips to one cheek. “No more fear…” And then to the other. “Let me bear the weight for you. Let me love you.”
God, she wanted him to do just that. Make her forget the angst, the fear, the feeling of utter helplessness that was eating her alive. This was Finn, he knew her better than anyone, maybe even better than she knew herself. He wasn’t dangerous and certainly not a killer. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—invite fury into his soul.
The nagging voice warned in her mind, don’t be so sure.
Finn took a step forward as she stepped back, his free arm joining the other at her waist, holding tight, secure. He kicked his foot back and the door slammed behind him as his lips burned a trail of soft kisses down her neck to her collarbone. “I miss this,” he murmured, running his nose back up her neck, inhaling her skin. “I miss us.”
Was she really going to let this happen? Jacquelyn’s resolve slipped another notch and in its place a sweet void of emotion rose, only to be replaced with want and desire. “Finn,” she murmured, “maybe we should rethink this.” But really, with every passing second, he managed to work each emotional knot loose, stealing her doubt, fear, and anxiety. The words carried no conviction. She wanted this. Didn’t she?
“Shhh.” Finn’s warm breath in her ear turned her insides to molten lava, and all she wanted to do was melt into his arms. “I’ve got you. I’ve always got you. You need this, Jax. You need me.”
Jacquelyn looked around, just now realizing they’d gone inside. Her eyes drifted shut as Finn’s mouth settled back at her throat, his tongue dipping into the hollow and lingering for a luxurious moment. A moan she hadn’t intended slipped from her lips and her head fell back, spilling her hair over her shoulders.
Finn took up a fistful of the curling locks and held her, tasting every inch of exposed flesh with a hungry fervor that caused Jacquelyn to tremble. How could she have let her guard down? Finn had taken control and even though part of her wanted to stop this before it went any farther, the part of Jacquelyn that still loved Finn, needed the familiarity of his kisses, his gentle touch, begged for more.
“I love you,” Finn whispered against her skin. “You’re mine,” he said, and Jacquelyn felt the pull of his Bearer’s influence on her as he stole her doubt, her fear, and replaced it with his own desire, draining every ounce of reason from her mind. His power skittered along her skin as she felt herself dragged under a crashing tide of emotion. Finn’s emotions. “Tell me you want me, Jax,” he murmured against her skin as his tongue darted out and traced the column of her throat. “Tell me you love me.”
Finn pulled away, and Jacquelyn let out a shaky breath. He knew her so well, knew her body, what she needed, what felt good. He’d spent years learning everything about her right down to the last particles that made up her being. It was no wonder he could play her so well. But despite his Bearer tricks, Finn cared about her. She knew that. He was safe. He’d never hurt her.
“Look at me, Jax,” he said, guiding her face to meet his. Jacquelyn obliged, her eyes tracing the strong line of his jaw, the tiny bump at the bridge of his nose—the result of a break when they’d tussled with a rogue werewolf several years back—and finally at his beautiful blue eyes, drilling into her with so much intensity.
“Tell me there’s no one else.” His gaze never left hers as his thumb brushed her bottom lip and then her cheek. “Promise me, Jacquelyn, that there’s no other man but me.”
Held prisoner by the intensity of his stare, his words, the emotions raging inside of her that she knew were Finn’s, Jacquelyn fought the answer that hovered on her tongue. The lie he wanted her to speak. A ghost of pain stabbed at her chest. Regret that she’d put distance between them? Or was it guilt? He wanted the assurance that she hadn’t moved on, but she couldn’t give it.
“Jax.” He buried his face in her hair. “I love you. I love you so damned much.”
Tears pricked at her eyes as Jacquelyn eased her hands between them, her palms flat on the wide expanse of his chest. Their relationship might have been salvaged if Finn would have let her feel something real just once. And she couldn’t help but wonder if any of their moments together over the past five years had been real or simply what Finn had wanted her to feel.
“Finn, this has to stop.” She pushed at his chest, but he was as immovable as a boulder. “We can’t do this.”
His influence surged within her and her resolve slid away like an avalanche as her elbows buckled. No. Damn it, she couldn’t let him get away with this anymore. If he claimed to love her so much, why plant emotions inside of her that weren’t real? Jacquelyn drew on her strength, pulled up the barrier that would keep him where he belong
ed: out of her head and heart. She pushed against his chest again, harder, and he took a stumbling step backward.
“Stop.”
“Jax…” Finn’s eyes grew wide with disbelief.
“I refuse to be complacent, Finn. I’m not a toy, I’m not anyone’s thing to be controlled. You can’t just wind me up and play with me whenever it suits you.”
“That’s what you think I’m doing?” How could he possibly sound shocked at the accusation? “Playing games?”
“Have you gotten to the point that you can’t even recognize when you push your emotions?” Finn took a step toward her and she held up her hand. “Don’t even think about it.”
“You don’t listen when I tell you how I feel, so I have to show you.”
“That’s the problem, Finn. I don’t want you to show me. I don’t want you dipping into my psyche anymore.”
He gave a derisive snot. “You never used to mind.”
She should have put her boot up his ass for that comment. “What is it with Bearers that you’re all so goddamned high handed?”
Finn laughed and Jacquelyn resisted the urge to stomp on his foot. “What is it with Waerds that you’re all so suspicious and guarded?”
Oh, hell no. It was like he wanted her to kick his ass or something. “You did not just say that.” His answering expression was a challenge Jacquelyn couldn’t back down from. “I have every reason to be suspicious and guarded and you know that.”
Finn flopped down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. He folded his arms across his chest and leveled his gaze on Jacquelyn. “Not with me. You have no reason to be guarded with me.”
Jacquelyn had met a few brick walls less stubborn than Finn. “No harm, no foul, is that what you’re saying?”
Finn shrugged. “You know I would never hurt you.”
“You don’t think manipulating my emotions, forcing me into something hurts me?”
He leveled his gaze on her, his blue eyes piercing. “I would never, ever force you to do anything I didn’t know you wanted. I’m not a total dick. And as for manipulating your emotions, that’s sort of my job, Jax.”
Vengeance Borne Page 19