The Traveling Woman

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

  Hilde and I smiled politely at each other. I spoke first.

  “Hi, I’m Aimee. It’s lovely to meet you, Hilde. I’ve heard lots about you.”

  She ignored my hand and gave me a European kiss, a quick peck on both cheeks.

  “I’ve heard nothing about you,” she said, with a cool smile.

  My expression froze. I couldn’t tell if she was trying to be rude or whether all Germans were this blunt. Nobody else seemed to notice, so I kept my mouth shut and a tight smile plastered on my face.

  “I’m seeing it, but I don’t believe it,” Con laughed. “If it isn’t little Aimee Andersen!”

  “Hello, Con,” I said politely. “It’s been a while.”

  He surprised me by giving me a warm hug.

  “This is my fiancée, Hilde,” he said, grinning broadly.

  “Fiancée?” Kes questioned. “Holy shit!”

  “Congratulations,” I said insincerely as Hilde held out her hand for me to examine her ring.

  I couldn’t help hoping it would be ostentatious, but it wasn’t. It was a simple but perfect princess-cut diamond in a plain gold band.

  “It’s beautiful,” I couldn’t help saying.

  “Thank you,” she said, smiling at me.

  “Congats, big brother,” Kes said, slapping Con on the shoulder, then leaning across to give Hilde a quick, one-armed hug.

  Con grinned happily and put his arm around Hilde. “Yep, decided to make it official. I’m being transferred stateside, so it made sense.”

  Hilde slapped his arm lightly. “It made sense because we are in love,” she corrected him.

  A quiet chuckle escaped me, and Hilde rolled her eyes at Con before sharing a conspiratorial smile with me.

  Okay, maybe she wasn’t a complete bitch.

  “Would you like to sit down?” I offered, waving loosely to the chairs. “Coffee?”

  “Thank you,” Hilde said, sitting down and crossing one long leg over the other. “Do you have real coffee? Otherwise I’ll just have water.”

  I tried not to grind my teeth. “We have real coffee,” I assured her.

  “Black,” she said.

  “I’ll have the same,” Con smiled, and turned back to Kes.

  I tried not to feel dismissed as I stepped into the RV and poured two more cups. I checked the cookie jar, surprised to see that the guys had left something from yesterday. I put half-a-dozen cookies onto a plate and turned around to carry it all out. But Hilde was standing behind me.

  “Can I help you carry anything?” she asked.

  I really didn’t know what to make of her: one minute she was making me feel like shit, and the next she was offering to help.

  “I’ve never been inside a motorhome,” she said, looking around her. “It’s cute. Okay for a vacation, but I couldn’t live in one.”

  I couldn’t fault her English, just her attitude.

  “You get used to it,” I said quickly.

  And really, when it came down to it, had my attitude been any better the first time I’d seen where Kes lived? Had I been any different last summer?

  My feelings toward Con’s future wife were very mixed as I stared at her. Then she caught my gaze.

  “I’m being rude. Con says I’m blunt.” She shrugged. “I’m German: we say what we think. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s okay,” I said, caught off guard.

  “I couldn’t do it, living like this.”

  I tried not to be annoyed with her. For one thing, it would be hypocritical—how many times had I had the same thought?”

  “I wanted to be with Kes.”

  Hilde smiled at me in sympathy. “Ah, these Donohue men—they are hard to resist, yes?”

  “Definitely,” I nodded emphatically.

  She gave a quiet laugh. “I was a chemist in Germany. I had a good job. I was promoted many times. But now I have followed Con to another country, to be an Air Force wife in California. I don’t know anyone here.”

  “Well, you do now,” I said firmly.

  Hilde’s smile was a little sad. “Thank you.”

  “And I do understand. I was a teacher back East.”

  We were silent, each considering the choices we’d made.

  “So, I am excited to see Kestrel’s show,” Hilde said at last. “It is a strange job for an adult—performing for adulation.”

  We’re really going to have to work on that bluntness, I thought. But my reply was simple.

  “You’ll understand when you see it.”

  Then Tucker strolled out, wearing just a pair of tight briefs that left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

  “God, Tucker!” I yelled. “Put some damn clothes on.”

  “You want me really,” he teased. “Who’s this?”

  His eyes skated up and down Hilde appreciatively.

  “She’s Con’s fiancée,” I snapped, stepping forward. “And you’re not going to meet her until you’ve got your pants on!”

  Tucker huffed a little, but wandered back to his room.

  Hilde raised her eyebrows.

  “He’s one of the other stunt riders,” I explained.

  “And he lives with you in this small space?”

  “He’s not the only one,” I smiled at her. “There are two of them.”

  “You must have no privacy!” she exclaimed.

  “Not much. I’m still getting used to it.”

  “He is very sexy,” she said.

  I laughed in surprise. “They all are. Women throw themselves at Kes and the guys all the time.”

  “And you don’t mind?”

  “Hell, yes!”

  Hilde laughed loudly. “It happens to Con, as well. Always the women. I used to think it was the uniform, but it happens whatever he wears.”

  “The X factor,” I said, voicing my thoughts.

  Hilde frowned. “Like the TV show?”

  I giggled. “No! I mean, they have charisma.”

  “Ah, yes. That is true. Men, women, children, animals: they all want to be near. The brothers, they are too handsome.”

  I sighed, and we both smiled, completely understanding each other.

  Kes jumped into the RV, interrupting our bonding moment.

  “Forget the coffee—we’re going to get something to eat. You ready to go?”

  Hilde rolled her eyes at me and I smiled back.

  “I’ll get my purse,” I said.

  “Bring a sweater, baby. The breeze is picking up.”

  Then he slid his feet into a pair of flip flops and jumped out again.

  Hilde sighed. “Just like his brother—always on the go. Sometimes I just want to lie in bed and sleep—without sex.”

  I burst out laughing. “I can’t imagine that happening anytime soon.”

  Hilde grinned at me. “I would probably complain if it did. But I save money on my gym membership. My thighs could crack walnuts.”

  I was laughing so hard, my face turned red.

  Kes rattled his knuckles on the door. “Come on, we’re . . . Aimee, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I wheezed. “Fine. Just coming . . .”

  Kes was confused, but then he shook his head and gave up.

  It was surprisingly good fun hanging out with Con and Hilde. He still had something of a stick up his ass, but I could see that he and Kes cared about each other.

  I also knew from things Kes had said in the past that he still harbored resentment because Con had taken off for college, leaving Kes with their grandfather, and never really looked back. I’d been the same at 18, so I could hardly criticize Con for that, except that I knew how abandoned Kes had felt.

  I was stuffing myself with delicious pancakes and bacon drenched in syrup at a pretty ocean-side café. Hilde was eating a sticky-looking pain au chocolat and dipping it in her coffee, which seemed weird to me. Con was also eating a full plateful, but Kes had just a single bagel with cream cheese. He never ate much during the day; not until after the show.

  “Hav
e you been up to Arcata lately?” Con asked nonchalantly, although I could tell by the way he phrased his question that he didn’t know whether or not I knew about their mom.

  Kes froze with his bagel halfway to his mouth.

  “Yeah,” he said, laying his food back down.

  “How are things up there?”

  “If you mean Mom, just say it. How the fuck do you think she is?” Kes snapped. “Nothing ever fucking changes.”

  “Hey!” Con barked back. “I’m just asking.”

  “You’d fucking know if you ever went to visit her.”

  The two brothers glared at each other across the table.

  “We saw her two days ago,” I said gently. “She seemed . . . very well cared for.”

  Con’s eyes shot to mine, surprise and irritation forefront.

  “You told her!” he hissed.

  “Of course I fucking told her,” Kes snapped. “She’s my girlfriend!”

  “You’ve had a lot of those,” Con said coldly, as Hilde laid her hand on his arm.

  I gasped, and Kes jumped to his feet, his expression murderous as he grabbed my hand.

  “Asshole!” he growled. “We’re out of here!”

  Hilde hissed something in Con’s ear and he looked a little shamefaced.

  “I didn’t mean you, Aimee . . . I . . . fuck! Kes, I didn’t mean it, man.”

  Kes hesitated, but I held his hand and drew him toward me.

  “I’m fine,” I said quietly.

  Kes’s gaze was torn, but in the end he returned to his seat, his leg bouncing up and down.

  “We’re going to see her tomorrow,” Con said. “I just wondered . . .”

  “Like I said,” Kes grit out. “She hasn’t changed.”

  There was a tense silence.

  “I’m sorry,” Con said.

  “Sorry means fuck all!” Kes snapped.

  Con sighed. “I know, but it’s all I’ve got. Aimee—that was a douche thing to say.”

  “Yes,” said Hilde impatiently. “You are a big American douche.”

  Her words made me giggle and Kes’s angry scowl softened.

  “Aimee, let us be like girls in a movie and go to the bathroom together.”

  I smiled at Hilde and followed her to the restrooms.

  “He didn’t mean that,” she said. “Well, he did. He said there was always a different girlfriend. Except for that woman, Sorcha. I didn’t like her. She looked like she wanted to scratch my eyes. Con worried about his little brother. He still feels guilty for leaving.”

  She looked at me in the mirror.

  “Falcon loves his brother, but he hated the carnival. He wanted to better himself.”

  I bristled slightly, even though I’d once thought the same thing. Maybe Hilde was just more honest than me.

  She shrugged. “And he feels guilty that he couldn’t do more to help Kes after their grandfather died. He told me he tried, but Kes had already run by the time he was able to make the formal application to be his guardian.”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly. “That was a difficult time. How long have you and Con been together.”

  “Four years. We met on the street in Hanover where I am from. It’s such a cliché, but I dropped my handbag and he helped me to pick up my things. What about you and Kes?”

  “We’ve known each other since we were ten, but we only got back together again this past summer.”

  Hilde smiled. “That is a story I must hear. Now, do you think we’ve given them enough time to calm down?”

  I laughed. “Probably not, but we could risk it.”

  When we got back to the table, Con had gone to pay the bill and Kes was drumming his fingers restlessly on the tabletop.

  “We should have waited longer,” I whispered to Hilde.

  Con drove us back to the fairground, but as soon as we arrived, Kes leapt out of the car, muttering about a rehearsal, and went striding off in the direction of the racetrack. Hilde murmured something to Con, and he nodded his head, smiling at her with eyes so full of love I had to look away so I wouldn’t feel like I was intruding.

  They walked to the RV with me, and a few minutes later Ollo came strolling over, a huge grin on his face.

  “Falcon Donohue back in the carnival—has the world stopped turning?”

  Con smiled at him. “Damn! It’s good to see you, man,” and they both hugged.

  Then he introduced Ollo to Hilde and we spent a pleasant afternoon catching up on the last few years. I told Hilde how I’d met Kes as a little girl, and how we’d found each other again so unexpectedly during the summer.

  “So, what are your plans now, Aimee?” Con asked at last.

  “I’m not exactly sure. I thought I’d try to get some sort of online teaching job, and I want to study for my Masters, too.”

  “What for?” Hilde asked with her usual bluntness. “If you’re traveling with the circus . . .”

  “Carnival,” three voices corrected her at the same time.

  “If you’re traveling with the carnival, what’s the point in studying?”

  I could tell that she wasn’t trying to be bitchy, she was genuinely curious.

  “Well, I don’t know what will happen in the future . . .”

  “But Kestrel wants only the carnival?” she questioned.

  “Yes, but the internet changes the way people work now and . . .”

  “It doesn’t solve everything,” she said. “I cannot do my job on the internet.”

  I paused, realizing that her reservations were as much about her own life and choices as mine.

  Con squeezed her hand. “We’ll figure it out, bärchen.” Then he looked at me again. “Kes took you up to see Mom.”

  I nodded. “Yes, she seemed . . . well. She’s very pretty.”

  Ollo sighed when I said that. “Maura Donohue was a sweet little thing and grew into a beautiful woman. Damn shame what happened to her.”

  “Did she know who he was?” Con continued. “I mean, did she recognize Kestrel?”

  I sighed. “At first she thought he was you, but yes, by the end, she knew who he was.”

  Con blew out a long breath. “I’m really sorry about what I said before. If Kes took you to see her . . . well, it’s different, I can see that.”

  “We visited your old log cabin, too,” I said, hoping to lighten the mood.

  “Yeah?” Con smiled. “How’s it looking?”

  “Oh, well, not so bad.” Con gave me a look, so much like Kes’s that I had to smile. “Fine, it’s a shack, but we’re going to fix it up.”

  I blushed when I realized what I’d said. I didn’t know if Kes would want his brother to know that he’d bought the land, but it was too late now.

  “How come?” Con asked.

  “Uh, well, he’s kind of bought it—the cabin and the land.”

  Con stared at me. “Holy shit! He did that?”

  “Yes. Um, he thought I’d like it.”

  Con shook his head, but he was smiling. “That’s major for him. I didn’t think he’d settle anywhere.”

  “We’ll only be there for winter break . . .”

  “You always were a good influence on him, Aimee. I’m happy—for both of you.”

  I could tell that Con was surprised, but he seemed pleased, as well.

  “Thank you. You’re welcome to visit.”

  Con and Hilde smiled at me.

  An hour later, we walked over to the racetrack. Hilde seemed impressed by the number of people who were streaming into the Grandstand.

  “They all come to watch him jump motorcycles?” she asked, puzzled.

  “You’ll see.”

  I couldn’t explain it: you had to see it for yourself.

  Well, they had to see it—I couldn’t bring myself to watch it for a second time in two days. I knew I was being pathetic, but for me it was 90 minutes of sheer terror.

  Most of the time I watched Con and Hilde’s reactions. Her cool, Germanic exterior shattered and she jumped and sq
uealed the way I had the previous night, but perhaps without the distraught emotions I’d suffered.

  Con swore several times at some of the more difficult stunts, and at the end he stood up and cheered with everyone else.

  “Damn, he’s good!” he shouted with a huge grin on his face.

  Hilde turned to me. “If that was Con, I would be so afraid.”

  The smile slid off my face and she patted my hand sympathetically.

  “But I understand now what you meant—this is what he must do in life. When he performs, he is all of us, the person we wish we could be. He is the hero in all of us.”

  I’d never thought about it like that, but she was right. We all wanted to be as fearless as Kes, but few of us were. Although there was a thin line between fearless and reckless, and that frightened me the most.

  The party that night went on until the small hours. Hilde surprised me again by drinking six bottles of beer and dancing with Tucker, until Con claimed her for himself. Kes did his own dirty dancing with me, and there must have been almost a hundred people joining us around our fire pit. Like I said, Kes drew everyone in. He always had.

  Pride filled me, pushing the fear into a deep, dark place.

  Kes was a star, shining so brightly.

  “So I called that movie producer guy,” Kes said while we were having breakfast.

  His contract with the Pomona fairground was over and we were officially on winter break. Our plan was to go to the cabin and make it more comfortable to live in while we started contacting architects about what we wanted to build.

  Tucker had already left for Arcata with Ollo and the rig. After that, his plans were fluid—which meant he hadn’t found a woman to hook up with yet—but Ollo was going to visit with Madame Cindy and her mom Madame Sylva. Kes said they all went way back, even before Dono’s time, real old-time carnies.

  Zef was flying to the east coast to see Mirelle and then going to Savannah for a quick visit. The exciting news was that his brother would be playing in the Rose Bowl, so we were all going to Pasadena for New Year’s.

  I was also planning on following up some jobs that I wanted to apply for, but Kes’s words made me look up from my coffee.