by Drew Sera
Turns out that her dad’s friend took it upon himself to teach Sydney how to orally please the male species. Fuck. I forced myself to sit still and listen instead of letting anger over take my system. Sydney would feel my reaction. The neighbor would send her home with extra money and when her mother asked her about it, her wonderful father piped in and said that she was probably just doing an extra good job. Bastard. I’m pretty sure he knew what was going on and probably ended up telling his wife because Sydney said nothing about it was ever said again. They made her quit the grocery store job to spend more time assisting the neighbor for more money. Sydney promised it was only oral, as if that made it okay. It disgusts me how greed and desperation drive people to do such terrible acts against other human beings.
“That’s why you didn’t get to work at the mall, huh sunshine?” Anthony asked her.
Sydney nodded and I could tell by Anthony’s reaction, he was ready to go through the roof. Sydney explained that one evening she and Anthony spoke of what they wanted to be when they grew up when they were younger. Sydney said as a little girl she had aspirations to work in the mall so she could be around the holiday decorations, but it never worked out for her to work at the mall. And now we understood why. Sydney’s greedy parents made more money from Sydney blowing the neighbor than being blissfully happy in the mall by the decorations.
Chris said he understood why Sydney felt the way she did about her adoptive parents. He went on to say that with Sydney seeing how her parents reacted to something so obviously wrong, it may have embedded the notion in her mind that whatever someone else did to her was “okay” as long as someone could justify it. Howard being a perfect example.
I risked a glance over at Anthony. His head was down and face was red. Somehow he had managed to not crush her hand. Chris pushed forward despite some pretty shitty things having been revealed.
“After they moved to Arizona, you continued with your studies at UNLV and began exploring your interest in BDSM?”
“Yes.”
Chris wrote in his notebook again and would ask additional questions as he wrote. “Did you have a boyfriend or relationship outside of the D/s one with Howard?”
“No.”
I think Chris must have been expecting a “yes” answer from Sydney because he stopped writing abruptly and looked up. Chris set his notebook on the side table and let his chin rest on his steepled fingers.
“Your first relationship was the one with Howard?” She nodded to answer him and quickly followed up by vocally saying yes. Chris was now glancing at Anthony and I. “Until Anthony and Colin, you were in a relationship with Howard and believed the abuse he was shelling out to you, was deserved and part of the BDSM lifestyle?”
“Yes. He told me I lacked discipline and needed to be trained by a firm hand.”
“Do you still believe him, Sydney?”
“Sometimes.” Her voice was quiet and she sounded ashamed. “I had a dream while Colin was away. In my dream, Howard told me that I was only going to continue to disappoint any Dom.”
I wanted to jump in but I had to remember my place and Chris was on top of it.
“Sydney, Howard was most likely unhappy with his own life and he made himself feel better by bringing you down and damaging you emotionally. I’m going to go out on a limb here…were you afraid that you weren’t going to make the “right” decisions with Howard? The decisions that would keep him from yelling or hurting you?”
Sydney nodded eagerly. Chris looked at her for a moment and then over to Anthony and then to me. I’m sure he was making sure Anthony and I picked up on what Sydney was saying. She has a tendency to worry about decision making because she was always trying to please Howard. And he was just an asshole who abused her and fucked with her head.
“Did Howard ever give you clear instructions on what he expected or wanted from you as a submissive? Did he give you an opportunity to ask questions or negotiate?”
“No, sir.”
“He wasn’t a Dominant, Sydney. Howard was an angry man who used the title of Dom to give himself justification for hurting you. Physically, sexually and emotionally. These two,” Chris pointed to Anthony and I, “aren’t anything like Howard. We’re going to work on getting Howard’s words out of your head.”
He looked at her while he gave her a moment to let it sink in before picking up his notebook again.
“Okay, here’s what I’d like you guys to try this week. Each day, set aside a time where the three of you can be together for maybe a half hour or so. During this time, you are going to focus on anything that Howard has said or done that has had a negative impact on you. A half hour is ideal, possibly forty-five minutes, but don’t exceed an hour. Then, after that time, you guys spend an equal amount of time on something that will have a positive impact on you.”
This is part of the consistency she needs. We all promised to make sure we’d do this each day. The evening would be perfect because we were already doing that. We just needed to tweak it a little bit. Chris told her to keep up her journal writing and dream notebook. The dream book was more like a nightmare book. Thankfully, Chris tried to end on a positive note.
“How was your Thanksgiving holiday?”
“It was really nice. I was invited to Matt’s for dinner with his family and got to meet everyone. They were all really nice and friendly.” Sydney’s eyes lit up as she spoke of my best friend and family.
“Matt’s family is wonderful. They’re very giving and welcoming.”
“Yes, they all were. I even got to go shopping with his mom, sister in-law and Gina.”
“Ah yes, the Christmas shopping season is officially here now.”
Which reminded me, Anthony and I needed to put our heads together and make this a great Christmas for her. I know she needs things like clothes and shoes. But I want to give her something she wants. We’ll figure it out.
As we stood to leave, Chris asked if he could speak to Anthony and I alone. We stayed back in the office while Sydney walked out to the front reception. I could hear Tricia start up a conversation with Sydney as Chris shut the door.
“Have you two gone over your expectations yet?”
“Not yet. Anthony and I briefly started discussing ideas yesterday. We want to be on the same page before we present anything to her. Consistency is imperative with her. The three of us just discussed becoming a V on Thanksgiving. We haven’t had a chance to go over the details,” I explained.
“Yes, I agree. You guys need to be very consistent and very mindful. Maybe more mindful than you’ve ever been before.”
He wasn’t telling us anything we didn’t already know. Anthony and I were taking this very seriously and will work out the details. I explained to Chris that we were going to have her fill out the needs/wants list as well as another yes/no/maybe list. She filled one out when she first came to stay with me but that was before she knew she’d just be with Anthony and myself. That makes a huge difference now.
“I think the sooner you guys can give her clear instructions and expectations the quicker she will start gaining some self-confidence. Once she sees she’s pleased you, she’ll be proud of herself. Then the words of Howard constantly telling her that she’s no good and a failure will slowly lessen in her head and eventually go away. So try to give her some set in stone rules.”
We’d work on that this afternoon. I began to think of some things I wanted to incorporate when Anthony asked Chris about consequences and punishments.
“Say Colin and I give her some tasks and rules and say one is broken. How do you suggest we handle the consequence part? We know consistency is crucial, but I worry about coming down on her. I think it would cause more damage.”
Chris nodded and I could tell he was thinking before responding. He agreed that Sydney is at a fragile state of healing. Physically and emotionally she’s healing and learning how to trust again. He suggested we discuss with her the consequences and make sure the consequences appropriately fit the b
roken rule.
Again, he wasn’t telling us anything new. Being a trainer that was one of the first things I preached to new Doms. Always be clear on your expectations and make sure the punishment fits the action and never punish while angry. Ever. Once the punishment is over, talk about it and give affection.
“You guys have been around her quite a bit, so you’re aware of her triggers. If I were you, I’d steer clear of any punishment that might cause her to retreat.”
I wasn’t worried about punishment and consequences much though. Sydney was a strong girl and she took direction very well and made sure she followed rules and instructions. I winced as I remember the copying incident at work that ended up pulling her towards me. She had probably been beat on the previous night and couldn’t focus on the print request from Karl. Still, Sydney thrived on rules. Once she knew what was expected, she’d do just fine. And once she sees that she pleases Anthony and I, her confidence will grow.
The three of us walked out towards the lobby and Anthony was talking to Chris about her nightmares and was trying to see if he could write anything for her to help her sleep.
“Anthony, I’m going to be honest. Pills aren’t the answer for her. That girl won’t take them anyhow. How hard is it to get her to take aspirin or ibuprofen for an ache or fever?”
Anthony nodded and folded his arms over his chest. He knows Sydney freaks out over pills. “She’s very hesitant to take any pills,” Anthony sighed.
“Horrible things happened to her when she had pills forced on her. She won’t take them to sleep.”
“Yeah, but. Fuck. She’s so tired and worn out. How can we help her or ease that?”
“Relax her before bed.” Chris winked at Anthony and led us down the hall to Sydney.
As Sydney was chatting with Tricia, Anthony enveloped Sydney in his embrace. It’s so evident how much he loves her. It’s wonderful that he’s finally allowed himself to love and be loved. He has to touch her, and sometimes I think it’s as much for him as it is for her. Seeing him react to her like this is great. He’s been missing this piece in his life, just as I have. It was a wonderful feeling that left me feeling content. I was still standing back by Chris while Anthony was hugging and touching Sydney.
“Colin, I know there will be a lot of questions you and Anthony are going to stumble across. Here’s my home number and private cell number. Please call me, day or night. Matt’s expressed his concern too and wants to see her move forward. Anything you guys need, let me know. I think if possible, I’d like to start meeting with you and Anthony. Doesn’t have to be formal like this. I can just meet you guys for lunch. It would be a good opportunity for you to ask questions and can also serve as an outlet.” Chris looked back over at Sydney and Anthony. “I think you guys will benefit from having an outlet. She has a traumatic past and you two will need a good support system as well.”
“I understand. In the beginning with Sydney, Anthony would stay with her at night and he dealt with a lot of her nightmares on his own. He pulled down a lot of her built up walls and took the brunt of hearing horrible memories. He and I can definitely use a sounding board. Matt’s been great and very supportive.”
“Matt is ready to help you guys; he’s got a lot of experience under his belt with everything he went through with Gina. You and Anthony know what Matt went through because both of you were there for him. But yes, let’s try to do lunch once a week.”
I shook his hand and headed towards Anthony and Sydney. When I approached them, Anthony let go of Sydney once I reached out for her. She molded to my body and I held her in a tight embrace as I looked over her head at Anthony. His expression told me that his head was swimming with thoughts about what Sydney and Chris spoke about.
He and I needed to work on those expectations and rules. She needed it. I kept her hand in mine as we headed out to the car.
“Sydney, want to stop for lunch on the way home, baby?”
“McNuggets?”
I smiled and laughed while looking in the rear view mirror at her. I offer the world at her feet with choices of restaurants in Las Vegas and she’s thrilled with Chicken McNuggets from McDonald’s. She warmed my heart. Her resiliency amazes me sometimes. In the last hour and a half we had talked about some pretty shitty things, but here she was, smiling and wanting McDonald’s. Sydney is so used to bad things that they just stop seeming so bad and was almost a way of life. Anthony was quiet and I knew he was bothered by a lot of what Sydney said, with good reason.
As we were finishing up lunch, I noticed Sydney kept looking back at the counter where orders are placed. Anthony turned to see what she was looking at and then turned to smile at her.
“You want one of those M&M McFlurries, don’t you?”
Sydney’s cheeks got red but a smile appeared as Anthony winked at her. He shook his head laughing and looked over at me.
“We created a McFlurry monster, man. What do you want?”
“Get me an apple pie. I’m not sharing the McFlurry with you two.”
“Damn right,” Anthony joked back with me. He kissed Sydney’s cheek as he stood and went back to the front to order our dessert.
I reached across the table and took hold of her hand.
“How are you doing, baby?”
“I’m okay, Sir. Thank you for coming with me today. I wouldn’t be able to say much to Chris without you and Anthony.”
After our dessert, we headed home. Anthony changed into a suit and tie and found Sydney and I out on the patio. I followed him back inside to talk to him away from Sydney.
“It’s noon, so I’ll try to be out of there by 5:00 or so.”
“Okay, Anth.” I started to ask him if he was doing okay but he beat me to it.
“I want to see her parents rot in hell. For fuck’s sake!” He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed on his chest as he paced around the kitchen.
“Anth,”
“How can you be so calm?”
“Because. She needs and loves you and I. We love and need her. Both of us do. That’s what’s important. Not her past. You and I can’t do a fucking thing about her past. All we can do is shape her future.”
“I know. I know.”
Anthony closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He was stressed. I hated seeing him so upset about Sydney’s past. Yes, it sucked. Nearly all aspects of her past fucking sucked. But all Anthony and I could do was make up for lost time and love her.
“Hey, let’s go to Irons tonight,” I suggested.
He looked at me like I had grown two heads. It was no secret Sydney enjoyed going there and we did just have a fun classroom scene with her. She seemed to be doing okay from this morning and was moving forward. We can’t dwell on her past if she’s trying to move forward.
“I’ll keep an eye on her today and will let you know if something comes up. Otherwise, I think it’ll be fun to go. We’ll go to dinner and then go.”
I spent the afternoon out on the patio with Sydney. She wrote in her notebook for a while and we took a walk down to the clubhouse and then wandered back. Sydney was such a strong young woman. She pulled strength from somewhere. On our walk we talked some more about her childhood and Christmas. She really loves Christmas.
“Baby, would you like to go to Irons tonight?”
I looked in her eyes and saw her pupils dilate as she eagerly agreed. I was thrilled she likes going there and relieved that the incident with Paul hadn’t left her scared of the place.
“Will you guys be taking the play collar tonight too?”
I studied her face for a moment and came to the conclusion that she really enjoyed it. I reminded her that it was something that Anthony and I wanted to do each time we arrive at Irons. A sweet smile appeared on her face and she looked downward shyly.
“Is that okay with you, baby?”
She looked up at me with a huge smile and nodded. She followed up with vocally expressing she liked it.
Sydney went to take a bubble bath while I went
into my den to go through some work emails and get a new play collar ordered for her. I was going to go to the office tomorrow but wanted to filter through some of the email. I found my “yes/no/maybe” list and limits list that I have subs fill out. I also had Sydney fill these out previously, but a lot has changed. Anthony and I wanted to have her fill these out again. I set them to the side and would give them to her in the morning to work on while we were at work. My phone lit up next to me with a text from Anthony.
AG: How’s our girl doing?
CE: She’s fine. I asked her if she wanted to go to Irons tonight. Her pupils got nice and big. She’s excited to go. She’s taking a bubble bath.
AG: She’s naked?
CE: Sometimes I think you’re so intelligent, and then you ask me something like that. She’s in the tub. Of course she’s naked.
AG: Fuck. Excellent mental image.
I decided to make the rest of his afternoon a painful one. It was already 4:00, so it wouldn’t be much longer. I went into her bathroom and found her sitting in a plethora of vanilla scented bubbles. She looked so small in the tub without Anthony or myself. All you could see was her face. Bubbles covered everything else.
“Hi, Sir. How are your work emails coming along?”
“They’re just fine, baby. Anthony sent me a text asking how you were doing. I told him you were taking a bubble bath. Would you be okay with me sending him a picture of you in the tub?”
Her cheeks turned a nice shade of pink and she nodded. I promised her the bubbles covered her. I snapped a picture and then turned it around so she could see it. She giggled and shook her head as I hit send.
From my Irons email account, I saw that Blake had sent me some ideas for this year’s holiday party and auction. Every holiday season, we hold the Irons holiday auction party at my house. Blake was coming over Saturday so we can begin planning and going over ideas. He said he already had lots of interest for people volunteering services to be auctioned off.