“What are you doing here, Aimee?”
“I came with my sister Jennifer and Dylan. You remember Jennifer?”
Her voice was high pitched and falsely bright. Completely fake.
I shrugged, impatient with her bullshit. “I mean, what are you doing here?”
“I … I wanted to see you.”
“Yeah? Well, now you've seen me, you can go.”
I was surprised to see tears in her eyes when I spat out my harsh reply.
“You want me to go?” she whispered.
Christ! I couldn't believe I was falling for her act again. But seeing her on the verge of tears, I felt a sharp pain inside my chest-something I hadn't experienced for a long, long time.
“Yeah, that would probably be best,” I muttered.
“But … I don't understand!” she cried out angrily. “Why are you being so … so cold!”
I closed my eyes briefly, running my hands through my hair in frustration. I couldn't bring myself to kick her out.
“Do you want a coffee or something?” I asked. Fucking lame.
“Thank you,” she said quietly, staring at her hands resting in her lap.
I took my time at the coffee machine, trying to decide what I needed to say to her; trying to decide what she wanted from me. Maybe I could just fuck her and get over her already.
“Black okay?”
“Does it do lattes?”
I couldn't help smiling. Aimee and her fancy, girly coffees. Sorcha drank hers black, no sugar-suited her.
Finally, I handed her a cup of frothy stuff.
“No leaf shapes in my foam?” she asked, pretending to look disappointed.
“You should have said,” I deadpanned. “I could have done a monkey riding a unicycle.”
I thought she'd laugh, like most women would have, but instead she sighed.
“When you opened the door, I half expected Mr. Albert to jump out.”
Her unexpected comment felt like a knife to the gut.
“I was sorry to hear about Dono,” she said, unaware that she'd already gutted me like a fish. I felt my body tense.
“How did you know?”
“Sorcha told me and…”
“Sorcha?”
Doesn't she come tonight?
“Yes, I was looking for you, but I found her-she told me about Dono. I felt so bad, like it was my fault or something.”
She was talking in riddles.
“Run that by me again?”
She shook her head and took a deep breath.
“Sorry, I'm not making much sense. I suppose because it happened after … well, you know … I'm sure the stress didn't help.”
I stared at her. She sounded so sincere … but then again she always had. I blew out a long breath.
“Yeah, not a good time.”
“No, it wasn't.”
We sat there, neither of us knowing what to say. I wondered again why she was here. If she'd just wanted to put the moves on me, most chicks would have done it by now.
“You seem to be doing well,” she said at last. “Hawkins' Daredevils-the name suits you. Why did you change it?”
Not going there.
“Long story.”
She sighed again and stared at her hands. She looked so sad that I felt like a bit of a shit. She'd always been my weak spot.
Finally, I managed to think of a neutral question. “Did you go to college like you wanted?”
She smiled and her eyes brightened, making my cold heart beat hard.
“Yes, I did.”
I nodded slowly. “Teacher?”
“You remembered!”
She seemed so happy that I hadn't forgotten. Too many times I wished I could forget.
I nodded again. “Yeah.”
“I love it,” she said enthusiastically. “I'm teaching third graders at a school near Boston and…”
“Boston?”
I wasn't expecting that. I'd assumed that she'd stayed in Minnesota.
“Yes, it's different. I like it.”
She bit her lip, holding back whatever else she was going to say. I decided to cut to the chase.
“Married?” I asked, looking pointedly at her empty ring finger.
“No,” she laughed, her cheeks flushing. “You?”
I shook my head. “No, but I'm … involved … with someone.”
If you could call fucking my manager whenever she was around 'involved'.
Aimee gave a weak smile.
“Well, that's nice. Lucky lady.”
I waited for something else, some snippy comment, but she chewed her lip and stayed silent.
“So,” I said at last, “you're back in Minnesota for the summer?”
“Not the whole summer, no. Just a quick visit. Catching up with family, you know.”
“Not really,” I said acidly.
She blushed again.
“Um, how's Con doing?” she stammered. “I tried to find him at Northwestern, but, well, I couldn't.”
What was she talking about? That was fucking years ago. “Northwestern?”
“Well, not recently, of course. But after … I just thought … he might be able to help, or something.”
“Help with what?”
“Jesus, Kestrel!” she yelped, taking me by surprise as she slammed her cup down on the table. “Finding you, of course! You just disappeared and I didn't know where you were or what you were doing. I called your cell about a million times, but you never answered and then … nothing. I was desperate! Even if you didn't want to see me, I just wanted to know that you were okay!”
Anger bubbled up inside of me. Was she really trying to blame me for the shitstorm that went down eight years ago?
“What do you mean, even if I didn't want to see you? Of course I wanted to fucking see you!” I shouted. “I drove all the way to Fairmont just for five minutes of your precious time!”
Aimee's eyes were wide with shock.
“What? When? When did you drive to see me?”
She really didn't know what I meant?
I stared at her. “Seriously? You're saying you didn't know?”
“Didn't know what?”
“Fuck,” I muttered, beginning to think that one of us was crazy, but no longer sure it was her. “I tried to see you, Aimee. I came for you, just like we'd planned. I was going crazy when you wouldn't answer your phone. Then Dono found out what I was planning and threw my phone in the bay. We got in the worst fight…” I paused, remembering that night. “I called your house so many times, but as soon as I spoke, the call was cut off. I didn't know what to think. I even wrote you but I never heard back, so I packed up everything and stole Dono's truck.
“It took me two weeks to get there from Arcata because the fucking thing broke down in the snow, and I got stuck in Rapid City for eight days while I found an auto shop that would let me use their tools to fix it.”
I took a deep breath.
“Your mom answered the door. I remember that. She looked so shocked, I thought she was going to faint. But then your dad was there.” I scowled at the memory. “He tried to freeze me out, but I sat outside your house for two hours. I think the only reason he let me in was because he knew I wouldn't go away. He told me that you'd gone to live with your aunt in Michigan and weren't coming back.” I stared at her, trying to figure out if she was for real. “He said that you'd realized it was a mistake to get involved with … trailer trash … and that you didn't want me to contact you. He told me that you'd thrown your phone in the garbage.”
She gasped, and I had to look away or I wouldn't have been able to go on.
“I'd used up all my gas money to get to you. Your Dad had to give me three hundred bucks to fuck off. Pretty ironic, huh? At least I could get home. Dono kicked my ass about halfway to Sacramento for that stunt. But he didn't get sick until two weeks before Easter. We were getting ready for the spring circuit and … I guess his heart just gave out. That's what the docs said.” I looked down, trying to
ignore the pain in my own chest. “Old story now.”
Aimee looked stricken, and the truth hit me with the force of a Mack truck: she didn't know.
“I thought you'd changed your mind,” she choked out. “They didn't tell me. They didn't.”
I shook my head, angry that we'd both been lied to. And sad. “I'm figuring that out now.”
The look on Aimee's face made me want to hit something.
“Yes,” she whispered, her voice breaking, “they had sent me to Michigan, but I was only there for a month. I came back to finish school. I probably only missed you by a couple of days.” Tears slipped from her eyes and she brushed them away angrily. “Dad smashed my phone to pieces-that's why you couldn't reach me. I would never have thrown it away. I wrote to you, but my letter came back, marked 'return to sender'. That's when I tried to contact Falcon, but that was a dead end, too. I couldn't find any reference to you or Dono on the web, it was a nightmare. One of Jennifer's friends lived in Redding, and she offered to drive out to Arcata Bay to try and find you, but when she got there, the log cabin was empty-abandoned, she said.”
I rubbed my hands over my face. “I can't believe this. We were both looking for each other…”
“At least you knew where I was,” she said, her voice suddenly accusing.
All the sympathy I'd been feeling for her evaporated.
“What?”
“You gave up on me!” she shouted. “I waited for you, but one word from my dad and you left with your tail between your legs.”
“Just back the fuck up!” I snarled.
“No! You back up! How could you be so stupid?”
My eyes blazed at her as I roared my reply. “I'm not stupid!”
“You are!” she screamed at me, her face furious. “You're so dumb! You're as dumb as dirt for believing my asshole father! I didn't want to live when you didn't come back.” Her voice cracked and she looked down, mumbling the final words. “They called it a breakdown, but it was just my stupid heart that was broken.”
And then she fell apart completely. Her body shuddered as tears wracked her small frame. I couldn't help myself. I pulled her into my arms, rocking her against me, whispering soothing words.
I believed her: every fucking word. Her goddamn parents had kept us apart, trying to ruin our lives. Why the fuck had I believed them? I should have believed in Aimee, in us.
It felt right to hold her in my arms; it felt right to want to protect her, to never let her go. It was confusing, too much to take in, so I just held her against me, breathing in her scent, letting her curl into my chest.
After ten minutes of seriously ugly crying, her tears finally stopped and she seemed embarrassed as she pulled away from me. I didn't want to let her go, but I did.
“Sorry,” she sniffed. “God, I must look like hell.”
She dug a tissue out of her purse, wiping her eyes and smudging her mascara even more.
“Better?” I asked quietly.
“Ugh, I feel horrible,” she admitted with an embarrassed frown. “I've cried all over your shirt. I'm so sorry.”
As if I gave a fuck about that.
“Hey,” I said, grabbing her chin and making her look at me. “It doesn't matter. It's been a shock. For both of us.”
I couldn't help touching her, my fingers wiping away the last of her tears. It shocked me how much I still wanted her.
This time, I pulled away from her, reluctant to go there again. She has a kid, I reminded myself.
“Do you mind if I clean up this mess?” she asked, pointing at her tangled hair and blotchy face.
She looked so much like the girl I remembered, that I couldn't help smiling.
“Sure, no problem. Second door on the left.”
She stood up and hurried out, avoiding my eyes.
I was glad she'd given me some breathing room. It was so fucking confusing having her here. When I was a kid, I was so sure that I was in love with her-whatever that meant. But I'd spent the last eight years hating her, and now … what the fuck was I supposed to think now?
I needed time to…
“Kes, bro!” yelled Tucker, as he and Zef burst into the RV and plopped down on the sofas. “Zef's setting up a game of poker with a couple of the roustabouts. You in?”
But before I could answer, Aimee returned. Her hair was combed, but her eyes were still red it was obvious that she'd been crying.
Tucker's eyes were all over her, which made me want to punch the smile right off of his smug fucking face.
“Who's been a naughty boy, Kestrel?” he laughed. “The boss-lady isn't going to be happy that you've been screwing on company time.”
Aimee blushed even redder and threw him an angry look.
“Shut up, Tucker,” I snapped, suddenly wanting to defend her. “It's not like that. Aimee's an old friend.”
“Sure she is,” the asshat laughed again.
“Not bad though,” said Zef. “Although it looks like you had to rough her up some.”
“Shut your fucking mouth,” I snarled, as I saw Aimee's expression turn embarrassed.
I decided we needed to go somewhere quiet to talk some more, and I held out my hand to her. “Come on, Aimee. Let's get out of here.”
But before we could leave, Sorcha stepped into the RV. I hadn't been expecting her to show up until this evening, and her timing couldn't have been worse.
She didn't even glance up from the papers she was studying as she walked inside.
“Nice show, boys. Good door receipts. I'll have the total in a couple of hours. For the next show on Thursday I want you to…”
Then she saw Aimee and her lips curled in a sneer. “I thought we agreed that you'd keep your tramps out of the RV.”
Aimee's mouth dropped open in shock as Zef laughed and shook his head.
“She's not one of ours, Sorcha. This is all on Kes.”
Surprise washed over Aimee's face, erasing the shock.
“Sorcha?” she gasped. “You're Sorcha? I didn't recognize you as a blonde, but your manners sure haven't improved.”
I didn't understand their reactions. Hadn't they met just a few minutes ago? What the fuck was going on?
“I thought you said you already talked to Sorcha?”
“I didn't say that!” Aimee frowned.
“Yeah, Aimee, you did,” I said angrily. “You said she told you about Dono.”
Sorcha's face paled, and her gaze dropped from mine. She looked guilty-and that confused me even more. But Aimee looked like she knew what was going on-I was glad one of us did.
“Oh right,” Aimee said, nodding slowly. “But I meant years ago. The year after you … left, I went back to the carnival and Sorcha was working the hoopla booth. That's when she told me about Dono.”
I pinned my gaze on Sorcha, fury beginning to surge inside me. If this was what I thought it was ... Sorcha licked her lips nervously, shifting from foot to foot.
“Sorcha?” I grit out. “You want to explain what the fuck is going on?”
Zef and Tucker were enjoying the show. They should have brought popcorn.
“We can talk about this,” Sorcha said to me nervously, reaching out to touch my arm.
I jerked back.
“Now,” I said coldly.
“Babe, come on,” she whispered, pouting a little.
“NOW!” I ordered.
“You've got this all wrong,” she whined. “I knew that little bitch was no good for you. Everything was fine until she came along. We've got a good thing going, haven't we, babe?”
I lost it completely. More lies! Everyone had fucking lied to me!
I threw my coffee cup hard, so it shattered behind Sorcha's head, showering her with cold coffee.
Sorcha yelped as brown liquid spattered all over her. I was a nanosecond from doing something far worse.
“Tell me the fucking truth for once!” I yelled, getting in her face and glaring down at her.
“Fuck you!” she screamed back. “You'd be
nowhere without me! Nowhere! I took you in when you had nothing. You're a fucking illiterate circus act. I gave you everything!”
Pain flared in my chest as she admitted what she'd done. For eight years, she'd lied to me, hidden the truth, kept Aimee from me.
I grabbed hold of her arm hard and dragged her across the carpet, then threw her out of the RV. She stumbled, landing on her hands and knees in the dirt.
Aimee looked upset, but Tucker grinned at me. “Don't worry, sweet cheeks, they do this all the time. They get off on it. Sorcha likes it rough, if you know what I mean.”
I turned on him, ready to beat the shit out of Tucker if I couldn't take it out on Sorcha.
“Out! Get out! Everybody get the fuck out!”
Tucker looked amused but Zef was just pissed as they left the RV. But then Aimee tried to follow them. I hated the look of fear I saw on her face. She was the one person that I didn't want to be afraid of me.
“Aimee, stay?” I asked quietly.
She hesitated at the door. I wanted to beg her, but I didn't do that shit.
“Okay,” she said hesitantly.
She sat nervously on the edge of the sofa while I paced up and down, trying to cool my anger and frustration. I wasn't doing a great job of it.
“I can't fucking believe this. Eight years. Eight fucking years!”
Then I slumped into the sofa opposite Aimee and stared across at her.
“Just like your parents,” I laughed without humor. “You think you can trust someone, but they just screw you over.”
I'd been suck a dick, believing what Aimee's parents had told me; believing what Sorcha had told me.
“What a bitch,” I muttered.
But then Aimee's phone rang and I was pissed all over again.
“Do you mind if I get that?” she asked quietly. “It could be important.”
Probably the kid's father.
This whole day was totally fucked.
She pulled out her cell and walked a few steps away, although she didn't try to stop me from hearing what she was saying.
“Sorry, Jen. Things took a little longer than I was expecting.”
Jen?
“He's being a real handful, huh?” She laughed at something the other person said. “Okay, no problem. I'll be there. I'll see you in ten minutes.”
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