“What’s so funny?”
“The two of you, acting like you don’t like each other or like you haven’t been spending a lot of time together.”
“We haven’t been spending time…” Okay, they had, but not because they wanted to. He had made her a cup of tea Monday after they got home from the vet. He’d listened as she told him little details about her childhood. He’d given advice about finding Sara.
“Yeah, you like him,” Jade teased.
“No, I don’t. I mean, I do, but not…” She groaned at the direction the conversation had taken. “Jade, I’m not discussing this with you.”
“Fine, that’s okay. But can you do me a favor?”
They were in the kitchen of the community center, surrounded by people, and Madeline didn’t know if she wanted to continue the conversation around so many pairs of ears. But Jade’s hazel eyes locked with hers, begging.
“What is it?”
“Tell him to keep me. I’m his daughter and I can’t go back.”
“Jade, I can’t make this decision for him.”
“Then you keep me. Call family services and tell them that my mom isn’t fit. You’re a teacher, they’ll believe you.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Of course not. If I hadn’t messed up and gotten the address wrong, you’d still be doing your own thing and you wouldn’t be bothered with us.”
Madeline hugged the girl. “Yes, I would still have my uncomplicated, uncluttered life. I would be sitting alone in the evening in a quiet house with no one to talk to.”
Although a little silence would be nice. With Jade in her home, in her life, silence seemed to be a thing of the past. When Jade left, would Jackson also be a thing of the past?
“I need to get in costume.” She brushed off the thoughts that didn’t make sense.
“What do I do?” Jade followed her into the dressing room.
“You can come with me and watch.”
Jade sat down on a stool and watched as Madeline got ready.
“A woman called my da…” Jade looked down and shrugged. “Called Jackson today.”
“Jade, that’s personal.” Madeline tied the fabric belt around the waist of the costume.
“Yeah, I guess. I heard him tell her he couldn’t see her right now. And I think she must have asked when he could see her and he said he didn’t think he’d be seeing her anytime soon.”
Madeline pretended she wasn’t listening because hadn’t she just said that this information was personal? She didn’t need to know what Jackson told women that called his home. Honestly, she didn’t care.
Much.
Jackson slid the paper with the DNA results back into his pocket along with the other medical information. He had work to do. There were people everywhere. He sighed and walked through the crowd to the back of the manger. He’d been helping with the star, getting it in place so that it would shine over Bethlehem and the baby Jesus.
Beautiful Star of Bethlehem. He could almost hear his great grandmother singing the song. The memory brought a smile and he hadn’t had much to smile about today. He had a lot to think about.
When he turned from the tower holding the star he saw Madeline and Jade walking together, heads bent toward one another, whispering and smiling. He smiled, seeing the two of them together. Yeah, he had a lot to think about.
Later he’d talk to Madeline. He stopped working for a minute to think about that decision. He’d been thinking about her all day, thinking about talking to her, about telling her his news, how his day had gone.
And then he’d anticipated her reaction to the medical tests and the secret he didn’t want to share. He watched her walk into place, surrounded by sheep. Jade watched from a short distance away.
Someone walked up behind him. He turned, nodded and tipped his hat to Wyatt Johnson. Wyatt grinned big and turned his attention from Jackson to Madeline, back to Jackson
“Watch out, that one will get under your skin.” Wyatt Johnson smirked a little. Payback for what Jackson had told him last year.
“I don’t think so, Wyatt.”
Wyatt laughed, loud. People turned to stare and Wyatt thumped him on the back, jolting him and making him flinch a little.
“Watch the ribs, if you don’t mind.” Jackson rolled his shoulders to unkink the muscles.
“That’s right, you got tossed last week. You aren’t the first guy around here with some broken ribs.”
“I’m not as young as I used to be.” He grimaced, knowing he sounded way too much like a country song.
“Right, you’re not. So what’s wrong with taking time to get to know one of the nicest single females in this town?” Wyatt watched his own wife head their way. Something stabbed at Jackson’s heart. Jealousy? Nah, couldn’t be.
“Nothing wrong with it, Wyatt. But I think she’s a little out of my league.”
“She probably is.” Wyatt raised his hand to thump Jackson on the back a second time and Jackson moved to the side.
“Could you not?”
“Oh, sorry, didn’t know you were so weak.”
“Right, weak.”
“You’re not your normal humorous self.” Wyatt turned to watch the beginning of the living nativity as it got underway. His voice lowered. “Seriously, is there anything I can do to help?”
“No, not right now.” Jackson shoved his hands in his pocket, feeling the paper that he’d gotten that day. “I’m good.”
“Well, it was good to see you in church on Sunday. You plan on coming back this Sunday?”
“No.” He had to explain, not leave Wyatt hanging. Although that would have been fun. He watched the progression of Mary on the donkey, Joseph at her side.
He finally turned and smiled at Wyatt who had the good sense not to push, but he looked pretty tense with all of those unasked questions rolling around inside him.
“Wyatt, I’ll be back. I’m taking Jade to Oklahoma City this weekend.” He watched Mary and Joseph exit the inn, looking young and perplexed. “But I’m coming back. I guess I got tired of going and having to face questions, a few accusing looks, my own guilt.”
“So what’s changed?”
Jackson didn’t mean to but he looked in the direction of Jade. And Madeline. He tried to brush it off, to pretend it had nothing to do with either of them. It really did have more to do with him.
“I guess a guy has to face his life. Time to make some changes.”
“She’s a cute kid.”
Jackson nodded but didn’t say more. Yeah, Jade was cute. She looked like him. She had his eyes. Sometimes it looked as if she had his smile.
“She’s great,” Jackson agreed. She had somehow survived a childhood that hadn’t been much of a childhood and a mother who hadn’t been a mother.
He refocused on Madeline as a shepherdess. As he watched the angels appeared. Madeline went down on her knees, covering her head with her arm. Jackson walked away from Wyatt. He walked closer to the scene of the shepherds leaving the field and walking toward the manger. He stood close as Mary revealed her newborn son and angels began to sing. The shepherds bowed at her feet.
Jackson stood there waiting for normal to return. But it wouldn’t and he knew that. He’d changed. Maybe this was the new normal? Maybe this was his new life? Something had to be wrong with him. He’d turned down a date today with a woman he’d gone out with off and on for the last two years. She was a lawyer’s daughter and owned a clothing boutique in Tulsa. She was uncomplicated.
He’d turned her down because of the shepherdess kneeling not ten feet from him. The same shepherdess who looked up at that moment and caught him staring. Yeah, he was definitely losing control of his life.
Jade saw him standing there, watching. She smiled big and bounced away from the group she’d been crowded in with. A kid who thought she was his. He thought about her future and it left a pretty big space in his heart because she deserved a home, a life with people who cared about her.
To
morrow he would try again to contact her mother. And if he couldn’t, then what? He had a load of bulls to take to Oklahoma City. He could try to find her. But he couldn’t keep Jade indefinitely. He couldn’t expect Madeline to raise her. He’d considered talking to his parents.
But this one was in his court.
The program ended. Jade stood at his side, a skinny kid in a big, puffy coat. Her cheeks were pink from the cold and her nose was red. She smiled up at him.
“This is great.” Her tone was all happiness and sunshine.
“Yeah, it is.” He pulled her close to his side for an instant and thought about moments in the future and how it would change everything for her.
“Is it time to go now?”
He nodded and watched as Madeline spoke to a few people and then slipped away from the crowd. He watched her. He couldn’t stop watching her. He smiled as she walked toward him, toward Jade.
“That was great.” He thought about the three of them, arm in arm, leaving together.
“Thank you. It feels as if it is all coming together.”
“Yeah, it does.” He felt Jade move away from him, but he couldn’t stop staring at the woman in a shepherd’s costume. He couldn’t stop thinking about holding her close, making her feel safe.
“I’m going inside.” Jade punched his arm. “They’re serving hot chocolate and cookies.”
“Go for it. We’ll leave soon,” he called out after her. She raised a hand to let him know she’d heard. It made him feel like a dad. Strange, really strange that it could happen so easily, this change in his life.
“Are you okay?” Madeline stood in front of him still. She had zeroed in on his mood. She knew how to do that and it unnerved him a little.
“I’m good.” He didn’t reach into his pocket for the piece of paper. “I’m going to try again to contact her mother. If I can’t, I have to drive down there and look for her.”
Madeline’s gaze drifted to the church, to the door Jade had just skipped through. “I know. It’s a shame though. I mean, I know I can’t keep her, but I wish she could stay.”
He reached for Madeline’s hand. “Let’s walk.”
“Oh, okay.” She hesitated, glancing toward the church. Small crowds gathered in front of the building, talking. A few people looked their way.
Yeah, rumors, gossip. He knew the drill.
“We can talk later,” he said, because he didn’t want to give people a reason to talk.
“Is this about Jade?”
He nodded once and released her hand. When he did she touched his arm. It would have been easy to hold on to her, to make this about him, not about Jade. But it was about Jade. In the short span of a week his life had become all about a kid.
And a woman.
“I should go.” What he meant was he should escape.
“No, you should come inside.”
Madeline hooked her arm through his. He knew that took a lot for her. He knew that easy gestures weren’t always easy, sometimes they took real courage. He pulled her close to his side and leaned to drop a kiss on the top of her head.
“Inside, huh? Right into the midst of gossip and speculation?”
She laughed a little. “Are you afraid?”
“Shaking in my boots.”
“I’ll be with you.” She said it in a breathless way and he looked down to see if her expression matched. She looked up at him, surprise flickering in her eyes.
He had to dig up a little of the old Jackson to get hold of this situation. “Promises, promises, Maddie.”
She didn’t pull away. Instead she turned, still holding his arm and they headed toward the church. She didn’t let go. He didn’t want her to.
Chapter Twelve
The phone rang and rang as Madeline unlocked her front door. She tried to hurry but her fingers were numb from cold. Jade stood next to her, hopping up and down a little. The wind whipped against them, a cold, north wind.
Finally she pushed the door opened and they rushed into the warmth of the living room, greeted by wood smoke and Angel barking from the laundry room. Jade ran past her, heading for the dog, of course. She could hear the girl calling to the animal as she hurried through the house.
“Don’t throw clothes everywhere,” Madeline warned and then in a quieter voice because it didn’t matter added, “I have a hall tree.”
She hung her coat and kicked out of her boots before picking up the phone and checking the caller ID. The number didn’t look familiar. It didn’t have a local area code. She pushed the number for voicemail and listened. Her heart raced as the message played and then she slammed the phone down.
Not at Christmas. She didn’t want to do this at Christmas. Forgiveness needed to happen, she got that. She even thought she had forgiven. But she didn’t want her mother forcing her way into this life, a safe life with safe people.
Her world had already been upended by a young girl and a confirmed bachelor who wanted safe help. She was safe. Her life was safe. She plopped down in the big easy chair she’d bought when she first moved in.
The perfect chair for quiet evenings alone, reading a book, drinking tea. Safe.
Loud laughter reminded her she didn’t have a quiet evening ahead of her. Then footsteps. Jade ran into the room carrying the puppy that licked and licked her face.
“She’s glad to see you.” Madeline smiled in spite of herself. Being alone was overrated. Jade made noise and clutter worth it.
This weekend the girl would be gone. Madeline’s heart broke a little for her, because she knew how it hurt to be jerked around at that age. Maybe she’d keep Jade. Maybe she’d file for custody if Jackson didn’t plan on doing something.
Why wouldn’t he? He was her dad. He had to do something.
“Can I go to work with you tomorrow?” Jade plopped down on the sofa with the dog.
“I can’t take you to work with me.” She would have loved to. Jade needed to be in school. “Jackson is going to spend the day with you. He has a lot of work to do, he said, and you can help.”
“Oh, that’s cool.” Jade leaned in for the puppy to lick her face again. “I love this dog. I’ve never had one.”
Madeline smiled as she watched dog and child. “Me, neither. I think you love her more than I do.”
“Do you love my da…” Madeline’s heart broke a little more for Jade, even if this did sound like a tricky question coming at her. “Jackson?”
“We should go to bed.” Cop-out.
Jade hugged the puppy and giggled. “She needs to go outside. And you do love him.”
“I don’t. Jade, love is more complicated and takes more than two people being thrown together. It is more than just simple emotions. It’s about two people being connected, really caring about each other. It’s about wanting to share lives and everything, good or bad, that goes with life. It takes time to find and build a love like that.”
“I think you could love each other, get married and we’d be a family.” Jade’s tone was wistful and sad. “Don’t you think?”
Madeline sighed because she didn’t know what to say. She let her heart trip over the idea of being in love with Jackson Cooper. Complicated. He made her life way too complicated, and she avoided complicated as often as possible.
“I think it really is bedtime. You’re so tired you’re delirious.” Madeline pushed herself out of her favorite chair and reached for Jade’s hand. “It’s cold but the puppy has to go outside.”
Jade giggled. “Too late. You should see your laundry room.”
“I’m seriously going to make Jackson Cooper come over here and clean up the mess. By the time this is over he’s going to owe me a new floor.”
“Yep, you love him.”
She swatted Jade, a playful swat. “Give me the dog and you go brush your teeth.”
All of the right mom words were coming out. It took her by surprise that she knew those things to say, because she’d never had a mother who said them. And now her mother wanted to be in he
r life.
No. Madeline couldn’t go there. She could forgive, but letting the woman in her life, that she couldn’t do. Jade headed into the hall but she stopped and glanced back.
“Are you okay?” The girl bit down on her bottom lip and her eyes, so much like Jackson’s, studied Madeline’s face with intensity that unnerved.
“I’m good, just tired.”
“Okay, I’ll brush my teeth.” Jade smiled a sweet smile. “I think he could love you back.”
“Jade, go.” Madeline cringed on the inside. That definitely sounded like a mom voice.
The phone rang again. Madeline held the puppy in her arms and stared at the caller ID. The same number. She closed her eyes and waited for it to stop ringing. Slowly her hand descended, picking it up. Because she wouldn’t run anymore. She couldn’t. She had to face the past to move on with her life.
“Hello?”
“Madeline? It’s me. It’s your mother.”
Madeline’s world went dark for a moment. It spun. It faded and then righted itself. The puppy licked her face. She set her down on the floor and held the phone against her ear.
“Madeline?”
“I’m here.” Breathe. Breathe. She leaned against the wall, trying to block images of her mother’s face, smiling, telling her it would be okay. But it wasn’t okay. Her mother led her to the man who abused her. Tore her life apart. Her mother waited for her. Held her. Told her she was sorry.
Sorry?
“I know you don’t want to talk to me.”
“Really, so why are you calling?” Madeline sank to the floor. The puppy crawled into her lap. Jackson had been right about having a dog.
“I’m calling because I have to. I need to.” Her mother sobbed from hundreds of miles away. “I’m in Tulsa.”
“No.” Not hundreds of miles. Tulsa. A little more than an hour’s drive. “No.”
She waited but the world kept spinning. Faster and faster.
“I want to see you.”
“No.” She couldn’t get another word out. She couldn’t form another response. She couldn’t even tell the woman on the other end to go away.
The Cowboy's Holiday Blessing Page 12