“Good morning,” she said softly.
He aimed for a smile that would put her at ease but had a feeling his efforts failed when her eyes widened once again with alarm. Perhaps his grin had been more of a grimace….
“Is everything all right?”
Well, she certainly knew how to get to the point. He cleared his throat, uncomfortable around a naked woman for quiet possibly the first time in his adult life. “Of course.”
She nodded slowly, easing her legs over the side of the bed and looking anxiously toward the chair where her gown from the day before was strewn. “Could you just, er…” She gestured with one hand while still covering herself with the other.
“Oh, of course.” He reached for the gown and passed it to her, watching with curiosity as she managed to wriggle herself into the dress without revealing too much of herself, much to his disappointment.
As he watched, a thought occurred to him. It was possible that she regretted the night before. He knew that she’d enjoyed herself, but perhaps she was having second thoughts, not just about sleeping with him, but about all of it.
The thought made him frown, his posture stiffening as he prepared for that possibility. It wouldn’t change anything, really. Even if he was being his most selfless self, they had consummated this relationship and there was every chance she would carry his child.
No, even if she wanted to back out now, he could not let her. She was watching him carefully as she straightened her clothes and stood from the bed. “Have I slept long?” she asked, glancing toward the window where the sun was already well in the sky. “Have I kept us from our early start?”
Ah yes, their early start. He’d told her the day before that they would be leaving at the crack of dawn. He hadn’t wanted to waste a moment. Now, in hindsight, the reason behind his temporary insanity was laughably clear.
Of course he hadn’t wanted to waste time. Not only had he found the woman he wanted to marry, but he’d secured her hand. He’d gotten her to agree to it and he hadn’t wanted her to change her mind. He’d been impatient to enjoy their wedding night and begin their life together.
Only this morning could he be honest with himself about his intentions and his desires. They had been selfish to the extreme. Oh, he’d used the idea of shocking the ton as his excuse, but his impatience had been all for his own pleasure and based in the fear that she would change her mind.
Which she still might. That fear was still there stronger than ever. But everything was different now after the night they’d shared. He could be honest with himself about how much he’d wanted to marry this woman, just as he needed to be clear with her that her course was set. She would be his wife.
For better or for worse.
He could only hope that she still wanted him after all he’d done.
Now she was waiting for his answer, her expression adorably sleepy and more than a little anxious. His angel clearly picked up on his tension and he realized it would be better to get this over with quickly.
His quickness ended up making his speech rather abrupt. “There has been a change of plans,” his said, his voice coming out stilted and loud.
Her brows shot up in response.
He cleared his throat again, trying for a normal tone. “We will not marry today.”
The moment the words were out of his mouth, he realized he had not explained himself clearly. Or at all, really. As if there was any question, he noticed that her face grew frighteningly pale, the blood draining from her cheeks right before his eyes.
“You will not marry me?” she asked. Her gaze moved to the bed, a silent look that was filled with meaning. Then she shut her eyes and let out sigh that made his heart ache in response.
Bloody hell, he’d gone about this all wrong. He opened his mouth to explain, but his brain was temporarily addled. Take the devil out of the man and he’d lost his wits in the bargain.
Before he could formulate a coherent sentence, she opened her eyes, met his gaze, and smiled.
She smiled.
What the hell? He found himself gawking at his soon-to-be wife for what had to have been the tenth time in as many hours.
“I suppose I am not surprised,” she said, her voice lacking any accusations or anger. “But I want you to know that I do not regret last night.”
“You don’t?” The words escaped out of sheer shock. What was this woman about? Had she no pride? No self-respect?
She shook her head and moved toward him. It was only then that he could see the utter sadness in her eyes and the sight made him want to weep.
“I know you proposed to me for all the wrong reasons,” she said softly. “To prove something to the ton. To prove something to yourself, perhaps.” She shrugged. “But deep down I know that you care deeply about your title and your position as earl. You will do right by your people in the end, I always knew that.” She turned away toward the window. “I cannot fault you for doing what you think is best.”
He gaped for one second longer before anger overtook his shock and horror. “You can,” he said slowly, deliberately. “And you should.”
Now it was her time to stare as she turned, her eyes widening in surprise as he stalked toward her. “You are one of the strongest people I have ever met,” he continued, his anger on her behalf overriding his earlier stilted awkwardness.
She straightened at his comment, her expression clouded with confusion. He could hardly blame her, yet he clung to this new anger with everything he had. Anger he knew. Pride, on her behalf if not his own, was a comfort after the raw and agonizing new emotions of the past twenty-four hours.
He gripped her shoulders. “Anne Cleveland, you are a strong, competent young woman with the upbringing of a fine lady, whether your mother was married to your father or not.”
She blinked at him in surprise. He supposed he did sound rather heated.
“Do not dare let anyone ever take advantage of your kindness,” he said. “Were I to break my promise of marriage after last night.” He gritted his teeth in anger at the thought that she would have allowed it. Leaning forward, his forehead grazed hers as he bit out his next words. “You would have had every right to drive a dagger through my heart if I’d tried to do something so reprehensible.”
He watched as she sifted through his words, understanding bringing with it a glimmer of hope and something else… something so precious he vowed then and there to treasure it always. To do whatever it took to foster and heighten that inexplicably sweet emotion he saw when she looked at him.
His gaze was drawn to her lips as her tongued flicked out to wet her lips. “So, you... you have not changed your mind about marrying me?” Her voice was so soft and hesitant he let out a groan in response.
“What did I do to deserve you?” he murmured.
Confusion lit her eyes as she drew back in surprise.
He cupped her jaw in his hands, using his thumbs to stroke the soft skin of her cheeks. “Don’t answer that. I already know the answer. I have done nothing to deserve you. But I aim to earn your affection the way I ought.”
Her brows drew together in question and his heart lightened to see a spark of amusement once more in her eyes. “I do not understand your meaning,” she said, giving her head a small shake though he still held her.
“I am not canceling the wedding,” he said. “But I want to do this right. I’m suggesting that we return to London and announce the banns the way I should have.”
She blinked up at him, surprise clear on her face and the tiniest hint of fear. That fear nearly killed him.
“Now, I’m not saying I’m willing to wait forever,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion. “In fact, I’d like to wait as little as possible while still avoiding a scandal.”
The fear eased and she leaned into his touch, her smile growing, making his heart squeeze in turn. “Are you saying the great Devil of Davenport wants a traditional wedding?”
He gave a grunt in return. He couldn’t believe it himself. But
one look at that smile and the pride that shone in her eyes… hell if he wouldn’t move heaven and earth to have her look at him like that every day for the rest of his life.
But she didn’t need him to move heaven and earth. All he had to do was give up his quest to be the most wicked of them all.
All he had to do was the most terrifying thing he could imagine. He had to try to live up to someone else’s expectations. And this woman expected the most of him. She expected a gentleman and a good man.
But more importantly, she deserved nothing less.
“I’m sorry.” His hoarse words made her eyes widen but he hurried on before he lost his nerve. “I am sorry that my reasons for asking you to marry me were not noble and that I’ve spent so long building a reputation for the Earl of Davenport that is so unworthy of his countess.”
She let out a little huff of laughter even as her eyes filled with tears.
He moved his thumb once more to brush aside a tear that spilled over and leaned in to rest his forehead against hers. “I have done little to deserve you, but that all changes now. From now on, I will do everything in my power to ensure that no one speaks ill of you or your family. If anyone dares to speak ill of you, I’ll—”
She cut him off with a little kiss. “Shh,” she hushed when she pulled back to face him. “I care little for what people say. And neither do you, that’s one of the things I love about you.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer so her body was fitted to his. His heart was galloping away from him as her words echoed in his ears. One of the things she loved about him. Loved. Did that mean… But no, he would not pressure her to say the words, not if she wasn’t ready.
This was new to both of them. He couldn’t expect her to love him when even his own parents had not been able. And not after he’d made it his business to drive people away. It was too much to ask. It would take time and—
“I love you, Frederick.” Her soft words slayed him. They cut through his thoughts and left him speechless. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He wanted to believe her. More than anything in the world, he realized, he wanted to believe that those words were true. That he was hers, that she was his. Never in his life had he so wanted to belong as he did right now.
But that hope warred with terror—a gripping fear that she would realize how wrong she was. That she would wake up one morning in the very near future and realize she had married a man destined to ruin everything he touched. He was frightened beyond belief that he would unintentionally hurt her like he’d destroyed his parents.
So instead of saying the words back to her or kissing her like he wanted, he continued to stare in silence.
He watched in shock and awe as her lips tilted up at his stunned response. “Well, that wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for, but I suppose it will do.” She tilted her head to the side. “At least you didn’t run away in horror.”
He thought to fight her on it. You don’t love me. You cannot. But it was an argument he didn’t want to win so he continued to keep his mouth shut as his heart cried out for him to believe her. Let us have this. Take her love while you can, even if you know she’ll regret it.
She reached up and twined her arms around his neck. “I can see that my loving you will take some getting used to.” Her tone was teasing but he saw the vulnerability in her eyes and hated himself for not being able to reassure her in some way.
But how could he when he was frozen like a statue, too afraid to believe that she meant what she said. She sighed quietly as she played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I was so scared to tell you how I felt but suppose now that my secret is out, there is some freedom in having nothing to lose.” Her sudden grin made his heart leap in response. “I’ve always had feelings for you, you know.”
He shook his head. What? She had? No, he hadn’t known.
She nodded. “It’s true. Even as a little girl I loved the fact that I had this secret with you…or rather, about you.”
“Secret?” he managed to repeat.
She nodded. “Mmm, I loved that I was the only one who truly knew what sort of person you are.”
He blinked at her, suddenly beyond curious to know how she saw him, though scared to hear her say something he knew not to be true.
As if in answer to his unspoken plea, she tilted her head to the side, met his gaze straight on, and said quietly, “A good man.”
He opened his mouth to protest automatically but was silenced by her hand over his mouth.
“Not a perfect man,” she said, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “I know you have your faults. But you are a good man.” She said the words slowly and with passion as if hoping to make a point. “You might be able to sell yourself on this wicked reputation you’ve created, but I know better. Whenever I was in trouble, you came to my aid. When my family was in trouble, you were there.”
His mouth moved beneath her hand and she shook her head. “I don’t want to hear it. Your actions speak for themselves, my love. And you are a good man, whether you like it or not.”
A laugh bubbled up in him at her fierce tone. His soon-to-be wife was the only person to ever speak to him like that… and he loved it.
She dropped her hand, her eyes glinting with laughter as well. “You don’t have to believe me, but I’ll prove it to you yet.”
That promise—that vow—finally jolted him out of his shocked stupor. He let out of growl as his arms tightened around her waist, pulling her even tighter against him. If it were up to him, he would never let go.
“That is where you’re wrong,” he said. “I will prove it to you.”
She stared in shock for a moment before tipping her head back, her eyes closing briefly as she laughed.
God, he loved that laugh. “I meant what I said, you deserve better, and I aim to give you what you deserve.”
Her laughter trailed off as she met his serious gaze. Her own was filled with such unconditional tenderness, it nearly knocked him off his feet.
He leaned down and kissed her. When he pulled back he said all the words that were in his heart. “I will spend my life trying to be the kind of man you deserve.” Fear held him temporarily hostage but then she smiled, and it broke through the last of his reserves. “Because I love you, Anne Cleveland. I love you and I want to be the man you see when you look at me.”
Her gaze softened and then tears filled her eyes once more. Before he could brush them aside she flung her arms around his neck and buried her head against his neck. Her sobs came loud and unexpected and he found himself rubbing her back and kissing the side of her head, desperately trying to console her. “Hush, my angel. Please don’t cry,” he murmured.
She eventually pulled back, her nose red and her eyes puffy but her lips curved up in the most brilliantly beautiful smile he’d ever seen. “I can’t help it,” she said, “I’m just so happy.”
As his gaze drank in the mischievous glint in those gorgeous blue eyes, he was momentarily overcome with gratitude. He leaned down and kissed her with all the passion in his heart, his lips claiming hers with all the ferocity he felt but couldn’t express.
She met his kisses, welcoming his urgent caresses and returning them with demands of her own until they were both panting with desire.
When he lifted his head, he saw that her lips were puffy, thanks to his kiss, but her tears had long since ceased. He felt a triumphant grin at the sight and said a silent prayer that he always be the one to ease her sorrow and give her joy.
And if his kisses helped do that, all the better.
She seemed to be reading his mind. Her eyes flashed with a mischievous twinkle as she ran her hands over his chest and shoulders. “So this new plan of yours to do right by me and marry me in the proper manner…” She arched a brow. “What if I refuse?”
He laughed at her teasing tone. “What, you refuse to marry me now? I’m afraid it’s too late for that, love. You’re already mine.” His hands moved down to grip her bottom
and pull her up against his hard length. Her gasp made him laugh even as it intensified his desire.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” she said, her voice far breathier than it had been, but no less teasing. “I merely meant that, if it’s all the same to you….”
When her voice trailed off he pulled his head back so he could study her expression. “What is it, my angel?”
She bit her lip and then blurted it out. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not have a traditional wedding.”
He stared at her in surprise for a moment. “But, I thought you’d want the proper wedding. I don’t want to cause a scandal, I want—”
She cut him off with a quick kiss. “I know, and I appreciate that. It’s just….” Her hands fluttered nervously over his chest and he battled a new set of nerves that perhaps she truly had suffered a change of heart over this marriage. She was his now, and there was no way he could let her go.
His fear was tempered by curiosity as he watched her cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink. He tightened his arms around her waist. “It’s just what, love?”
Her gaze flickered from him to the bed and then back again. She raised her brows meaningfully. “I don’t want to wait.”
For what felt like the hundredth time that morning he was struck silent with surprise.
And then he burst out laughing so hard that he shook with it as he held her tight.
“I’m serious,” she said, as she slapped his shoulder playfully.
The last of his laughter faded as he marveled at the woman in his arms—so pure, so passionate, so perfect for him. She was full of life and love and promising a lifetime of everything he’d never known he’d wanted.
And she wanted him.
The hard ache tightened painfully and he knew there was no way he could resist her, no matter how honorable his intentions. This woman was already his, in heart and spirit, if not yet in the eyes of the law. Stroking a stray lock of hair back from her face, he kissed her gently. “I insist on having a proper wedding, my love. Your family are the only ones who know we left town together but surely they can keep a secret. Though we will have to wait two weeks, at the very least, so no one suspects a scandal.” He nearly laughed aloud again as her face fell. “But…” He leaned down to whisper in her ear. “That doesn’t mean we can’t be wicked in the meantime.”
The Earl of Davenport Page 8