“Is that a yes?” he asked, finally.
“Sure.” He kissed me again, holding both of my hands in his.
“Just as a short-term plan, I was wondering if you’d come with me to Hawaii for a few weeks. We have a little house on the beach in Maui, and we could just hang out. I know I owe you a pizza.”
“Hawaii?” My head was spinning. I really wanted to say something but didn’t want to break the spell.
“If it makes you feel better, we can pretend we are being chased.”
I laughed. “Okay, you can be in charge of making sure the doors are locked.” A moment passed between us, both of us realizing we’d be alone together. Of course, we’d spent a week practically in solitary confinement together, but this was different and we both knew it.
“Are you eighteen yet?”
“My birthday is on Tuesday.”
“We’ll leave on Tuesday.”
“Okay.” He kissed me again, and I realized that I could have sat on that step forever. I didn’t need to go to Hawaii; I would have been happy to be back in that dusty warehouse. But Hawaii sounded nice too.
He stood up and offered me his hand. “Let’s go back in and face all those old people. Are you going to tell them about our trip, or should I?”
“You’ve got a whole lot of sucking up to do before they’ll let me go anywhere with you. Maybe we’ll just get through this party and take it from there.”
He hugged me again, and I took a second to rest my head on his shoulder. Happiness filled every cell in my body. I’d been right. I’d been right to be myself, I’d been right to open up, and I’d been right to think someone could love me for it.
When I opened my eyes, I saw it for the first time. Parked right in front of my house. It had to be John’s car, a blue Jeep, top off. And on the back, posted for the world to see, one single bumper sticker: MY GIRLFRIEND’S SMARTER THAN YOUR HONOR STUDENT.
Well, probably.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to Helen Breitweiser, agent and friend, for her hard work and sense of humor. And to Julia Richardson for her clear thinking and great insights, and for seeing how hot math can be.
Thank you to Elaine Kaman Tibbals for letting me sit in her tree.
Thank you to my dad, Charles Schwedes, for all those lessons in dimensional analysis. Who knew I was listening?
My most heartfelt thanks to my children: Dain for reading critically and enthusiastically, Tommy for believing it would happen, and Quinn for inventing Jonas Furnis.
And to Tom Monaghan, thanks for everything. And I mean everything.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Table of Contents
Copyright
Dedication
My Life is Based on a True Story
Honk if You Love Bumper Stickers!!!
Life’s a Beach and Then You Drown
I Keep Pressing “Escape” but I’m Still Here!
Don’t Call Me Infantile, You Stinkybutt Poophead
I Think, Therefore I am Single
When Everything’s Coming Your Way, You’re in the Wrong Lane
99% Of Being Smart is Knowing What You’re Dumb At
Got Issues?
I Love My Country. It’s the Government I’m Afraid Of.
I’d Rather Be Home in Bed
If Reality Wants to Get in Touch, it Knows Where I am
So, When’s the Wizard Going to Get Back to You About That Brain?
Don’t Ya Think Hard Work Must Have Killed Someone?
It Doesn’t Take a Genius to Spot a Goat in a Flock of Sheep
Crybaby on Board
I NY
What Would Scooby-Doo?
Follow Your Dreams, Except the One Where You’re at School in Your Underwear
Panic Now
My Other Car is a Limo
Romance is Like a Game of Chess: One False Move and You’re Mated
Honk if You Love Peace and Quiet
Tree-Hugger
Alcohol and Calculus Don’t Mix. Never Drink and Derive.
There’s No Emoticon for What I’m Feeling
There’s No Place Like Home
It’s as Bad as You Think, and They are Out to Get You
The World is Coming to an End. Please Log Off.
May You Live in Interesting Times
I’m One Bad Relationship Away from Owning 30 Cats
Love Your Mother
The Truly Educated Never Graduate
Actions Speak Louder than Bumper Stickers
A Girl Named Digit Page 18