Darkness of Heart
~~ Painful Deliverance: Book Two ~~
ANN M PRATLEY
Copyright © 2016 Ann M Pratley
All rights reserved.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1 ~ THE REUNION
2 ~ THE OPTIONS
3 ~ THE FINDING
4 ~ THE ENLIGHTENMENT
5 ~ THE MATRIMONIAL DISCUSSION
6 ~ THE TASTE FOR IT
7 ~ THE LOSS
8 ~ THE NEWS
9 ~ THE FAREWELL
10 ~ THE FINAL CHAPTER
THANK YOU!
INTRODUCING: FRIENDSHIP OF DESIRE
NEW RELEASE: THE GOLDEN DESIRES
BONUS EXTRACT: TOTAL FREEDOM
UPCOMING RELEASE: TOTAL NEW BEGINNINGS
INTRODUCING: ALESSANDRA
INTRODUCING: CRUISING THROUGH TO FULFILMENT
BONUS EXTRACT: DRAB TO SEX GODDESS IN 365 DAYS
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
1 ~ THE REUNION
He saw her from far away as he partially hid himself behind the end of the grocery aisle, down the far end of the supermarket but in direct view of the checkout area. It was his first glimpse of her in more than three months and he felt his heart pounding heavily in his chest.
From here he watched her and saw her greet a mother and a child. Even from this far away he could clearly see her facial expressions and he saw her smile and laugh at something the mother said. He saw her wave and smile at the small child. She looked relaxed. She looked happy. He remembered her being like that when he had first started to pursue her. He could not remember her looking like that in more recent times.
She looked like she was chatting as she packed groceries for the woman in front of her. He could hardly remember her talking in such an easy going manner like that to him at all. Had she even had the ability to talk so easily, during their time together?
He took a moment to rejoice in the revelation that finally he had found her. Finally she was not just some figure from his past - she was not just a dream that he recently had found himself wondering were real or imaginary, in his head. Recently he had noticed there was so much haziness inside of his mind that now and then he had found himself wondering what was true in his memory, and what was only perception - what he had wanted to be true.
But she was here now, directly in front of him. Within reach. Within his grasp. He licked his lips at the possibilities that he realised had now become available to him once again.
He saw her finish packing the groceries into the woman's shopping trolley, and then start to process the payment. He looked around to see how many other customers might be making their way to checkout, but it was still early in the morning and there were few people in the store at all yet.
He watched as the woman started to walk away. He saw Alexis let her eyes follow the woman, and give the young child a wave and a big smile. She was focused on them still, and there was no-one else in line.
It was time.
~~~~~
He walked briskly from the end of the supermarket he had been concealed in, up to the checkout area. Still she was watching and waving to the young child, and as he got closer he could see the level of happiness she had inside of her. She had put on weight, too, he noticed as he got closer still. Even in the drab supermarket uniform she had on, he could see that her body had taken on more shape since the last time he had seen her. Her face was rounder. She looked … healthier.
She had not yet turned back to his direction when he finally reached her checkout counter. He watched her face as he moved closer, and on it he could almost see her sense that he was there. She had stopped smiling but she stood still, with a look of determination to keep watching the direction the mother and child had gone. To her left. Through the exit.
He almost lost his nerve. He almost turned and walked back the way he had come, to pretend he had never been there. But he believed deep inside of him that she already knew he was right there, in front of her.
Finally he found the courage to speak.
"Lexi," he said, desperate to keep his voice steady and not betray how nervous he was. How aroused he was.
He held his breath, desperate for her to turn and look at him. To show him how much she had missed him. How much she loved him. How happy she was to see him. How much she regretted having run away from him.
For a moment he thought she was going to faint. It looked as if her legs tried to buckle underneath her, and for the slightest of moments he felt panic stream through his veins. Like he understood the effect he had on her, and he did not want to put her through that.
But then he saw her body do the opposite of what it had looked like it wanted to do. She became more upright as her back straightened. She turned to him and he saw her eyes connect directly with his.
There were many things he had dreamed he would see on her face when he finally found her and she saw him again. But none of them were what he saw on her face now. The look she was giving him was completely … unfathomable.
He saw her eyes move over his face, up to his hair, down to his neck, but then settle on his eyes once again. In those moments he felt like he was undergoing an important appraisal. Whatever test he was being subjected to, he desperately wanted to pass. He had been searching for her for what seemed like far too long, and he felt himself frantic at the need for her to want him again.
Looking deeply into her eyes he saw something so different from what he had seen before. It was like a new confidence. Almost a rebellion. A determination inside of her to stand her ground and show him how strong she was. To show what strength she had recently discovered inside of her … without him in her life.
He felt confusion. This wasn't quite the reaction and greeting he had expected. She was not falling at his feet, wanting to do whatever he wanted her to do. She was not falling at his feet, wanting to please him. It flustered him and that was a feeling he was not used to. He was always confident and self-assured, and even when he wasn't, he could always present himself as being so.
It must have only been seconds from when he approached, but it felt to him like things were moving in slow motion. He saw every little reaction in her body to knowing he was there. He could almost see every thought that passed through her mind. It didn't feel like seconds. It felt like a lifetime.
He saw her start to speak and he hung on for hearing her say his name again. She was one of the few people who had ever had the confidence to call him by his first name. It in itself had long ago separated her from so many other people he had to deal with every single day. He loved how she said his first name. He had never wanted her to call him by anything else. It was like his first name had always been meant to be used by her, and her alone.
In slow motion he saw her lips part and he waited with joy to hear the name escape her lips, but it wasn't what he heard at all.
"Mr Kokiri."
He had to take a moment to process what he had just heard. She would not call him that - she had never called him that. That name was what everyone else used to address him - his business associates, his employees, the media … no, that was not the name she was supposed to use. And she knew it. She knew it.
They stared at each other for a long while, before Lincoln became aware that now someone else was in line behind him. Even with this being a competitor supermarket to the businesses he himself owned, he would never intentionally create havoc in a competing company.
He would not hold up the queue for no reason, and at the moment he presented no reason at all to be in the checkout area. He had no groceries, and felt suddenly aware of being a time waster, being in this line when other peopl
e needed to buy their groceries and then move on with all the other things they would have to do in their day.
Quickly he grabbed a handful of items that were on display at the checkout counter. He didn't even look at them - he didn't care what they were. Their only purpose was to pretend that he was going through checkout for a reason. For any reason other than why he really was there.
He handed the items to Alexis and pulled out his wallet, and saw her immediately move on in her checkout operator duties. As if he were any other customer, on any other day.
~~~~~
Alexis pulled herself together quickly, seeing there was someone else in line also now, and not wanting to cause any kind of scene, or any kind of delay to their day.
She saw Lincoln grab a handful of chocolate bars and hand them to her, making her laugh inside of herself at the absurdity of that. He was a professional not only in his work, but also in the ongoing and in-depth maintenance of his body. There was no way he would ever eat a bar of chocolate.
As she scanned the items she kept her eyes lowered, as she would do if he were any other customer. She could have stood there, maintaining eye contact, but it was not a natural action to take when scanning groceries, and she just wanted this moment to be over with.
She rang the process through the cash register and said out loud the total sum required from him. He reached into his wallet and pulled out a $50 note and she saw him extend his hand out toward her, the note inside of it.
For a brief moment she almost felt herself pulling back away from his hand. It was a natural reaction for her to have. But this was her job, and in this moment he was simply a customer who wished to pay for their grocery items. She knew that wasn't what he was, but it was what they both had to pretend he was.
She reached out and took the cash, being careful to not let her hand touch his … not let her fingers touch his. She had played through different versions of a moment like this in her head many times - how she would feel if she ever saw him again - what she would do. She knew now that in some ways she had not really prepared for the moment at all. This was not how she had imagined it would be if she once again came face to face with him. It was not what she had wanted to believe things would be like if they saw each other again.
And yet, she did feel a slight inner strength that she might not have had before, so perhaps the preparation in her mind had worked somewhat, after all.
She moved on with the transaction, processing the payment and assembling the change in her hand. She kept her eyes on his hand as she counted the change back to him and gave him his receipt. In her mind she had to keep trying to deceive herself, just to get through the transaction. The hand was not his. The hand was not him. The hand before her belonged to just another customer, passing by her as so many did every single day that she was there at work, in the supermarket.
~~~~~
Lincoln watched her hand come toward his. He held his hand still, even though he felt his body trembling all over. As she voiced the counting of the change into his hand, he watched her face. Listened to her voice. He missed her voice. She had never said a great deal in their times together, but it was still a voice that he loved … and missed.
When she had put the change and the receipt into his hand he saw her raise her eyes to him.
"Would you like a bag, Mr Kokiri?" she asked, looking right into his eyes, and he found himself trying to think of ways to delay having to leave - ways of extending the moment right out, so that they could stay right here, together, and not be apart again.
He sensed she was waiting, and once again he considered the person who was waiting behind him in the line that he could now see was growing with more people in it.
"No, thank you," he said and put his cash away in his wallet, now feeling his hands shake more visibly. He picked up the purchased items into his hand and looked at her one more time before he knew he would have to leave. "It is good to see you again."
She did not reply. Even in her eyes he did not see any kind of recognition, or enthusiasm for him being there in front of her. He stayed another second, just to give her the chance to let him know that she wanted to see him again. That she wanted to spend time with him. That she wanted to hear about how he had been. That she wanted him.
But she stood still, already moving her eyes to the next customer in line, and he saw her smile broadly at that person. She had not smiled like that at him. She had been polite and she had been professional. But she had not smiled.
Resigned to the failure of his first meeting with her since she had left Melbourne - since she had run away from him - he finally walked out of the supermarket, and headed to his rental car.
~~~~~
On this day he had not brought Toby with him - or any other staff member. He had flown into the small airport nearby and hired a rental car, and was driving himself around. The city had limited accommodation but he had located a small 3-star motel that would serve his purpose while he was here. He didn't need luxury. He just needed privacy and peace, to think … to plan … to prepare.
When he had flown in, he had already known where she was, of course. His efforts to keep trying to find her had already paid off, and he had known for more than a month now that she was living in this city, and working in that supermarket. He had not acted immediately when he heard the news. He had forced himself to take time to think … to assess … to dream of all the different ways things could go, depending on all the different ways he could act in those first few minutes of the two of them meeting again.
He had thought he would be best to simply approach her in her work. Then she would not be able to run away. She possibly would not even be able to ignore him, or say anything negative to him. It was still in his mind, that she had run away from Melbourne to get away from him, and he thought it best that at the moment that she first saw him again, she not be in a situation where she could easily run … and hide.
~~~~~
Lincoln sat in his rental car. He had come here to find her. To see her. To make sure she saw him. He had considered it best to see her at her work, so she could not run away from him. But he had not thought hard enough about that situation. She could not walk out with him. She could not take him to a private area of the supermarket to talk. She could not come out to his car with him. No, this plan had not been a sufficient one to result in success.
It made him flustered. He made business decisions every week that were worth millions of dollars, and that always took dedicated skills in analysis and problem solving. He was a professional at it. And he never failed at it. But always with her it was different. Always when it came to her, he just couldn't think straight. Always he felt like he was looking at a puzzle that he just couldn't solve. A decision that he just couldn't make. It had been that way since the day he had met her. He did not understand why he kept forgetting it.
Now the question running around in his head was what to do now. He had put so many hours in to tracking her down. He had put so much time into finding her. The least she could do was talk to him. Listen to him. Hear what he wanted to say to her. What he needed to say to her. What he needed her to hear.
He sat in the car for a long time, not starting it up. Not moving. He felt a sense of déjà vu and knew why. He had done this before, that day more than three years ago. But things were different now, he argued with himself silently. Then he just had to meet her, to start to get to know her. Now he was here because he loved her. He was meant to be with her. She was meant to be with him. There was no uncertainty now. That was how it was just meant to be.
He looked at his watch. It was mid-morning. As owner of a supermarket chain he knew that people were changing shifts all the time and there was no such thing as a standard morning tea, lunch or afternoon tea break. She could have started work at any time this morning. She could finish at any time. And she could have a break at any time. So what would he do? Sit here all day, hoping to see her come outside? And then what?
It was mid-morning
, he told himself once more. He would sit and wait a while, and continue to weigh up options. Work out what was best. In business he would take time to assess what would be most effective for the goal he wanted to reach. Then he would play out different scenarios in his head, visualising the end result at the very end of each scenario. And only after all of that would he make a sound decision based on the most likely outcome. It was that simple - even when there were millions of dollars involved. He just had to apply the same logic to figure out the best path to take now, in this situation. It really shouldn't be so difficult - not for him.
~~~~~
Alexis served customer after customer, appreciative that finally the supermarket was becoming busy, which meant that she was forced to keep smiling and keep chatting throughout the morning.
He continued to keep entering her mind but she kept pushing down thoughts of him. She did not want to dwell on the fact that he had finally found her. That he finally knew where she was. That he finally had approached her, making sure she knew he had found her and knew where she was.
"Are you that girl who was on the news? That girl who was missing?" she heard an elderly woman ask her but Alexis smiled at her and shook her head.
"No, but you aren't the first person to ask that. I must just look like her," she said. She had answered the same question many times in recent weeks, always the same way - always untruthfully. She didn't like to lie - she never had. But in this instance, with that question, she had lied over and over. And would continue to lie. She didn't want to be 'that missing girl'. She just wanted to be herself - but a better version of herself than she had been before.
So much had happened since the news broadcast, she found herself always surprised when someone asked that same question. It made her think that people in general must be very observant, to see a random face on a news bulletin and then remember so well what that face was like. She was becoming more and more aware all the time now of how other people acted and reacted to things that happened, and she had been feeling like she was on a new journey of self-enrichment, learning how to be a better person. But seeing him here, in her workplace, seemed to have drained her of some of her newly gained self-confidence. And she didn't like that. Not one bit. She didn't want to go backwards. She only wanted to go forwards.
Darkness of Heart (Painful Deliverance Book 2) Page 1