by Penny Jordan
‘I can’t do that,’ Julie protested. But even though she was saying the words, she knew perfectly well that there was nothing she really wanted more than to stay.
‘Rocco is right.’ Dr Vittorio joined the conversation, nodding his head. ‘In fact, I cannot think of a better prescription for both you and Josh.’
‘I have a job, and a flat, and…’
‘You have a serious health problem which will surely deteriorate if you return too quickly to the life you were living. No, my mind is made up,’ Rocco said firmly. ‘You and Josh will remain here in Sicily until Dr Vittorio pronounces you well enough to leave.’
Julie gasped. Well, honestly—of all the arrogant, high- handed things to do! But what could she say? She knew Rocco well enough now to know that there was no point in arguing with him. And he was right about her health and about Josh. She would never forgive herself if she insisted on returning to London only to find that Josh’s health started to deteriorate. How could she provide the kind of environment for him that he had here? And besides, if she stayed, then perhaps…
Perhaps what? Perhaps because Rocco had had sex with her it meant something? She would be foolish in the extreme to start believing that, Julie warned herself. He didn’t care about her at all. And what was more she didn’t care about him either. What they had shared had just been sex, and she had better not forget that.
Just? How could the word ‘just’ be applied to the wondrous life-changing experience she had had in his arms? But she must not admit to that. Not even to herself. In fact, she must not think about it at all.
* * *
It had been a tumultuously difficult morning, and Julie was relieved to finally be on her own with Josh, enjoying the sunshine in a sheltered part of the courtyard garden.
At least she had been enjoying it on her own. She grimaced, her heart sinking as she looked up and saw Rocco striding purposefully towards them. His shadow cast a long silhouette in front of him that touched her before he himself reached her, reminding her, if she had been in need of any reminder, that there was no part of her he himself had not touched—physically and emotionally.
‘This James,’ he demanded abruptly. ‘You were in love with him?’
Julie looked away from him. Now what did he want?
‘Yes,’ she acknowledged.
‘He was your first lover?’
Immediately she turned to look at him, the startled shock in her expression betraying her ahead of her reluctant, ‘Yes.’
Josh, lying on his rug on top of a comfortably padded throw Maria had found for them, crowed in triumph as he found his own toes, momentarily distracting them both.
‘Before you say anything, I’ve put sunscreen on him.’ Julie rushed into the silence to defend herself from the question she suspected might be coming—only to stop, torn between discomfort and an unwanted feeling of sharp grief as she realised that there was no reason for Rocco to care what happened to her nephew anymore.
Perhaps, though, he was as slow to recognise that fact as she had been, because he answered coolly, ‘Maria said that you had. It’s just as well that you are keeping him out of the direct sunlight, though. His skin won’t be used to it.’
He turned back to her, resting one foot on a stone tortoise close to where she was sitting so that he could lean closer to her and demand, ‘And he has been your only lover?’
Her heart jumped so much that it felt as though it had lodged in her throat.
‘I can’t see what relevance that could have to anything we might need to discuss.’
She’d been proud of the calm levelness of her voice, convinced that it hadn’t given anything away, until he stood upright and said, in a voice that seemed oddly to hold satisfaction, ‘So he has. And what happened? Obviously it wasn’t anything to do with your lack of willingness in bed.’
Julie was torn between chagrin and indignation.
‘What James and I felt for one other didn’t have anything to do with sex,’ she told him, only realising when it was too late, and one dark eyebrow had risen in a mocking gesture of cynicism, just how her defence could be interpreted. ‘What I meant was that we loved one another and…and our relationship wasn’t based merely on sex,’ she corrected herself.
‘You loved him but he didn’t turn you on?’
‘No! I mean, yes—I loved him and of course he turned me on.’
‘So what happened?’
When she looked uncertainly at him he sat down on the stone bench next to her chair. ‘What do you mean what happened?’ she asked.
‘You said that he was potentially Josh’s father, and that he had been your sister’s lover—which begs the question why? According to what you’ve just said, you loved one another and were already lovers.’
Julie looked at Josh. Watching him gave her a valid reason for not looking at Rocco.
‘My sister was extremely beautiful. She liked to boast that she could have any man she wanted, and she wanted James.’
‘Your sister was a tart, who traded sex for material possessions and a taste of the kind of life she lusted after more than she did the men foolish enough to find her attractive.’
‘James fell in love with her,’ Julie continued, refusing to argue with him. ‘I was dreadfully hurt at the time. Poor James—it must have been so difficult for him. He knew how much I loved him, and he didn’t want to hurt me, so…’
‘So he continued to have sex with you as well as with her?’
‘No!’ Julie was too shocked to lie. ‘No, of course not. There was no question of anything like that.’
Enlightenment dawned, and she gave him a bitter smile.
‘If it’s your health you’re worrying about, and the reason for all these questions, I can assure you are quite safe from any contamination from me. I had a full check-up when I fell ill with a virus that I caught from Josh. My local surgery is involved in a government-sponsored drive to do that kind of thing.’
‘You must have found it difficult to go without sex once he’d left you for your sister,’ said Rocco, ignoring her bitter outburst.
His blunt comment made her feel defensive. ‘Why do you say that?’
‘Because you were so hungry for it with me,’ he told her, even more bluntly. ‘More hungry than I’ve ever known any other woman to be.’
‘I’m sorry if you found my…me offensive.’ Her voice was stiff with pride now.
‘I didn’t say that,’ Rocco told her laconically. ‘I simply said that you were desperately hungry for a man’s touch and the satisfaction that goes with it.’
‘I’d really rather we didn’t discuss this subject anymore.’ How prim she sounded. But what he was saying reminded her far too intimately of just how abandoned she had been.
Julie moved uncomfortably in her chair, the small movement watched thoughtfully by Rocco.
It had shocked him at first to discover that she wasn’t the woman he had thought. But he couldn’t deny that the discovery had made sense of several things about her that had puzzled him. Talking to her now had added a certain piquancy to what he already knew—like a delicate sauce added to a dish that was already tempting the appetite.
‘Why didn’t you tell me right from the start that you were not Josh’s mother? It would certainly have saved us both a great deal of aggravation.’
‘You didn’t exactly give me the chance, did you? How could I, when you’d already made up your mind about me? Besides, I was afraid that if Josh did turn out to be your half-brother’s child your family would take him away from me straight away if they knew I wasn’t his mother.’
‘I gave you my word that that would not happen,’ Rocco pointed out.
‘Well, I won’t have to worry about it now, will I? Because Josh isn’t Antonio’s son, thank goodness. I always hoped that James would be his father.’
‘Because you loved him?’
He was too astute.
‘Yes,’ she admitted. ‘Not that I don’t love Josh for his own sake. I
do.’
She meant what she said, Rocco thought, watching her. Josh was very lucky to have a mother figure in his life who was so protective of him.
‘There is still the matter of our recompensing you for coming here,’ Rocco continued. ‘I cannot say how much the sum will be until I have spoken with my eldest brother.’
‘I don’t want any money.’ Julie could feel her heart thudding with angry pride.
‘It has already been agreed that you will be recompensed. It is our duty to do so.’
How arrogant he sounded and looked. Julie’s throat ached with her own painful emotions. It was so easy for her to see how he viewed her. To him she was someone of no account, whose feelings did not matter—someone he could simply pay to disappear from his life.
‘No. I will not take it.’
The ferocity and passion in her voice surprised Rocco.
‘Why not? After all, you were quick enough to agree to come with me when I told you in London that there would be a financial advantage in your agreeing to come to Sicily with me.’
That was different, Julie wanted to tell him. That was before you touched me and I knew… But she must not admit even to herself what she knew.
‘I thought you meant that Antonio had made some kind of financial provision for his child,’ Julie said stiffly. It was in part the truth.
Rocco shrugged dismissively. ‘So the money will come from us, Antonio’s half-brothers, there is no difference.’
‘Yes, there is,’ Julie insisted. ‘You talk of your own pride—the Leopardi pride—well, you are not the only person to have pride. I have it too, and I will not accept money. Josh is not a Leopardi. My pride is every bit as important to me as yours is to you, and I do not want your money.’
To his shock Rocco realised that something—a combination of emotions that gripped his heart in some unfathomable way—was making him want to take hold of her and go on holding her. Determinedly, he pushed the feeling away.
‘Maybe not, but you have Josh to think of.’
‘It is because I am thinking of him. I don’t want him growing up thinking that it is acceptable to live off other people. I want you to give me an account of everything you have spent on us so that I can repay you once my parents’ estate is settled.’
‘Absolutely not,’ Rocco told her arrogantly. ‘Your request is offensive, and an insult to me as a Leopardi.’
Julie’s eyes widened. What about his offensiveness to her? she wanted to say, but she knew there was no point. Rocco might describe his father as arrogant but he himself was no better. Arrogant, high-handed, incredibly and overpoweringly sexy—
Julie clamped down on the unwanted thought that had somehow or other managed to slip past her defences.
Her defences? Why would she need to defend herself against acknowledging that Rocco was a very sexually attractive male?
Did she really need to ask herself that, when she didn’t even have to see him or be with him to ache for a repeat of the pleasure he had already shown her?
CHAPTER TEN
IT HAD been Maria’s idea, and her determined lobbying of Rocco on Julie and Josh’s behalf, that had finally led to Rocco giving in and agreeing to take them both to watch the annual ceremonial parade in a small town ten miles away from the villa. Traditionally, to mark the start of spring and to bring luck for a good harvest to the town’s surrounding citrus groves, the townspeople paraded through the town on floats and in costumes. The event was one of the highlights of the year in the area.
As though the weather was determined to be in accord with the date—and very auspiciously, according to Maria—they had woken up to brilliant sunshine and a warmth in the air which, combined with the scent of citrus, couldn’t help but lift anyone’s spirits, Julie admitted.
Julie had dressed Josh for the event in one of his new outfits—a pair of neutral-coloured baby chinos, and a checked shirt in blue-greys and yellow, over which she had slipped a small matching pullover in blue-grey with a knitted yellow border. He looked absolutely adorable, Julie decided, and as though he knew that himself—or had picked up on her own excitement at the thought of having a day out—he was all beaming smiles.
But was her happy mood occasioned by the thought of a day out because she would be spending the day in Rocco’s company? Julie asked herself sternly as she finished getting ready.
What if she did want to spend the day with Rocco? There was nothing wrong in that, was there? Julie’s eyes widened slightly at her own naïveté. Of course there was something wrong with it. And what was wrong with it was the fact that she wanted to be with Rocco at all. She would soon be going home. Once she was back in London she would never see him again.
All the more reason to make any most of the opportunity to spend time with him now, the reckless voice inside her urged. Whilst that other voice, the one that knew her better, warned her that if she listened to its opponent she would end up being badly hurt.
It was foolish and dangerous to build fantasies inside her head that could never be anything but fantasy. So Rocco had made love to her and it had been a life-changing experience for her? That did not mean he felt the same way. For him it had simply been sex, and she must accept that and move on from it. Yes, now she knew what it was to be sexually fulfilled, and she could dream if she wished of how wonderful it would be one day to meet a man whom she could love sexually and emotionally, but she must accept that that man would not be Rocco.
By repeating that warning to herself when Rocco came to take Josh downstairs for her she was almost able to behave naturally, and as though the sensation of his hand brushing against her bare arm as he took the baby from her had absolutely no effect on her at all.
Although Maria had assured her that the parade had no religious significance, Julie had decided that it might be as well to cover up rather than risk causing any offence. She was wearing a pair of off-white linen trousers teamed with a cobalt-blue silky strappy top in case it got warm, with a matching prettily shaped knitted jacket over the top.
When she saw the way Rocco was looking at her she laughed and told him, ‘Whoever selected these clothes obviously didn’t realise they’d be worn by someone who spends her time with a small child. They are impractical, I know, but it’s such a sunny day that I couldn’t resist wearing them.’
‘You’ve put on weight,’ Rocco told her, ignoring her comment. ‘Good. You needed to.’
‘I suppose I had begun to look slightly scrawny,’ she agreed.
‘Not scrawny. That is an ugly word, and you could never look ugly.’ Before she had time to register the fact that he was actually paying her a compliment he continued, ‘Fragile is the word I would have used. Maria has told you, I expect, that she is joining her own family for the celebrations?’
Julie nodded her head.
‘I should warn you that it will be very crowded; it is best, I think, that we stick together.’
The minute the local lotharios saw Julie on her own they would home in on her like locusts, Rocco thought grimly. Had he ever actually thought of her as plain and dull? It wasn’t just the little bit of much-needed weight she had put on that was responsible for the glow that now seemed to illuminate her face, Rocco suspected. The fact that she was now free from the pressure of having to struggle to support herself and Josh as well as pay off her late sister’s debts must also have played its part.
They were in the car, Josh strapped into his baby seat and cooing happily to himself, and Julie couldn’t help smiling herself.
How could he possibly not have recognised her beauty right from the start? Rocco asked himself. When she smiled, as she was doing now, she had such a serene look of joy about her that it caught at his heart and stopped his breath. Any man would be proud to call such a woman his own.
Now what was he thinking? Hadn’t he always sworn that he would never marry or make a commitment to any woman?
It didn’t take them long to reach their destination, and Julie gave a small exclamation
of pleasure as she saw the ancient walls of the town rising from the rocks on which it was built, the grilled windows of the houses which had obviously been built into the walls over the years looking down at them.
‘The present-day town was built on the site of an Arab fort,’ Rocco explained, deciding that it would be wiser and safer for him to talk about the history of the town than to let his thoughts travel in the direction in which they seemed rebelliously determined to travel.
‘As one of the conquering Normans who fought for and won the island, our ancestor was given land and this town—which he in turn fortified. It was only later that our family moved out of their fortified home here in the town to the castle—although of course we still retain strong links with the town. In fact, you will see signs of that everywhere—in the names of streets, in the Leopardi coat of arms on walls here and there, and some say in the faces of some of the townspeople as well, from the days when it was considered a matter of honour for the daughter of a family to be selected by her lord to warm his bed for a season.’
Julie winced. Small wonder, with a family history such as the one Rocco was so casually outlining, that he should think nothing of taking her to bed.
Rocco parked the car on a piece of flat ground which was obviously serving as a temporary car park. ‘The streets of the town are very narrow, and whilst traffic is not prohibited it is not encouraged. In the summer as well as now, during the festival, it attracts a good many visitors—all the more so since Falcon persuaded our father to allow work to begin on the restoration of the ancient steam and mud baths. Legend has it that the Greek architect Daedalus designed the building which surrounds them after he fled here from Crete. The restoration work is due to be completed this year.’
‘It sounds fascinating,’ Julie told him truthfully, holding Josh whilst Rocco dealt with the buggy.
As they joined the stream of people walking towards the main gated entrance to the town, Julie reflected that they could have been any small family on a day out—except for the fact that it was plain to her from the looks Rocco was attracting that most people knew who he was and were slightly in awe of him. And of course she was nothing to him other than someone who might have been the mother of his half-brother’s illegitimate child.