Her eyes welled with tears. “You’re my grandson, my number one man. You remind me so much of your grandfather, Zander. Do you remember when he taught you how to play the guitar?”
Grinning, I said, “Of course, I was horrible and I thought you were going to beat us both with your pan.”
“You needed some practice is all. I just didn’t want to hear all that ruckus.”
I laughed loudly, reveling in the memory of Grandy. He’d been the father I needed after Dad no longer came around. I still didn’t know if it was his choice or if mom’s, but seeing him once a year wasn’t a relationship.
I never wanted to be the father he was. My parents were a wreck, and my sister and I were left as collateral damage.
Daphne
Hating myself was a daily norm. My looks¸ personality, decisions…none of it was the right thing to do, none of it was good. I made mistakes more than I didn’t, but at least I admitted I was a failure, right? Wasn’t that the first step to recovery or some shit, admitting it?
Therapy helped for a moment, the meds made me more numb than anything. I couldn’t cry unless it was a truly terrible experience, and even then, it was silent tears. It was a blessing, in a way, because who wanted to cry like a maniac over life? It was worthless. Life was going to screw you over one way or another, and there was no point in crying over it.
I shimmied into my dress pants and blouse, looking professional and put together. I always did, but it was an act, a part I played in life. After putting the finishing touches on my make up, I decided to forgo breakfast and head to the meeting at work.
Francesca’s wedding was a month away, and I’d taken half the day off in order to finish up the last minute meetings with her this afternoon. The morning was full of work stuff, including my three year assessment with Marcus. It wouldn’t be a big deal, more likely be a promotion of some sort, but it was a little stressful to think about anyway.
The drive was uneventful; the early meeting mirroring it. Once it came time meet with Marcus, I was antsy and ready to leave the office. Being stuck in one spot messed with my head, making me think about things I shouldn’t, and despise myself a little more. The dark thoughts plagued me, taunting me with my failures and mistakes.
Trudging to Marcus’s office, I trailed my fingers along the wall as I walked. The bumps and grooves distracted me from myself, passing the time until I reached his door. With a swift knock, I was in and ready to be evaluated.
“How are you today, Daphne?” he asked, grinning widely.
I returned the smile. “I’m well, and you, Marcus?”
“Doing wonderful. Now, we don’t have much to go over today, as expected. You’re a great employee, always meeting deadlines and making our clients happy. There’s only been one thing that’s come up that we need to talk about.”
Oh, super. Is it going to be my wellbeing again? Am I too distant? “And what is that?”
He shuffled some papers before clasping his hands together on the desk in front of him. “We have each client fill out a review after our services are finished, as you know,” he began.
I nodded.
“Well, when we get the reviews back for you, there have been notes saying you seem preoccupied, or you are staring off into space sometimes. I know you don’t want to talk about any problems you may be having out of the office, but since it’s showing up in the reviews, we must discuss it today, Daphne.”
Swallowing, I looked down. What could I say? I didn’t want to tell him I wasn’t whole, how messed up I was. He would treat me differently, or worse, pity me. I couldn’t deal with either. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let my problems interfere. It won’t happen again.”
He sighed loudly. “Daphne, I’m worried about you. This isn’t about work. There must be something rough going on for you to be letting it be on your mind while here. This isn’t you.”
“I know,” I agreed. What else could I say? “I’ll do better.”
“I want you to take Monday off. Take some time this afternoon and weekend to work on you. If you need Tuesday, too, just call and I’ll make it happen.”
Closing my eyes, I let out my breath. “Ok, Marcus. Thank you.” I didn’t really want Monday off. It was another day for me to lose myself a little more to my darkness, but it seemed he wasn’t really giving me a choice.
“You’re still getting your salary increase for the year, Daphne. You do amazing work. I hope you don’t think this is any sort of disciplinary action or anything. I’m truly concerned for you,” he explained.
“I know,” I said, giving him a forced smile. “I understand. Maybe it’ll help me clear my head.”
He went through his notes, explaining when I’d get my increase, though I already knew how it all worked. After our meeting, and an awkward goodbye, I rushed to my desk to get my belongings. My anger was raging inside me, boiling to the point I was ready to burst and break things. Rarely did I allow myself to get this far, using a man or some sort of alcohol to curb it, but neither would work today. It was consuming me, completely taking control of my entire body, and soon I’d give in.
Driving to Francesca’s office was a blur. I sped and cut people off, being reckless for absolutely no reason other than I was pissed. Once I was self-destructive, nothing I knew of could make it better. Everything was bad, difficult, and out to get me.
In all actuality, I shouldn’t be going to see Francesca. She was excited and happy about her wedding and the planning, and my mood would only destroy any happiness she held today. I couldn’t be happy for her right now. The planning was stupid and for nothing, as the wedding probably wouldn’t work out anyway. As much as I wanted to believe she found her happy ever after, my bitter heart just wouldn’t let me.
Pulling the door open harder than necessary, I was stunned to see Cade sitting at the receptionist’s desk. “Where’s that guy Franny’s always telling me about? Why are you here?” I spat much harsher than I wanted to.
He raised a brow. “Zander had to run some errands. What’s up with you?”
“I’m here to plan your damn wedding,” I said, crossing my arms. “Where’s Franny?”
“She’s in with a client. Are you ok, Daphne?” he asked, concern lacing his tone.
I nodded curtly. “Yep.” Cade really did try to be better, he’d accomplished a lot to be with my best friend, and I should be kinder than I was. The darkness was clouding my thoughts, causing my most angry thoughts to surface.
“Do you want to sit down?” he asked. He was being overly cautious, his blue eyes watching me thoughtfully.
Spinning, I meant to snap at him that I’d do as I damn well pleased, but my foot slipped. My body fell to the floor, my foot twisted in an unnatural fashion beneath me. The ground was hard as I hit, the tile crushing my skin and bruising my bones. “Ow!” I yelped as I clutched my foot in agony.
“Daphne!” Cade yelled as he rounded the table to assist me.
Francesca and her clients heard the commotion, rushing out of her office to see what the problem was. She crouched beside me, eyes filled with worry as she assessed my condition. “Are you ok? What happened?”
“I fell,” I deadpanned. The pain was blinding, causing the point behind my eyes to ache.
She narrowed her eyes but didn’t comment on my attitude. At this point in our lives, she was used to the sudden mood swings and this one probably wasn’t any different than any of the others. “You need to see if it’s broken. Cade, can you take her to the hospital and I’ll meet you over there?”
“Of course,” he said. He bent down, taking my legs and back under his arms and lifting me. “I’m just going to carry you in case it is.”
Sighing, I rolled my eyes. “Hero to the rescue, right?”
He didn’t say anything, only shook his head in disbelief. Francesca grabbed my purse and lay it on my stomach, giving me a soft smile and a pat on the hand as she held the door open for us to depart. He walked slowly to my car, placing me in the backseat a
s he reached for my keys.
I threw them to him, crossing my arms over my chest and propping my left foot on the seat. The ache was intense, the throbbing radiating from my ankle bone all the way down to my toes and up half my calf. He closed the door behind me, then raced around to the driver’s side.
“I’m not sure what’s up, but I’ll just check you in and once you get in a room I’ll wait for Francesca,” he stated.
“Alright,” I said, my tone still sharp and heated. Deep in my mind I didn’t want to be so rude and mean, but I didn’t know how to stop it. Anger swirled in me, the dark cloud hovering over me ready to pour with each passing moment. The drive wasn’t that long, but each moment stirred my darkness, causing more and more of it to surface. Finally, we arrived at the ER, and Cade parked my car.
“I’m going to carry you again,” he said. He jumped out of the car, came around, and lifted me out of the back.
Being held by my best friend’s fiancé was awkward to say the least. As much as I wanted to like him, I couldn’t trust him, and it was made obvious more than it wasn’t. We’d all sat down and talked it out, and while the deepest part of me wanted to believe his words, the darkest part of me wouldn’t allow it.
Francesca was the one always there for me. I must protect her at all costs, even if it made me into a bitch and pissed people off.
He walked into the ER, softly setting me in a seat as he went and got the required paperwork for me to fill out. I hated going to any sort of medical office, whether it was a doctor or the hospital, because the amount of paper I used probably destroyed five trees. I mean, really, did they have to have all this information? On paper? Only to type it into the computer less than ten minutes later?
It baffled me. Nonetheless, I filled them out and Cade rushed them back to the desk. He stayed there longer than expected, nodding a lot and pointing toward the sliding doors at the entrance. Not thinking to let me in on what he was doing, he strode out the door, leaving me open-mouthed in the chair, staring after him. Where in the hell was he going?
To my dismay, he came back through with a wheelchair, wheeling right over to me and stopping with a huge grin on his handsome face. Why did the somewhat bad guys always have to look good?
“What’s this?” I asked, my smile forced and tight.
“A wheelchair.”
“No shit, Sherlock. Why are you bringing it to me?”
He smirked. “To let you sit in it. I told the receptionist that you couldn’t put weight on it and she said to get you one. Then I can wait in the car since you obviously don’t want the pleasure of my company,” he explained.
Sighing, I hobbled to my foot. Holding the injured one up, I hopped twice and slumped down. How embarrassing was this? And all because my anger took control and I couldn’t keep my balance. The only way it could have been worse was if I fell going up the stairs, or out of a chair, or something equally ridiculous. “Fine. Go. Francesca should be here soon anyway.”
“She’s not going to leave you, Daphne,” he chuckled. “You know her better than that.”
Unfortunately, pretty boy was right and I needed to find a way to make them both leave. I wanted to be alone to wallow in my own pain without an audience. “I don’t want to take her away from the wedding planning. We had an appointment. Call her and tell her she has to go or we’ll be behind. I promise I’ll be fine here.”
“How will you drive home?” he questioned.
“It’s my left foot. I drive with my right,” I sighed.
He sat in the chair closest to my wheelchair, resting his elbows on his knees, and peered up at me. “I can tell you want to be alone. I hope you’re ok, we both care about you. I’ll do my best to ward Francesca away, but I make no promises.”
Giving my best smile, I thanked him just as the nurse called me back. Attempting to wheel was pointless, I wasn’t strong enough to get it to move more than a few inches at a time. Cade came to my rescue, once again, much to my horror, as he wheeled me over and handed me off to the woman who called my name.
She took me to a room, instructing me to put on a gown, and wait until she returned to ask me questions about my medical history. Why I had to wear a damned gown with the whole back out for a hurt ankle was beyond my comprehension, but I did as she instructed anyway.
The room was cold and sterile, the white and silver almost blinding me. Scrolling through my phone, I passed the time checking my facebook and email. Francesca texted me a few times, begging to be able to stay, then apologizing and letting it go. Ignoring her was rude, downright mean even, but the day wouldn’t allow for anything else.
By the time a new nurse came in to ask my questions, I’d dozed off and dreamed of the mystery man I’d met as my night as Lucy. His deep blue eyes swam with emotion, something I rarely saw in a man. He was kind, his touch gentle where most were rough. The memory of his soft, full lips caressing my skin haunted me day and night. His fingers playing across my skin like an instrument, his tongue igniting a fire in my belly.
Never before had one of my conquests affected me so deeply. My love ‘em and leave ‘em method worked well, guarding my heart from any unwanted affection. But this one…this man whose name I couldn’t remember had touched my soul. I saw his eyes in the brightness of the stars, in the blue of the sky. His silky fingers trailed across my body each night as I slipped into my silk sheets. He was everywhere.
And I didn’t want him to be.
The nurse woke me with a nudge, her questions intrusive and invading, soon revealing a truth I wasn’t expecting, a development that would change my life forever.
Zander
Running errands was one of my responsibilities for Francesca, and I was on my way back to the office from going to the supply store and post office. Her wedding was a month away and this month ended my summer course. I was gearing up to begin interviewing for my position, going through resumes and discussing prospects with Francesca. She supported my decision wholeheartedly, even helping me to scour locations for me to buy.
I’d finally settled on a building with an apartment overhead. Since I was buying, I wouldn’t have to worry about renting my apartment anymore, and I’d be right at the shop anytime I needed to be. And, bonus, I could sleep in instead of worrying about driving to work each day.
Strolling into the office, I found Francesca in a panic. She rushed around her office, throwing things in her bag and mumbling under her breath. She threw her phone in the chair and screamed, though not loudly, just as I entered.
“Uhh…Francesca?” I called, hoping to not startle her.
She whipped her head around, causing her hair thing that held her hair up to fall down. “Zander!” she cried. She jogged the few feet to me, wrapped her arms around me, and started sobbing.
Growing up with a sister prepared me for moments like these. I gently patted her back, spoke softly, and waited for her to calm. Her snotty nose and red eyes didn’t scare me, but why she was crying had me concerned. “What’s going on? Where’s Cade?” If he hurt her, I would seriously make him regret it.
Sniffling, she attempted to regain her composure. “He had to take Daphne to the hospital. She fell and we’re worried she broke her ankle.”
Relief flooded me, as bad as it was, and I relaxed. “I see. How did she fall?”
Shrugging, she began pacing around the office. “I don’t even know. I was in with clients. Cade texted me and said she’d been angry at him and when she turned, lost her footing. She’s texted me since and told me to not even come to the hospital. I have to go get Cade, though. He drove her car over there. I don’t understand why she’s acting this way. Why doesn’t she want me there? We’re best friends.”
I scrunched my face in confusion and threw my hands up. “I don’t know. Maybe she’s having a bad day.”
“If she has a broken foot, she’s going to need help.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want it,” I responded.
Shocked, she turned and stared at me. “Are you t
aking her side?”
“I didn’t know we had sides,” I countered. When had this become a fight? She’d lost me along the way. Why were women so emotional and their thought processes so incredibly different than men’s?
She huffed. “We don’t have sides.”
I nodded slowly. There was no way out of this. She was upset, angry, and if I didn’t agree, I would become the enemy. Rational thought wasn’t an option anymore. “Ok. I’m just saying, maybe she’s not having a good day and she’s wanting to be alone. Not your fault. Some people are like that.”
She sighed. “I guess. She does get in moods sometimes, and I don’t know how to handle them or talk to her.”
“Then this is probably one of those. I wouldn’t take it personally, Francesca. I don’t know her, but you’ve told me about her and she sounds like she loves you as much as you love her.”
“Thank you, Z,” she said. Her eyes were puffy from her tears, her voice scratchy from the sobs.
Pulling her in for another hug, I insisted she head to the hospital to get Cade. She needed him in this moment, and in all honesty, I didn’t know if I could handle another meltdown over a girl feud. Or not feud. Or whatever it was.
“You can close up early,” she said as she hooked her bag over her shoulder.
“I’ll stay. I can finish up looking over the resumes we got today. We need to start interviewing on Monday.”
She nodded as she wiped her nose with a tissue. “Thanks again. Sorry I freaked out. I’m really stressed.”
Chuckling, I opened the door and held it for her. “I hear weddings do that to people.”
Grumbling, she stepped out and walked to her car. Stopping at the door, she waved and told me to have a good weekend.
Women really were mysterious creatures. Emotionally charged and moody as hell. I felt for Cade, I really did, because Francesca would be upset over her friend not wanting her around until they made up. I’d dated women that thrived on drama, and while I knew Francesca wasn’t like that, I couldn’t help but wonder about this Daphne woman. Why was she being so unkind and rude? Was something wrong with her?
Anxious Hearts Page 4