"I didn’t mean it that way. You stop me from being stupid." She could see that her words still bothered him. "You're just smart, Max, and thoughtful. You think things through. I'm too impulsive."
"But sometimes your daring takes me places I wouldn't have thought to go." He took her hand and squeezed it. "So don't let me hold you back."
"I won't—as long as you don't let me do stupid things. We make a good team, right?"
"Always." He gave her a quick kiss. "So, what's next?"
"The cemetery."
"Good. Something cheery," he said dryly.
She smiled. "After that, we'll get lunch, maybe take a drive."
"You're on."
They walked around the church and up a small hill to the cemetery. From the rise, they could see the bay, the blue of the water meeting the blue of the sky. It was a beautiful sight.
They wandered silently through the headstones until Emma found the names she recognized, her great-grandparents, Donald and Doreen Rafferty. Next to them was a very small headstone.
She knelt down on the ground and read the engraved words. "Kathleen Anna, my darling girl, a surprising gift of love, but a life we were not meant to share. In heaven we'll meet again." Emotion filled her soul as she read the final words. "Your loving mother, Eleanor Rafferty." Emma put a hand to her mouth as she looked at the dates. "My grandmother had a baby; a child who died. She was only two days old. Oh, my God." She looked up at Max. "How did I not know that?"
He shook his head in bewilderment. "She never said anything?"
"Never." Emma glanced back at the headstone and ran through the dates in her head. "She was eighteen when she had the baby. This happened before she met my grandfather, before she came to the States. I wonder who the father was. Why isn't his name here?"
"I don't know."
She looked back at Max. "Grandma sent me to Maeve, who sent me here. She had to know I'd find out. Why wouldn't she just tell me?"
Max squatted down next to her. His serious gaze met hers. "Maybe it was too painful to say out loud, but it was something she felt you needed to hear. You told her about your miscarriages."
"Only the first one, not the second. She could have told me then about this baby, but she didn't. She said something about things happening for a reason, and I really hate when people say that, so I didn't want to listen anymore. I think I just brushed her off and walked away." She let out a breath. "This is so sad. She lost a child she'd given birth to, probably held in her arms." She brushed the tears out of her eyes. "I can't imagine how hard that was for her. And she was so young. She couldn't have been married, unless there was a marriage I didn't know about, either." She rose to her feet, crossing her arms in front of her chest, as a chill ran through her. "I don't know what to think."
"Perhaps you should think about the fact that your grandmother went on to have six healthy children, who had many children and grandchildren of their own. She lived a full life—a happy life. She suffered a tragedy, but she went on. It was the end of something but the beginning of something else."
"Maybe." Her grandmother always talked about the importance of looking forward and not back. And Max was right. Even after this sad event, her grandmother had gone on to have six children, all of whom were still alive. "I wonder why the baby died."
"I'm sure your grandmother will tell you the story if you ask her now."
"Should I ask? It had to be a horrible moment in her life, so tragic that she's never spoken about it. I wonder if anyone else knows."
"I suspect there's a few people who do."
"It's weird how we don't think about our parents or grandparents as having lives before we came into them, but this trip has definitely opened my eyes, and we've only been here a day."
He smiled. "Your grandmother is a complicated person, as are most people."
"I'll talk to her when we get back. Let's take a drive. I'm ready to see a little more of Ireland and a little less of my own personal family history."
"Sounds good to me."
They walked back down the lane to the car. As she opened her door, she caught a glimpse of Shannon looking through the window at them. The little girl waved, and she felt a tug at her heart. She waved back, hoping that they could find Shannon's father and that he'd be a man worthy of such an adorable little girl. Then Shannon could have the family she deserved.
* * *
"Looks like we're going to fly a kite," Maddie said as Burke pulled a large kite out of the trunk of the car.
He wasn't surprised. The words beach, run, and fun had implied some sort of activity on the sand. "It's breezy enough for it. I don't think I've flown a kite since I was about eight."
"It's been at least that long for me. But I'm sure we can figure it out."
They took the kite and walked toward the beach. There were a dozen or so people either sitting on the sand or walking along the water, leaving plenty of space to fly their kite.
When they got to the sand, Maddie kicked off her shoes, and he reluctantly did the same. It had been a long time since he'd felt the sand between his toes, and he felt like he was a kid again, which was exactly what his grandmother wanted. They walked across the beach, finally stopping in a wide, open area. He dropped his shoes on the ground next to Maddie's and then unrolled the kite.
It was a bright orange and blue kite in the shape of a butterfly. It was at least four feet wide and three feet long with a silky tail. He unraveled the rope from its spool and looped it around his fingers as Maddie held the kite.
"So, what are we going to do?" she asked.
"We're going to run. Once I get up enough speed, you let the kite go. The wind will move under it and hopefully it goes up in the air."
"Hopefully," she said with a laugh.
He took off running down the sand but he hadn't gone far when he tripped over a rock while he was looking back to see if Maddie had let the kite go. He landed on his ass as Maddie stumbled forward and the kite crashed into the sand.
"Well, that wasn't great," she said dryly.
"No, it wasn't," he said, happy he hadn't landed on his bad hand.
"Are you okay, Burke?" she asked. "You didn't hurt your hand, did you?"
"No, it's okay."
"Maybe we should skip this activity."
"I can do it."
"Well, if you're going to do it, then watch where you're going. You have to trust that I will let the kite go at the right moment. I know that's hard for you. You like to control everything, but sometimes you have to rely on your team."
"I rely on a team every day at work."
"But not so much in your personal life. Outside of work, you tend to take everything on yourself. You don't trust very easily."
He frowned. "You don't think I trust you, Maddie? Because I do."
She met his gaze. "I think you trust me, but you still like to double check. I don't take it personally. I know it's less about me and more about you."
"That I'm a control freak?"
"You take responsibility seriously, and I love that about you. You're strong and determined, and you have super high standards. You make me want to try harder at everything I do. You push me, and I need that. But sometimes you need to let go, relax a little, and let someone else help. We're better when we work together."
"You're right. I'm always better when I'm with you. And I do trust you. So I'm going to run, and you're going to let go of the kite."
"At just the right moment," she promised.
He grabbed the rope, turned his back on her and charged down the beach. A few moments later, Maddie's delighted squeal told him the kite had taken flight. She ran up alongside him and together they looked back at the kite soaring high into the sky. He let out more of the rope so it would go even higher, and as it caught the wind, he slowed his pace down until they were slowly jogging across the beach.
"It's beautiful. It's freeing," Maddie said.
He looked at her windblown blonde hair, the sparkle in her eyes, the
rosy red in her cheeks and thought he'd never seen anything more beautiful or more freeing.
He dropped the rope.
"What are you doing?" she asked in surprise.
He grabbed her by the waist and pressed his mouth against her parted lips, wanting her to know how much he loved her, how sorry he was for shutting her out, how much he needed her in his life. She was what mattered. Not his hand, not his job, not anything or anyone.
He kissed her until they both ran out of breath and then he said, "It's going to be okay, Maddie, and I mean it this time. Whatever happens, we will be fine."
"I know we will be. This relationship isn't one-sided, Burke. I'm there for you, but you're there for me, too. You've listened to me worry and whine about whether I'm making the right decision to open my own restaurant. So if you want to worry and whine about your hand, go for it. Just don't shut me out. The only time I get scared is when you get too quiet. So yell, rant, rave, hit the wall, but don't disappear on me."
"I won't. I'm sorry I worried you. And I'm not going to hit the wall, because I don't want to hurt my other hand," he said with a laugh.
She smiled. "We just found your grandma's treasure, Burke."
"What's that?" he asked, looking around the empty beach. "I don't see anything."
"It's you. It's your laugh. You got it back. You got yourself back."
He tipped his head. "Maybe I did. Good thing, because I didn't see any other clues in the car. The kite was the last one."
"She gave us just the right amount of encouragement. Now it's up to us."
"I have an idea," he said.
"What's that?"
"Let's go back to the hotel and spend a few hours in bed before we meet everyone for dinner."
Her eyes shimmered. "That is an excellent idea."
"I've been known to have a few."
"Before we go, let's grab the kite and take a picture." Burke walked over and picked up the kite. They held the butterfly in front of them as they took a selfie.
"Perfect," Maddie said. "Your grandmother is going to love this."
"I just wish she was here."
"I bet she's dying with curiosity to know how we're all doing. We should call her tonight."
"We will," he promised. "I wonder how everyone else's day went."
"We'll find out at dinner. I have a feeling it was a day of discovery."
"Me, too."
Seven
"I'm eager to hear about everyone else's day," Emma said as she and Max walked down the street toward the restaurant her grandmother had arranged for them to have dinner at. "Although, I'm not sure anyone else found out the big secret I did."
Max nodded. "I think you win—and I know how much you like to win."
She laughed. "I do like to win. But this is sort of a sad victory. Grandma lost a child. I don't know how she got past the tragedy, and I still wonder why she has never talked about it."
"It was a very long time ago. She probably told your grandfather, maybe some of her kids, but it didn't get down to your generation."
"I suppose. I guess I won't know until I talk to her. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the trip."
"Do you think we're going to get an itinerary for tomorrow at dinner?"
"The restaurant is run by Grandma's friends, so possibly..." She paused. "If you ever want to break away—"
"I don't. I'm happy to fall in line with whatever agenda your grandmother has."
"You're a saint, Max Harrison."
He laughed. "I don't think what we did an hour ago was too saintly."
She flushed a little at the reminder. After a long drive and a picnic lunch by the water, they'd decided to take a nap, but they hadn't gotten much sleep. It had been the first time in a long time that she'd made love to her husband without thinking and wondering about making a baby. Coming to Ireland had definitely gotten her off the worrying treadmill she'd been on.
They were almost to the front door of the restaurant when she saw Ian approaching from the opposite direction.
"Hey," she said, pausing for him to catch up. "How was your day, Ian?"
"It was great. The drive was beautiful, and the town of Waterford was charming. You should go there before we leave."
"That's where they make the glass, isn't it?"
"It is. It's amazing. I watched a demonstration."
"How was your meeting with the professor?"
"Illuminating," Ian said.
She smiled at his choice of words. "That sounds about right for two big brains coming together."
Ian tipped his head in acknowledgement. "Seamus is a brilliant and fascinating man. We had a good talk, although I suspect Grandma wanted his story to be a cautionary tale for me."
"What do you mean?"
"Seamus has made a tremendous impact on science and on the world, but his personal life is a mess. Actually, he has no personal life. He lost it all to his ambition."
"And Grandma doesn't want that to happen to you," she said with a nod. "She's very wise, isn't she? We don't even know if she's with it half the time anymore, but obviously she notices far more than we think."
Ian nodded. He gave her a speculative look. "I agree. What was your lesson for the day?"
"I met Maeve, who was adopted by Grandma's parents and raised as a sister to Grandma. She lives in the family home. She talked a lot about family being more about love than bloodlines."
"It really bothers you that you weren't born a Callaway?"
"Not exactly." She didn't want to get into the fact that her conversation with Maeve had led her to her grandmother's tragic secret, but she didn't want to try to hide her feelings anymore. She glanced over at Max, who gave her a subtle nod of encouragement. "Max and I have been trying to have a family, and I've had two miscarriages. It's been a rough year, and I've been kind of obsessed with worry about being able to have kids of my own."
"I'm sorry, Emma. I didn't know."
"Not many people do. I realize now that keeping the secret hasn't been good for me. It's not a shame that I should be carrying; it just is what it is. Coming to Ireland has given me a new perspective. One day, Max and I will have a family in some manner or form, and it will be great." She blew out a breath. "I'm going on and on. We should go inside."
"There's Burke and Maddie," Max interrupted. "We might as well wait for them."
As Maddie and Burke crossed the street, she saw a smile on Burke's face, and there was a definite lightness to his expression.
"Sorry, we're late," Burke said. "We lost track of the time." He gave Maddie a mischievous look. "It was Maddie's fault."
Maddie rolled her eyes. "I told you we should leave twice. You had other ideas."
He laughed. "Guilty."
"Well, you two look like you had fun today," Emma said, happy to see her older brother in such good spirits. "Where did Grandma send you?"
"On a treasure hunt of fun," Burke replied. "We milked cows, planted potatoes, danced the Irish jig, and flew a kite."
"Wow, Grandma turned you into a kid again," Emma said in amazement.
"She said she didn't think I'd ever been one. After my mom died, I took on the weight of keeping my brothers happy. Then Dad and Lynda got married, and you and Nicole came, and Shayla and Colton were born. It was always up to me to lead the way, to set an example."
"And to carry on the expectations of the Callaway name," Emma said. "You've always been very good at that, Burke, maybe too good. I'm glad you took a day off from being you."
"I might take a few more days off. Hopefully, my new attitude will make it back across the ocean," Burke said.
"Shall we go inside?" Maddie asked. "I can't wait to see what surprise your grandma has for us now."
"She did say the dinner would be special," Emma said as Max opened the door, and she stepped into the lobby.
She came to an abrupt stop as her gaze came to rest on the elderly couple standing in front of the hostess.
They turned around, and Emma stared in sh
ock at her grandmother's sparkling blue eyes.
"You're here," she said in amazement. "How are you here, Grandma?"
"I took a plane," Eleanor said with a laugh. "After I planned the trip for you all, I just couldn't stand not coming, so your grandfather indulged me."
Patrick shrugged. "There was no stopping her."
"This is wonderful. I'm so happy you're here," Emma said, giving her a hug.
"Me, too. I can't wait to hear about your day," Eleanor replied as she hugged each of them. "Patrick, why don't you take everyone inside and get us a table? I want to speak to Emma alone for a moment."
"Sure."
Eleanor took Emma's hand and led her to a bench seat against the wall in the lobby. "I can't wait to hear about your visit with Maeve at my family home, Emma."
"It was great. Maeve adores you. You're going to see her, I hope."
"First thing in the morning. I spoke to her on the phone earlier. She said you had a lovely chat."
"We did." Emma hesitated. "She told me how she became your sister of the heart and how wonderful you were to her. She also sent me to the cemetery, Grandma."
Eleanor nodded, shadows coming into her eyes. "I knew she would. It's not something I've ever spoken about."
"Do you want to talk about it now?" she asked hesitantly.
"I do. I think it's important." Eleanor licked her lips, then took a breath. "Your grandfather knows the story, of course, and I told Lynda and a few others about it, but no one in your generation. It was a long time ago."
"What happened?"
"When I was seventeen, I fell in love with a boy from Northern Ireland. He'd come to Kenmare to visit a cousin for the summer. We fell hard for each other, with the reckless passion of youth. I'm a little ashamed of how quickly we moved into a relationship, but I think we both knew that time was not on our side. He went back to Northern Ireland that fall. We made promises to each other that we would find a way to be together, but before that could happen, he was killed in the troubles up north. A few days after I was informed of his death, I found out I was pregnant."
Eleanor took a deep breath, then continued. "I was distraught, angry, sad, filled with emotion and heartache. My parents were unhappy with my unmarried pregnant state. But they stood by me. It was a different world back then and my actions were scandalous. To make matters worse, the baby was born with serious birth defects. The doctor told us right away that my baby might not live through the night. But she did. She lived two whole days, and in those days I told her story after story. I wanted her to hear my voice, to know me, and I guess I wanted to know her, too. Every once in a while, her eyes would open, and she would look straight at me. She was beautiful." Eleanor wiped a tear from her eye.
Take Me Home KO PL Page 7