Redemption

by Jaimie Roberts

  I could have hugged Jimmy at that moment. In the last four years, I had told him about my history with Tyler. He listened with a sympathetic ear, told me I was a fucking twat, then offered me all the help I needed to win her back. Apparently, he was a sucker for a love story, despite being a fucking giant who liked to torture people as a hobby.

  “Fuck, man. Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me.”

  Jimmy beamed. “I think that’s the first time you’ve ever praised me. I could get used to this.”

  I playfully punched him in the arm. “Don’t get fucking used to it, chump. I don’t hand them out easily.”

  Jimmy stood there and gazed at my lack of attire. “Don’t you think you better get packing? In fact, my plane leaves in under four hours so I gotta go.” He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Here. These are all the details you need.”

  I took it from him. “Thanks, Jimmy.”

  He smiled and headed for the lift, turning to salute. “Anytime, man. See you in the good ol’ US of A.”

  Chapter 3

  Tyler

  I don’t know why I picked up the phone and called my parents. I couldn’t decide whether I was stupid or just plain desperate. Probably a bit of both. All I knew was that I was alone. Desperately and unforgivably alone. For the second time in my life, I needed my mum and dad. I needed their comfort and their shelter from the immeasurable pain I was in. I had been placed into a situation that brought back nightmares.

  My Jeremy. The boy I would never forget, never get over, and would always hold dear to my heart. He gave me the strength to carry on all that time ago. He was my reason for embracing life, embracing your firsts…and embracing the love of Twiglets.

  The nightmare I endured in that hospital four years ago never went away. Even after all these years, I would sometimes find myself waking up in the middle of the night sweating because I had yet another bad dream about that day. I could never shake it, could never seem to put it behind me.

  And that was why I found myself in the most painful situation imaginable. I had acted on impulse. Acted on the terror of what this day now represented. My only excuse for phoning my parents was my own desperate attempt at reaching out. But the problem was that I’d put myself and my son in danger. Dean would probably find me because of my stupid decision. Dean attracted peril. It followed him around. I couldn’t allow him to crawl back under my skin. I couldn’t allow him to come back into my life, bringing with him the danger he represented. I had someone else to think about now and his safety was my number one priority.

  “Mommy, I don’t feel so good.”

  I clasped my hand tighter around his little hand and looked into those piercing blue eyes of his. Dean’s eyes. You could tell right away who his father was. He had my blonde hair, but his eyes left no doubt.

  “I know, sweetheart. You’ll feel better soon. The doctor put you on some medicine and said, if you feel better, you can come home tomorrow.”

  His beautiful eyes widened a little. “I don’t want you to leave me, Mommy.”

  I smiled. “I won’t, sweetheart. I’ll be right here by your side. Your nana and grandpa will be here in a few hours. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  He nodded, a smile lighting up his dimples. You could tell he wasn’t well, but he still had the most beautiful eyes and cheekiest of dimples I had ever seen.

  “Ah, Jeremy. You’re awake now, I see.”

  Turning to the voice, we saw Evan—the new man in my life—standing at the foot of the bed with a big smile and a great big brown teddy in his arms. “I brought you something you can cuddle up with tonight. I’m sure he can help you feel better.” He smiled again and handed Jeremy the teddy.

  “Thank you, Evan,” Jeremy said, politely.

  Evan tenderly stroked his hair and cupped his chin. “That’s okay, buddy. You just concentrate on getting better.” Evan turned to me and leaned down for a kiss. “Has Doctor Foster been by yet?” I nodded. “What did he say?”

  “He said he hoped Jeremy could come home by tomorrow. He just wants to keep him here overnight because of the fluid in his lungs.”

  Evan frowned. “Pneumonia is never pleasant, but it’s highly treatable now. He’s in good hands.”

  I nodded with a smile and took his hand. “I know. It helps having you here, as well—being a doctor yourself. I know you’ll be honest with me.”

  Evan was someone I met when I used to come for my pre-natal appointments. I bumped into him in the halls and we just got to talking. He quickly became aware of my situation and progressively made it known that he wanted to be a part of my life. My parents went ballistic when they found out he was a heart surgeon. Apparently, from the email messages I received from my mother, I had to snatch him up quickly. Evan was a good man with a good heart. He had even asked me to marry him three times and I turned him down each time. He knew I had a shaky past, somehow involving Jeremy’s father but he didn’t know the full picture. I could never bring myself to tell him all of it.

  Evan bent down, took my hand, and tenderly kissed my fingers. “I will always be here for you. You know that, don’t you? I just wish I could stay with you two tonight.”

  I shook my head with a smile. “Don’t worry. Jeremy is in safe hands. You have work to do and people’s lives to save. Jeremy and I will be fine on our own. Won’t we, Jeremy?” I looked over at my little boy and he nodded, squeezing his teddy tightly. I smiled and looked back at Evan. “Besides, I have my mum and dad coming here soon.”

  Evan’s eyes widened. He had never met them. “They’re coming here? I thought you said that was—” He stopped and looked at Jeremy. I knew what he was going to say, though. It was on the tip of his tongue.

  “I know. I just panicked. I didn’t know what else to do. It took me back to the hospital all those years ago and I just knew I needed them.” I started to cry. The last few hours had taken its toll.

  Evan wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head. “I understand. Please don’t cry.”

  Eyes wide, Jeremy looked at me. “Mommy, don’t cry. I feel better now.”

  I pulled away from Evan and looked over at Jeremy with a smile. I laughed through my tears and grabbed his hand. “I’m glad you are, sweetheart. Mummy just got a little scared for a moment, but I’m okay now. I’m crying because I’m happy you’re getting better.”

  “I don’t like seeing you cry, Mommy.”

  His face looked sad, it was so hard not to bawl like a baby. Jeremy melted my heart in the best and worst way imaginable. “I don’t like crying, either. I promise I’ll stop now.”

  Evan handed me a tissue and I wiped my eyes. “See, all gone,” I said after wiping all my tears away.

  Jeremy gave me a triumphant nod and lazily blinked. “I feel tired now.”

  I nodded. “Well, if you’re tired, you sleep. It’s your body telling you that you need to rest so you can get better.”

  Evan walked over to Jeremy and planted a kiss on his forehead. “You get better, buddy. I’ll be around the hospital for the next few hours, so I’ll try and come in to see you as much as I can.”

  Jeremy nodded and turned over on his side. It wasn’t long before he was asleep.

  “Are you going to be okay?”

  I turned to look at Evan with a smile. “I’ll be fine. Honestly.”

  Kneeling down again, Evan took my hand. “Are you going to tell me what this means now? Why are your parents coming over to see you both like this?”

  I sighed. I really didn’t want to get into this with him, but I had to give him something. He was obviously worried. “I honestly don’t know. I will have to think about something. In the meantime, I just want to make sure Jeremy gets better.”

  Evan stared at me with his soft brown eyes. He wasn’t exactly what you would call the “make your knees weak” type. He was handsome, yes, but he looked ordinarily handsome to me. It was a strange analogy, but one that fit him best. He was of average size an
d build with short blonde hair and soft brown eyes. Because of work, he never had time to workout, but he was still fit. He just lived for work, me, and Jeremy. He was a great man who, for some unknown reason, loved me fiercely. The good news was he loved Jeremy just as much. He was perfect marriage material. So why did I find it so hard to say yes to him when he asked me to marry him over a year ago? Why did I turn him down a second and third time a few months after? Why could I not bring myself to love him just as much as he loved me?

  At times, I felt selfish for the way I behaved. I was a mother and needed to act like one. Jeremy deserved and needed a father, but I kept holding myself back. I couldn’t find it in my heart to be with the one man who could give me everything. Everything except the one thing I could never have. The one thing I craved day after day.

  “Please be honest with me.” Evan looked at me with pleading eyes. “Are you and Jeremy in danger? Do we need to move? Because I’ll do it if we have to.”

  I shook my head. “No, of course not. Dean would never hurt us.”

  Evan’s eyes widened. “You know, that’s the first time you’ve ever mentioned his name.” Evan stood up and looked pained. “So that’s why Jeremy’s middle name is Dean. You named him after his father, even after everything he’s obviously put you through?”

  I hung my head in shame. My son’s name was Jeremy Dean Florentino. I named him after Jeremy because it was in honour of his memory, but I also named him after Dean because he still, after all was said and done, remained the love of my life. I could never shake that. I could never deny that…no matter how much telling myself that a life with him was not an option. I was just as obsessed with him now as I ever was. I couldn’t see that ever changing. Not even for this sweet man I saw before me.

  “I’m sorry.” I didn’t know why the fuck I was apologizing, but it just seemed like the only thing I could offer him now.

  Evan shoved his hand through his hair and knelt beside me again. Taking my hand, he looked into my eyes. “Why won’t you tell me about him? Why can’t you open up and trust me with something that was obviously a big part of your life?”

  The tears welled again, but I didn’t want to lose it now. I couldn’t risk Jeremy waking up and seeing me cry again. “I can’t.” Despite what I said, I would always love him. How could I possibly explain that?

  Evan closed his eyes in frustration. I couldn’t fathom why he put up with me. “It’s been four years, Jessica. You need to move on. And, to be honest, I was kind of hoping it would be with me.” He looked sheepish as he grabbed my hand in his. “I know this isn’t the time or place. I just wish you would give me a little ray of hope…something, anything.”

  I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It was like my tongue was stuck in my mouth. How could I say anything without crushing Evan’s world around him? How could I possibly be that bitch?

  Evan must have seen my hesitation and the pain running through my eyes. “It’s okay. You don’t have to answer me now. We’ll talk about this another time.” He looked at me and I nodded.

  Evan let out a sigh and leaned over to kiss me longingly. I could feel the desire and the warmth coming from him. He never had to make his feelings known through words. I could always feel it through his touch. He was a gentle man, the perfect lover. So why did I feel like there was something missing?

  “You’re so beautiful.” Evan caressed my cheek and smiled at me.

  I blushed a little, which was always an instant reaction whenever someone complimented me. Evan smiled and trailed a finger down my cheek. “Look at that. Rosy cheeks.”

  I stiffened and felt the air in my lungs escape. Evan, seeing my panic, stepped back a little. “What’s the matter? Are you okay?” I nodded vigorously, but still couldn’t seem to breathe. “Did I say something wrong? Jessica, talk to me?”

  Finally, I was able to take deep breaths as Evan stroked my arm.

  “It’s okay. Nothing can hurt you. Take long, slow, deep breaths. That’s it.”

  I knew Evan had his doctor head on now and that was fine with me. At least I didn’t have to answer his obvious burning questions right now.

  “Are you able to tell me what that was about?”

  Trying to calm myself, I took slow, deep breaths. I didn’t know what had happened. At that moment, Dean angered me more than ever. Why couldn’t I just get over him? Why did I still live and breathe for him every day, despite the fact that he hurt me in the worst way possible? I felt sick. How could I run away from the one man I was constantly thinking of? Why was I still thinking of ways to get rid of him, even though I was almost certain he would find me now? Why was I planning in my head about how to deal with these almost certain future events? It was mind-boggling and totally abnormal behavior. I couldn’t fathom it and I couldn’t run away from it. This was my life now. This was what he had reduced me to.

  “I can’t. Not now. I’m so sorry, Evan. I don’t know what else to say. I just can’t deal with this now, what with Jeremy in the hospital.” I looked into his eyes and felt like such a fucking heartless bitch. I wanted to love Evan so badly. I wanted to give him everything because he deserved everything. He was way too good for me. In some ways, I think that was the problem.

  Evan took a deep breath and gave me a small smile. I knew I was hurting him by not opening up, but I also knew he would give me time. Time I didn’t deserve.

  “It’s okay, Jessica. Once things have settled down a bit, we’ll talk.” I nodded and he smiled a little more. “What time do your parents get here?”

  I looked at my watch and saw that it was a little after seven in the evening. “They’re due here around nine, I think. Their plane lands at seven-thirty.”

  Evan stroked my hair, then stood up. “I’ll come by as soon as I can after that. I have surgery in fifteen minutes, so I better get going. I would really love to meet them, though.”

  I smiled back. “I’m looking forward to that, too.”

  Evan kissed the top of my head and ran around to give a little peck on Jeremy’s cheek. He stirred a little, coughed, then drifted off again.

  “I love you, Jessica. I’ll see you soon.”

  I smiled and nodded again as he left the room. Evan didn’t stick around to hear me say it back. How could I when it wasn’t true? Evan knew I didn’t love him like that, but he still stuck around. I never understood it, and I didn’t think I ever would.

  *****

  I must have drifted off because a gentle tug on my shoulder woke me up. I opened my eyes and tried to adjust to the dim light in the room before turning, seeing my mother standing there.

  Quickly rising out of my chair, I hugged my mum like my life depended on it. The tears quickly came as I felt my dad’s arms wrapped around me, too. It had been too long.

  “I’m so sorry I called you, but I didn’t know what else to do. When the doctor told me he had pneumonia, I panicked.”

  My father stroked my hair and smiled. “It’s okay, Tyler. You don’t have to explain to us. We understand. We will have to talk about this, but first things first. How’s Jeremy?”

  I pulled out of my mother’s embrace and saw she had tears in her eyes, too. I smiled and turned my attention to Jeremy’s tiny, sleeping figure. It took all my willpower to keep me from scooping him up in my arms.

  “He’s doing well. He’s on antibiotics now and, hopefully, should be able to come home tomorrow. At first, they thought they might have to drain the fluid from his lungs. When they said that, I almost had a panic attack.”

  My mother stroked my arm and offered a concerned smile. “I wish you didn’t have to do all this alone.”

  I smiled back. “It’s okay. After I calmed down a little, I waited a while and called Evan. I don’t like calling him when he works nights, but I didn’t know what else to do. Of course, Evan being Evan, he chastised me for not calling earlier. He managed to calm me down after that.”

  My father placed a soft kiss on Jeremy’s forehead and stroked his hair. “
Where is Evan now?” he asked.

  “He should be in surgery now. He said he couldn’t wait to meet you. He’s going to try and come here as soon as he’s finished.”

  My mother smiled and regarded me for a while. “Tyler, it’s been so long. You look the same, but thinner. You used to have such lovely curves in all the right places. Are you looking after yourself?”

  This was the first time I had seen my parents since the night of Ian’s death. They had seen Jeremy quite a lot because my sister took him to stay with her a few times. I always wanted Jeremy to know who his family was. I just couldn’t risk being there with them in case Dean followed my parents to my sister’s house. It was never easy, but was an arrangement we got used to after a while.

  “I’m fine, Mum. Please don’t worry about me. Jeremy and I are doing okay.”

  My mother sat down on the bed and looked at me, a worried expression on her face. “What are we going to do now? You must know Dean’s probably followed us here. Once he finds you, he’ll find Jeremy.”

  I winced. I knew Dean would never let me go, but if he found out about Jeremy, it would be ten times worse. I had to convince Dean that a life with me wasn’t an option anymore. And I had to do that without Jeremy, no matter how much it fucking tore me apart to think about it. I had never been away from Jeremy when he was sick. Ever.

  “I was going to speak with you about that. Would you be able to look after Jeremy for a few days? Just until things have settled.”

  My mother huffed. “Tyler, it would be our pleasure. You never have to ask us. We would be only too happy to help.”

  I looked at my father and he nodded. “Whatever it is you need from us, we’ll do it. No questions asked, pumpkin.”

  I laughed a little when he called me by my nickname. It used to rattle me when I was younger, but hearing it now made me realize just how much I missed this.

  “Thank you. I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  My mother laughed. “Tyler, this was all we ever hoped would happen. We have told you time and time again that you have us whenever you need us. All you have to do is ask and we’ll be there. I’m just so glad you’ve finally accepted our offer of help. You were always so fiercely independent at times and it worried me a little. We all need someone to lean on from time to time.”