His wife was already forgotten.
~~~~~
He let the month pass, forcing himself to focus and indulge in his work. He had not given Diana another thought - she was completely gone from his mind, as if that night had never happened.
One evening his watch sounded and he looked at it, not sure why the alarm was going off. He was surprised to see that it was time - one whole month had passed by and it was time.
Time for him to assess if he wanted to go and see her or not. He did not want to panic - he would not boldly and blindly rush at her without thinking first. But as he considered - visualized - seeing her again, he felt too desperate still, and he didn't want to make any more mistakes.
He used his resources to do another check of her accounts and saw that she still had wages being paid by the same supermarket, and was still withdrawing money in the same town. For now she was staying still, and probably would continue to do so if she thought he had not found her yet, or did not think he was still looking for her.
No, he would wait another few weeks and then he would go and see her. Make her see him. Once she saw him, all would be well again. He was sure of it.
~~~~~
Finally, four weeks later, he believed he had the strength to go to her and convince her to come home with him. He flew into the closest airport to where she was, hired a rental car, and booked into a 3-star motel. The next morning he went to the supermarket as soon as it opened … and waited.
After their interaction that first day - with her treating him like a common customer - a customer! - he had lost sight of her as she had gotten into a man's car.
The next morning he had gone to the supermarket again, having let such an anger build up in him that he knew he would hurt that man in the supermarket. The thought of anyone else touching her infuriated him, and he had to deal to that.
But she had stopped him from hurting that man - her supervisor, she had told him. Her supervisor, who she had no romantic or sexual entanglement with. At first he did not believe her, but then he did. She had spoken to him so harshly, and with so much passion and forwardness. She was so different from the Lexi he knew. He had found himself quite stunned at the different person she was. So much so that he had vowed to not go near her workplace again. And he hadn't.
But he hadn't left town.
~~~~~
For the following days since that last interaction, he had watched her. He would not approach her yet, as he did not want her to bolt again. At least for now he could see her, even if only from a great distance. That was better than not seeing her at all.
During that time he still managed his company - remotely with his laptop and mobile phone at the ready, his staff didn't need to know where he was or what he was doing.
He was just about to consider approaching her one more time, certain that by now she would be wanting to see him. In his mind, she would have gone away and had those few days and that would have been enough for her to realize how much she missed him and wanted to be with him again.
But then he saw something he had not wanted to see. A man. And this time there was no mistaking that they were involved.
He watched them walking along the waterfront. He saw them kiss. It wasn't a friendly kiss. It was a kiss with great passion and desire. He could see it on her face, even from the distance he was from them. He didn't act - he was scared to let himself get out of the car.
He felt his head go fuzzy again, into a different space, but he was determined to maintain control. Everything about her was chaos and he could hardly stand that, but at the same time he just couldn't let her go.
Inside of him he felt the rage building … a fury that even he did not like the feeling of.
He had to talk to someone urgently, before he did something…
"Diana," he said into his phone after dialing her number.
"Lincoln? Are you alright?" she responded and he took a deep breath.
"I found her. I can see her right now," he said vaguely, as if he were talking to himself rather than to her.
Diana heard the words and although she wished she could just tell him to leave her alone so she could start a new life, she took a deep breath and formulated the best words that she could, to try and stop him from making any more mistakes. Their marriage might be over but she would not let him do any more stupid things that could affect his future.
"Lincoln, where are you? Are you in a hotel somewhere?"
"I am in my car. I can see her."
"Lincoln, please listen to me. You have to stop what you are doing. Start your car and drive away. She is terrified of you…"
"No, you are wrong. She loves me…"
"Lincoln! Listen to me!" he heard Diana scream down the phone at him, in a tone that finally seemed to reach him. "Lexi left Melbourne to get away from you. She does not want to see you. You scare her. Stop scaring her!"
"I would never hurt her, Diana. You don't understand…"
"No, you don't understand, Lincoln. You can't see the situation as it is. Think! Why would she leave if she loved you? Why would she go to such lengths to hide from you? Lincoln, please listen and think about this. You are going to be arrested if you keep harassing her," Diana pleaded to him, hoping something she said would make him see what a mess he was making of his life. "Do you want to go to jail?"
"No, of course I don't…"
"Then leave her alone. She wants a new life, without you in it."
Lincoln could hear the words and the mist was starting to clear … partially.
"She is with someone. I can see them together right now. He is kissing her. He is kissing my Lexi."
"She isn't yours, Lincoln. You have to wake up and see that, or something very bad is going to happen in this situation. Please don't let anything bad happen. You are my husband and I have known you forever. Even if our marriage cannot be repaired, please … please don't throw away the rest of your life by doing something you are going to deeply regret."
They were both silent for a while, as Lincoln watched Alexis and Anthony indulging in their kissing and then standing up, both looking so happy, even though Lincoln did not want to believe it.
He could not remember the last time she had looked happy when she was with him. He could remember how she looked when they had first met. But she had not looked like that for a long time.
"Please come home," Diana laid one final plea to him, and this one he heard.
"Yes. I will come home, Diana. I am going to leave now. I will be back in Melbourne tomorrow night. Will you meet me at the apartment then? Can I see you?"
Diana held back the sigh that so much wanted to escape her right then. She had just resolved to be free again, free to start a new chapter in her life. And she still would. But first she would make sure that he got away from that girl so he could not do any more harm than he already had.
"I will. Call me when you are back in Melbourne and I will come to the apartment, Lincoln."
"Thank you," he said and hung up.
He sat a while longer, watching Alexis and Anthony make their way back along the long waterfront path. He would not follow her again. Tonight he would stay in the shabby 3-star motel, and tomorrow he would go home and start to salvage something from his marriage.
4 ~ THE ENLIGHTENMENT
Alexis ventured back to work two days later, having enjoyed every minute she had been able to spend with Anthony. Everything was all so easy with him, like nothing needed to be a drama, and nothing had to be so serious.
"Good morning Alexis," she heard Tom call out to her as she started to set up her counter for the morning, and she returned the sentiment before she saw him move down the line of checkout counters, stopping at each one and delighting staff with his cheerful greetings.
The day passed as any other day did in the supermarket - well, any other day when Lincoln Kokiri was not around, anyway. Alexis had not seen him for five days and found that he had largely left her mind. Her time with Anthony was so limited whe
n they saw each other - the alternation of him coming to see her on their same days off, and then her going to see him on their next same days off - that she only wanted to concentrate on him. Lincoln was her past and he had to stay there. Hopefully he had listened to her when he had seen her, and he was now back in Melbourne, moving on with his life also.
She gave a brief thought to his wife, Diana. When she had approached Alexis in the supermarket a month or so ago, she had indicated that she had left Lincoln and was starting a new life too. It made Alexis wonder how he was dealing with his life, with both of his women having walked away from him. It must be extremely lonely to have two women you are seeing, and then suddenly they are both gone, she pondered to herself.
And then kicked the thoughts about Lincoln Kokiri out of her head once again.
~~~~~
"Do you need a ride anywhere, Alexis? I am off to the supermarket again," Tom said to her as she was walking toward the exterior doors at the end of her day.
"Oh, thanks Tom. Actually I do need to get to the bank," she answered, remembering she had another two cheques in her wallet to deposit.
"Great! I can drop you off there. Let's go," he said genially, holding the door open for her to pass through.
As Alexis opened the passenger side door, something in the back seat caught her eye and made her halt abruptly.
"Are you okay?" Tom asked her, seeing the change in her immediately.
When she did not speak, he followed her eyes to the back seat of his car.
"Oh," he said, laughing softly. "You can see my secret life."
Alexis looked up at him, now wary of getting in the car with him. The items on the seat were things she had seen before … floggers, a whip, and a riding crop. The sight made her feel almost faint.
Tom watched her face, confused at why the things in his car were upsetting her so much. But there was no doubting that she was upset - very visibly so.
He came around to her side of the car and stood close to her.
"Alexis, this is something I would not share with any staff members usually, but I am part of a local BDSM club. Those things are props - and tools - that my partner and I use when we go to demonstrations."
Alexis heard the words and was confounded.
"You go to a club? To use those? On your partner??"
She saw him smile at her softly, not like anyone who would want to inflict pain on her or want her to inflict pain on him.
"Jump in the car and I will give you a ride to the bank. Don't worry, those things will stay in the back of my car, I promise. Don't give them another thought. All I ask is that you don't mention this to anyone else in there," he said, indicating to the supermarket behind them. "I trust you so I don't mind that you know, but I don't want everyone to know."
Alexis looked at his face and nodded softly. Trusting people was so difficult to her, but she was changing as a person, and this was the next obstacle she had to overcome. And Tom had only ever been nice to her - he had never in any way shown any interest in her, other than as a friendly work colleague and supervisor.
And Alexis knew now that he had a partner. Not that such a situation had stopped Lincoln, of course…
~~~~~
"Has this stuff really affected you so much, Alexis?" Tom asked her before she opened the door to get out. She had always been a quiet person since she had come to work in the supermarket, but during their car ride - since seeing his gear - she had been particularly subdued and silent.
Alexis looked at him, feeling herself yearn to be more relaxed about things.
"You are open about it - you are not trying to hide it," she said, with a sound of curiosity in her voice, like it was a question rather than a statement.
Tom looked at her in wonder. Had she really lived such a closed off life that she was unaware of such activities?
"Alexis, I am part of a large club, where literally hundreds of people take part in using this kind of stuff. I don't want everyone to know about that side of my life, but it isn't something to be ashamed of," he said to her, and on her face her confusion only seemed to intensify, not relax.
"I don't … I'm sorry, Tom, I have to go. Thank you for the ride. I will see you at work tomorrow," she said and gave him a sad smile before climbing out of the car, leaving him in a vast state of curiosity himself.
~~~~~
The next morning she was setting up when he approached her. She saw him look around them, as if making sure no-one could hear, before he spoke.
"Were you okay yesterday?" he asked, concerned for her. "I am sorry if the stuff in my car freaked you out."
Alexis smiled at him in a desperate attempt to have the subject done and finished with.
"Yes. I'm sorry about how I reacted. It really is no big deal, and don't worry, I won't mention it to anyone."
"I know I don't have to worry about that, Alexis. I trust you, and hadn't thought you would tell anyone. I was more worried about you, and your reaction to it."
"I am fine," she said, purposely putting on a larger smile to hide how seeing the stuff had made her feel. "There really is nothing to worry about."
Tom looked at her face. He would not pressure her, but he was intuitive enough to know that there was something worrying about her reaction.
"Okay. If you want to talk about it, I am here," he said and then walked off, leaving her to serve the first customer for the day, who was now approaching.
~~~~~
Two days later Alexis found herself curious again. No more had been said about the matter but it was on her mind. She found herself increasingly wanting to talk to Tom about this club thing he had mentioned. It seemed impossible to her that people would get together in large groups and do things like that to one another. It just didn't seem right.
When she was about to leave work for the day she saw Tom getting ready to leave.
"Are you okay, Alexis?" he asked in his usual cheerful voice as he started veering toward the exterior doors, to also finish for the day.
"Tom, can I ask you questions about … you know?"
Tom looked at her and instantly did know what she was referring to. He smiled at her, but with great care to make sure she did not think he was suggesting anything to her.
"You can. But not here. Let's find somewhere quieter. Where would you like to go?"
"There are seats down by the waterfront…"
He nodded at her.
"I know the ones. Let's go," he said and they talked no more as he drove them to a parking spot close to the water.
They walked down to the waterside and sat on one of the benches there, close to where she had sat with Anthony only a few nights before. Where she had also been seen - watched - by another set of eyes, even though she did not know it.
"Ask me anything, Alexis. I am an open book. But first, can I ask you why those things invoked such a concern in you? Has someone used that kind of thing on you before?" he asked her, very curious as she was of such a quiet nature, although through the club he had met many different kinds of people who he would not have suspected were into such activities.
He saw her shake her head and look down for a long time before she brought her eyes back up to meet his.
"No, quite the opposite," she said and watched his face as he tried to process what she meant by that.
"You have used things like that on other people?"
Alexis felt a blush appear on her face - an intense blush that came from the shame she still felt inside of herself because of the things she had done to Lincoln.
"I have," she began and took another deep breath before continuing her wording. "But I didn't want to."
"I don't understand. Usually there is a mutual gain from BDSM - a person who likes to be in control matches in sync with someone who wants to be controlled. There should never be any aspect of someone doing - or having done to them - something they don't want. That isn't what is about," he said and she considered his words before he continued to speak again. "Was it as p
art of a club?"
Alexis shook her head again.
"No, and I don't think it was a 'BDSM' situation like you talk about. He was just someone who wanted me to … hurt him."
"This is a boyfriend of yours?" Tom asked, his curiosity growing by the minute.
He saw her give a smile that was unfathomable in terms of what kind of smile it was.
"Not a boyfriend, but…"
"But he wasn't a formal play partner, as such."
"I don't know what you mean by formal play partner, Tom. I know nothing about this BDSM world you are speaking of. I had never even heard the term until you said it the other day."
Tom sat quiet for a few minutes, trying to process what she was saying. He himself had only gotten into the club through a friend of his, and as far as he knew that was the only kind of scene where people used things like whips and floggers.
"It wasn't in a club situation that you used that gear?"
"No," Alexis replied quietly, feeling some of the residual guilt and bad feelings about her time with Lincoln, start to evaporate as she talked more. "He wanted me to hurt him, Tom. So I did. But I never enjoyed it. I never should have done it. I should have said no, but I didn't have the strength to," she said and paused before continuing. "But you are saying that people like this kind of thing? I know that he liked being on the receiving end of the pain. But you know people who like to deliver that pain?"
"Yes! Well not precisely. My partner - that is my play partner, I mean - I am not in a relationship, Alexis, just to be clear. Samantha has been a good friend of mine through our entire lives - we went to kindergarten together. And about a year ago she mentioned to me that she had joined a club. She had been introduced to it by her then boyfriend. I think to her it was a new thing, but she was loving it, and she asked me if I wanted to try it, so I did, and I liked it well enough. Then she split with that guy and she suggested that she and I become play partners in the club, so we did."
"So you hit her?"
Darkness of Heart (Painful Deliverance Book 2) Page 7