It had been centuries since she had seen his other form, but his smile was still engraved into her memories. So while he denied her his presence, she indulged these moments where she could remember the old days. Tears brimmed along her lashes; centuries among the humans caused her emotions to hover closer to the surface. She turned her back to him, to hide her tears. I wish you would speak with me, show me your real face at least once, that will be enough.
She took a few steps when he spoke. "The Dragon has been awoken."
She stood very still. It had been so long since she heard his voice.
"Shin?" She started to turn around.
"Please don't turn around," he said.
She held her wrinkled and frail hand to her breast. Her heart was slamming in her chest. I've been hoping for this moment for so long, and these are the first words you choose? "Why now after so long do you let me hear your voice? You know I have missed you."
"You know why," he said.
She inhaled. They were just three words, but they sliced to her heart. "How do you know he is awake? We've heard rumors before…" She wanted so badly to turn around to look upon his face, but she knew if she did, he would run away before she got the chance and she might never get another opportunity to speak with him. He was just stubborn enough to punish her for her choices for eternity. I should have saved you, I'm sorry. But as always, the words got tangled up in her throat.
"This time it's true. I heard it from Akio. He was beside himself with rage."
She took a deep breath. After all this waiting, her master was awake at last, and Shin had come to her. If only Hikaru had lived to see it. The tears were flowing freely now.
"Why do you keep this form? The human has been gone for twenty years," Shin asked.
"You know why," she replied, throwing his words back at him. She could not help it. She had known her time with Hikaru would come to an end. She had known from the beginning that she was immortal and he was not, but when he died, she had died with him. She had hoped Shin would return to her, but he had not, and she felt as if she had been abandoned twice. Fate was cruel. She had not realized how Hikaru's death would cripple her, leave her without purpose. All she had was this shrine and the hope that she would find Hikaru in the next life.
"The world has changed while he slept. He will need you now more than ever," Shin said.
She laughed. "He does not need me. My place is here."
"Where you can pretend to be an old woman?" he scoffed. When had he become so bitter, so cruel? Time had changed them both.
"I will think about it."
"That's all I can ask, I suppose." He paused and the silence was charged with words unsaid, but neither of them dared to speak. "I should be getting back," he said at last.
She listened to his footsteps as they receded, then and only then did she look to see his tail as it disappeared down the temple steps and out of sight. If only she had seen his face. She sighed and turned to the shrine and the burning incense once more.
"The Dragon is back, Hikaru, should I return to him?"
18
Suzume woke with a start. Clutching unfamiliar blankets to her chest, she looked around the well-appointed room. In a fog, she remembered the day before, the black looming figure and being tangled up when something stabbed her in the neck. She rubbed at her neck. It was tender, but there were no wounds. She threw back her blankets, surveying her body. Though a little dirty, there was no indication that she had been injured, not a single wound could be found. I know I was in danger just a few minutes ago. How did I get here?
She rubbed her eyes. This had to be some sort of hallucination. The room she had woken up in had all the comforts of the one she had enjoyed in the palace, a soft futon, a painted screen, and trunks, which when opened revealed a multitude of different robes for her to wear. Someone had lit the braziers in the corners of the room, and they cast flickering shadows on the walls.
The futon had a screen around it, trimmed in red fabric, and beyond the sleeping area were a sitting room and a veranda that looked out into a garden with a koi pond and cherry blossom tree. Am I back at the palace? This is almost identical to my room. Were the temple and the Dragon all a nightmare? She pinched herself just to be certain.
"Ow." She smiled, realizing she wasn't dreaming. She had returned to civilization.
The door at the far end of the room slid open and a servant shuffled in. Suzume wiggled in place as the young woman walked in with eyes downcast.
"My lady, I hope you slept well."
Suzume smiled, something she would never have done back at the palace. It was too familiar and too unrefined. But now she did not care. She was where she belonged. She tamped down her emotions, just barely, and said, "Well enough." What if this isn't real? I don't even remember arriving. She thought how to next frame her question. "Remind me, where am I again?"
The servant was well trained because she did not react but kept her head down. "You are at the home of Lord Tsubaki, my lady."
She resisted the urge to rub her hands together with glee. However she got here was not relevant. She was where she was meant to be. Which meant this dragon ordeal was well and truly over. "Excellent!" She marched over to the servant and threw up her arms in a T shape. "I am ready to be dressed," she said.
"Perhaps a bath first, my lady?"
Suzume looked down at her filthy hands and had to agree. Two more servants carried in a bath, and after soaking until the water was cool, they scrubbed her until her skin was raw. And when they were done, they brushed her hair.
She felt worlds away from how she had when she woke. Suzume could not keep the foolish grin from her face as the servant dressed her. The woman moved with delicate but assured movements, smoothing the fabric and pinning layers in place. She was glad she had taken that bath; otherwise she would have ruined this fine silk with her filth.
When the servant slid on the soft white socks, she swore to herself, I will never walk again. I will demand a palanquin, even if it is to go a short distance. The servant made no comment about the blisters on Suzume's feet, but she still feared she would get callouses from her brief stint walking. She wriggled her feet in the socks and marveled at how soft they were and how the silk of her robe glided against her skin. She sighed, content.
After dressing her, the servant left and returned with a sumptuous meal—all of Suzume's favorites. Daiki must have remembered and sent word ahead, she thought as she devoured her marinated fish. She ate without reservation, and then when her meal was finished, the servant opened up the doors onto a garden beyond. She went out onto the veranda and looked at the koi swimming in the pond. It was peaceful and perfect.
But like most things, the tranquil moment would not last forever. Unwelcome thoughts invaded. If I want to stay here, I'll have to marry Daiki. But it's my only way of returning to my place in the world. Before, that would have been the height of triumph, but that was before she had awoken a dragon and been claimed as his bride. After spending time with the Dragon, she felt like the koi in the pond, swimming in a small space, going in circles. As wonderful as these fine clothes were, and having servants attend to her every whim, everything was tainted.
The Yokai would not go away, and now that she knew they existed, she wasn't sure she could pretend any longer. Before, she would have been content to sit and gossip for hours; now she felt restless and worried. What had happened on her way to Daiki's home? What was the creature that attacked them and how had they escaped?
She was given an unexpected reprieve from her troubled thoughts when the servant appeared with an announcement. "The lieutenant wants to speak with you, my lady," the servant said.
As boorish as the man was, his visit was a welcome break in the monotony. She gave the servant leave to show him in. While she waited, she arranged her outer layer and placed a fan in front of her face. He may have seen her at her worst, but now that her star was on the rise, she would have him remember his place. The lieutenant came in bri
skly, still wearing his warrior mask. Does he ever take that thing off?
He bowed briefly before saying, "I have received word from General Tsubaki that I am to stay with you."
She pursed her lips. "You have?"
He nodded in reply.
If this was all he had to say, why not send a servant? It didn't matter. Now that he was here, she had a chance to get answers to some of the questions that had been troubling her. "What was that thing that attacked us, and how did we get away?"
He looked past her at the cherry tree when he answered, "I do not know." He's lying.
Fear grabbed a hold of her throat and she took a few gulping breaths to ease her racing heart. Even here she wasn't free of the Yokai. Was the lieutenant one of them? She peered at him, not having the slightest idea how to figure out if he was. She decided the direct approach was best. "I will be mistress here soon enough, it will not do well for you to lie to me."
He turned to face her straight on. "It was a Yokai, my lady. I did not want to frighten you. Forgive me, I did not know you could see them."
"How could I not, it was huge!"
He nodded. "We are safe within these walls, you have no need to fear."
She narrowed her eyes at him. There was something more he was not telling her. "And you defeated it?"
"I did."
She touched her neck, wondering how the wound had healed so quickly. She pinched her wrist again just to be sure. When she felt pain, she knew this could not be a hallucination. She could not see his expression beyond the mask, but she thought he must think she was insane. She turned her back to him; she did not want to drag out this discussion any further.
"You may go."
He left without a word, leaving Suzume with a bleak and boring garden to contemplate.
The day droned on much the same. At night, she was summoned to dine with the rest of Daiki's clan who were in residence. Daiki had a senile old mother, who stubbornly clung to life. When their original engagement had been announced, Suzume had come to visit as part of the arrangements for their soon-to-be wedding. That was when she had met the old witch, who looked down her nose at Suzume and loudly voiced her critiques of everything about Suzume, from the way she wore her hair to how she walked. Now she was being summoned once more.
It had been months since Suzume had left court, and this would in essence be her reemergence into court life. She dressed but with a hint of nervousness twisting her gut. The old woman had lived at court for a long time before retiring upon her husband's death. She was no stranger to scandal and not out of the loop despite living in the country. Would Suzume's mother's scandal follow her here? Everyone knew she had been exiled. If anyone was going to prevent her marriage to Daiki, it would be his mother.
The servant guided her into the large dining room. As the door slid open, the clan members, sitting in a horseshoe shape facing inward, turned to look at her. The butterflies turned into Yokai battling one another in her gut. She glided into the room, wearing false confidence as her shield. As she walked down the parallel rows of noblemen, she headed for the front, where one empty seat had been left next to Daiki's mother, Lady Tsubaki.
She looked even more old and feeble than the last time Suzume had seen her. Dark eyes were sunken into her skull, surrounded by layers of papery white skin in folds that hung down her jowls. Her neck was like loose rice dough and her white hair had started to thin on top. But her eyes were sharp and intent on Suzume.
She sat down next to the old woman with a polite bow of her head. "Mother," she said.
The old woman pursed her lips before taking a sip of her tea. Probably wetting her mouth so she can criticize the way I walked into the room.
"Daiki says he wants to marry you," she said in a reedy voice.
"Yes, Mother," Suzume replied. Her entire body felt on edge, waiting for the blade to fall.
"I don't approve, I am sure you're aware." The room was silent, everyone abandoning the pretense of eating.
She wanted to snap back an angry reply. But that was how she spoke with the Dragon; at court, she would never be so crass. It was more difficult to relearn the old habits than she thought it would be.
"Yes, Mother," she said again.
"I do not want a whore's blood in my line. It would be different if you were still the emperor's child, if you ever were at all."
"Yes, Mother."
"But your mother spread her legs to anyone who was willing. A shame. When she had the honor of being the emperor's wife. I was almost chosen as the previous emperor's bride. But fate worked out differently."
"Yes, Mother."
"Can you say anything other than 'yes, mother'?" the old woman snapped.
"If you stopped prattling, I might be able to contribute something more," Suzume shot back. And slapped her hand over her mouth. The silence that followed was deafening. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest. The guests took an inward breath, waiting to see how the old woman would react.
The old woman laughed. It was something akin to a cackle and it rang up to the rooftops. The others followed in nervous laughter. Then the old woman reached across and patted Suzume's hand.
"I think we will get along just fine, if you do not pretend to be anything other than who you are." She winked.
It shocked Suzume, the old woman she remembered would have struck her across the mouth for such insolence. But perhaps things had changed? She did not question it. Dinner went along smoothly after that. The clansmen made their greetings, giving her well wishes for her upcoming wedding. She should have delighted in their attention, she was back where she belonged. But there was an uneasy feeling in her gut, something telling her this was not right.
When dinner was over and she was being led back to her chamber, the lieutenant caught up with her.
"My lady, may I have a word?"
She stopped and turned to face him. She scowled, but he was undeterred.
"I wanted to congratulate you on winning over Lady Tsubaki. That is no easy feat. She thinks no one is good enough for her son."
The unexpected compliment shocked her. "Thank you—" she stuttered.
He lingered a moment longer. "Honestly, I was hoping she would reject you."
Suzume's hackles rose and she had to force her hand down or else she would have slapped him. "Are you ready to get rid of me?"
"No, I just hoped you would be free to marry whoever you liked. Not who your father chose."
She frowned at him. "Why would I marry anyone other than who my father chose for me?"
"You made a promise to someone once, do you remember it?"
She stared at him, uncomprehending. "What promise?"
He removed his mask and revealed a handsome face bisected by a diagonal scar from his right temple to the left end of his jaw.
"Do you remember me?"
She stared at him, squinting, trying to recall where she had met him, if ever.
"I don't." She shook her head.
"It has been a while, I suppose. And I am a different man than I was. You called me Akito."
The name unlocked a flood of memories, a handsome young man, stolen kisses when her chaperon was not looking, and a deep aching pain when he disappeared. The memories felt foreign but consumed her nonetheless. Where did these come from? It's as if they belong to someone else.
She closed the gap between them, overcome by emotion. Words fell from her lips unbidden. "Akito, you never said goodbye. I've been wondering where you've been all this time!"
"Well, I've returned now, but I suppose it's too late because you will marry another."
Her heart constricted. How could she choose between the love of her life and the man her father had chosen? What am I saying? When have I ever been in love? Who is he really?
"Hush, hush, listen to my song, it will not take long. Hush, hush, if you are strong, you will find where you belong," a voice crooned.
She looked around but could not find the source. "Do you hear that?"
19
Daiki returned in triumph. Banners flapped in the wind as the army in orderly rows marched into the outer courtyard of the palace, an army at his back. Suzume awaited his arrival with a heavy heart. Now more than ever she doubted her decision to marry the general. After being reunited with Akito, her heart was in torment.
Just a few days ago, she would have happily married Daiki and lived the life she was meant to live. But now she was not sure. Marrying for love had never been a part of the plan, but Akito filled up every space in her chest, making it difficult to breathe. When he entered a room, he drew her eye without trying, and in the halls when they would pass one another, he would brush her hand behind the back of her vigilant chaperon. These short encounters were bittersweet because they could never be together.
When Daiki pulled in through the gates, she plastered on a fake smile. His mother watched her like a hawk, and though she had passed the first test, she knew there was more to come. She could not risk faltering. She put aside her concerns about Akito. This was her future, and there would be no place for her in the world by Akito's side.
When Daiki walked up to her, she acted as a girl in love should. She lowered her eyes demurely and hid behind her fan. To her left, she felt Akito's eyes on her, full of withdrawn resentment. Should she have waited for him and hoped that they could beat the odds to be together? This melodrama is not like me at all. I chased after Daiki, and it took forever to win him over. There never was anyone serious before. But those thoughts surfaced only to be buried once more. You chased after Daiki to forget about Akito, don't you remember?
The Dragon Saga Box Set Page 13