Chapter 8
It is Monday morning and instead of being at school I am at a hospital because my mother is really ill and we are waiting for results to see what is wrong with her. I really hope it is nothing serious. The doctor told us to come back on Wednesday to find out the results.
It is finally Wednesday and will be getting the results today and I am so nervous. I love my mother and I hope she will be alright. But if worst comes to worst I will still be here by my mother’s side the whole entire time. The doctor comes in and sits us down he starts to tell us that my mother’s liver is failing. I know it’s only a matter of time before she passes a way. But I will make this time last I will never forget my mother she will not go yet not yet I hope.
We got home and mother said she was going to lie down because she did not feel well at all. So I went and curled up I the bed with her so she would not feel lonely. I started to remember when I was little and I did not feel well or I was sad then my mom would come and lay next to me and rub my head I miss those days when my mom would sit and cradle me like I was a little baby. I really miss that but now it is time for me to take care of my mother and make sure she will be ok. It is time for me to be the mother and her to be the kid. It is only up to me now because father is to busy and Grant is not really the mothering kind of type so it is up to me to take care of mother and I would not have it any other way.
Today my mother sad she is still tired and in a little pain but she asked me if I wanted to go to the mall with her so we could spend some time together. I told her that I would like that a lot. My mother and I went to the mall and we did some clothes shopping and we ate at Wetzel Pretzel. I have never gotten to spend this much time with my mom and I have never been any happier in my life. My favorite part is when my mom took me to look at make up and let me buy some really nice lip gloss and mascara you know stuff like that. I told her that when we were done shopping that I would put make up on her and make her look beautiful. She smiled really big and told me I was an amazing kid and she was sorry that it had to come done to this. I started to cry this is when I knew I could not live without my mother, I knew I had to spend every last minute wisely. I was not going to let her pass a way with out her knowing I love her with all my heart she will always be in my heart.
My mother is the most beautiful women I know and I decided to make her even more beautiful I decide to put my new make up on my mother. Little did she know that my dad was going to take her out on a date. I curled her long beautiful hair, put beautiful lip stick on her, and then it was time for the mascara to go on her long eye lashes this would really make her beautiful ocean like eyes pop out. My mother was going to look amazing. Then my favorite part is I get to put a beautiful navy blue dress on her. When my mother came out in the living room my dad had flowers in his hand and told my mother she looked beautiful. I laughed because my mother never really liked flowers but tonight I knew it did not matter she was in love. I sat on my bed and watched them leave the house I was so happy that she was finally getting her dream night with my father. This is the best day of my life and her life. Nothing can change that my mother is dying but we can change the how it will end.
My mother saw the doctor once again today and she only has like a week left, and she is actually getting very sick and it sucks so much that this is it. This is how my mother will end her life. I can only image how my dad feels right now, I know it is killing him inside he knows that we will have a hard time surviving with out mother. My mom does all the cooking and the cleaning plus she does almost any thing for Grant and me. I really do not know what Grant, dad, and I are going to do with out our mom. It is a really scary thought and I just want to cry and never stop.
Today during English Ms. Vivid wanted to talk to me and I told her everything. I fell apart when I told her that my mother was going to dye and I really just did not know how to talk to her with out bursting in tears. She hugged me and told me to go speak to the counselor. I walked down the hall and it felt never ending. My eyes were still filled with tears and I just couldn’t stand it. I reached the counselors office I she told me to come on in. I explained to her that I did not know how to deal with the fact that my mother was dying. She told me there really is not away to deal with it right of the bat it will take time before I can get use to it. So I agreed with here and walked out feeling some what better but still feeling empty. My mother really does not know that this is really affecting me.
My mom is at home and we are going to watch a movie because this is her last night at home before she has to stay at the hospital. I decide to pick my mom’s favorite movie the “Good Bye Girl” I know my mother loves this movie because she was the one who gave it to me for my birthday a few years ago and said that she loved this movie. Ever since then I fell in love with the movie. She sat down on the couch and I cover her up wit ha blanket, and curled up next to her. I loved how I felt so close to my mother these last couple of weeks I wish she new how much she meant to me. As the movie started my mom rubbed my head like she use to when I was little, so I curled up even closer to her. I have never felt so loved and safe ever in my life. After the movie she said she was really tired so we went and laid down I rubbed my mothers head and told her I loved he and once she fell asleep I walked out of the room and started to cry. Then as I got in my bed I cried, cried, cried, and cried. I looked at the picture of my mother that sits on my dresser and I talked to it. I told it to never leave me. But I knew that was not a realistic question. My mother has not even passed away yet but I miss her already. I love her so much but she will never get to know that.
It is my mother’s last two days in the hospital before she will dye and I can not handle it. My father says I do not have to go to school for the next few days so I will stay with my mother for the last two days. This is so hard for me. It is already night so my mother is asleep and my dad told me he is going to leave so I better lie down and get some sleep. I could not stop watching my mother sleep I thought that it was nice that she looked so peaceful.
“Crystal are you there honey.”
“Yes mom I am right here do you need anything.”
“Sweetie will you come and lay down with me I want someone by my side.”
“Yes of course mom of course.”
I hugged my mother so tight, she was freezing cold. She told me that I she loved me and she wants to savoir this moment.
This is my mothers last hour and I decided to read her a poem I write.
“Mom do you mind if I read you this poem I wrote you.”
“Go ahead sweetie I would love to hear it.”
“When a rose starts to end its life it will wilt.
I sit and stare to watch it tilt.
My mother is very similar to this rose.
I will hold her hand until she goes.
When you get ill your mother will care for you.
But now I will return the favor to.
My mother will sit here and get ill, and soon die
But I will never leave her side I will stay here and cry.
“Oh crystal that was so beautiful”
“Thanks mom that means a lot to here you say that”
“Sweetie you know that I love everything you do, and I am really sorry I don’t always show it.
“Mom I know you mean well”
“Thank you honey it means a lot to hear you say that”
“Mom I am really sorry I don not tell you I love you very often”
“Honey you say it every time you hug me, or get made when I would drink, and when you read me a poem.”
“Really mom”
“Yes Crystal every time you do things like that I know you care”
“Thanks mom I am really going to miss you.”
“I am going to miss you way more I don’t know what I am going to do with out my baby girl.”
Shortly after our long conversation my mother passed away and I just could not handle to be there any more my dad drove me home
and we both cried. The love of his life was gone and my mother the women I look up to is gone. This was it for us.
Chapter 9
Today is the day of my mom’s funeral and it sucks. It sucks because I miss her so much. This day was dragging on I had to listen to everyone cry and watch my Dad and Grant stare at the ground. Then the car ride home was nothing but dead silence it was so terrible.
Today my dad says that I have to get a job so I can help pay rent. So I went and applied at the local grocery store of course they hired me. So this means that I have to stop spending time studying and spend my time helping pay rent.
My dad is missing and I think he went to go drink at the bar so it is just me and Grant. I made grant some dinner and he helped me study but it was not long before Grant asked me about taking the Christmas decorations. It is only January tenth I have avoided taking them down since mom died because we use to do that together. So I struggled putting them away and I burst into tears Grant came to comfort me but I just could not handle it any more every thing is just falling down around me. He helped me finish putting everything away, and I hugged him and told him thank you.
My father finally came home he yelled at me and told me that I am a terrible kid because I am the one that made mom drink and dye. I yelled back at him because he was very drunk. He said that mom drank because she hated me. I slapped my father across the face and he threw my body on the floor I cried and cried then Grant picked me up and brought me to my room. The next morning I had a huge bruise o n my face and my dad said sorry, and he told me I better put make up on my face. But I didn’t I chose to let the world see my bruise, to see my life.
I finally got to school and I went to talk to the counselor I told her that my father and I started to fight and how he made me get a job. She told me it was going to be very hard on for me to get through this but she new I would. I told her that I will and once I do I will never turn back.
I got home and my dad screamed and screamed at me to clean the house I cleaned and then cried for my mother to come back. But I knew she would not come back home. This was my life and I had to get use to it. I was now mother and I suddenly knew what made her drink. She never was appreciated. So this was what I would put up with for the next three years until I graduate. The only words I had left to mutter were.
“The crushing painful words, the burning sorrow filled tears, the everlasting lies, this is what we have become.”
Everlasting Lies Page 7