by Dave Haslett
all robots were invented by other robots
your brain is smaller than an ant’s if you take all the water out
and so on
This game is a wonderful way of loosening up your mind. And who knows, you might be able to turn some of those weird ideas into brilliant stories, or they might trigger new ideas that lead to something amazing. Make sure you have your notepad, phone or a voice recorder with you when you play this game so you don’t let any weird ideas go to waste.
Try playing it at the start of a writers’ group meeting. It’s a terrific way of getting everyone warmed up.
Six degrees of separation
The principle of six degrees of separation states that each one of us is just six steps removed from every other person on the planet. It’s actually been proven many times.
Let’s say you’re researching your book but you can’t find an answer you’re looking for. You really need to speak to an expert … but how will you find him? This is where the six degrees of separation can help you.
Start the chain by contacting whichever of your friends, family or acquaintances is the most likely to know the answer – or the most likely to know someone else who would know the answer. Ask him your question. If you can’t think of anyone who might know, just ask as many people as possible.
What happens next is out of your hands. If the person you asked doesn’t know the answer, he’ll ask the person he thinks is the most likely to know. And so the chain continues. Your question will bounce from person to person, getting closer and closer to the person who knows the answer. Within six bounces, your question will, more than likely, reach that person – wherever he is in the world.
So if you’re woken up in the early hours of the morning by a phone call from a very excited professor from the University of Tokyo in Japan, who just happens to be the world’s leading authority on the subject you asked about, well … don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Friends who listen
Have you ever asked someone a question and immediately felt like an idiot because you realised how obvious the answer was? I know I have.
The same thing happens online. If you’re stuck on a problem, send an email to one of your friends, or post a message in a Facebook group or discussion forum. Describe the problem and ask for answers or suggestions. The answer will often occur to you within seconds of you pressing the Send button.
You might have to send another message apologising for being so stupid – or delete the post before anyone sees it – but it’s better to be embarrassed than stuck.
Your friend – or the other members of the forum or group – helped you even if they didn’t respond, didn’t see your question, or didn’t know the answer. The fact that they were there was enough; you had someone you could ask.
Sometimes the answer might take longer to come to you. Your friend might not know the answer, but telling him about it might trigger your subconscious to dig around for it in the depths of your mind. You’ll probably kick yourself later when the answer occurs to you and you realise how simple and obvious it was.
Friends who take care of business
You probably want to spend most of your time writing. You don’t want to waste valuable writing time trying to find a publisher or an agent or an editor. If your book has already been published, there’s the tedious business of letting people know about it, encouraging them to buy it, building up a mailing list, updating your website, making friends with journalists (because sending press releases to people who’ve never heard of you doesn’t work), posting regular updates on your blog and Facebook page (not to mention Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, YouTube, Goodreads, and all the other online places you’re supposed to keep updated), trying to persuade bookshops to stock your work, replying to readers’ questions, doing your accounts, and so on.
If your book has been rejected (yet again), you really don’t want to know about it because it’ll just make you depressed.
What you need is someone who can take care of the business side of things for you. He’ll compile a list of suitable publishers and agents, write and send your query letters, and deal with any correspondence. He’ll take care of your marketing, including updating your website and other online platforms, and he’ll either write your blog and Facebook posts himself, or find someone else to write them.
He won’t get upset when another rejection letter arrives, because it isn’t his work that’s being rejected. He’ll just cross that company off his list and move on to the next one. He might not tell you who he’s sent it to or how many rejections have come back. The only things you want him to tell you are:
your book has been accepted
how much the advance is
how many copies you’ve sold this month, or how much money you’ve made
You could pay someone to do all of this for you, or divide the work between several people. You won’t necessarily have to pay them very much if you do them favours or take care of some of their chores in exchange. On the other hand, with so much more time available for writing, you should be able to write lots more books each year. So, hopefully, paying them won’t be an issue anyway.
Friends who take holidays
Friends who have been on holiday, or are about to go on holiday, are a valuable resource.
Those who have been away will come back with photos, videos, guidebooks, maps and other souvenirs, as well as plenty of first-hand experience and local knowledge. That’s exactly what you need to make your exotic settings sound more authentic. Invite them round as soon as possible. Ask them to tell you about the places they visited and the people they met, and get them to show you their photos and videos while their memories are still fresh.
Those who are about to go on holiday can be even more valuable because you can give them a “shopping list”. Tell them where you want them to go, what you want them to do or see, and what you want them to take photographs or videos of. Give them a list of things to bring back. Ask them to find out what the place smells like, and to record the sounds. They’ll probably be delighted to help – even if they have to alter their plans or go out of their way to accommodate it.
Make sure you thank them in your book’s Acknowledgements section.
Your pedantic, know-it-all friend
Some people have an opinion on everything, seem to know everything, and criticise and nit-pick everything you say. They can drive you up the wall. But they can be really useful when you’re writing a book. Ask them what they know about the subject you’re writing about. Start a lively debate with them and see what ideas you can come up with between you.
Your pedantic, know-it-all friend is also the ideal person to have around when your book needs proofreading. When you’ve finished writing, editing and polishing it, and you’re sure it’s the absolute best it can be, hand it over to him and see what he makes of it. Pedantic friends are usually very good at English. If he finds any mistakes, get him to mark them clearly.
He’ll take great pleasure in doing this, because he likes to feel superior to you. He might not have written a book himself, but he did spot that you used a semi-colon when you should have used a colon, so that makes him better than you – in his mind at least. Fortunately, this is exactly what you want (for once). It’s better that he spots the mistakes now, before any readers and reviewers get to see them.
As you write more books, you’ll find yourself trying harder and harder to fix all the mistakes before your pedantic friend can spot them. When you give him a copy of your latest manuscript and he can’t find a single thing wrong with it, you’ll know you’ve finally cracked it. But he will always find something wrong with it. Guaranteed.
Never show him your first draft. It’s nowhere near ready for anyone else’s eyes. He’ll have a very low opinion of you if you let him see that.
Is there an artist in the house?
Artwork can be horrendously expensive – and it’s time-consuming to produce yourself.
If you’re a novelist, you might
not need any artwork, unless you’re planning to self-publish your book and you need an attractive cover.
But non-fiction writers often need photographs, drawings, charts, cartoons, screen shots, maps, and so on – as well as the all-important attractive cover if you’re publishing the book yourself.
Publishing your book yourself is the best option for most people these days. See the companion book, The Fastest Ways to Edit, Publish and Sell Your Book.
You could go to a commercial artist, graphic designer or photographer for your artwork – if you have deep pockets. But the best (and cheapest) option is to use other people.
As I suggested earlier, you could contact your nearest college or art school and see if the students will do some work for you as a special project.
You could also ask your friends, family, colleagues and other acquaintances if they know anyone with a talent for art or photography. They probably do; there are as many budding artists and photographers in the world as there are writers. If you don’t know anyone, just ask as many people as possible and get them to spread the word – remember the six degrees of separation.
You might be able to create most of the artwork yourself. Computer graphics software is highly advanced these days, and you don’t need to be a trained or talented artist to achieve fantastic results. There are plenty of courses and video tutorials available online too.
Good art takes a long time to create though, especially if you don’t know what you’re doing and you have to keep looking things up.
You’ll also get faster results if you know what you’re aiming for.
If you don’t have the necessary equipment, talent, or time, there are plenty of people out there who do. Ask around and you’ll probably receive several enthusiastic offers of help. After all, art is fun! And if there’s a chance they might see their work in a book, that’s even better.
Unless you’re an experienced designer, it’s best to get someone else to design your cover. You’ll probably have to pay for it, but you’ll regret it later if you do it yourself and make a poor job of it. A bad cover will kill your book sales.
You’ll find plenty of highly skilled and affordable cover designers online. I recommend starting your search by joining the Facebook group “Indie Cover Project”. If you have a higher budget and want a professional designer, Reedsy is the place to go. The designers listed there have all been vetted and approved, and most of them spent years creating covers for large publishing corporations.
More jobs for friends
What else could a friend do for you? If you’ve dictated your book, handwritten it, or written it in shorthand, he could type it up for you. If he has good English skills, he could proofread it. And if his English skills are really good, he could even edit it.
If your partner moans that you spend too much time writing and you never do things together any more, that’s another great opportunity. Get her to do some research for you. Spend time together making up stories and creating characters. Or send her on an editing or proofreading course so you can work on your books together. Your relationship will improve and you’ll gain more free time to spend together on non-writing activities.
Professional help
Here are just a few of the ways in which professionals can help you write your book faster – and make it better. They cost money, of course, but it’s almost always worth the price if you can afford it.
A personal assistant
See Friends who take care of business above.
Typing and secretarial services
They can type up your dictation and hand-written text and turn it into a word processing document. They can also do things like sending out press releases and query letters to publishers. You might need to give them the text you want to send, together with a list of names and addresses to send it to.
Critique services
They’ll identify any problems with your writing. The best ones will also tell you how to fix them. Every writer should send a sample of their writing to a professional critique service at least once. It will benefit you for the rest of your career.
Researchers
Tell them what you need to know and they’ll find it for you – a terrific time-saver. Researchers work best when you have specific questions. Most of them specialise in particular fields, such as a specific branch of science or mathematics, or one or two historical periods. If you can find the right person, they’ll have access to vast databases of information and know exactly who to contact and where to go to get the answers you need.
Some researchers will also do primary research, which includes conducting opinion polls, surveys, interviews, and so on, as well as more general research.
Writers for hire
Create a detailed outline and tell your hired writer how you’d like your book written. He’ll write the whole thing for you, and keep making changes until you’re happy with it. His name might or might not appear alongside yours on the cover – it depends on his contract and how much you’re paying him.
Ghost writers
These are similar to writers for hire, but you don’t need an outline. They’ll interview you and take notes while you describe what you want your book to say. Then they’ll go away and write it for you. Their names don’t usually appear on the cover.
Editors, copy editors and proofreaders
They’ll read your manuscript, point out any glaring errors, fix all the spelling, punctuation and grammatical mistakes, and make sure the text is polished and ready for publication.
Book coaches
A book coach will guide you through the process of writing your book, help you create an action plan you can stick to, and advise you if you get stuck. He’ll bounce ideas around with you, help you find your writer’s voice, keep pushing you onwards, and make sure you stay motivated.
If you have any doubts about your ability to write a book, your coach will dispel them and act as your “buddy” until it’s done. And once it’s finished, he’ll help you with the next steps too: editing and polishing your manuscript or finding someone to do it for you, deciding whether or not you need an agent, drafting query letters and proposals to send to publishers, compiling a list of publishers and agents, creating a marketing plan, organising a book launch and signing sessions, and so on.
Cleaners, childminders, cooks, housekeepers, gardeners, laundry services…
These lovely people will do all your chores and keep your house and family in order while you get on with your writing.
Cheap or free alternatives
If you can’t afford to pay the going rate for professional services, there are cheap or free alternatives. But you might have to do some work yourself or settle for lower-quality results.
You could get a student to do the work for you and pay him a lower rate than a professional would charge. Or you could hire one of your children, or a friend’s child.
You could get a friend to do it for you, but do something for him in return, such as cleaning his windows, mowing his lawn, walking his dog or looking after his children. But not until you’ve finished writing your book, of course.
Computers can do some of the work for you. We’ve already seen that software such as Dragon can transcribe your dictation for you. Use subject-specific websites, forums and Facebook groups to get your questions answered and to conduct polls and surveys. And get your writing examined and commented on for free in online critique groups – though you’ll be expected to return the favour and comment on other people’s work in exchange.
Take a look at Fiverr. The members of this website will do all sorts of little jobs for just $5.00 a time. You could ask them to write a press release or an article, design a sales page for your website, or a Facebook ad for your book, design a simple cover for your book, write a blog post, look up some information for you, transcribe your dictation, translate a page of text into another language, send you daily motivation tips … or pretty much anything else you could possibly need.
Thanking friends
A loyal team of helpers can save you hundreds of hours of research, writing, editing and dealing with tedious paperwork. They can help you achieve things that would be impossible on your own. Be sure to thank them properly, so they’ll be happy to help you again next time. (If you write a book every month, there might be a lot of next times!)
Here are a few ways to thank them:
A signed copy of your book.
A mention in the Acknowledgements section.
Name a character after them – with their permission.
Hold a helpers’ party when your book is finished.
Invite them to your launch party.
Buy them lunch – but pick their brains for ideas while you’re there.
Buy them a small gift.
Buy them a more expensive gift – such as a good quality camera – if they could use it to help you.
Pay for them to attend a writing, editing, proofreading or photography course – it will make them even more useful to you.
Just say “thanks”.
The next step